Dearest Relena,
I know you're obsessed withe me, and every step I take, so I think I should confess all my secrets to my most loyal fan. I am a stupid moron, I have no life and am the most useless person anyone has ever seen, if they have gotten that unlucky that they have had to gaze at my ugly "blue" eyes and gross, slimy "brown" hair. The reason that they are in quotation marks is that my eyes aren't really blue, they're blue contacts, they look a little better than my huge dorky glasses. My hair is not really brown, quite on the contrary, I have no hair and am therefore bald. I was born with Lithophermia, which crippled and demented me more than I already am. I must wear this freakish wig at all times. So I hope you may still be my fan, as you are my only one after I sent them these letters after you find out my hobbies.
I hope I share some interests with you. I play the harp and flute. One of my favorite songs is Pachabel's Canon, however sad and girlish that may sound to you. I also love to make up songs. My favorite song that I have ever made up is: Hummingbirds and puppy dogs are the most wonderful creations of mother earth; I love the meow of little kittens and the whines of the little puppies. That is all for now.
Another of my hobbies is ballet. I love ballet more than anything. It is a wonderful way of relaxing, not to mention those beautiful pink tutus and brilliant rose-coloured ballet slippers. I cried because Swan Lake and the Nutcracker Suite were so beautiful and touching.
Now I shall tell you some of my loves in life. My biggest (besides Barney) is Teletubbies. I love Teletubbies, they're so cute and wondrous, teaching kids to grow up with good moral values and no doubt making them smarter. They only reason that Barney is rated higher than Teletubbies is the fact that... Relena, I am Barney. I love to play Barney and captivate children into the magic fairyland that I myself have fallen in love with.
So Relena, now that you have heard the real me, I hope that you can still appreciate me for who I am inside, just remember if you ever miss me, we'll be looking at the same rainbows and sunsets. Always, Heero Yuy (that's not my real name, my real name is Cornelius Gayfrey.)
Sincerely,
Cornelius Gayfrey
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. And fortunately, I don't own Barney or Teletubbies.
A/n: No offense meant to anyone. You have now seen the real Heero Yuy (Cornelius Gayfrey). Please reconsider any opinion you had of him before.
