I.S. 234 Eli Lopukhin

10/15/02

The Russian Broom Crisis

Have you ever heard of the Russian tale of the horrible "Baba Yaga"? Well, if you haven't, allow me to tell you it. It has been rumored for hundreds of years in Russian folklore that there is a horrible old witch that lives deep in the forests named Baba Yaga. She was rumored to eat little foolish children as well as adults whenever they wandered too deep into the forest. It was said that she was horribly skinny and always walked around with a broom, sweeping away her footsteps wherever she went. She also, obviously, flew on that broom of hers. Everyone said she had a house that stood on chicken legs with a fence made of bones. Now, let me tell you something that will completely change your perspective on this whole thing. Baba Yaga is not a horrible witch, she is just a witch and a very talented witch at that, and she is my great grandma, who I love very much. She is at a reasonable age of 574 years old. My whole family of witches and wizards live with her in a cottage on chicken feet. Well, it isn't really a cottage, it's actually an eight-bedroom house with three floors, two living rooms, a huge kitchen, five bathrooms, 2 saunas, an indoor pool and no staircases (we don't need them because we just teleport magically from one floor to another). There is a little sign on the fence which says "??? ???? ????" which means "Baba Yaga's House" It is my grandma's job for the RFW (the Russian Federation of Wizards) to scare away any of the non-magic folk from the deep parts of the forest, because there is a small community of witches and wizards in the forest. A lot of magic activity goes on in the deep forest and all of the normal people shouldn't see this, because all the wizard communities all over the world are trying to be concealed from the normal folk. It is especially hard to be concealed in New York City. The magical communities there live in the sewers. The sewers look like a whole pipe system and human waste storage system to the normal people, but it is actually an invisible community full of stores, restaurants, cafes, and houses. When a normal person uses the bathroom, the wastes that he flushes down just magically disappear. There are no such people as sewage workers. They are magical projections of smelly people. Now back to Russia. My name is Lazar Agarovich, I am a twelve-year-old wizard and I am related to Baba Yaga. My grandma retired from her job because she wanted to improve her broom flying skills. My mom took over the job. My dad has a good job as an official of the Emergency Magic Reversal Squad (EMRS). He fixes up magical accidents such as dis-assembling, when someone accidentally falls apart all of his body parts start rolling around everywhere. Dis-assembly happens to depressed wizards. Now I've always wanted to fly a broom. I am still not allowed to learn how to fly a broom because the teachers at the local wizarding school said that I am too young. I know the incantation to get the broom in the air because I heard my grandma muttering it before she flew off. One day, my curiosity overpowered me. When no one was home, I snatched the broom from my grandma's closet and went outside. I said in a trembling voice, the word skarlotina, and the broom floated up just at the right height for me to mount it. I got on and pulled the broom's nose up. Like a bullet, I rocketed upwards and then started to fly around like crazy left, down, up, right! I was flying all around, and then I went downward. I braced myself for the crash and then CRACK!!! I flew straight through the roof of some house and found myself on top of a table with trolls sitting around it, eating raw meat. They looked very surprised and very happy. It was a good thing that I always carry my wand everywhere.

TO BE Continued............