Touch, or Don't Touch
Mutation is a disease
and I am ugly, Marie thought to herself. She stood in front of her
armoire looking at herself in the mirror. This girl looking back at
her was not Marie, it was a killer. The first boy she had ever kissed
ended up in coma for three weeks, sucked the life source right out of
him, all it took was one peck on the lips.
The first day Marie
had come to Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, she lay in her
bed the first night, listening to the grunts of a mysterious stranger
down the hall. She wandered into his room and attempted to wake him,
"Logan," she said shaking his shoulder. "Logan, wake up, it's
Marie." All of a sudden the burly, husky man in the bed woke with a
start. He withdrew three nine-inch claws from his right hand and
stabbed Marie right through the chest. With such force and sudden
timing, Marie gulped for air. She stood lifeless, hanging on his
claws, she was trying to breathe. Her chest was collapsing, the last
moment she had, she looked Logan in the eye. Logan took a double take
and realized what he had just done. He shook the claws back into his
hands and trembled, "someone help!" he hollered. Marie was fading
fast, each breath she attempted to take was more suffocating. With
her last ounce of energy, she ungloved her covered hand and touched
his face. She saw the life in Logan's eyes dim, the color of his
skin drained, and scars of the past appeared on his face (since
Logan's mutation allowed him to heal from any wound, gunshot or
paper cut). Marie felt her heartbeat come back, dum, dadum, dum,
dadum. She was healing while Logan was dying, slowly. When Marie was
fully restored, her hand left his face. And like a puppet, Logan fell
onto the floor like a pile of bricks…
Marie shook the memory from her head. She closed her eyes, to drain the gruesome images of nearly killing people that she loved, when of course she didn't mean to. When she opened her eyes, she still saw that girl in the mirror. Though not lethal from appearance, she became lethal as soon as you laid a finger on her. No wonder why her mutant name was Rogue because her powers made her appear evil, which of course she wasn't. Marie felt more disgusted with herself as she thought of her name, Rogue. Could there be a more horrific name? …She didn't think so. While she stood there with the ability to suck the life source out of people, she was just a regular seventeen year old girl trying to find her place in the world. A non-brooding type, Marie stood at a slender 5'6" , a square face she had. With big promising chocolate eyes, a slight ski-jumped nose and long flowing hair, with one section of hair bleached in a platinum blonde which kept falling in front of her eyes. She was an ordinary looking individual, yet she was the most dangerous.
Marie's stream of
consciousness was interrupted when she heard a knock at the door. She
shook a little bit to get back into reality, "come in," she
said. She quickly rushed to the armoire, picked up her hair brush and
starting to brush her hair, so that she looked like she was doing
something instead of standing strangely in the middle of her room.
The door opened.
"Oh, hey Bobby," Marie greeted.
"Hey,
can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Just the shut the door, if you
don't mind."
Bobby did as Marie asked. He then turned around
to see her, standing, looking at herself quizzically.
"Are you
alright? You didn't show at breakfast."
"Yeah, yeah," she
said shrugging, with a hint of doubt in her face. "Just didn't
feel well."
"Professor Xavier sent me in here to see if you
were ok."
"I am."
Bobby didn't say anything. He sensed
something was happening, something about this girl he loved.
"Really,
Marie, are you okay?" he asked taking a step closer.
"Yes,
Bobby, I am fine. Why are you worrying so much?"
"I'm not.
Well…I guess I am. I'm seeing less and less of you every day. You
barely come to class. I don't see you at—"
"I'm coming
down with something."
"You surely don't look sick," Bobby
justified.
"Kinda. Listen," she said turning to him. "I am
quite old enough to take care of myself, I am not your baby."
"You
are my girlfriend and I will suggest what is right for you, you don't
have to take up what I say but I want you to listen and
consider."
Marie shot a glare at him. She got her gloves on as
fast as she could, and attempted to walk out. Bobby stood in the way,
blocking access to the door. Marie dodged him by ducking under his
outstretched arms. She flung open the door and rushed out. "Wait!"
she heard Bobby call. But she kept walking at a quickened pace, she
was not going to deal with someone telling her what to do. She had
been isolated for some time now, she didn't need more restriction
put on her shoulders. She heard running footsteps behind her,
"Marie,
wait!"
She stopped in her tracks and turned around to face
Bobby.
"What do you want from me?" she asked, holding out her
hands.
"I want…I want," he tried to catch his breath in
between words. "For you to be happy."
"Happy?" she said
mockingly. "How is it possible to be happy when I can't touch
people and I know that I can kill them!"
"We can be happy,"
Bobby suggested.
"No we can't. We can't be a normal couple
Bobby," she said looking at him square in the eye. "After two
years that we've been together, I haven't even kissed
you."
"That's ok. I have no regrets," he said
sympathetically.
"Well I do. Did you ever just take a minute to
consider what it might feel like to be me for a minute? Have you ever
felt the isolation of not being able to touch others, just because
there is a risk of death? Well it's there. I cannot just take a
simple hug from anyone, whether that be you, my family or my friends.
This power, this disease, I have is a barrier that keeps me away from
all the people I love, including you Bobby. But this relationship is
not going to grow if we can't do anything together. Have you ever
taken a moment to wonder what it would be like to be?' she could
the feel the tears push in her eyes. "Have you?!" she
yelled.
"No," Bobby said looking at the ground. "I'm
sorry, I haven't."
"I thought so."
She shrugged him off
and ran down the corridor and out of sight. There were fellow
classmates who were witnessing this argument but it was the least
interest of Marie. She was an outcast on all accounts, she couldn't
have felt more secluded. Finally, Marie found a quiet corner, slinked
into it and let all her emotions pour through.
Her heart ached
for the desire for physical contact. She hadn't been touched
lovingly ever since she was an infant. Her parents were freaked as
were her friends and a couple of the boys she loved. She had kissed
that one boy when she lived in Michigan who ended up in the hospital
for three weeks, from severe trauma of a near death experience.
Possibly no one could live with that guilt under their belt. She was
a murderer, at least that's what Marie thought. She hated to be
considered as a life taker but she was. No one wonder she was called
Rogue.
Marie shook in the corner, her shoulders shaking with
every wheeze of a cry. In this corner, she felt safe. She was away
from the world until that stopped and Logan appeared.
"Hey kid,"
he said.
Marie's bloodshot eyes looked at Logan. She wiped her
eyes, tousled her hair.
"Hey," she said with a shaky voice.
"Boyfriend problems?" he said kneeling beside her, his back
resting on the wall.
"No," she said shaking her head.
"Yeah,
there is somethin'."
"Fine, how do you know?"
"I can
hear everything."
"Ha! Well I guess that's no surprise."
She
readjusted her sitting position and drew her legs out.
"I'm
sorry," Logan said after a while.
"That's a surprise
coming, from you. You're barely sorry about anything."
"I
hate to see you in such turmoil."
"God, don't tell me things
you don't mean!"
"I am not," Logan stated firmly. "I
don't care for most kids in this school, they're all just a bunch
of pip squeaks. But there something about you, that day when I found
you in the back of my truck, I knew there was something
special."
"Come on, you almost left me to die out there in
that below zero degree weather."
"No, I didn't. I said for
you to come back in. And I meant what I say."
Marie took a
moment to step back. When Logan got impatient, you didn't want to
provoke it any further. Otherwise those claws would come out and mess
with you.
"I'm sorry. But what is special about me?" she
asked.
"I'll tell ya but let's get out of this corner. Come
on," he held out his massive hand.
Marie hoisted herself up.
Both she and Logan stepped into the school's courtyard, off down
the path there was a soft patter of a basketball being played, shouts
heard. The midday sun was sinking off into the hills, a golden light
cast upon the plants making them glow golden instead of their natural
green. Logan's long legs were a few paces head of Marie's, as
they walked on the path. It took a minute or so to reach the school's
lake. Logan wiped a seat for himself on a rock, Marie took a seat
nearby him.
"So what is special about me?" she asked for a
second time.
"It's your way of knowing who you are. Not many
do, and that's a rare thing."
"But Logan, knowing who I am
is not going to help me with this problem that I have."
"What
problem?"
"My mutation."
"Marie, everyone at Xavier's
school is a mutant. That's why you're here. Look at Pyro, the kid
can't go anywhere without having the intention of burning something
down. Your boyfriend Bobby, he's Iceman. No one is ordinary around
here, unless you're human."
"But I want to be that," Marie
said wantingly.
"Be like the rest of the shitty world?!" he
said madly. "No, Your mutation makes you unique. There's isn't
anyone like you out there."
"I don't want to be—"
"Be
what?!"
"This. This girl who can…"
"What?"
"Kill."
The
word "kill" created a paralyzing moment of silence between Logan
and Marie. He sat there looking at her, while she looked out onto the
lake. He saw so much happening within her, her desire to be held for
a moment in time, with compassion, a moment that was hers. A swell of
compassion appeared in him, which was rare for Logan, who was a
troubled soul himself.
Logan got up from his spot and took a seat
near Marie. As soon as Logan put his arm around her, he felt Marie
crumple. She cried but Logan held her securely. He wanted to let her
know she wasn't going anywhere to run away from this problem
because to some extent, everyone who was a mutant had to deal with
their indifference. The co existence between humans and mutants was a
rough one, mutants appeared to be criminals just because of one
mishap in their DNA. But the human race had to recognize that this
other race of people was not dangerous, they were just
different.
Marie's crying eased after many moments. She could
still feel that secure embrace from Logan, this is where she wanted
to be. In the presence of another being, holding her, loving
her.
There was a beep from a pager. Logan fumbled through his
pocket, and pulled out one. He glanced at the number.
"The
mansion is calling. Probably the professor. We should head
back."
Marie collected her bearings and both of them walked
back.
Logan led the way into the office, with Marie following.
There waiting was the recognized Professor Xavier, and the rest of
the X-Men team, Storm and Scott. Marie took a seat on the leather
couch, between Storm and Scott. "Hi sweetie," Storm greeted under
her breath. Marie smiled. Scott gave her a playful nudge on the
shoulder.
"Hello Marie," greeted Professor Xavier. "How are
you?"
"Oh, I am fine. Thank you, Professor."
The
professor gave her a genuine smile.
"So I was paged," Logan
interrupted. "What's up?"
"The U.S. government has just
confirmed a cure for all mutants."
"A cure?" Logan said
puzzled.
"Yes, the privately owned pharmaceutical company
Gentech has just discovered a way to cure mutation," the Professor
said.
"There was just a whole thing on TV. The president had a
press conference. Vaccinations have been shipped over the last thirty
eight hours or so. At every state hospital, all mutants are obliged
to come," Storm informed.
"Shit," said Logan under his
breath. "This is bad. What are we going to do with the
kids?"
"Well, we can't just shoot them with a chemical,"
Scott said. "We need to notify parents as to what to do."
"Yeah,
like that'll work," Logan said sarcastically. "You expect to
contact 150 parents in the next hour or so and ask them what we
should with their kids? You'll surely get through."
"It was
only a suggestion," Scott shot back.
"A lame one."
"Men,"
Professor Xavier broke the dispute.
"This is the craziest thing
I ever heard," Logan said.
"Maybe we need to recognize that
this may be a new step for peaceful co existence," said the
professor.
"No, it'll only make matters worse," Storm chimed
in. "There is nothing wrong with me, or with us for that matter.
There'll only be more hatred, more corruption. They are trying to
heal something that is a natural way of life."
"Agreed,"
Logan said.
"Yet again," the professor opposed. "I have been
spending all years of my life, all seventy two years trying to find
my way through this problem, and now it just so happens that the
other side has found a resolution."
"It's not a resolution,"
Storm said.
"At least it's a way to stop some of the troubles
between humans and mutants."
"It's not!" Logan and Storm
both said.
"I at least think it is, now I'm not saying I am in
favor of this new cause. I just wanted to bring all of you in here to
see what we should do."
"I think this is crazy," Logan
said.
"Wise-ass," Scott coughed.
"Shut-up, one
eye."
"Boys!" Storm said losing it.
"Sorry," said
Scott, gaining his composure.
"What shall we do with the
children? The school?" asked Storm.
"For now, I think we
should send the children home. Resume the semester after this
craziness has settled. And leave it up to the parents as to what to
do," the professor confirmed. "Scott and Storm start making
rounds, Logan I want you to start telling students to pack their
belongings, they should be here out here in the next twenty four
hours. I'll contact administration to arrange for buses and the
purchase of tickets."
With that said, Scott and Storm got up.
They walked out. Marie slinked out and followed. She headed to her
room.
She had just found her answer. This cure could clear all
problems. She could touch another being without doing any harm. This
was her opportunity to make something of herself that she'd always
wanted to become. A surge of excitement grew within her for the first
time, in a long time. And it was a feeling, for once, that Marie
appreciated.
She got her clothes and suitcase out. Cleared off the
armoire that was covered with her toiletries, cleaned the bathroom or
the next person who might reside in this room, showered and got
herself into a new pair of clothes. A fresh beginning lay ahead of
her, and nothing could stop her. Just as her packing was coming to an
end, she heard her door open, it was Logan.
"What are you
doing?"
"I'm not missing this for the world, Logan. It's
finally something that has come along that I can feel happy about and
have no regrets."
"What do you regret?"
"Me, right now.
This thing that I am, this killer, this rogue. I don't want to live
the rest of my life knowing I have the ability to snatch lives away
from others. What a thing to live with," she turned back to her
suitcase.
"Wait," Logan said taking a step into the room.
"Think about what you're doing. If you get this, this cure," he
said with a growly snarl. "You're leaving something behind that
you will regret."
"Yeah, and what would that be?"
"It
may sound cheesy, but it's who you are. Why be like every one when
you can be you?"
"The way I want to be is to be free of this
burden."
"What about your race, the mutant race? You'll be
betraying us all if you go running about and getting injected with
that crap."
"My intention is not to betray anyone. I want to
do this for myself."
"Either way, whether you go for this
shitty procedure or not, you make a sacrifice. You can stay a mutant
and not have the ability to feel contact, or you can get it and not
be the thing that you once were, and not stay with a group that
supports you."
Marie listened. Logan was right. Either way she
swung she was going to have to make a sacrifice. If she did not go
for the cure, she would be stuck with this guilty conscience for the
rest of her life, and continue to live in this isolation that she has
forever been in. However, there was a positive side—she had made a
life for herself here at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, she
had a loving relationship with Bobby who really did care for her, she
had every convience at her use—three meals a day, a roof above her
head, a free education. Most of all, she had Logan, a friend, a
fatherly figure, a confidant with whom she shared so much with. With
whom she fit perfectly with. Together they made a mold, a solid
structure that was so strong. What would Marie do if she ran away and
never had Logan's gruff guidance of life? She would not be the same
Marie.
She would however be a different Marie if she went the way
of the cure. A new life that would allow opportunities she'd never
had. She could go about, shake hands, hand a person their money if it
was dropped. There wouldn't be that feeling anymore. Her life would
be free of this burden. But the sacrifice that would be made here, is
leaving that life behind she'd made at the school. Leaving a sense
of betrayal behind to the rest of her kind—almost saying that she
didn't want to be one of them. There was a sense of wanting to keep
the life she had now, so that she would not have to be out there in
the world alone, at the ripe age of seventeen, there were people in
this mansion, such as Logan who was the only one that cared for her
so much. She couldn't find that again in the real world, Marie was
torn, what was she going to do?
Logan leaned against her door,
looking at her. She stood there, feeling put on the spot. She felt
like a child who had made a bad decision. He was starting to get
impatient; he glanced out into the hallway, then back at Marie.
So,
kid, what are you doin'?" Logan said more calmly than Marie had
thought.
"I don't know."
"Well, I'm not gonna tell
ya what to do, I'm not your Pops. This is a decision concerning
you, not me. I will say this," he said straightening his posture,
it took him a moment to continue; he cleared his throat. "I will
always love the Marie that I found that day in the back of my truck,
you've given me something that I thought was never possible. A gift
possibly… geez, I sound like a sass."
Logan dug his toe into
the wood floor, feeling uncomfortable with what he just said, that
coming from such a gruff guy like him was so unlikely.
"No, no
you don't," Marie said tearing up.
"I've just learned to
love again," Logan said looking at her.
A pang rattled Marie's
heart. Here was the toughest, most brooding guy saying that he had
been given one of the best gifts of all, love. Marie looked at Logan
through glassy eyes, she saw him take a step outside the
doorway.
"Whatever decision you make is fine. You can meet me in
the kitchen, if you're staying. I'll have a soda waitin' for
ya."
With that, Logan pivoted on his heel and lingered out of
her sight. Marie was left in her room, her suitcase ajar, and a
melancholy emptiness in her room.
It didn't take her a moment
of hesitation for her to reach her final decision. She quickly turned
to her suitcase, dumped all its contents out onto the bed, headed for
her door, locked it, and ran in the direction of the kitchen.
8
