Hello all! I am new to this fandom, and this is my first ever twilight fic...also my first fic that I dont intend to be a oneshot. So please be gentle! Um, Disclaimer: The characters, etc. belong to Stephenie Meyer. You know that. Also, I write Jacob/Bella. I'm on Team Jacob (but I'm no Edward-hater). if you aren't okay with that, I'm sorry, but don't take it out on me! I hope you enjoy! -Cantatedomino
Return. It was the he last human thought that he could salvage, pulling it up through two years of pure instinctual behavior, of inhumanity, of denial. He had denied his very race, his very being, even. And he had certainly denied his heart. And yet now, now he was considering going back? Slowing his pace, he dug deeply into his own mind, trying to bring back some essence of humanity, some rationale. Yet he could not. Perhaps he was not feeling human at all, and it was pure instinct telling him to return, even after two years had passed. The winter winds whipped at his nose, but his russet fur and natural body heat kept him warm and comfortable. He wandered through a forest, the name unknown to him, and tried to allow himself to actually feel. And perhaps hardest of all, he tried to allow himself to remember.
A figure in a white dress, standing next to even whiter skin. Clasped hands. A lone tear. A russet wolf, watching from the forest. A priest in black. Two golden rings.
He could handle this. It had been hard- heartbreaking, actually, but it was tolerable. But then, oh but then, he made the worst mistake of his life. He miserably sank back into the fragmented memories which grew clearer by the minute.
A window of an old, beautiful house presents a view of a magnificent bed. Two white figures. Skin on skin. Limbs intertwined. Ragged, harsh breathing. His name on her lips. His name on her lips. Everything was wrong. Her ruby red lips, so in contrast with her pale, pale skin, were whispering the name of the one who haunted him in his sleep. She was whispering the name of the one who could take the life out of her, so easily. She said it again, and again, as they grew more and more passionate on that ostentatious, sickeningly glamorous bed. "Edward." This was too much, he couldn't bear it, he had to hear his own name on her lips on the night of her wedding. The wedding which could have been, should have been his own. He felt the heartbreak full force now. He felt it rumble up from his chest, no, his heart, and he let it come out of his body with a wounded, heart-wrenching howl of pain. And she heard it. She heard it! She must have heard it for he could now hear his own name on her lips. "Jacob, oh Jacob, oh no…" Knowing that he had done all he could, and that he had proven that he had come, the shaggy red wolf turned and ran. A smooth canter, taking him who knows where, as long as it was away from this hateful town of Forks.
Slowing to a halt, Jacob found himself under too much emotionalpain for an animal to bear. He phased back, for the first time in over two years, and began to cry. He cried for his own pain, he cried for the loss of his only love, his soulmate. He cried regret for ever going back that day, but most of all he cried for Bella. He cried for her life, he cried knowing that by now she was as good as dead, if not worse. He cried because she pursued a fate far worse than death. A broken, shattered, wisp of the happy-go-lucky soul he once was, Jacob Black curled up and cried.
Miles and miles away, Isabella Cullen awoke with a start. She had been running, running toward a massive shape which she could not recognize, or remember. Scowling and irritated, she wondered why she always remembered the dreams she wanted to forget, and forgot the dreams she yearned to remember. Sighing, she thought about the fact that she still slept. It had been two years since the wedding, but for some reason, she just couldn't follow through with being changed. Every time she even brought it up with Edward, she could see HIS face. She couldn't do it, knowing what it would do to him. Even though it had been ages since she'd seen that face, heard the oh-so-contagious laughter, or felt his warm hand wrap around hers…Something about what he had told her made her want to put off changing, at least long enough so that she could see him one more time. She had not discussed any of this with Edward, but it wasn't really a problem, as he was all too happy to comply with stalling the changing. He still believed that you lost your soul when you changed. She looked down at her bracelet which she hadn't taken off in over two years, and let herself fall into a slumping awkward position between the bed and the wall, and she thought about the last time she saw him, and more importantly, the last time she heard him.
Edward had insisted they use the bed he had moved into his bedroom. She was honestly so anxious to have this one human experience, she didn't care if it was in the seat of her truck! He had carried her over the threshold in the traditional manner, and then proceeded to carry her all the way to the bed, and here Edward Cullen, for the first time, began to get carried away. Soon they were a tangle of limbs, and Bella simply could not get enough; she was elated. However, one thought lay wedged in the back of her mind. Emmett had been the best man that day. He was a good best man, and played the role well. He had always seemed like a brother to Bella. Still, she yearned for someone else's presence. though she knew he was far far away, and she knew it was her own fault, by her own doing, by her own choice. Shaking away these thoughts, she focused her attention on her groom, her lover. "Edward," she whispered. "Edward." Right as she remembered to enjoy the moment, and enjoy the sweet name coming from her lips, she heard it. His howl pierced through her like a poisoned arrow, throwing her body into shock and despair. "Jacob, oh Jacob, oh no…" Her soul mate, her best friend, her favorite mechanic, her love. He was hurt, and she was causing it. The mere knowledge of that split her in two. She had only heard that anguished howl once before, and she had prayed that she would never have to hear it again. Remembering her vow that Edward would never have to see her shed another tear for Jacob Black, Bella struggled to get off the bed, and immediately bolted. "Bella!" She could hear Edward calling out for her, but she would not stop. She flew out the door and into the forest, finally allowing the tears to come. She had done it. She had managed to destroy the one person who had been her rock, her sun, her LIFE, and who had only wanted to protect her from destroying herself. Sitting in the dark, in the rain, in the mud, she made a vow that Jacob's efforts would not be in vain. She knew she had broken him beyond repair, but she, for him, would not break herself. Not yet. "Some wedding night," she muttered under her breath.
Laying between the bed and the wall, slumped into the most awkward of positions, and not even caring enough to get up, Isabella Cullen, who secretly still thought of herself as Bella (regardless of what Edward loved to call her) began to cry.
