The Kaiju-CRACK Chronicles

A moment ago in a mind far far away from normal...


Outside Rain-Forrest Island Fortress

Scar: "GRID!! Come back here You ugly son of bitch so I can kill you!!

Grid: "I like to see you try...Vagina Face!!"

Scar: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Grid: You heard me, Vagina face...

Scar: I gonna Fing kill you, you dick headed Ugly Mother Fucker

-Shots a plasma bolt-

Grid dodges and manages to dodge all other plasma bolts as they make craters in the walls and floors

A Predalien in Halo 3 brute Chieftain armor watches from a high vantage point as it watches as the other alien runs around like a headless chicken dodging Predator Plasma bolts.

X'erberus(He's the Predalien): Hey Grid! What you do this time? Put your head in his mouth?!

-snicker-

Grid:"Shut the fuck up Dick-tongue!!" -While dodging another plasma bolt"

X'erberus: SHUT UP!! I have enough issues you know!

Grid: "Yeah, like carrying a giant hammer and raping people's mouthes with your tongue?!"

X'erberus:...ass hole...

-Scar shots another bolt intent on killing Grid-


Grid: -crouch jumps out of the way and hinds behind a rock-

On top of the fortress

Kaiju: "yawn, please tell me thats Grid and Scar...Again?!

Wolf: "Yeah, unfortunately..."

Kaiju: -Takes sip of Pepsi- "What happened this time?!"

Wolf: "They had...'that argument'...Again"

Kaiju: -Face-palm- ("Idiots") "I want you to settle this."

Wolf: "Me?! But...thats...impossible with those two..."

Kaiju: Impossible? No...Improbable? Yes, well you'll never find out if don't try now, won't you?"

Wolf: "Why don't you..." -Kaiju Cuts him off-

Kaiju: "Why don't I do it, You Ask?! Because I lead this fine realm and don't have time for this bull-shit!! and besides 'HE' will find away to attack us!

Wolf: "Like he put D.I.D. on your computer..."

Kaiju:-In utter denial- He did I Tell you! He did it to frame me!!

Wolf: -Ain't believing a word- Yeah, just admit it, we all know your...-snicker- Obsession.

Kaiju: -Embarrassed and pissed off- "You...Fing Ass Hole..."

Wolf: -realizing his error- "Hehe just kidding," -runs off to find Grid and Scar-

Kaiju:... (you better run)-phew- "Now that he's gone I can get back to my..."

-Looks at DID (and Some CID) on the computer

Front of Fortress

Scar and Grid were face to face Scar out of ammo, and grid tired out, were throwing insults at each other.

Grid: "Vagina Face!!"

Scar: "Dick Head!!"

Grid: "Vagina FACE!!"

Scar: "Dick HEAD!!"

X'erberus: "Hey get a room if you two want Oral Sex that badly!! XD"

Scar and Grid: "Shut the hell up Dick-Tongue!!"

X'erberus: -begins to cry-

Wolf:...-Invisible-...

-Wolf comes out of nowhere punches Scar in the stomach and sends grid through a wall-

Wolf: "Okay, this has gone on long enough, why can't we all just get along.?"

Scar: 'cough "NO" cough'

Grid: -walks out of the hole in wall- "The Vagina face is right, were not making goody two shoes until this feud is settled."

Wolf: "Let me guess..."

Grid: "Alien..."

Scar: "Predator..."

SFX Guy: Dun Dun DUN!!

Scar: "Wolf, your a fellow Pred, why don't you help me prove to this faceless dick head that we are superior to them?!"

Wolf: "No."

Scar:" Why?!"

Grid: "Ooh! Cuz he knows that we are truly superior to you vagina faces!?"

Wolf: "No,"

Grid and Scar: "Then Why?!"

Wolf: "because look at these examples."

Ex: 1 In all the "Alien" movies the xeno menace is almost always blown out of the airlock by Sigourney Weaver..

Ex.2 In all the "Pred" movies we always get our asses handed to us by The "Governator" and/or Danny Glover.

Ex. 3 in AvP and AvP: R both sides die and the government emerges victorious.

Wolf: "In all due reality humans are better than us!"

Grid:...

Scar:...

SFX Guy: 'Cricket sounds'

Wolf: "And I didn't realize how Ridiculous that sounded to this exact moment."

Wolf: "Nonetheless Kaiju wants you guys to stop."


Scar: "And if we dont?!"

The Very Next Day

Both grid and Scar are locked in a room with Hannah Montana Playing in the background.

Scar: "Make it stop!"

Grid: "Please MC!" Repent! Repent!"

In front of the fortress...again

A man in light green Mjolnir Mark-VI armor walks up to the door to the island fort.

John: "Hello! Is anyone hear?!"

Wolf (From behind the gate): Uhhh...Sorry we want no girl scout cookies...please go away before we sick the Fan-girls on you!"

John: "I'm sorry, but I have orders to retrieve a certain "Kaiju" from these premises.

Wolf: "Lord Kaiju?! Oh Chief, please tell me its not kidnapping charges."

John: Uhhhh...No I'm hear to retrieve him for a secret mission."

Wolf: "Oh good, I'd hate to find out he took his obsession the next level."

John: "Uhh...Obsession?"

Wolf: "Yeah, between you and me, I think he has a Fetish for bondage."

John:..."Uh Okay...nonetheless I did need him ASAP."

Wolf: "Sorry, I'd Love to help you bud, but Kaiju sees no one."

John: Okay, then I guess my organization will have to cut off the supplys running into the fort, which means no more bondage materials...

Grid, X'erberus and every other Xeno on the Island: WHAT!?

John: Big Guns...

Scar: WHAT?!

John: and Pepsi...

Kaiju: Kaiju Style: Kaiju Dynamic Entry!!

An Explosion is heard at the top of the fortress and Kaiju jumps down and Round house kicks Wolf in the face .

Kaiju: "Whoops! Sorry, wrong target."

Wolf:"Owouch..."

John: "OK, are you Kaiju?"

Kaiju: Ye...HOLY CRAP ITS MASTER CHEIF!! OUR GOD HAS RETURNED TO US!! -points at John-

John: (Damn Straight I'm God!)..."Uhhh...No I'm just another Spartan."

Kaiju: "Oh! Sorry about that, just you look like the spitting image of him."

John: -(Yeah cuz I am!) -phew- "Yeah I need you come with me on a matter of Inter-dimensional Security."

Kaiju: "OK!! what I do wrong this time?"

John: "Nothing."

Kaiju: Then why are you here?"

John: "Because we need your help"

SFX Guy: -Audience Laughs-

John: "That wasn't funny."

Kaiju: "yeah it is, what makes YOU think I'm coming with you!?"

John: Well other than taking away those 'Things' I said earlier, I will also have your Internet and power cut off."

Kaiju:Hmmmm...I'm still not convinced

John: -face palm- "Ok then, I Promise, if you come with me I will personally have my superiors give you..."

Kaiju: Give me what?

John: "Lets just say I know a couple of 'Interesting' shops in Europe that have...good...wrapping merchandise?

Grid and X'erberus-knows what he was referring to- : Drools

John: "Yeah( - got em now), also I know of a good underground shop in japan, that provides good sealing, so to speak?"

John: "So, Deal or no Deal?!"

-Spotlight focuses on Kaiju-

Kaiju: -Thinking-

Grid and X'erberus: Deal! Take the Deal!

John "Would you like to call a friend?"

Kaiju: 'Wrong show, moron..."

John: "Yeah, but you get my point."

-All Aliens Cheering on Kaiju to take the Deal-

Kaiju: "Deal! But I'm bringing Wolf, Grid, Scar and X'erberus with me."

Grid,Wolf,Scar and X'erberus: Huh?


Secret Base

?: "So do you think he'll come?"

??: "I'm not sure, I am only 98.97 percent sure he'll come."

?: "Only?"

??: "Yeah, although I'm almost positive he will come I still have take the possibility he won't."

?: "I See..."

??: "Now, the only to tell for certain, is if he comes here or John walks into here alone."

Here is Ch. 1 of easily the most fed fic i have ever concieved.

Kaiju is my self insert, who is uber powerful, i purposefully did that to make fun of most Gary Stue OC's

John (117) is in Canon ,Master Cheif, however these morons dont realize it.

Master Cheif is a GOD as you can tell

I will be ripping off Naruto,Fangirls,Bleach,Death Note,Godzilla,Hellsing, Yaoi and others just to name a few.(if i hadent already XP)

'HE' has a name and is a major villain in here.

As you can tell I like bondage...DEAL WITH IT!! Its better than Pron and Yaoi anyway...

? and ?? will be revealed next chapter.

? is Female and ?? has a sweet tooth

Please Review and tell me what you think