"Kreacher?"

"Filthy half-blood traitorous..."

"Kreacher!"

"Yes, your Slimyness?"

"Kreacher, address me as 'Professor' or 'Sir'."

mumble

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Better. Now – eggnog."

"Professor Slimyness doesn't like his eggnog?"

"Professor Snape doesn't like his eggnog hot. Definitely not as sweet, brandy-flavoured scrambled egg. And call me by my proper name!"

"Kreacher doesn't care to call His Greasiness by a proper name. Kreacher thinks Sir Snivellus is abusing his status as guest in Young Master's home, and should look to his own grooming first."

"You got that name from Black!"

"Kreacher took no notice of what Old Master said. Kreacher is an honourable House Elf and will be treated with respect."

"I will not be told by a house elf to use respect. Or to accept insults from a wrinkle-faced hook-nosed sour ..."

"Cauldron, kettle, black."

*silence*

"Kreacher, let's try this differently. Is there anything that might change your attitude?"

"Maybe. Kreacher might have his own potions..."

Two hours later.

"Miss Granger? You are staring at me."

"I... I am, aren't I? Forgive me, sir, but your hair is so … lustrous. So thick. Shiny. What have you done?"

"Miss Granger, are you aware of the powers of house elves?"

"If you mean 'Am I aware that Kreacher is hovering above us, holding mistletoe?' then yes. Yes, Severus. Just let me touch your hair."

"Only if I can kiss you while you do it, Hermione."

"Professor just needed a little house elf magic! Merry Christmas, Professor."