The First Meeting

I walk up to the edge and look down. Wind whips through my clothes, making the fabric snap. The building I'm on forms one side of a square with three other buildings. In the center of the square is a huge hole in the concrete. I can't see what's at the bottom of it. I find it difficult to breathe. Sweat runs down my back, making my gray T-shirt cling to my skin. Why did I decide to do this? My throat is dry. I look down and imagine my body landing on hard ground and my brains spilling out. A shiver runs from the tip of my toes to my head. I want to step down and turn back. The other initiates behind me mutter amongst themselves, some betting on my failure and other's marvelling at my courage. But I'm not brave. I didn't want to join Dauntless. I had to. And now, as a consequence, I have to leap off a ledge. I chance another look down at the concrete and bile rushes up my throat. I swallow it back down. I think, or I'm pretty sure, that I have a phobia of heights. Great. First day at Dauntless and I'm already ready to wet my pants. Get a grip, Tobias, I tell myself.

"Are you planning to jump anytime soon?" Max shouts over the wind, "Or do you need a little push...Stiff?"

Max spits the last word out as if it is something dirty. I turn around and see some initiates sneering at me. I have to prove myself. They are laughing at me. I have to do this. I turn back, intending to jump but my feet remain frozen. I can't move. My knees are locked and my breath hitches. From the corner of my eye, I note Max glancing at his watch and sighing in an exaggerated manner. I can't jump. Damn it. I think about stepping back down and resigning myself to the factionless but a deep voice stops me.

"You coward! You've always been a coward, Tobias!"

Shocked, I look about frantically expecting my father to appear out of thin air. I changed factions only to get as far away from him as possible. But I guess out of sight doesn't necessarily mean out of mind. I grit my teeth and keep my body as rigid as possible to stop from shaking. I remember my father's figure standing over me with a belt in his hand as my five year old frame cowered away to a corner, screaming for him to stop. Screaming for help. But there was no help. There was only the clean gray walls to muffle the sound.

I am not a little boy anymore. I'm not Abnegation anymore. I will redefine myself here. I will act fearless. I will train myself to become strong. I will be brave. I am Dauntless.

I clench and unclench my fists and relax my shoulders. Again, I turn to look behind at the crowd but this time I smirk. Then, without another thought, I propel my body into the unknown. The wind screams in my ears and I shut my eyes. After what seems like a long, terrifying moment, my body lands on something. My eyes open to darkness and my trembling fingers fumble around. It feels coarse. I turn to my side and identify a net. A breath I hadn't realised I was holding comes out in a relieved sigh. I turn back and punch my fist into the air, "I did it!" I exclaim.

"Yes, you did. But you better move unless you want another body falling over you."

I'm alarmed to hear a girl's voice. A hand extends from the darkness and I take it.

"It would be a shame," the voice continues "if our first jumper dies before the real fun has begun."

It takes me a moment to feel steady on solid ground. I am still holding the girl's hand. Now that I can see her better, I stare in surprise. She is small. About thirteen. But the sternness in her wide eyes makes me wonder if she's older.

"How long are you going to hold my hand?" She sounds amused. "Would you like me to get you some tea and give you a hug after such a terrifying ordeal?

I hear laughing, and am alerted to the fact that there are others present. I let go instantly and clear my throat. Before I can reply the girl speaks again.

"What's your name?" she demands.

"Tobias," I say.

"Our first jumper is Tobias the stiff," she says to the tattooed man behind her.

"Just Tobias, actually," I correct sharply. I don't want to be reminded of my Abnegation past.

The girl turns and examines me up and down. She could easily intimidate anyone despite her small frame but I'm not here to allow someone else to make me feel inferior. Not anymore.

"Calm down," she says, lifting both of her hands, pretending to be threatened. "Stiffs can't even take a joke" she mutters audibly before disappearing into the darkness to speak to someone.

I stand still, unsure of what to do when a sudden scream erupts the quiet muttering in this cavern. A second body lands on the net. It's the Candor girl.

After we are separated from the Dauntless born initiates, a tall, greasy-haired man leads us to our dorm area. I find myself fixated on the innumerable piercings that cover his face but the Candor girl distracts me. She's been clinging too close for comfort since we've arrived at the Pit.

"Hey," she whispers, while Eric - the man with the piercings, gives us instructions, "doesn't he look really creepy?"

She looks up at me, her eyebrows raised in question. I nod quietly. She smiles. "I'm Christina. And you are?"

"Tobias," I say curtly. I'm not interested in talking to her. I've never much liked the Candor.

"Tobias? Interesting name for a stiff-" she stops herself short and then bites her lower lip. "I'm sorry! I didn't-"

"Christina, is it?" I look down at her "I suppose I should be honest with you. I don't particularly like the Candor. I'd prefer to keep my distance."

Christina is taken aback at first but then she matches my gaze with a glare. "Well, since we are both being honest here, I don't particularly like Stiffs either. Not anymore."

With an arrogant flick of her hair, Christina pushes her way to the front of the crowd and plants herself next to an Erudite boy. Eric continues to talk and informs us that only the top ten initiates are made members. Unrest descends on the crowd - some gasp, some swear and some cry. I, on the other hand, don't feel much of anything. Tonight will be the first night away from Marcus, my father, and that in itself is a relief too overwhelming.

In my dream, I feel the leather of the belt strike my cheek. "It's for your own good, son".

I sit up, gasping for air. Sweat runs down my forehead and I swipe my sleeve across it. I'll never forget the pain Marcus inflicted upon me. And maybe I shouldn't. It is that memory that made me brave today. Brave enough to jump into the unknown. And it will continue to make me brave. I hear stifled whispers and sobs in the room. I guess many of the other initiates are entertaining the fact that they might not make the cut. I mean, what chance do we stand against the Dauntless-born initiates? The heat of the other bodies slowly settles around me, trapping me within it and making me feel claustrophobic. I need air. The only place I can think of is the chasm that Eric showed us earlier. I throw the covers aside and push my feet into the gray sneakers I was wearing earlier. I need to get black one's soon.

Quietly, I sneak out of the dorm and try to remember my way to where I heard the roaring water. Eventually, after a few miscalculations, I stumble upon it and make my way toward the iron barrier. As I approach closer, I see a familiar figure turn around. It's the Dauntless girl from earlier. I stop and consider finding another place to compose my thoughts but something about her bright gray eyes draws me closer.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is alarmed, as if I'd managed to startle her.

I lift both my hands in mock defence. "Calm down," I say, with some amusement. "I just needed to get away for sometime." She simply stares at me for a moment. "Besides, I can ask you the same thing, you know," I say as I reach the railing and lean against it.

"No, you can't. You don't know this yet but I'm one of your instructors." She notes the look of mild alarm on my face and smirks. "I take it Eric told you that only the top ten initiates get to stay." A superior look crosses her features. "And the other's, well…" she shrugs and looks down the crashing waves of water, "who knows?" She gives me a small smile, "Be careful, Tobias."

I let out a laugh. She's obviously trying to scare me. "I'll take your advice on board." The black waters beneath us look ominous as if hiding secrets that must never be found out. A cold chill settles under my skin. I observe the dark Pit around us. "This place...it's so constraining."

"Was Abnegation different?" the girl asks, sounding curious.

"Yeah. For starters we didn't live under the ground. There was abundant supply of sunshine and fresh air."

"And yet you chose to leave. I'm surprised more Stiffs don't leave considering the dull and boring lives they lead."

"What would you know about the Abnegation way of life?" I retort, unable to control the annoying need to defend my former faction. "There's more to it than what you heard and saw at school."

"Oh yeah?" She raises an eyebrow. "So it's only at school that you people act all invisible but at home you drink and party all night?" She chuckles to herself. "Let the fun and games begin Abnegation style!" she exclaims mockingly.

I laugh. "No, not quite. We may not be crazy like you Dauntless but our way of life has a beauty to it. It's quiet and peaceful and unique in a way you would only understand if you were part of it."

The girl stares up into my eyes, a strange look haunting her soft features. For a moment, I feel like she understands exactly what I mean but then the expression disappears as quickly as it surfaced. "Why did you choose to leave then?"

"I'm not Candor, you know," I say, straightening up. "It's not like I'm going to spill out the truth 24/7 now, am I?" She laughs. "See, even Stiffs have a sense of humour," I say lightly. "Besides," I continue, "I don't even know your name."

"It's Bea- I mean," she grins, "It's Tris." She puts her hand out, "It's nice to have you here in Dauntless, Tobias. I wasn't sure about you at first but I think I like you. I do hope you stay."

I hear a challenge in her voice. I look down at her hand and hesitate for a moment. In Abnegation you rarely touched family members, never mind a girl of a similar age. Tris knows that this makes me uncomfortable. She can probably read it on my face. It's not a big deal, I tell myself. You did it earlier. But that was different.

"Most boys would jump at the opportunity to touch a girl, you know. But I guess stiffs are called stiffs for a reason."

Before she withdraws her hand I grab it firmly. "But I'm not a Stiff. I have every intention of becoming a Dauntless soldier."

Even though she doesn't voice it, I can tell by the smirk on her face that I've managed to impress her. "We'll have to wait and see, won't we?"