My first clear memories take place when I was ten years old. I had started to study at a boarding school for girls. But my memories are not about that, but about my first vacation. At the beginning, everything looked fine. Mum and my Uncle were happy to see me again. I went to bed, happy being back home again. That night, it happened. A touch of a lustful hand ended my childhood. A whisper in my ear: "My Tsurara, you have grown very beautiful indeed, Tsurara chan."
Lustful, hot hands studied my childlike body. He tied me up and silenced me.
He stayed with me the whole night. I haven't forgotten anything.
You are feeling sick, aren't you, my friend? You can't claim, that I didn't warn you. Now only thing you can do, is listen everything.
It wasn't a unique night. "The act" was repeated during every holiday. I started to be afraid of vacations. My friends didn't understand why I became quiet, gloomy and withdrawn. I had no courage to tell anyone. Mum knew. I knew, that Mum knew. Mum had no power over her brother. When I grew up, I understood that that monster didn't treat mum a bit better than me. My family were professionals of pretending. Though everything was bad and ruined, in public everybody smiled. Bruises were hidden. No one could have guessed the truth.
At last I was seventeen and my school ended. I got the best report of my year. My mum wept of happiness. In the same evening, she cried of sadness.
Uncle tried to take me again. I rejected him. He went mad. I had no time to evade, when he hit me on the head. He beat me up and raped me. I had got enough. I packed my belongings and ran away.
I had no idea where to go. Eventually, I took a bus and went to my friend Rikuo Nura. Rikuo was my only friend who had suspicions that there was something wrong in my life. When I appeared at his door in the middle of the night apparently beaten, he was fast made his parents think that it was a good idea to let me in. Rikuo's mother turned pale of horror when she saw my beaten face. She brought me a cold compress and jumped when I yelped of pain while she touched my shoulder. That was when Rikuo insisted that I show all my bruises to his mother.
I was on my way to the door when he demanded me to stay. After thinking about the matter, I agreed, because I needed help in clearing the wounds on my back. I took a cold shower and then I showed myself to his mother. she turned pale and it looked like she had breathing problems. I really understood why, when I looked in the mirror. My skin was all black, blue and purple, and my face was covered with deep dark bruises. My whole back was full of cuts from that monster's belt. Rikuo's mother cleaned them, trying not to burst into tears.
"Who has done this to you?" She asked. I pretended that I didn't hear.
That night I slept heavily, I felt oddly safe in the futon on the tatami mat.
The next morning, the mirror frightened me. I stared in it with fear and disgust. Never before had he beaten me this badly. My left eye was swollen and shut, and I couldn't recognize myself because of the bruises. I hid my face in a cold, wet towel. Rikuo made a suggestion that I should stay with them until I would be okay again. His parents accepted it. Rikuo's older sister wanted to send me to hospital, but I said absolutely "no". They didn't want me to run away, so they talked no more about going to hospital. I hid myself in Rikuo's room, and did not show my face, until my bruises were gone.
Then I had another problem. What now? All I had with me was in my backpack. Rikuo asked me to stay longer, he was very worried about me. I didn't know what to do or where to go, so I agreed to stay, until I would have decided what to do next. Then it happened. I was spending time in the Nura family's library. I had found very interesting books and made myself comfortable on the couch. I was so absorbed in my book, that I didn't react when someone knocked. Neither did I, when two voices argued at the door. When my uncle appeared at the door of the library, while knocking Rikuo on the ground, I got frightened and dropped my books while I jumped up. I backed towards the wall behind me. I smelled old booze when he came nearer. I was scared to death.
"Come on, we're going home", he said irritably. I shook my head and backed towards the wall. His expression turned into fury very slowly.
"I'll ask only once...", he growled. I had reached the wall and he was too near me to feel comfortable. I was afraid of defending myself, remembering where it had led me last time. When he grabbed my jaw, my knees almost gave away.
"Obey me like a whore who you are", he growled, making me feel sick of the stench of the booze. I was shaking. The hit came quickly, I had no time to react. Pain blew up all over my cheek and tooth. I would have fallen, if he hadn't held me so tightly. I felt his face very near my own.
"We're going home, now", he hissed through his gritted teeth. I shook my head. I felt blood streaming down my chin. I breathed with quick, sharp, hysterical breaths. The second hit was on my temple. Again, the only reason why I did not fall down, was his rough squeeze on my jaw. Suddenly, he was ripped away from me. I fell on the floor and strong, tender arms were thrown around me. I recognized Rikuo's embrace. I opened my eyes, and saw two policemen, holding my uncle.
"Thank you Mr Nura. We saw enough. This man will get a permanent prohibition, and an accusation of abuse", the shorter one of the policemen said. They took uncle away. I still felt Rikuo's arms around me. I have never liked being touched, especially by a man, but being embraced by Rikuo felt rather good. I stood up and watched how they took him away. I couldn't believe it was over, and so easily.
"Because of this, he will beat up mum...", I whispered. Again, I felt Rikuo's arms wrap tightly around me. Almost eight years lasting abusing, and terror it created, came out of me now, when I realized it was over. I hadn't cried since I was ten, not after that when uncle touched me for the first time. I started to shake uncontrollably. I fell on the floor shaking violently and Rikuo held me on his lap all the time I shook. No single tear rolled down my face. When my shaking slowly settled down I was dead tired. Rikuo helped me to bed and slipped himself next to me. I did not resist, because it made me feel safe. I fell asleep immediately.
I didn't want to stay and be a burden for the Nura family, so I started seeking for job and an apartment. Luckily, I just reached the age of eighteen a week before I needed to sign my lease. I also got a job as a waitress in a tiny cafe. And that was the time, when I got the letter, that told, that I had been accepted in a medicinal school. So, I was going to lead a very busy life.
My uncle was given 10 year sentence, but got himself killed in jail on the first day.
When I had a day off Rikuo always visits me. We talked about anything under the sun.
Quite a radical change in my life happened, when Rikuo kissed me one evening after our date. I was startled, and he stopped, saying he was sorry. I stopped him apologizing with kissing him back shyly. My uncle had made me afraid of touching, but Rikuo was very patient. The Nuras and my mother, who I had forgiven, accepted our relationship openly, since Rikuo is their only son.
Now I am St. Ishiyama Hospital's psychiatrist, happily wedded to a multimillionaire, Rikuo, for three years.
