Well, this is just a little something I wrote to add to the many Mary-Sue parodies out there. Maybe somebody should write a Mary-Sue parody parody. Or maybe not. Anyway, I hope it's not too awful!

Chapter 1 - Cathy Just Can't Get a Boyfriend

(Cathy's story is in bold.)

Cathy Higgins was depressed. She couldn't get a boyfriend! No matter what she did (and she'd tried everything, from spontaneous stripping to blackmail), no one wanted to date her. Her most recent attempt (groping Samuel Maple from behind) had failed as well, and Cathy was out of ideas.

She collapsed on her bed and wondered what to do. Then, just like that, it came to her! If she couldn't have a boyfriend in real life, she'd have one for pretend!

Her eyes fell on her copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. She'd always loved to read fanfiction online, why not try writing some? It only took her a second to figure out which imaginary character would be her beau - it had to be Sirius Black. A devastatingly handsome, black-haired, motorcycle-riding rebel, now that was Cathy's ideal man. Or boy (she was only twelve).

Excited by her new idea, Cathy jumped up and turned on her computer. Planning be damned, she wanted to write this now! She typed the first sentence of her (soon to be illustrious, Cathy hoped) literary career and read it critically:

Cathy Higgins was a short, brown-haired, brown-eyed girl of average weight.

No, no, that will never do! Cathy thought. Who wants to read about normal people? Besides, she could indulge her every fantasy through writing, and no one would ever know! What online reader would be able to tell that Cathy was making her alter-ego a little more perfect than was normal? Cathy was very sure that every reader would just love her character. She tried again.

Cathy Higgins was a breathtakingly tall, willowy girl of sixteen (although she looked around twenty-seven) with shiny, long black hair that fell in gentle waves over her shoulders. She had a perfectly formed face, white porcelain skin, and huge, beautiful eyes of a mesmerizing amber-amethyst-emerald-sapphire. (Cathy thought about adding "quartz" but she wasn't quite sure if it was a jewel or a kind of watch.)

That's better, she thought. But what about the name? Cathy Higgins was so ordinary, so realistic. In other words, boring! Now that she thought about it, Cathy had always wanted the name Moonlit Starbeam. Or maybe Starlit Moonbeam...Star for short! Yes, that was perfect!

But now, Cathy had a problem. She had no idea what to write about! She remembered the words of her fourth-grade English teacher: "Always plan before you write!" This sounded like good advice, so Cathy abandoned her computer and made a list of characters.

1. Starlit Moonbeam Higgins (she just had to keep the last name)

Main character. Devastatingly gorgeous, brilliant, obscenely talented, and possessing a special power (must think of one!). Tragic past filled with abuse and mistreatment at the hands of her adoptive parents. She is forever haunted by the mysteries and horrors of her past. She's hotheaded and stubborn, and no one wants to be on the other end of her anger, but everybody in the world loves her. Dumbledore himself cannot suppress his eye-twinkles whenever she is near. Known as "Star". (Perfect, thought Cathy. She's exactly who I wish I was!)

2. Sirius Orion Black:

Loves Star with all his heart. Devastatingly handsome. He has his own tortured past, but hides it well with jokes and by regularly eating frighteningly large amounts of food. His entire being is focused on Star, but her secret past keeps them from being together.

3. Lily Marie Evans:

Pretty and smart, but not as much as Star. She's Star's best friend, and is never ever ever jealous of her perfect friend. She's in love with James Potter but so far she doesn't know it. (Star does, though. She's very insightful.)

4. James Michael Potter:

He is crazy about Lily. He asks her out every single time he sees her. Sometimes he sings it, and sometimes he writes it down, but wherever Lily is, James will be there asking her out. It's guaranteed.

5. Cecilia Raine LeBourgeois: (Cathy wasn't sure what "bourgeois" meant, but it sounded very glamourous.)

She is quiet and likes to read, but she is very pretty in her own way. She's perfect for Remus, but thanks to his "condition", they're doomed to be apart.

Under this, Cathy wrote herself a note:

Unless maybe she's a werewolf too...then they can roam the grounds and have marvelous adventures together...think about this!

6. Remus Werewolf Lupin: (Cathy wanted to keep it obvious.)

He is quiet and likes to read, but he is very handsome in his own way. He's perfect for Cecilia, but thanks to his "condition", they're doomed to be apart. (This looked somehow familiar to Cathy, but she shrugged it off. There was still one more character to write.)

7. Peter Slimeball Pettigrew:

He is fat, ugly, and nobody likes him. He is also often absent. He is a slimeball. And fat. And nobody likes him.

Whew! Cathy was exhausted, but she had finally laid some groundwork for her story. She decided to get some rest and work on it tomorrow.

As she slept that night, dreams of Starlit Moonbeam and Sirius Black ran through her head...Maybe tomorrow she would write their meeting, awkwardly but very romantically, of course.

Well, what did you think? Like I said, I pretty much just popped this out one evening. If I get a positive response, I'll write some more chapters. (I hate to be like those people who say "NO NEW CHAPTER UNTIL I GET 300 REVIEWS!" but I don't want to write something nobody likes.) Feedback is appreciated!