Hey, all! This is a stupid one shot, I hate myself, but happy Christmas! I love you all.

I know I haven't been around, and I'm sorry. I just moved, I'm getting MARRIED, and I work all. the. time.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


Chai tea, I thought to myself. It had been a hell of a day at work, and I deserved chai tea. I grabbed a gallon of whole milk from the refrigerator, trapping the tea between my elbow and my ribs. There isn't a problem that a good beverage (alcoholic, or otherwise) can't fix.

As usual, I walked through produce to find Jordan before I left. He was my favorite of the people I worked with. I saw him putting out avocados and crept up behind him. "Yo Holla It's Jordan!" I said enthusiastically.

"Clary Sage!" he returned. "Are you out of here?"

"Yeah," I replied. "I'm just getting chai tea first. Because I deserve it."

Jordan nodded approvingly. "You probably do deserve it. I saw you helping that guy try on a pair of shoes…"

"I was held hostage by a man in a wheelchair!" I exclaimed. "He was like 'I'm really hard on shoes.'"

He laughed uproariously, causing Alec to stare at him from over by the salad wall. We actively ignored him. "He can't walk. How is he hard on shoes?"

I shook my head. "I don't fucking know, dude. He made me put a shoe on him. I want to quit."

"If you quit, will you catch produce on fire before you go?" Jordan asked hopefully.

"Anything for you, Yo Holla It's Jordan. Anyways, I better go before Amatis comes and asks me to stay late."

"Yeah, get out of here before she catches you."

I left my homeboy by the green bell peppers and went on my way to purchase my items.

I was in the self checkout when she walked by. A tall blonde who looked like the kind of girl my best friend, Simon, would have drooled over. It had been four years since he died, and I still missed him every day. The fourth anniversary wasn't any easier than the first, second, or third.

She wore a tight blue tank top, and a pair of too-tight yoga shorts that made her butt look fantastic. I'm not gay, but I will shamelessly check out another girl's butt if it looks good. Don't judge me.

I was admiring her shape when I felt someone's presence beside me, on the U-scan to my left. When I looked over I caught a girl with long black hair admiring the same butt that I was mildly captivated by. We locked eyes, smiled and nodded in acknowledgement of our momentary homosexuality.

"I feel no shame," she said. "That was a really good butt."

I looked back to the blonde girl as she walked through the automatic doors. "She clearly does her squats," I said as I swiped my card, and entered my pin.

"You work here?" the girl asked.

I looked down at the front of my shirt, realizing I'd forgotten to take off my name tag. I slipped it off, and into my pocket. "Unfortunately."

"Retail sucks," she said. "I work at Target across the street."

"Gross," I muttered. I grabbed my receipt and walked beside the girl toward the front door.

"Hey, this might be weird, but do you want to get coffee?" she asked, gesturing toward the starbucks near the entrance.

"Sure! We can check out chicks," I teased, my chai tea forgotten.

We each ordered something with extra shots of espresso and sat down somewhere that Amatis wouldn't see me if she walked by. We sipped from our coffee, talking the day away.

And there you have it: A butt so great, a friendship was born.