The Adventures of YOUTHFUL GREEN SPANDEX MAN

A/N: Don't do crack. Unless it's hilarious crack fiction. In that case, go crazy, hmm!

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Silently, our heroic hero examined his magical flower full of magic dust and other magical magic stuff. He tapped it a few times, then jumped to the middle of the street. Another publicity stunt!

"Fear not, Konoha! It is I, your YOUTHFUL BLUE BEAST MAN!" Gai leapt out in his ridiculous red cape and green spandex, and a sparkly red mask. That particular day, he decided to wear his red briefs on the outside, since all crack superheroes do that. Just look at Superman! But Gai had more aspirations than Superman. He planned on saving the world from old age and grey hair!

Back to the scene, a few people glanced at Gai, but mostly ignored him. They had seen this before. Gai fumed silently. They would learn! He really was a superhero! He pulled out his magical lotus and popped in front of an old lady.

"Greetings, old lady! You look old and your hair is grey!" Gai said proudly. The old lady scowled and bopped him on the head with her purse.

"You dare to call me old, young whippersnapper?!" The old lady yelled, hitting Gai on the head with each word. "Get out of my sight!" The old lady toddled off, still mumbling about crazy whippersnappers with no fashion sense. Gai looked crestfallen.

"Wait!" Out green spandex warrior said. "I shall amend that! With my MAGIC LOTUS OF YOUTH!!" He sprayed the lady with magic dust and other magical magic stuff and the lad was instantly young again! The lady cheered.

"Thank you, Youthful Green Spandex Man!" Gai gave her his nice guy pose and flew off into the sunset, nearly running into a flying bison on the way.

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"Well, well, whaddya think?" Gai and Team Gai were sitting at Lee's house, watching Gai's home video of Youthful Green Spandex Man. Lee immediately started crying as soon as it ended.

"It...it was...beautiful, Gai-sensei!" Gai teared up too.

"Really, Lee?"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!" The two green shinobi hugged through their tears. Neji and Tenten sweatdropped.

"Gai-sensei, you taped yourself in a ridiculous costume, puffing glitter at some lady and using a genjutsu to make her appear young again."

"Noooo, that flower is MAGIC. Not genjutsu, not ninjutsu. MAGIC." Gai corrected, sounding very much like a stubborn little kid.

"Right." Neji shook his head and sighed. "Can we leave now? My uncle will kill me if I'm late again."

"Yeah! And I have to write to my miserly evil grandfather Kakuzu to get him to give me more money!" The entire room(furniture included) looked at Tenten. "I should probably give someone his address, huh, since he's an evil guy who we're trying to kill..." Tenten trailed off before running out the door. Neji rolled his eyes and left the house. Gai popped his tape out of the VCR(Are they behind times or WHAT, no Blu-Ray, no HD-DVD, nothing. Not even a lousy DVD player.) and smiled at Lee, who was busy wiping his face.

"Well, Lee, since Neji and Tenten are gone, I will ask you. Will you be my sidekick?"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee pumped his fist in the air.

"Then I will see you tomorrow at the marketplace, suited up in your costume and ready to fight old age and grey hair! For I am YOUTHFUL BLUE BEAST MAN!"

"Really? Everyone was calling you Youthful Green Spandex Man on the tape..." Gai gave Lee a look. "Um...never mind. And I am...LOTUS BOY!!" The two gave their nice guy poses and Gai vanished.

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A/N: Gai has a sidekick! What new shenanigans will Youthful Green Spandex and Lotus Boy get into?! I finally took a break from the serious Lightning Saga to finally write some crack. Then back to the action!