Disclaimer : I do not own Once Upon A Time and the characters featured in this television series.
A/N : Title of this fanfic inspired by Emeli Sande's "Enough" (check it out on Youtube). A story about True Love and whether it is enough to keep our two protagonists together. A relationship in the real world isn't all sunshine and butterflies. How will Emma and Regina have one in Storybrooke, in this real world?
Enough
Chapter 1
She hummed to Ella Fitzgerald's White Christmas playing in the background as she moved around her living room, decorating the place with festive ornaments. She had skipped dinner again. Losing count of the number of times she had done so in this month, she didn't see the point in making dinner and consuming it alone. And then being forced by her body to purge it out later as well.
Checking on the gingerbread cookies, she returned to the living room to put up the stockings. This year, there was an addition beside Henry's. She sighed at the thought of the other mother of her son and the love of her life. She had promised herself that she would not think about their frequent absences, choosing instead to fill her time with activities to pass time. She had to stay busy while they did their own thing with whoever.
The truth was, as much as Regina ignored and suppressed the hurt that spread across her chest every time she was left alone, a part of her relished in the pain. There were parts of the girl her mother raised that screamed in glee to inform Regina that she deserved to be alone. She deserved every figurative stab in her heart from the people she loved for her past transgressions. Being in love with Emma only intensified such feelings of unworthiness.
She tried to shrug away the melancholic thoughts as she removed the cookies from the oven, placing them on the cooling rack. She enjoyed the warmth from the oven, her thin frame now struggled to retain heat. She considered bundling up in layers but there was little sense since she would be moving around the house, rushing the decorations for Henry's sake.
She had been feeling so unwell this past months, throwing up almost everything she ate and feeling light headed and nauseous constantly. Regina Mills was tired, hungry and the last thing she felt like doing was to be merry. Yet, like any mother who craved love and attention from their children, what Henry wanted, she would give it to him.
Which was probably why Snow had organised a Christmas eve dinner. Emma was always a sucker for family moments, even if she would never admit it aloud. Even if those family moments did not include her true love. When Emma and Henry had kept silent about the supposed family dinner, the silent un-invitation was clear to Regina. She had only gotten to know about the dinner earlier this week. When Granny "joked" that her body already rejecting Snow's poor cooking in advance, she laughed along until the side of her eyes were wet from tears. She thanked the matriarch over the phone for her genuine concern over her welfare and ended the call.
Their relationship had significantly improved, thanks to Regina's friendship with Red. The matriarch also found out that Regina had purposefully kept the grandmother with her grandchild during the curse because the Evil Queen had a soft spot for the pair. Regina had stopped going to the diner to avoid confrontations with people or Emma's parents, which prompted frequent calls from Granny and visits from Ruby. Regina felt that every call or visit with either Red or Granny ended awkwardly. As if they had something to say but couldn't utter the words . Time and time again but Regina didn't have the energy to probe into their mysteriousness. This time, the silent notification was a welcomed but painful warning, to warn Regina just in case Emma pulled the same stunt as she did during Thanksgiving.
And she did. The only variant between this time and the last was the additional lie that Emma threw in. Like a bone to Regina, Emma had baited Regina with a promise of dinner, exclaiming that the brunette shouldn't slave away on Christmas eve. That she wanted to bring her and Henry out for an expensive meal in the next town over, away from the prying and judging eyes of the citizen of Storybrooke. Regina was overjoyed, despite her stomach immediately feeling queasy over the mention of food, because she had assumed that Emma had chose her over Snow. Her heart soared at the thought of spending time with Emma and Henry as a family.
Regina would later, or rather earlier this day, realise that the promise was merely a decoy. Only an additional lie to the method Emma had used during Thanksgiving. In November, Emma sent her a text thirty minutes before dinner, which she had taken the whole afternoon to prepare, only to inform the brunette that Henry and herself was stuck in Snow's house, forced to have dinner with her parents, brother, the pirate and the dwarfs. Regina knew that Snow would never do for an unplanned Thanksgiving dinner party. What pained Regina most but she would never admit, was the absence of an invitation and apologies from her True love and son. So she sat at the table, filled with food she had prepared but couldn't stomach, alone and in tears. As she felt Emma slide under the covers on the bed to spoon the her, Emma's drunken slurred sorry and hand on her breast made Regina's pillow wet from tears.
Regina now doubted that there was any intention on Emma's part to actually bring her out for Christmas Eve dinner with Henry in the first place. At midnight, Emma sent a message to inform that they were both staying over at Snow's and that they would probably be back after lunch the next day. Regina took sips from her cup of tea, wishing she could place a bandage over her breaking heart with alcohol but her body had started rejecting it around the same time as it did with food. So she stared at the auburn flames from her bundled up position on the couch while Sinatra continued to croon about the most wonderful time of the year. Regina wonders if feeling cold and being alone was to be her life until it ended.
"Regina? Are you okay?" a soft voice accompanied by a gentle shake woke her up. She sighed and blinked tiredly at the person who was kneeling by the couch. She was wistful in thinking that Emma and Henry decided to spend the night at home. She smiled at Ruby, "I was until you decided to wake me...What time is it?"
Ruby's expression faltered at Regina's reply, that she was feeling okay but had been interrupted from much needed rest because of her. "I'm sorry, Regina. I thought...uhm. Nevermind. I'm really sorry. It's one in the morning. I just finished at the diner and I know Emma and Henry...Well they aren't here so I thought I'd come and see you," Ruby finished her sentence with a smile, standing up only to sit next to Regina as the older brunette sat up.
"D-don't worry about it, dear. I only just fell asleep," Regina replied as evenly as possible, not wanting to show the fact that she was very touched by Red's gesture. "Have you eaten? Please tell me you didn't skip again," Red furrowed her eyebrows, creasing her forehead as she took in the paleness and hollowness in Regina's cheeks. Without her make up, Regina was gorgeous as hell but it was also more obvious that she wasn't feeling well by the dark circles under her eyes and paleness. Her own heartbeat thudded in her ears as she cupped Regina's jaw with both her hands and brushed Regina's cheeks with her thumbs.
"You didn't skip again." Regina joked, laughing lightly as Red furrowed her brows even further at her attempt at a joke. "It's not funny, Regina. It really isn't. Please, let me make you something to eat," Ruby removed her hands from Regina's face only to wrap her arms around the older woman's neck and pulled her into a hug.
Regina closed her eyes and smiled, enjoying Red's warmth enveloping her and affection that wasn't foreplay. Her smile tightens as she realises that she can't remember the last time she was on the receiving end of sincere hugs from Emma and Henry. Henry was no longer the boy that was generous with his affection for her. The fact that he did nothing to stand up for her only convinced her further that it was karma. She deserved to have her son that made a sport out of slicing her heart for banishing her own mother. What comes around goes around after all. Emma's hugs only led to one thing and that rough activity usually left Regina more drained and tired than she felt cherished and loved. Love making was rare when Emma usually wanted it hard and fast.
"I can't keep it in, Red. I've tried…" Regina murmured, trailing off as she extracted herself from Red's hold, immediately missing the warmth. Red acted like her annoying younger sister most of the time but she was fiercely protective of Regina. The drift between Red and Snow had started when Snow refused to recognise her relationship with Emma despite solid proof that the couple shared True Love. Snow and Regina's tentative relationship after the Snow Queen fiasco crumbled to dust when Emma and Regina broke Maleficent and Cruella's curse. Red and Granny wouldn't stand for Snow's hypocrisy and that was when Regina gained more family.
"You have to eat to keep your strengths up. Every time I see you, I swear you get thinner. And mind you, I see you almost everyday," Red quipped, reaching for Regina's cold hands to warm them. "My my, such flair for dramatics, little Red," Regina husked, in a low voice that the Evil Queen used to tease. "Gina! Ugh. You know I can't stand the Evil Queen voice. My body gets so turned on but my brain shuts it down. Don't make me steal you from good-for-nothing Emma," Red groaned, standing up from the couch to put some space between Regina and herself.
At the mention of Emma and the adjective used to describe the love of her life, Regina's smirk turns into a frown. "Don't call her that," Regina mumbles, looking around the decorated room. It looked like a Christmas explosion but the warmth and love was sorely lacking. Regina and Emma's relationship had started some time in February and this would be the first Christmas they celebrated as a family. If they ever get around to celebrating Christmas in a same room, that is. They have been together for almost a year and Regina now felt like she was falling apart physically and emotionally. Every stab wound to her heart caused by her happy ending required stitches. It required bandages upon bandages to stop the bleeds. Regina figured that there were only so many bleeders she could stop before her heart gives way. She stared at the flickering christmas lights that adorned the tree that she had magicked into the living room earlier and sighed aloud.
"Regina?" she heard Red call her name, pulling her attention from the lights. She sighed internally, hoping that the wolf would finally reveal the secret she has been keeping. "I think you should go see a doctor out of town after Christmas. We will go to Boston for a day," red suggested softly.
Regina turned to Red, taking note of the darkened brown orbs and creased forehead. She knew instinctively, despite not having Emma's superpower, that Ruby was still concealing something. Perhaps Red's wolf senses had already revealed the cause for her sickness. The wolf's suggestion to accompany her to Boston touched her deeply but she knew Emma would throw a fit if she disappeared with Red for no reason. The fact that Emma has no knowledge of Regina's sickness or rather has made no comment or action about it irked Red to no end. When it came to health matters, Regina has always been the suffer in silence sort. Surely Regina's true love would have realised that she wasn't feeling well if she was losing weight and weak on her feet.
Regina didn't want to tell Emma that her reason for going to Boston would be to see a doctor. She didn't want to endure the disappointment of her true love not caring about her. If Emma just nodded or shrug it off as if Regina had told her something inconsequential. Or worst, if she acted as if Regina was annoying her. Emma was civilised and almost cold in front of Henry but when they were alone, nothing Regina could do or say was right except when they were having sex. Emma's recent short fuse was worrisome and Regina's insecurity about love made the brunette withdraw to silence. How the angry townspeople and Snow would rejoice if they knew how pathetic the Evil Queen had become. Perhaps her mother was right, love is a weakness.
"I need an excuse to leave town, Red. Can't just le-" she stands abruptly, intending to go to the kitchen for some hot water for her tea but her legs fail her and she can feel herself crashing. The last thing she sees and hears is Red rushing forward and calling her name.
"Regina!"
A/N : Any ideas on what Regina is suffering from? Tell me what you think in your reviews.
