ummmmmmmm, drabble. i just kept writing, and words kept coming. it doesnt mean anything. first shounen-ai! :3 kind of. ummmmmmmmm, SPOILERS.

Disclaimer: oh hey there federal lawsuit. i told you i disclaimed this story!

I had never been in love before. I knew love in a different way, in the space that was once occupied by my family. I knew love like the earth knows the sun. Earth observes the sun, is warmed by it, affected by it....and becomes very cold without it. I was without love for years. I became ice. And then puberty hit.

I was suddenly the object of much admiration and clamouring. Ino insisted on hanging on to my arm, Sakura insisted on talking to me. Others watched. Always, under a microscope, analyzed. This kind of love was something I had never known. It was better described as obsession. This lust, this replacement love - it was disgusting. The guys hated me for it. Except for him.

He hated me for being me, and loved me for it. That love, that one I had missed all these years...it was friendship at first. He was my rival. He embodied the concept of energy, and failure. I suppose I was the exact opposite. And that must mean opposites really do attract. Because it became more.

I can't believe I let it happen. After I left, of course he was furious. We fought - REALLY fought, and I beat him. Naturally. But his fox demon...That was what had convinced me in the first place. That one part of him that was serious, and sorrowful, and lonely. That one fraction of his soul that connected with mine - it started everything. And so, seeing it revealed - this angry, firey side of him - I won't lie and say it didn't turn me on just a little bit. He was a match for me. I can't explain why I was drawn to that. Fighting that monumental battle was the most twisted, most passionate thing we ever did together - it was like sex, even though we were trying to kill each other. It was a high.

I am sorry he saw that side of me. The part lusting for power, and revenge. That ugly thing, with Orochimaru's mark on me. I am sorry. But if we were revealing our true selves, he needed to know that. And so, I left him with little more than a kiss, a scar or two, and my forehead protector. That proved not enough for him, as I knew it wouldn't be.

When I saw him again, he had grown taller, and better looking. He was different. I wondered, in that seemingly endless gap in time where our eyes met, if I would still love him, if we had a second chance at it. I was so far gone...and there he was, with some replacement beside him - where the hell did he come from? What was his attachment to Naruto? And that jealousy - I guess, in some way - reminded me that I did still love him.

Or, I loved him in that way that you love someone when you're only fifteen.

Love?

I couldn't resist coming down to say hello, couldn't resist touching him for a brief second. Reliving our battle with my katana drawn. Hearing him gulp, and noticing his tense muscles. Imagining he was imagining the same things as I, and all that we could do with the electricity that was flowing between us right then. That replacement was nothing. I could tell. He still shivered at my touch.

Things were different after that. I was in a rush to kill Itachi now, not content to build power slowly. I killed Orochimaru, sped through everything but the plan. I needed to make sure the plan suceeded. I needed to make sure I would be back soon....and then he would shiver again.

Ice.

Things went wrong, though. Itachi ruined everything, ruined it all by loving me. That stupid love again! He made things more difficult, and of course because he had done that for me before anything else, I was honour-bound to serve his love first. Naruto had to wait. Again. How many times would I push him aside, turn my attention to more 'important' matters?

And how many times would he let me go before he let me go?

Because of love, my life had been ruined; everything was destroyed. Because he wouldn't keep coming back. And I wouldn't ever stop leaving. This awful love! If I could have remained without it, all those lies I told wouldn't haunt me. I would think logically, instead of thinking about feelings.

Thinking of him.

So he may never shiver from my touch. And the earth forgets the touch of warmth from the sun, and dies.

Will we be together then, in Heaven?


o.O

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