Affluence
By ChibiQuatre (6/24/00)
Yet another GW disclaimer: well, do you all REALLY want me to write a disclaimer?! We all know that I don't own GW (though God KNOWS I wish I did!). The GW boyz r'nt mine, never were, never will b. They are owned by their respective creators; Sunrise, There...happy!!! ((oh, and any trouble translating the japanese, I'll b happy to help!))
*NOTE: this is another yaoi, namely Trowa n Quatre. consequently, it's done in their POV. this is a continuation of my other ficcie, "Constitution," so u hafta read that 1 first (and maybe my other fics: "Mother," "Duo no Hero," and "Final Farewell" for the beginning to make sense). if u don't like yaoi, then DON'T STAY! and don't worry...it's NOT a lemon. i--uh--don't like writing lemons/limes. i don't appreciate flames, although constructive criticism is always good. cuz it's just MHO, but rn't they so kawaii 2gether?!
I woke up in warm arms.
I struggled weakly in the grasp before realizing who it was: Trowa.
The tall pilot of HeavyArms. My partner in battle.
Koi.
I snuggled closer. I couldn't believe how tired I was. I didn't want Trowa to know,
though I'm sure he did. How unbefitting for a Gundam pilot. It was just this
infernal war...it exhausted me to the very core.
My squirming caused Trowa to stir. He slowly opened his green eye, then
blinked to see my two blue ones staring back at him. He sat up slowly, eyeing
my condition warily. He thought I should be asleep.
"What time is it?" he asked.
I had no idea; I had been dozing for who knows how long. At least a day?
"Anou..." I said, thinking deeply.
He shook his head. "We have to get out of here. OZ could execute us at any
given time."
I pulled his arm playfully. "Demo, couldn't we just stay here, by ourselves...for a
little while longer maybe?"
He laughed in quiet amusement at the silliness of my question. "You know the
answer as well as I do, Quatre." I nodded sadly.
His expression softened when I looked at him, hurt. "Ne, little one. Don't look so
sad. A face like yours should never be sad. Only be filled with brightness." I
nodded again, this time in agreement, and latched onto Trowa's arm.
"Do you love me Trowa?" I asked, in the sincerest of voices.
"Hai, chibi ichi."
"Say it..." It was more like a question than an order.
Trowa looked down at his hands. I stared at him expectantly, but nothing came.
After a few seconds of prolonged silence, I looked away in disappointment. "You
can't say it, can you Trowa."
He turned my head and looked at me, his discernible eye searching my face,
seeing the evident pain in my eyes. "Iie, I...gomen," he turned away.
I resisted the urge to comfort him. After all, he didn't love me. He could just as
well have had nothing to do with me. I bent my head in the opposite direction,
closing my eyes and resting my chin on my folded knees. I can't believe him; he
played my emotions, stringing me along. Did he find me entertaining?
Tears were threatening to stain my face; I buried my head deeper into my arms,
folded across my knees. I didn't like crying, especially now, when my dearest
friend had hurt me most.
But the tears came anyways. They fell silently, dripping onto my shirt.
I hate crying.
* * *
I looked over at the boy. He was asleep again. Quatre really had to get his
health back.
I frowned. From my position, I could see he had been crying. There were one or
two tell-tale spots on his shirt where tears had once fell. He had cried himself to
sleep. Poor Quatre.
This was why I never could get too close to anyone. I didn't want to hurt them.
Because I couldn't say those three words: I love you.
And because I couldn't say those three words, I had hurt the blond angel.
Deeply, since he didn't usually cry unless it was important.
Gomen, Quatre.
I love you. But I can't say it.
What's wrong with me?!
* * *
I awoke to find Trowa staring at me.
I stared back through slitted eyes. As far as he could tell, I was still asleep.
I watched him watch me for a little while longer, then shifted in the manner of
one who is waking. Trowa immediately looked away, a blush spreading across
his face. Briefly.
When I finally opened my eyes wide, he was already across the cell, messing
around with the door. I frowned at him through the darkness.
"Quatre?" he asked, to make sure I was awake.
As if he didn't know. "Hai," I said softly, anger fringing my answer.
Trowa walked over to me, all the while looking at his feet. "Quatre, gomen for
earlier. I'm sorry I didn't answer."
"Hn," I answered, imitating Heero's usual monotone. I was angry at him, and he
would see. He had no right to toy with me.
He walked over to me until he was towering above me. I was still sitting. From
my low point of view, I could see both his eyes clearly. They were glittering with
unshed tears.
Trowa...he's sincere??
"Demo," I began.
He held out his hand. "Iie, let me finish. Really, gomen. I didn't know how much I
hurt you. I never meant to, it's just that I would rather prove my love in a different
way."
He was telling the truth.
I almost started crying again. He really did care about me then?
"Demo..." I said again. This time Trowa let me speak. "Demo, you really do love
me?"
"Hai, as I said before."
"Ah, yokatta!" I said happily. Trowa looked relieved, and sat down beside me. He
gathered me closer and put his arm around my shoulder. I leaned in.
"Ai shiteru, Trowa-kun," I said.
He looked down at me and smiled. I smiled back. Suddenly, he looked
concerned. "Ne, Quatre, how do you feel?"
"Huh?" I was caught off guard by his question. In truth, I was exhausted, despite
the hours of sleep I had had. A bruise on my shoulder was really starting to hurt.
I think I had lain on it in my sleep.
"Anou, you don't have to worry about me. I'm happy, Trowa."
"Happy is not well." He shook his head despairingly. "Quatre, I'm worried about
your health."
"I know, but you don't have to. I feel fine, really. If I was sick, the Winner fortune
would be at my expense. I could call in the best doctors in earth and in space.
"Demo," I shook my head, "One cannot buy happiness. Not with all the wealth in
the world."
Trowa was silent for a few seconds. "I would."
"Huh?" I asked.
"I would." He looked me in the eye. "If I had all the wealth in the world, I would
buy you happiness. Affluence makes all the difference."
My dear Trowa, I thought, sighing. Happiness CANNOT be bought.
* * *
I didn't know what else to say. I knew Quatre was right, but I had the notion that
if I was wealthy, if I was affluent, I would buy Quatre anything and everything he
wanted. I would find the very thing that Quatre wanted most and give it to him.
Iie. I almost laughed at my own naiveté. Iie, Quatre didn't want anything that he
didn't have already. He had everything.
Even me...my unconditional love.
I would do anything for him.
What more would he possibly want?
* * *
"Quatre, we have to go. Now." Trowa looked at me, the slightest trace of fear on
his face.
"Right," I answered. I trusted him enough to follow him without question.
Trowa had an instinctual sense that told him something was about to happen to
us.
OZ had probably decided to finally execute us.
So far, in all the attempts, OZ had never really succeeded in executing a single
Gundam pilot. And as far as I was concerned, they won't succeed this time.
"Here's the plan. When the soldiers come to question us one last time. I'll go
first. I'll eliminate them once we get to the interrogation room, and once there, I'll
sabotage the control panel, allowing for your escape. I'll come back and meet
you here." He pointed to the door of the cell. "Just stay there."
He continued, trying not to alarm me. "This is the real thing Quatre. After they
finish the interrogation, they're going to kill us. No joke. That's why I have to get
them first."
I nodded. I was glad it was him going, and not me. I hated violence...I don't think
I could kill the interrogaters. So he was going instead. Trowa respected me that
much.
"Hai." I nodded. "I'll wait for you, Trowa."
He smiled. But the smile faded when footsteps echoed down the hallway, just
outside our prison cell. "It's time," I mumbled softly.
His eyes silently agreed with me. Hastily, I sat down near the wall and buried my
head in my knees, much as I had done earlier. I had to ensure that it was Trowa
who was picked for questioning, and not me. But I had a bad feeling about this.
My uuchu no kokoro was screaming inaudibly at me...
The footsteps stopped outside our cell. Thank God for Trowa's innate ability.
The key card slid through the lock with an insignificant beep. As the bright light
flooded through the open door, we were temporarily blinded.
I flinched as they walked in. About three or four OZ soldiers stepped closer to
Trowa, who leaned, arms crossed, impassive against the wall beside me.
"You know what we want," the front and foremost OZ soldier said. He looked
directly at me.
I blinked, frozen in fear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Trowa start abruptly.
This didn't correspond to his plan.
No, not at all. This wasn't good.
My stomach churned as the soldier pointed at me. "You, up. We have some
questions..." His companions laughed cruelly.
I stole a look from Trowa. He was unusually angry, but he couldn't do anything
about their decision. He looked at me. What I read in his expression didn't make
me feel any better.
Proceed with the plan, his eyes said.
I didn't want to. God knows, I didn't want to kill anymore.
But I had to...for both me and Trowa.
I stood up, my legs shaky. I don't want to, I don't want to...
The soldiers led me down the hall into a small room, not too far from our cell.
Good, I thought. I wasn't as good at this as Trowa was. He was better at
deceiving the enemy. As it was, I was too tired and too nervous for my own
good. My hands were shaking, clenched in fists, and my knuckles were white.
I hate questions. I don't want to do this...
I looked desperately for a way out. But there was none. I had to save Trowa and
myself. I couldn't give up, not now, not when I finally knew that we would finally
be together.
But I was so afraid. I could trip over myself in my hasty fatigue.
What if I did mess up?
I could screw up the entire procedure, botch both of our chances of escape.
This was really unlike me. The Quatre my friends knew would just keep his
mouth shut. That was the me they knew.
I was trembling from nervousness by the time they brought me to the
interrogation room. It was like the prison cell, but lit well, and it came equipped
with a control panel and computer system on the far wall. And instead of the
standard wall-to-wall stone, the wall above the computers was made of a thick,
impenetrable layer of glass.
They sat me down at one end of the square, metallic table, and surrounded the
four corners of the room. With the bright light of the room, I could see that all
four were armed with loaded pistols.
I gulped and leaned back in the stiff chair, trying to calm my frazzled nerves.
This wasn't like me...how would Trowa handle this?
My frantic thoughts were interrupted by the clack-clack sound of boots heading
down the long corridor. The soldier closest to the door saluted as it swung wide
open, revealing a tall, burly man with a mustache. He looked no different from
the other OZ soldiers.
He turned a cold eye on me.
"Well, well, what do we have here?" he asked. The other soldiers laughed. "So
you're the young Gundam pilot who's been causing all the trouble?"
I didn't say a word or move a muscle. Anything I did would make the questioning
worse. So I just sat there.
"It would be much easier if you just answered all the questions, son. You know, if
you don't answer, why, we'll just have to find some way to get rid of you, that's
all." He moved to the seat across from me. "Now, make it easy on all of us and
just answer the questions kid."
I still made no movement as the cross-examination began. Minutes later, the
captain was growing impatient.
"Answer me!" he yelled. I almost jumped. He was a scary guy.
Instead, I looked down at my hands. In my nervousness, I had been wringing
them fretfully.
"Worthless brat, suit yourself." I looked up to see a fist heading straight at me. It
landed me on the floor, having hit me directly on the nose. It hurt.
When the colorful spots cleared from my vision, the captain was making his way
out of the room. "Keep an eye on him," he whispered to the head guard. "He's a
Gundam pilot. He's tricky."
Me? Tricky?? I could almost laugh, except for the fact that OZ was going to
execute us and it was all my fault.
I had to act fast. It was my last chance.
The guards had mostly ignored the captain. They thought I looked harmless
enough. I had heard other soldiers joking: "How could kids be Gundam pilots?"
The five of us against the colonies and OZ...it was a joke.
I couldn't think of anything better to do. Here goes. "Mister," I said hoarsely.
They all looked towards me. "I think..." my voice got softer and I wobbled on my
knees.
The one nearest to the door came closer. "What did ya say kid?"
I continued whispering nonsense, forcing the soldier to bend closer. Suddenly, I
lashed out with my right hand, catching the guard on the neck and knocking him
out. Before the others could do anything, I was up on my feet, holding the
downed soldier's gun.
"Don't move!" I yelled. I was getting more and more nervous. I had to get out
quickly before the captain returned. I edged towards the door, still facing the
guards. "Which of you has the key card?"
No answer. "Suit yourself," I said quietly. Waving with the gun in my outstretched
arms, I herded them towards the opposite corner in the room, away from the
command console. "You guys better not do anything," I warned. "I don't want to
have to hurt anyone."
I turned towards the computer, keeping half my face turned so I could see both
the guards and the computer. I typed a few commands. Nothing happened.
"What?" The moniter glowed green. 'P A S S W O R D,' it flashed.
I turned around. "Password," I said. Still no movement. I began to see why the
captain had been so annoyed with my silent treatment. I sighed inwardly. This
was not my day.
Words and phrases flittered through my mind. I was starting to panic. It was up
to me to save us both. What could the password be?
It was all up to me...
Before I had a chance to try any of my uneducated guesses, the door beeped
and slid open. I dizzily aimed my gun immediately towards the entrance, startling
the guards. The captain stood there, looking confused and angry at the same
time. Next to him stood Trowa.
Trowa looked at me in astonishment. His eyes searched the room, alighting on
the huddled soldiers in the corner, the unconscious guard on the floor, and
finally, the loaded gun in my hand.
* * *
He didn't...iie, he couldn't have. The guard was probably just knocked out.
It's too bad Quatre had been the one the guards took. My planning had been
flawed. For some reason, I had only seen the possibility that I would be
interrogated.
I just wanted to protect my blond angel.
Now, he was staring at me, frighteningly resembling a deer caught in a car's
headlights. His big blue eyes were the widest I had ever seen them.
This wasn't like him. He was usually much calmer than this. But I knew he was in
bad health, albeit he told me otherwise back in the cell. I could see through his
coverup. Also, a large red mark was forming on his cheek. A fist mark? Quatre
was too tired, and the sudden shock of interrogation was weighing heavily on his
mentality.
"Trowa!" he yelped. I moved towards him, slowly. He looked panicked, and
roughly waved the captain towards the other guards.
"Quatre," I said calmly, arriving at his side. No reply. He didn't seem to hear me.
His eyes remained locked on the captain, who was in turn, eyeing us both
suspiciously from his spot in the corner.
The blond was in a trance-like state. His blue eyes which I so adored had glazed
over and stared unblinkingly and his skin was a pale white, making him look
more like a porcelain doll than a living person. The hands which held the gun at
arm's length were white and shaking.
I frowned and tried a different approach. "Little one," I coaxed.
This time, I got a response. It was interesting, and endearing, that Quatre
reacted to my pet name rather than his own real birth-name.
He turned towards me. "Trowa?" he asked in confusion. I was slightly taken
aback. He had retained no memory of his brief period of derangement. He
looked at me. "What are you doing..."
Then he looked at the gun in his hand, and the soldiers against the wall. He
gasped and straightened up. "Okay, Trowa, can you find our Gundams?" He
pointed the gun at one guard, who looked like he might've run for the door at any
given time. "Don't try anything," he whispered menacingly.
I tried my luck at the password. It took only a few seconds for me to decode it. It
was the same as the other passwords that often guarded the perimeters of the
OZ computer systems. Heero had taught me a number of tricks with his
numerous hacking methods.
"There," I said. Quatre didn't move. "I found it. Let's go."
I moved for the door, Quatre covering our backs. Before he left, he threw a final
jest at the captain. "Not so worthless now, am I?"
I turned my head in time to see the captain. His face had grown red with anger. I
knew the type. Many of the OZ captains were the same; they had red hot
tempers and pride that extended to the heavens. Strange, it wasn't like Quatre to
say something like that.
I had to calm him down before he launched into another demonstration of his
earlier insanities.
But before I could react, the captain's hand had whipped to his holster and he
had pulled out a gun, similar to the one Quatre was holding. Quatre saw this,
and the panic resurfaced in his eyes. His finger went to the trigger and he fired.
It was a quick shot. The sound of the gun firing snapped Quatre out of his craze.
He stared in horror as the captain fell face-first...and didn't move.
Then he turned his eyes towards me. He was really starting to panic. Me? I had
done this kind of stuff every mission. I wasn't worried about anything, except for
my Quatre. He hadn't really done anything like this before; usually it was left up
to the other four pilots. Quatre's latest rampages proved that his health was
fading yet faster. Strain of battle, probably.
"Let's go," I said, maintaining the calmness in my voice. It was my duty to keep
Quatre balanced, especially now, when he needed my strength the most.
Quatre wasn't making any movements that would demonstrate his intent to
leave. His blue eyes were locked on the dead captain, his mouth forming an 'O'
of surprise, and his face had turned completely white. "He's dead," he
whispered, dropping the gun with a loud 'clank.'
I grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door and down the corridor. By the
time we reached the nearby mobile suit hangar, the intruder alarm was going off.
"K'so," I hissed, looking at Quatre. He was still running along with me, but looked
like he was going to faint any time. His eyes were closed tightly; he was saying
"He's dead" over and over again, almost chanting it.
We slipped into the shadows and went unseen among the mayhem the guards
were creating. Soldiers were running around like wet ants. I finally spotted our
Gundams. They were still hooked up to the dual-Gundam carriers that had towed
us in yesterday.
It was at the far end of the hangar. We made our way, sneaking along the
shadows. The darkness of the shadows was soothing. Quatre had calmed down
enough to walk of his own will, and he was trailing my footsteps.
"Trowa." Quatre's quivering voice surprised me. It was dead and unusually
pitiable. I turned around and looked in his eyes; they reflected the same kind of
deadness I had heard in his voice, but were tear-filled, resembling his shaking
voice.
His whole body was trembling a little. I guess he hadn't really ever shot anyone
personally, with his own hand. Particularly in such an unprovoked attack. I
couldn't even remember the first time I killed a man.
I pitied the little one.
"Quatre, are you going to be okay?" I asked softly. He looked up at me, as he
had done so often before, but his eyes were wide and scared.
I'll take that as a no, I thought. Poor little Quatre. He really hadn't killed anyone
before. The whole incident was shaking him up; he was even starting to cry a
little.
"Shhhhh." I calmed him and made my decision. He needed comfort now. More
than he did back in the cell and more than ever needed it before. Quatre's
constitution was at stake.
I moved towards him and wrapped my arms around him, hoping he could feel
some of my strength through the embrace. "Shhh, little one, I'm here. I'll always
be here for you."
He looked up at me through his tears and sniffled. He didn't look too convinced.
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing...I leaned down and brushed his lips
with a kiss. "Ai shiteru, chibi ichi."
His eyes grew even wider, if that was possible. "You, Trowa you--"
I smiled. Quatre was starting to look more lifelike already. He was blinking in
astonishment, and the twin pools of his eyes were glowing with vitality once
more. "Hai."
I held him tighter, not wanting to let go. It felt right, hugging Quatre, even though
the OZ base had been fully warned and guards were looking for us at the very
moment. As long as we were in the shadows, it didn't seem to make a difference.
Quatre leaned against me, making me support all his weight. It was an easy
task; he had lost weight and his small frame felt so frail. I felt the urge to protect
the little angel. For as long as it was needed.
"There they are!" I quickly released Quatre. The OZ guards had finally spotted
us. Or maybe they had just spotted me; I had been standing partly in the
shadows, partly in the light. With my back to the guards, I had shielded Quatre
from detection.
I grabbed hold of the Arabian's hand and pulled him alongside me. I whispered
in his ear as we ran, "They haven't seen you yet." He nodded beside me.
We sprinted the remaining distance to the Gundam carrier, Quatre remaining
undetected the entire way. My demonstration of emotion had brought Quatre
back, the old Quatre, the one I loved.
I jumped into the piloting area of the carrier, and Quatre ran around front to the
passenger side and got in beside me. I made sure he was okay before I
launched the carrier.
Quatre looked utterly worn out. But I needed one more favor. "Quatre." He
looked at me adoringly. I loved that look. "Quatre, I need you to do something.
Can you pilot Sandrock?"
He nodded yes. "Good. I need you and Sandrock to destroy the OZ base." He
looked at me, appalled. "I know you've been through a tough time, but we owe
as much to Heero and Relena."
Quatre turned his eyes downcast. "Hai Trowa, I'll do it." I smiled my appreciation
and he managed to return a small glimmer of a smile. I hadn't realized exactly
the extent of the blond's weariness.
I was about to change my mind when OZ mobile suits appeared from behind.
Quatre jumped into the cargo area where his Gundam was kept. "Be careful," I
whispered.
Sandrock left the carrier as I wished him luck. After many long minutes of
fighting, he succeeded in eliminating most of the mobile suit force before the rest
retreated. With the communications link open, I could hear him breathing heavily
as he fought to protect himself and me, sometimes succeeding, sometimes
failing as stray shots hit the rear of the carrier. Finally, Quatre powered up his
curved-bladed hand swords to maximum, and with one last cry of victory, he
swung them hard at the OZ base. They cut through the small headquarters
easily, and seconds later, it exploded in a blaze of defeat.
Quatre was working really hard to protect me. I should have been the one out
there, not him.
By now, the young Arabian was panting. Once he arrived in the carrier, he
stumbled out of Sandrock and into the cabin, where he dropped weightily into his
seat. "Ninmu ryoukai," he murmured softly.
I looked at him. His hands were shaking again, but not from stress. From
depletion. "I'm so sorry, Quatre."
"For what?" he asked. He tried to look energetic for me, but I could tell that even
that was wearing him thin.
"Gomen ne, chibi ichi. I should've gone out there myself."
He looked at me with weary eyes. "Ne, it's okay Trowa. I had to prove myself."
Prove himself? To who...me? I shook my head. "You've done more than enough
already, Quatre."
"Iie Trowa. I had to do it. It made me happy."
I glanced sideways at him. The little blond was too profound. He had closed his
eyes and I had thought he was asleep, until he raised another point.
"Trowa, one cannot buy happiness."
"Nani?" What was he talking about?
"You said you would buy me happiness if you had all the wealth in the world."
"Hai."
"You can't. Happiness can't be bought. Only given. It's a free gift, given
generously without expecting to receive anything in return. Nothing can buy
happiness, not even money. Only pure hearts."
I stared at him with silent confusion. It amazed me how he could remember
something I had said from hours ago, despite his state.
He continued. "But I don't want you to give me happiness." Nani?! Did I hear
correctly?
"Quatre, I--you deserve to be happy so much more than any of us. Someone like
you, for instance, should have never seen what happened today."
His eyes darkened at the mention of the shooting, but lightened almost
immediately. "Iie, Trowa. You don't understand. Everyone deserves happiness,
even the captain I shot today. No one should have to go through what I did, ever.
Happiness clears it all up, makes everything better. You've given me so much
happiness already without taking anything in return. I'm sorry."
The blond's generous heart was admirable. "Little one," I interrupted. "You
needn't say anything. Do you know what would make me happy?" I asked in all
honesty. He shook his head, blond bangs falling across his eyes. "What would
make me happy, little one, is for you to get your health back."
He looked into my eyes, then smiled. It wasn't a tired smile, but a healthy, happy
smile. "Hai, koi." He closed his eyes and settled back in the seat. Before long, he
was fast asleep.
I had to pilot us on the long ride back to the Winner base. Looking at him, I
smiled...
He slept the whole ride home.
~OWARI~
sorry 4 making this 2 long minna...i couldn't help myself ^^* what did u think? did i bore u?? gomen ne a thousand times over! pleez rate n review, or e-mail me! i luv hearing ur comments anytime!! till next [shorter] fic, jaaa! ^_~
ChibiQuatre @ tigerlily6c@aol.com
By ChibiQuatre (6/24/00)
Yet another GW disclaimer: well, do you all REALLY want me to write a disclaimer?! We all know that I don't own GW (though God KNOWS I wish I did!). The GW boyz r'nt mine, never were, never will b. They are owned by their respective creators; Sunrise, There...happy!!! ((oh, and any trouble translating the japanese, I'll b happy to help!))
*NOTE: this is another yaoi, namely Trowa n Quatre. consequently, it's done in their POV. this is a continuation of my other ficcie, "Constitution," so u hafta read that 1 first (and maybe my other fics: "Mother," "Duo no Hero," and "Final Farewell" for the beginning to make sense). if u don't like yaoi, then DON'T STAY! and don't worry...it's NOT a lemon. i--uh--don't like writing lemons/limes. i don't appreciate flames, although constructive criticism is always good. cuz it's just MHO, but rn't they so kawaii 2gether?!
I woke up in warm arms.
I struggled weakly in the grasp before realizing who it was: Trowa.
The tall pilot of HeavyArms. My partner in battle.
Koi.
I snuggled closer. I couldn't believe how tired I was. I didn't want Trowa to know,
though I'm sure he did. How unbefitting for a Gundam pilot. It was just this
infernal war...it exhausted me to the very core.
My squirming caused Trowa to stir. He slowly opened his green eye, then
blinked to see my two blue ones staring back at him. He sat up slowly, eyeing
my condition warily. He thought I should be asleep.
"What time is it?" he asked.
I had no idea; I had been dozing for who knows how long. At least a day?
"Anou..." I said, thinking deeply.
He shook his head. "We have to get out of here. OZ could execute us at any
given time."
I pulled his arm playfully. "Demo, couldn't we just stay here, by ourselves...for a
little while longer maybe?"
He laughed in quiet amusement at the silliness of my question. "You know the
answer as well as I do, Quatre." I nodded sadly.
His expression softened when I looked at him, hurt. "Ne, little one. Don't look so
sad. A face like yours should never be sad. Only be filled with brightness." I
nodded again, this time in agreement, and latched onto Trowa's arm.
"Do you love me Trowa?" I asked, in the sincerest of voices.
"Hai, chibi ichi."
"Say it..." It was more like a question than an order.
Trowa looked down at his hands. I stared at him expectantly, but nothing came.
After a few seconds of prolonged silence, I looked away in disappointment. "You
can't say it, can you Trowa."
He turned my head and looked at me, his discernible eye searching my face,
seeing the evident pain in my eyes. "Iie, I...gomen," he turned away.
I resisted the urge to comfort him. After all, he didn't love me. He could just as
well have had nothing to do with me. I bent my head in the opposite direction,
closing my eyes and resting my chin on my folded knees. I can't believe him; he
played my emotions, stringing me along. Did he find me entertaining?
Tears were threatening to stain my face; I buried my head deeper into my arms,
folded across my knees. I didn't like crying, especially now, when my dearest
friend had hurt me most.
But the tears came anyways. They fell silently, dripping onto my shirt.
I hate crying.
* * *
I looked over at the boy. He was asleep again. Quatre really had to get his
health back.
I frowned. From my position, I could see he had been crying. There were one or
two tell-tale spots on his shirt where tears had once fell. He had cried himself to
sleep. Poor Quatre.
This was why I never could get too close to anyone. I didn't want to hurt them.
Because I couldn't say those three words: I love you.
And because I couldn't say those three words, I had hurt the blond angel.
Deeply, since he didn't usually cry unless it was important.
Gomen, Quatre.
I love you. But I can't say it.
What's wrong with me?!
* * *
I awoke to find Trowa staring at me.
I stared back through slitted eyes. As far as he could tell, I was still asleep.
I watched him watch me for a little while longer, then shifted in the manner of
one who is waking. Trowa immediately looked away, a blush spreading across
his face. Briefly.
When I finally opened my eyes wide, he was already across the cell, messing
around with the door. I frowned at him through the darkness.
"Quatre?" he asked, to make sure I was awake.
As if he didn't know. "Hai," I said softly, anger fringing my answer.
Trowa walked over to me, all the while looking at his feet. "Quatre, gomen for
earlier. I'm sorry I didn't answer."
"Hn," I answered, imitating Heero's usual monotone. I was angry at him, and he
would see. He had no right to toy with me.
He walked over to me until he was towering above me. I was still sitting. From
my low point of view, I could see both his eyes clearly. They were glittering with
unshed tears.
Trowa...he's sincere??
"Demo," I began.
He held out his hand. "Iie, let me finish. Really, gomen. I didn't know how much I
hurt you. I never meant to, it's just that I would rather prove my love in a different
way."
He was telling the truth.
I almost started crying again. He really did care about me then?
"Demo..." I said again. This time Trowa let me speak. "Demo, you really do love
me?"
"Hai, as I said before."
"Ah, yokatta!" I said happily. Trowa looked relieved, and sat down beside me. He
gathered me closer and put his arm around my shoulder. I leaned in.
"Ai shiteru, Trowa-kun," I said.
He looked down at me and smiled. I smiled back. Suddenly, he looked
concerned. "Ne, Quatre, how do you feel?"
"Huh?" I was caught off guard by his question. In truth, I was exhausted, despite
the hours of sleep I had had. A bruise on my shoulder was really starting to hurt.
I think I had lain on it in my sleep.
"Anou, you don't have to worry about me. I'm happy, Trowa."
"Happy is not well." He shook his head despairingly. "Quatre, I'm worried about
your health."
"I know, but you don't have to. I feel fine, really. If I was sick, the Winner fortune
would be at my expense. I could call in the best doctors in earth and in space.
"Demo," I shook my head, "One cannot buy happiness. Not with all the wealth in
the world."
Trowa was silent for a few seconds. "I would."
"Huh?" I asked.
"I would." He looked me in the eye. "If I had all the wealth in the world, I would
buy you happiness. Affluence makes all the difference."
My dear Trowa, I thought, sighing. Happiness CANNOT be bought.
* * *
I didn't know what else to say. I knew Quatre was right, but I had the notion that
if I was wealthy, if I was affluent, I would buy Quatre anything and everything he
wanted. I would find the very thing that Quatre wanted most and give it to him.
Iie. I almost laughed at my own naiveté. Iie, Quatre didn't want anything that he
didn't have already. He had everything.
Even me...my unconditional love.
I would do anything for him.
What more would he possibly want?
* * *
"Quatre, we have to go. Now." Trowa looked at me, the slightest trace of fear on
his face.
"Right," I answered. I trusted him enough to follow him without question.
Trowa had an instinctual sense that told him something was about to happen to
us.
OZ had probably decided to finally execute us.
So far, in all the attempts, OZ had never really succeeded in executing a single
Gundam pilot. And as far as I was concerned, they won't succeed this time.
"Here's the plan. When the soldiers come to question us one last time. I'll go
first. I'll eliminate them once we get to the interrogation room, and once there, I'll
sabotage the control panel, allowing for your escape. I'll come back and meet
you here." He pointed to the door of the cell. "Just stay there."
He continued, trying not to alarm me. "This is the real thing Quatre. After they
finish the interrogation, they're going to kill us. No joke. That's why I have to get
them first."
I nodded. I was glad it was him going, and not me. I hated violence...I don't think
I could kill the interrogaters. So he was going instead. Trowa respected me that
much.
"Hai." I nodded. "I'll wait for you, Trowa."
He smiled. But the smile faded when footsteps echoed down the hallway, just
outside our prison cell. "It's time," I mumbled softly.
His eyes silently agreed with me. Hastily, I sat down near the wall and buried my
head in my knees, much as I had done earlier. I had to ensure that it was Trowa
who was picked for questioning, and not me. But I had a bad feeling about this.
My uuchu no kokoro was screaming inaudibly at me...
The footsteps stopped outside our cell. Thank God for Trowa's innate ability.
The key card slid through the lock with an insignificant beep. As the bright light
flooded through the open door, we were temporarily blinded.
I flinched as they walked in. About three or four OZ soldiers stepped closer to
Trowa, who leaned, arms crossed, impassive against the wall beside me.
"You know what we want," the front and foremost OZ soldier said. He looked
directly at me.
I blinked, frozen in fear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Trowa start abruptly.
This didn't correspond to his plan.
No, not at all. This wasn't good.
My stomach churned as the soldier pointed at me. "You, up. We have some
questions..." His companions laughed cruelly.
I stole a look from Trowa. He was unusually angry, but he couldn't do anything
about their decision. He looked at me. What I read in his expression didn't make
me feel any better.
Proceed with the plan, his eyes said.
I didn't want to. God knows, I didn't want to kill anymore.
But I had to...for both me and Trowa.
I stood up, my legs shaky. I don't want to, I don't want to...
The soldiers led me down the hall into a small room, not too far from our cell.
Good, I thought. I wasn't as good at this as Trowa was. He was better at
deceiving the enemy. As it was, I was too tired and too nervous for my own
good. My hands were shaking, clenched in fists, and my knuckles were white.
I hate questions. I don't want to do this...
I looked desperately for a way out. But there was none. I had to save Trowa and
myself. I couldn't give up, not now, not when I finally knew that we would finally
be together.
But I was so afraid. I could trip over myself in my hasty fatigue.
What if I did mess up?
I could screw up the entire procedure, botch both of our chances of escape.
This was really unlike me. The Quatre my friends knew would just keep his
mouth shut. That was the me they knew.
I was trembling from nervousness by the time they brought me to the
interrogation room. It was like the prison cell, but lit well, and it came equipped
with a control panel and computer system on the far wall. And instead of the
standard wall-to-wall stone, the wall above the computers was made of a thick,
impenetrable layer of glass.
They sat me down at one end of the square, metallic table, and surrounded the
four corners of the room. With the bright light of the room, I could see that all
four were armed with loaded pistols.
I gulped and leaned back in the stiff chair, trying to calm my frazzled nerves.
This wasn't like me...how would Trowa handle this?
My frantic thoughts were interrupted by the clack-clack sound of boots heading
down the long corridor. The soldier closest to the door saluted as it swung wide
open, revealing a tall, burly man with a mustache. He looked no different from
the other OZ soldiers.
He turned a cold eye on me.
"Well, well, what do we have here?" he asked. The other soldiers laughed. "So
you're the young Gundam pilot who's been causing all the trouble?"
I didn't say a word or move a muscle. Anything I did would make the questioning
worse. So I just sat there.
"It would be much easier if you just answered all the questions, son. You know, if
you don't answer, why, we'll just have to find some way to get rid of you, that's
all." He moved to the seat across from me. "Now, make it easy on all of us and
just answer the questions kid."
I still made no movement as the cross-examination began. Minutes later, the
captain was growing impatient.
"Answer me!" he yelled. I almost jumped. He was a scary guy.
Instead, I looked down at my hands. In my nervousness, I had been wringing
them fretfully.
"Worthless brat, suit yourself." I looked up to see a fist heading straight at me. It
landed me on the floor, having hit me directly on the nose. It hurt.
When the colorful spots cleared from my vision, the captain was making his way
out of the room. "Keep an eye on him," he whispered to the head guard. "He's a
Gundam pilot. He's tricky."
Me? Tricky?? I could almost laugh, except for the fact that OZ was going to
execute us and it was all my fault.
I had to act fast. It was my last chance.
The guards had mostly ignored the captain. They thought I looked harmless
enough. I had heard other soldiers joking: "How could kids be Gundam pilots?"
The five of us against the colonies and OZ...it was a joke.
I couldn't think of anything better to do. Here goes. "Mister," I said hoarsely.
They all looked towards me. "I think..." my voice got softer and I wobbled on my
knees.
The one nearest to the door came closer. "What did ya say kid?"
I continued whispering nonsense, forcing the soldier to bend closer. Suddenly, I
lashed out with my right hand, catching the guard on the neck and knocking him
out. Before the others could do anything, I was up on my feet, holding the
downed soldier's gun.
"Don't move!" I yelled. I was getting more and more nervous. I had to get out
quickly before the captain returned. I edged towards the door, still facing the
guards. "Which of you has the key card?"
No answer. "Suit yourself," I said quietly. Waving with the gun in my outstretched
arms, I herded them towards the opposite corner in the room, away from the
command console. "You guys better not do anything," I warned. "I don't want to
have to hurt anyone."
I turned towards the computer, keeping half my face turned so I could see both
the guards and the computer. I typed a few commands. Nothing happened.
"What?" The moniter glowed green. 'P A S S W O R D,' it flashed.
I turned around. "Password," I said. Still no movement. I began to see why the
captain had been so annoyed with my silent treatment. I sighed inwardly. This
was not my day.
Words and phrases flittered through my mind. I was starting to panic. It was up
to me to save us both. What could the password be?
It was all up to me...
Before I had a chance to try any of my uneducated guesses, the door beeped
and slid open. I dizzily aimed my gun immediately towards the entrance, startling
the guards. The captain stood there, looking confused and angry at the same
time. Next to him stood Trowa.
Trowa looked at me in astonishment. His eyes searched the room, alighting on
the huddled soldiers in the corner, the unconscious guard on the floor, and
finally, the loaded gun in my hand.
* * *
He didn't...iie, he couldn't have. The guard was probably just knocked out.
It's too bad Quatre had been the one the guards took. My planning had been
flawed. For some reason, I had only seen the possibility that I would be
interrogated.
I just wanted to protect my blond angel.
Now, he was staring at me, frighteningly resembling a deer caught in a car's
headlights. His big blue eyes were the widest I had ever seen them.
This wasn't like him. He was usually much calmer than this. But I knew he was in
bad health, albeit he told me otherwise back in the cell. I could see through his
coverup. Also, a large red mark was forming on his cheek. A fist mark? Quatre
was too tired, and the sudden shock of interrogation was weighing heavily on his
mentality.
"Trowa!" he yelped. I moved towards him, slowly. He looked panicked, and
roughly waved the captain towards the other guards.
"Quatre," I said calmly, arriving at his side. No reply. He didn't seem to hear me.
His eyes remained locked on the captain, who was in turn, eyeing us both
suspiciously from his spot in the corner.
The blond was in a trance-like state. His blue eyes which I so adored had glazed
over and stared unblinkingly and his skin was a pale white, making him look
more like a porcelain doll than a living person. The hands which held the gun at
arm's length were white and shaking.
I frowned and tried a different approach. "Little one," I coaxed.
This time, I got a response. It was interesting, and endearing, that Quatre
reacted to my pet name rather than his own real birth-name.
He turned towards me. "Trowa?" he asked in confusion. I was slightly taken
aback. He had retained no memory of his brief period of derangement. He
looked at me. "What are you doing..."
Then he looked at the gun in his hand, and the soldiers against the wall. He
gasped and straightened up. "Okay, Trowa, can you find our Gundams?" He
pointed the gun at one guard, who looked like he might've run for the door at any
given time. "Don't try anything," he whispered menacingly.
I tried my luck at the password. It took only a few seconds for me to decode it. It
was the same as the other passwords that often guarded the perimeters of the
OZ computer systems. Heero had taught me a number of tricks with his
numerous hacking methods.
"There," I said. Quatre didn't move. "I found it. Let's go."
I moved for the door, Quatre covering our backs. Before he left, he threw a final
jest at the captain. "Not so worthless now, am I?"
I turned my head in time to see the captain. His face had grown red with anger. I
knew the type. Many of the OZ captains were the same; they had red hot
tempers and pride that extended to the heavens. Strange, it wasn't like Quatre to
say something like that.
I had to calm him down before he launched into another demonstration of his
earlier insanities.
But before I could react, the captain's hand had whipped to his holster and he
had pulled out a gun, similar to the one Quatre was holding. Quatre saw this,
and the panic resurfaced in his eyes. His finger went to the trigger and he fired.
It was a quick shot. The sound of the gun firing snapped Quatre out of his craze.
He stared in horror as the captain fell face-first...and didn't move.
Then he turned his eyes towards me. He was really starting to panic. Me? I had
done this kind of stuff every mission. I wasn't worried about anything, except for
my Quatre. He hadn't really done anything like this before; usually it was left up
to the other four pilots. Quatre's latest rampages proved that his health was
fading yet faster. Strain of battle, probably.
"Let's go," I said, maintaining the calmness in my voice. It was my duty to keep
Quatre balanced, especially now, when he needed my strength the most.
Quatre wasn't making any movements that would demonstrate his intent to
leave. His blue eyes were locked on the dead captain, his mouth forming an 'O'
of surprise, and his face had turned completely white. "He's dead," he
whispered, dropping the gun with a loud 'clank.'
I grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door and down the corridor. By the
time we reached the nearby mobile suit hangar, the intruder alarm was going off.
"K'so," I hissed, looking at Quatre. He was still running along with me, but looked
like he was going to faint any time. His eyes were closed tightly; he was saying
"He's dead" over and over again, almost chanting it.
We slipped into the shadows and went unseen among the mayhem the guards
were creating. Soldiers were running around like wet ants. I finally spotted our
Gundams. They were still hooked up to the dual-Gundam carriers that had towed
us in yesterday.
It was at the far end of the hangar. We made our way, sneaking along the
shadows. The darkness of the shadows was soothing. Quatre had calmed down
enough to walk of his own will, and he was trailing my footsteps.
"Trowa." Quatre's quivering voice surprised me. It was dead and unusually
pitiable. I turned around and looked in his eyes; they reflected the same kind of
deadness I had heard in his voice, but were tear-filled, resembling his shaking
voice.
His whole body was trembling a little. I guess he hadn't really ever shot anyone
personally, with his own hand. Particularly in such an unprovoked attack. I
couldn't even remember the first time I killed a man.
I pitied the little one.
"Quatre, are you going to be okay?" I asked softly. He looked up at me, as he
had done so often before, but his eyes were wide and scared.
I'll take that as a no, I thought. Poor little Quatre. He really hadn't killed anyone
before. The whole incident was shaking him up; he was even starting to cry a
little.
"Shhhhh." I calmed him and made my decision. He needed comfort now. More
than he did back in the cell and more than ever needed it before. Quatre's
constitution was at stake.
I moved towards him and wrapped my arms around him, hoping he could feel
some of my strength through the embrace. "Shhh, little one, I'm here. I'll always
be here for you."
He looked up at me through his tears and sniffled. He didn't look too convinced.
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing...I leaned down and brushed his lips
with a kiss. "Ai shiteru, chibi ichi."
His eyes grew even wider, if that was possible. "You, Trowa you--"
I smiled. Quatre was starting to look more lifelike already. He was blinking in
astonishment, and the twin pools of his eyes were glowing with vitality once
more. "Hai."
I held him tighter, not wanting to let go. It felt right, hugging Quatre, even though
the OZ base had been fully warned and guards were looking for us at the very
moment. As long as we were in the shadows, it didn't seem to make a difference.
Quatre leaned against me, making me support all his weight. It was an easy
task; he had lost weight and his small frame felt so frail. I felt the urge to protect
the little angel. For as long as it was needed.
"There they are!" I quickly released Quatre. The OZ guards had finally spotted
us. Or maybe they had just spotted me; I had been standing partly in the
shadows, partly in the light. With my back to the guards, I had shielded Quatre
from detection.
I grabbed hold of the Arabian's hand and pulled him alongside me. I whispered
in his ear as we ran, "They haven't seen you yet." He nodded beside me.
We sprinted the remaining distance to the Gundam carrier, Quatre remaining
undetected the entire way. My demonstration of emotion had brought Quatre
back, the old Quatre, the one I loved.
I jumped into the piloting area of the carrier, and Quatre ran around front to the
passenger side and got in beside me. I made sure he was okay before I
launched the carrier.
Quatre looked utterly worn out. But I needed one more favor. "Quatre." He
looked at me adoringly. I loved that look. "Quatre, I need you to do something.
Can you pilot Sandrock?"
He nodded yes. "Good. I need you and Sandrock to destroy the OZ base." He
looked at me, appalled. "I know you've been through a tough time, but we owe
as much to Heero and Relena."
Quatre turned his eyes downcast. "Hai Trowa, I'll do it." I smiled my appreciation
and he managed to return a small glimmer of a smile. I hadn't realized exactly
the extent of the blond's weariness.
I was about to change my mind when OZ mobile suits appeared from behind.
Quatre jumped into the cargo area where his Gundam was kept. "Be careful," I
whispered.
Sandrock left the carrier as I wished him luck. After many long minutes of
fighting, he succeeded in eliminating most of the mobile suit force before the rest
retreated. With the communications link open, I could hear him breathing heavily
as he fought to protect himself and me, sometimes succeeding, sometimes
failing as stray shots hit the rear of the carrier. Finally, Quatre powered up his
curved-bladed hand swords to maximum, and with one last cry of victory, he
swung them hard at the OZ base. They cut through the small headquarters
easily, and seconds later, it exploded in a blaze of defeat.
Quatre was working really hard to protect me. I should have been the one out
there, not him.
By now, the young Arabian was panting. Once he arrived in the carrier, he
stumbled out of Sandrock and into the cabin, where he dropped weightily into his
seat. "Ninmu ryoukai," he murmured softly.
I looked at him. His hands were shaking again, but not from stress. From
depletion. "I'm so sorry, Quatre."
"For what?" he asked. He tried to look energetic for me, but I could tell that even
that was wearing him thin.
"Gomen ne, chibi ichi. I should've gone out there myself."
He looked at me with weary eyes. "Ne, it's okay Trowa. I had to prove myself."
Prove himself? To who...me? I shook my head. "You've done more than enough
already, Quatre."
"Iie Trowa. I had to do it. It made me happy."
I glanced sideways at him. The little blond was too profound. He had closed his
eyes and I had thought he was asleep, until he raised another point.
"Trowa, one cannot buy happiness."
"Nani?" What was he talking about?
"You said you would buy me happiness if you had all the wealth in the world."
"Hai."
"You can't. Happiness can't be bought. Only given. It's a free gift, given
generously without expecting to receive anything in return. Nothing can buy
happiness, not even money. Only pure hearts."
I stared at him with silent confusion. It amazed me how he could remember
something I had said from hours ago, despite his state.
He continued. "But I don't want you to give me happiness." Nani?! Did I hear
correctly?
"Quatre, I--you deserve to be happy so much more than any of us. Someone like
you, for instance, should have never seen what happened today."
His eyes darkened at the mention of the shooting, but lightened almost
immediately. "Iie, Trowa. You don't understand. Everyone deserves happiness,
even the captain I shot today. No one should have to go through what I did, ever.
Happiness clears it all up, makes everything better. You've given me so much
happiness already without taking anything in return. I'm sorry."
The blond's generous heart was admirable. "Little one," I interrupted. "You
needn't say anything. Do you know what would make me happy?" I asked in all
honesty. He shook his head, blond bangs falling across his eyes. "What would
make me happy, little one, is for you to get your health back."
He looked into my eyes, then smiled. It wasn't a tired smile, but a healthy, happy
smile. "Hai, koi." He closed his eyes and settled back in the seat. Before long, he
was fast asleep.
I had to pilot us on the long ride back to the Winner base. Looking at him, I
smiled...
He slept the whole ride home.
~OWARI~
sorry 4 making this 2 long minna...i couldn't help myself ^^* what did u think? did i bore u?? gomen ne a thousand times over! pleez rate n review, or e-mail me! i luv hearing ur comments anytime!! till next [shorter] fic, jaaa! ^_~
ChibiQuatre @ tigerlily6c@aol.com
