Author: I'm so sad.

JP: Why, young paddawan?

Author: I will never ever ever ever own Maximum Ride. Or Fang.

JP: It is okay.

Author: Really?

JP: Yes.

Author: *smiles* Okay then!

JP: Have you read my new book?

Author: Aww, I'm sad again.

JP: Why?

Author: Fang loves Max.

JP: Why I guess he does.

Author: I love Fang!

JP: Why I guess you do.

Author: Why can't Fang love a fan-girl like me?

JP: *Runs over to Fang, asks him this question, and gets his reply* He says Max would surely kill him.

Author: What if someone *coughs nervously while looking at JP* were to kill Max?

JP: Who would that someone be?

Author: Ahem, *stares at JP*

JP: Oh! You mean me?

Author: It took ya long enough!

JP: I don't think I could do that… *acts nervous*

Author: And why not??

JP: Umm, uuhh, she would get mad at me!

Author: Oh puh-pleez. Why is everyone so scared of Max?

JP: They just are, I guess.

Author: But Max is sooooo not cool… I bet I could beat her in a fight!

*Max walks up behind Author*

Max: Excuse me?

Author, unaware that Max is behind her: I mean, she is so full of herself!

Max: What? *Shows herself*

Author: Oh schnitzel.

Max: Yea, that's rig- wait, what?

Author: I said schnitzel.

Max: What is that?

Author: It is a traditional Austrian dish and is a popular part of Viennese and Austrian cuisine, consisting of a thin slice of veal coated in breadcrumbs and –

Max: Yes yes okay. Now where were we?

Author: I was about to tell you about schnitzels.

Max: Yeah… no.

*Max steps menacingly closer to Author, who is now cowering in her chair*

JP: Young paddawan, may the force be with you.