If I owned naruto there would be less fight scenes and thy wouldn't be so overly super powered. Oh and kakashi wouldn't have died.

+_+_+_+_

There are many suicide techniques in the ninja world.

Suicide bomb no jutsu, Big Bang no jutsu, Crater Creator… well the list goes on exponentially.

One of the most famous, but least likely to be preformed techniques is the Death God Summoning jutsu. It's a nasty piece of work because while it can summon a death god to eat your enemy's souls it also eats your soul in return. Once that happens you are forever doomed to be digested in the shinigami's stomach with all your worst enemy to keep you company.

Let us ignore the fact that no one actually knows what happens to you , as no one has yet to escape from the stomach-of-slow-digestion and tell us about it.

Of course everything happens eventually

_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Konoha was destroyed.

Completely and utterly razed to the ground leaving nothing but dead bodies and ash to mark that there was anything there to begin with.

Many people were happy about this, in fact the hidden villages stone, mist, cloud, and grass declared the day a national holiday. They all secretly praised the Akatsuki without whom none of it would have been possible.

However it wasn't praise like,' Oh we love you, please bless my child!' more like, 'Thanks but we're not letting you over for a visit. Ever. Please don't kill us!'

Not all the people were celebrating though. The remaining ninja of Konoha were down right angry. They had made it their goal in life to kill the Akatsuki in vengeance.

Of course having been defeated by that particular cloak-wearing group before that was proving hard to do.

It wasn't until a chain of completely unrelated events dominoed onto each other that their master battle plan came into being.

It all started with a snow cone.

But this wasn't your ordinary snow cone; it was a blue raspberry syrup snow cone being held in the hand of a particularly giddy child intent on learning to juggle random objects.

As his friends predicted the snow cone fell to the ground in a blaze of glory spreading its sticky sugary mass all over the place.

Else where a man with blonde hair stared moodily into a bowl of takeout ramen.

You might be tempted to ask the reason why this particular man was so down, you know besides the fact that his entire village was reduced to less than dust because of him. Well while that was actually a very good reason to be down, but our hero was lamenting the fact that he and his remaining friends couldn't figure out how to defeat the Akatsuki.

At the other end of the street a poor civilian, named Taki, was carrying a tower of boxes that contained the shopping purchases of his beloved girlfriend. Unfortunately love is blind, and the boxes blocking his view didn't help much either.

A line of ants passing by minding their our business were overjoyed, well as overjoyed a an ant could be, to discover to their delight a blue ocean of sugar.

Ants being ants they all converged around it drinking in that sweet ambrosia.

Taki's phone rang. Usually he would have ignored it his hands being busy and all, but alas it was his beloved girlfriend Tatsuki calling, so of course he must answer it!

Unfortunately since Taki couldn't spontaneously grow a third arm his tower of boxes grew even unstable, but luckily it didn't fall.

Or at least it wouldn't have had not Taki run headlong into an equally distracted blond haired man sadly looking down into a bowl of ramen.

The boxes went flying, and so did the ramen bowl!

The good news was that the boxes didn't hurt anyone, although several were squished to the horror of Taki.

The bad news was that the ramen during its brief flight overturned itself over a group of unsuspecting ants eating a fast melting snow cone, instantly trapping and drowning them in a disgusting mix of miso and sugar.

That incident gave our blond hero, who is incidentally named Uzumaki Naruto, an idea, and we all know how deadly an idea can be.

+___

The plan was actually very simple, once Naruto had gone over it with the help of the remaining Konoha ninja hell bent on revenge.

Unfortunately it called for a certain hero's sacrifice, and despite much protest that hero was ready and willing to give it his all.

Their plan was to use Naruto as bait to lure out the Akatsuki then trap and hopefully kill them using an altered version of the death god summoning jutsu Naruto had invented after going through what was left of the Hokage's office.

Basically it was the same thing only on a larger scale; it ripped out all the souls of your enemies in about a 50-meter wide radius around you and fed them to a hungry god of death. The catch was that the sacrifice needed to perform this technique was enormous.

Naruto only hoped that a nine tailed fox and himself were enough.

It went off without a hitch.

The Akatsuki came running faster than those ants.

Naruto went through seals as if his life depended on it, which it did, and cried much to his opponent's horror, " Shinigami Feast no Jutsu!"

The results were instantaneous. Bodies fell left and right, their souls being dragged into the gaping mouth of a dark masked and smiling fanged figure floating above them.

Naruto stared down at the bloodless carnage and gave a tired smile, a mere ghost of one he had worn in his younger days.

He felt himself grow weary as the jutsu took its toll drawing his his and his tennant's soul to their doom.

"Sorry I wont be able to see you guys again Kakashi-sensi, Sakura-chan….Tsunade-baa-san,…. Ero-sennin…"

His body landed on the ground still smiling.

-===-==

The shinigami was feeling bloated from his most recent meal.

Usually he was sometimes called to devour someone's soul only once every ten years or so, but never this many at once.

He had a very slow digestion cycle after all, and this was agony!

He took a pit stop on his way through time and space to ease his stomach. Damn fox was giving him heartburn.

He gagged hacked and coughed, expelling a very unpleasant looking Naruto somewhere into the time stream.

The death god briefly considered going after his wayward snack, but decided against it when his stomach gave another uncomfortable twinge.

He groaned. Who cared about the space-time continuum he needed Tums.

He mentally made a note to never answer when someone offered him a free soul snack ever again! …. Or at least for another hundred years … maybe.

_=-=-=-=-=-=

Else where, (specifically 21 years into the past, on Naruto's Birthday)….

Naruto groaned. He felt terrible, like he had just been used as Lee's punching bag for a week.

"He's stabilizing!" an unfamiliar voice shouted from next to him.

"Quick get him into intensive care, that section of the hospital was left intact."

He felt himself moving, someone was placing him on a bed. He chanced to crack an eye open and managed to glimpse a crowd of blurred faces before the light forced him to close them.

"Don't worry Yondaime Hokage-sama, you will be ok. The Kyuubi is defeated!"

Naruto weakly nodded too tired to speak or even hear what he was being told.

Everything went black.

)_0-0-0-0-0-0-0--=-=-=-=-=

yes he went back in time.

This idea just hit me.

It's my attempt at a crack fic, so if it doesn't work out oh well!