Here comes another one of my kink meme deanons. I've decided to start polishing the early chapters while I keep working on it. I wasn't going to post till the story is done, but there's so little Finnlo fic, I got impatient.
I hope you enjoy this silly little fic!
Written to the prompt: Finn (in his stormtrooper days) and Kylo wake up married Order version of Spring Break on some Vegas-like planet? Alien love pollen? Hux playing a prank? I don't know,I just want to read about Finn waking up and thinking he's going to die,and Kylo being like "Yo,this trooper is totally bangin' "
+If they are still married when the canon movie events happen
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What Happens on Vega...
Chapter 1: Never Have I Ever
"Never have I ever…" Rey let her gaze wander over her circle of smiling, slightly tipsy friends. Her own smile grew, becoming more predatory as she toyed with the many wonderful, terrible ideas she had, and let her friend squirm. "…done it in an X-Wing," she finished gleefully.
"Now that's a cheap shot, Rey!" Poe yelped and reached for the bottle at the same time as Jessika and Snap did. "Me first," he said, swatting his friends' hands away. He brought it to his lips for a long gulp before he passed the bottle of Corellia's finest to Testor.
Rey and Finn looked from one to the other, questions clear in their eyes.
"What?" Jessika said, smirking as she made a grand show of tilting her head back and drinking with an obscene little moan. She broke out into giggles a moment later. "Oh come on, no, we haven't done it together." She rolled her eyes. "All pilots do it in their ship at least once. It's a rite of passage."
Finn chuckled. "Sounds uncomfortable to me."
"Don't knock it till you try it," Poe quipped. He leaned back, hands folded behind his neck. "My turn. Never have I ever," he barely took a second to deliberate, "gotten married." At his friends' groans, he laughed. "Like I'm going to ask the good questions now; I'm leaving these for when you're too drunk to…"
He trailed off, stunned into disbelieving silence just like everybody else, when Finn reached for the bottle.
They remained silent while he drank, and even after he'd put it down in the middle of their circle.
"You're married?" Rey asked, a moment later followed by Poe's, "you've been holding out on us, buddy!"
Finn's dark face flushed, and he looked like he was sorely regretting his honesty. Or plotting his escape. Or both.
Poe grabbed him by the back of his shirt, just in case. "Oh no, you aren't going anywhere till you've told us about Mrs Finn." A moment later realizing, "no wait, you can't have gotten married since we met, you haven't been on a mission without Rey or me. And I know for a fact you didn't marry Rey." He looked to Rey, but she looked just as puzzled, and curious, as him. "Mrs FN then."
Which was all kinds of terrible, now that Poe thought about it, and he sorely wished he had never asked his stupid question. Force, he's getting sick just thinking about it. With Stormtrooper conditioning being what it was, none of them had considered that Finn might have had a family back with the First Order. Poe had never wondered how much Finn had sacrificed when he rescued him.
Forcing joviality he didn't feel into his voice, he teased, "so, is she hot? I bet she's hot. One of these warrior babes like the Captain, thighs of steel…"
Busy as he was trying to make light of the subject, Poe barely noticed Finn's face going from flushed to bloodless. It wasn't a good look on him. "I really don't think you should…" He looked around nervously as if the elusive Mrs could overhear all the way from the other end of the galaxy, and stammered, "that's not… I really don't think he'd like us talking about his thighs…"
"He?" Rey echoed, leaning forward eagerly.
Poe gaped at him. "Is that why you kept it a secret?" he asked incredulously. "Did you think we'd have a problem with you liking men?" It seemed utterly ridiculous, yet it was the only even remotely sensible explanation for Finn keeping such an important secret from his best friends.
"No, no, it's nothing like that!" Finn shook his head, his eyes wide in alarm. "It's just, he…" He trailed off sheepishly and looked down at the bottle. "He's he. And it's not like we meant to. It was an accident involving First Order intrigues and too much alcohol. We aren't even properly married anymore, I mean, not married married. We just never had the chance to get it annulled because he caused a diplomatic incident when he got into a fight with Hux and vandalized the First Minister's guest house and then we had to leave in a hurry and…"
Finn fell silent under their intense scrutiny.
"He sounds like a real prince charming," Rey said grimly, exchanging a solemn look with Poe.
He opened his mouth, but Snap got there first, oblivious to the tension of the trio, and asked cheerfully, "come on, tell us his name. It can't be that bad!"
"It can." Finn looked down at the bottle as if it had become the most interesting thing in the world. He squirmed, and looked more likely to run than ever before. His eyes flickered from one to the other. He sighed in defeat and finally whispered, "it's Kylo Ren."
to be continued...
I hope you enjoyed the prologue! Next chapter we jump back in time, to that fateful morning FN-2187 woke up married...
