AN: My idea, not my characters. I wish they were.
...first fic ever posted - planned on having it up for New Year's, but the muse's ran off before I could finish it in time. If you'd like to beta anything I may write in the future, let me know - I could use one for safety's sake.
I. Catherine
This is the first New Year's Eve I've had off in six years. Not only am I not already at work, but I'm also not on call. After being on call for Thanksgiving and working all day Christmas, I plan to thoroughly enjoy myself tonight. I've already assured myself that Lindsey is sufficiently supervised and still enjoying herself: Kelsey's parents verified the girls' plans for the evening and Lindsey rolled her eyes at me when I asked her how things were going. I could hear the annoyance in her voice, so I laughed and let her go back to being a teenage girl.
It's about 9:30 when I pull into the parking lot at B's. Typically, that's an early arrival at this club, but given that it's New Year's Eve, anything goes. Annie called earlier in the week asking how much I was working this weekend. She was completely stunned when I told her I had tonight off. I'm really excited to see the girls – it's been a couple months since I've seen a lot of them. I've heard there should be a few new faces as well. Ringing in the New Year with a big group of my best friends is just what I need after the stress of the holiday season and the insanity it brings at work.
I hang up my jacket after entering the building and feel my pulse begin to match the muffled beats penetrating the inner door. Annie mentioned the cover charge was pretty hefty, so the standard charge surprises me. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, though. After paying, I head into the club, where the muffled beats transform into a body-shaking pulse. I chuckle when I recognize the song – there's just something amusing about hearing Dolly Parton blasting in a gay bar, even if she is "Walking on Sunshine." I head over to the bar to grab a double rum & coke while I scan the club for the gals. Not seeing them, I ask the bartender if she's seen them yet.
I've been going to B's for a while now, so I know all the bartenders by name. Mickey simply said, "They're on Balcony 3 tonight."
"Really?" I ask incredulously. Balcony 3 is an exclusive room with a balcony overlooking the main dance floor and bar. Admittance to Balcony 3 costs an extra $75 a head. Once you're in, everything's included – no extra charges for alcohol or food, private dance floor, and self-contained restrooms. Typically, our gang is a lower key group so the rental surprises me.
"I know, right?" Mickey's also familiar with the habits of our gang, so she understands my surprise. "I'll just assume that's where you're going and not charge you for that drink."
"Thanks," I smile and nod as I push off the bar and head toward the spiral staircase across the floor.
II. Sara
So far, I'm having fun. There are a few more people in this room than I usually prefer, but the balcony helps alleviate the claustrophobia. I've been hanging out in the corner, where the wall meets the balcony. I like it here – I can see everyone in the room, but I can also people-watch below. Right now, I'm alone, but there've been three or four girls over here flirting. I haven't decided for sure if I'm interested in any of them, but I'm not about to tell them that and ruin the fun.
As I lean on the balcony, I recognize a figure below and immediately stiffen. I can't believe she's here. Catherine effing Willows is here. What the hell is she doing at B's? If she's one of "us," wouldn't I know? She's at the bar when I notice her, chatting it up with the bartender. Whatever the bartender says surprises Catherine. Her right eyebrow is sky high right now – her trademark astonished face. I mumble to myself after realizing she's headed up here "Ah hell. I thought this night was supposed to be relaxing."
III. Catherine
I reach the balcony and enter, forking over the extra cover charge to the private waitress. Seeing Annie at a table, I head in her direction. On my way over, I swear I see Sara in the corner, practically hanging off the balcony. I dismiss the idea as a delusion and grab a chair next to Annie. A few minutes later, I glance back at the corner and notice that the brunette is suddenly surrounded by five petite blondes, all positively fawning over her. I laugh, just knowing I must have been seeing things. I've been watching Sara closely since the first time she walked into CSI and never have I seen her give any hint that she'd be interested in women. She's held my heart in the palm of her hand since she walked through the door, even if she hasn't known it. Wouldn't I have picked up on any sign that I might have a shot? The more I think about it, the more I laugh to myself. Just thinking about Sara in a club makes me laugh, she's such a loner.
Annie and I begin to catch up on the last few months, and as I relate one of the stupid arguments I had with Lindsey last week, I notice a "newbie" across the table quite obviously checking me out. I know my body isn't what it was when I was dancing, but the years have been pretty kind to me. I'm flattered by the attention and happy I can still command that kind of interest, but I don't have any intention of "meeting" anyone tonight.
I've dated my fair share of men, none of whom were worth much: they all seem to be losers. I can pick out a good looking man, and I'll admit I may sometimes be physically attracted to them, but the likelihood I'll ever date them again is pretty slim. My taste in women, however, seems to be much better. I haven't found the right match yet, but I can tell I'm finally on the right path – my attraction to women goes way past the physical. Sara's a great example of that. Sure, she's sexy as all get out, and we fight all the damned time. I was originally attracted to her understated beauty, but there's so much more than that now. I know we fight because of me. Ever since she's been in Vegas, I've put a wall up where she's concerned. I put it up to protect my heart from her, but recently, I've been wondering if it may be more trouble than it's worth.
IV. Sara
Up to this point, all of tonight's flirting has been an aside: something to occupy my time. Now that Catherine has appeared and my blood pressure has gone through the roof, I'm feeling the need to do something to distract myself. If I don't, I'll just end up pissed off all night – Catherine and I have been really going at it lately at work and I'd rather not get wrapped up in that tonight. I scan the room, looking closer at the girls who've been making passes at me. Sarah's cute. But the idea of "Sara and Sarah" is too awkward for me. Joan's okay, but she's nothing especially spectacular. Maggie's pretty hot though. I notice the way she carries herself with confidence, and she looks great as she pushes her hair out of her face. She's got great strawberry blonde hair, a similar shade to Catherine's.
'Ugh,' there's Catherine getting in my head again. 'Why the flip is Catherine here, anyway? Is she actually one of "us," or is she just friends with "us?"' I take a minute to look around the room. I don't see anyone who's not one of "us." 'Interesting.' I push Catherine out of my head and go in search of someone to dance with. Maggie sees me on the prowl and grabs my hand.
We dance to a few songs before Jenny cuts in. Jenny and I met just after I came to Vegas. She'd just started working at the Humane Society and I'd gone in search of a feline roommate. Since that time, she and her partner, Kate, have practically become my sisters. Jenny wasted no time getting her digs in, "So, Player…Maggie's tonight's after-party dessert, huh?"
"Could be," I'm not very enthusiastic in my response.
"Are you going to try to tell me she's not your type? C'mon Sar, we all figured out your type three weeks after you started hanging out with us."
"You did? Enlighten me, 'cause apparently you're more aware than I am. I didn't know I even had a type."
"Okaaay…" She stretches the word out like she doesn't believe me. "Your type, Goofus, is exactly what Maggie personifies. She's got an athletic build without being blatantly muscular, she's just a couple inches shorter than you, and she's got strawberry blonde hair. All of those things are typically your undoing, especially when they're all combined."
"Hmmm…never really thought about it." The music changes and the new song is much less a jump-all-over song than it is a sway-the-night-away song. As Jenny and I move into a friendly embrace, my eyes briefly land on Catherine, immersed in conversation with Annie. "Know anything about Annie's new friend?"
Jenny cranes her neck to look at Catherine. I pull her back around to face me, glaring at her for being so obvious. She laughs before answering. "I've met her a couple times. I can't remember her name, though. She looks like she could be your type, too. Is she the right flavor for you?"
The sound that comes out of my mouth can't really be described as a laugh, though that's what I meant it to be. "That, my dear friend, is the Catherine Willows." a look of confusion crosses Jenny's face, so I continue. "The one who never misses an opportunity to pick a fight with me – especially lately; the one who criticizes everything I ever do at work; the one who…"
"Okay, okay. I get it. You don't get along very well. You don't have to take out your anger on me."
"Sorry…I never would have guessed she'd be here. It's surprising and has me a bit on edge." I realize that during my mini-rant, I'd been talking faster and getting louder. I make it a point to take a deep breath and calm down a little.
"She's been around for a while, but recently has been out a little more frequently. She and Annie got close to dating a few months ago, but never did. I hear she doesn't do much dating, actually."
"Makes sense with a teenage daughter at home," I reason.
I notice Jenny suddenly has a little glint in her eye. "You should go talk to her. Maybe she's a real person outside of work," she waggles her eyebrows as she says it.
"Yeah, okay. I'm sure we'll get along famously simply because we're not at work." I couldn't keep the sarcasm out of my voice if I'd wanted to, and I roll my eyes just to make sure she gets the point.
The song changes again, this time to "Womanizer," which gives Jenny the perfect opportunity to tease me. "I wouldn't want to monopolize the womanizer's time," she jokes as she grabs the wrist of a random, unsuspecting blonde nearby and thrusts her toward me.
Instinctively, I grab the girl's waist and begin dancing. I'm not really paying attention to the girl, though. Everything Jenny just said is beginning to sink in. I've never really thought about what attracts me to particular women. I used to actually have relationships – before I came here. The girls I dated in college and after begin to flash in my mind. They all have different traits, and none of them fit the "type" that I seem to go for now. Jenny's words come back to me. Didn't she just say Catherine looks like my type? I think her exact words were 'Is she the right flavor for you?' Yeah, right. That would go over well.
I glance at Catherine again, weird thoughts beginning to form in my head. I start to contemplate, though. Is she the real reason no one's ever been 'good enough' since I got to Vegas? Have I been unintentionally comparing everyone to her? As I watch Catherine, I realize she's attempting to surreptitiously watch me. Her attempt is failing miserably. Annie's talking to Catherine, but whatever she's saying is going in one ear and out the other. I catch Catherine's eye for just a second before she flushes and turns away. The look on her face is just enough to make me wonder what she's thinking.
V. Catherine
I'm relieved to see Annie doesn't seem to notice the heat that I know has reddened my cheeks. There's no doubt in my mind anymore - Sara really is here. It's not funny anymore either. All I can think about now is trying to understand why she's here. During a lull in our conversation, I ask Annie about Sara. "What's the lowdown on the brunette Jenny was dancing with a few minutes ago? I've never seen her with the group before."
"You mean Sara? I dunno if there's really anything to tell. She seems to get out with us about as often as you do, which isn't too often…You two must have just been missing each other. She's always finding some blonde to spend the evening with. Rarely the same one, and never anything resembling a real relationship. She's a bit of a loner, but she's real close to Kate and Jenny." Annie pauses and notices I'm still watching Sara and her new dance partner. With a thoughtful look on her face, Annie continues. "Why? Surely you wouldn't be interested in her. She seems the opposite of anything you'd be looking for. I suppose there's always an exception to the rule, though." There's a question in Annie's tone as she finishes her sentence.
"Oh, no. She's definitely not the exception to that rule," I adamantly deny any possibility of interest. "Me? Interested in Siberian Sara Sidle? Riiight," I don't see the point in expressing my desire for Sara – if it's been eight years and nothing's happened, it sure isn't going to happen now.
"I didn't know you two knew each other." A light bulb seems to come on in Annie's mind and she continues, "Wait. Surely she's not the lady you're always fighting with at work?"
"Well, 'Lady' is a stretch. But yeah, Sara and I work together." I pull a Lindsey and roll my eyes as I say this last part.
"Ever wonder why you fight all the time?" Annie asks as a curious look appears on her face.
"I don't know why on Earth you've got that look on your face, but I don't like it. Wipe it off." Annie doesn't, but she does get up to get us a couple drinks. I notice Sara headed in that same direction and allow myself a few seconds to watch her. She really does have a sexy walk. She seems to have put a bit more swing in her hips tonight, and I wonder if she's done that intentionally for the girls she's been dancing with.
VI. Sara
I run into Annie at the waitress's station. As we greet each other, I notice Kate has talked Catherine into getting on the dance floor. I recognize the tune, but have definitely never heard this version. I get lost in the sounds as I try to place the melody. Eventually, I realize it's the remixed version of "Adagio for Strings" and get lost in its sounds for a few minutes. I suddenly realize I've been staring at Catherine and that Annie is trying to talk to me. I focus my attention back on Annie, "What? I'm sorry."
"You and Catherine work together, huh?" She smiled at my lack of attention. "How is it I've known you both for ages and didn't know that? 'Well, she sure jumped to the point, didn't she?'
"I didn't know you knew her, either. I've never seen her out before. Then again, outside team breakfasts, I don't really see her outside work."
"Why not? You two don't get along?" Annie seems like she's gently probing, but I know better. She's been talking to Catherine, so she knows the answer to that. Presumably, she knows more than just that answer.
"I don't know what the deal is." My tone is resigned. "We've never gotten along. Maybe it's the combative nature of two strong women in our field…maybe we don't have anything in common…all we ever do is argue and criticize."
"Well, you have the same friends in common, even if you didn't know it. Maybe that's a start." I notice Catherine returning to her seat as Annie hands me a second drink and says, "This is Catherine's. Why don't you deliver it? I've got another friend I need to talk to."
I take the drink and a deep breath. As I head toward Catherine, I realize I'm a bit nervous. 'Why the hell am I nervous?' I don't bother to consider the answer. I drop into the chair next to Catherine as I hand her the drink. "Double rum & coke, right?" She's obviously been daydreaming about something – she jumps a bit at my voice.
"What are you doing here?" Her tone is not exactly welcoming.
"Here, as in, the party? Or here, as in, this chair right next to you?" I manage to avoid too much sarcasm, but she gets my point.
"Sorry. You just startled me."
"So I noticed. I'm at the party because a lot of these people are my friends," I wave my hand in a sweeping motion toward the general vicinity of the dance floor. "I'm here in this chair because Annie apparently has something to do other than deliver your drink." I change to what I assume to be a safe topic, "I didn't know you knew these girls."
"Yeah." She doesn't appear to want to expand, but I just sit and wait. "I've known them for a few years. I met Kate at County General when I was on a case once. I wasn't close to them until the last year and a half or so. I didn't know you knew them, either."
"I only get out once a month or so; after I've maxed out my overtime, usually." I grin wryly at Catherine as she gives me a knowing look. "I see Jenny and Kate more often, but it's just the three of us most of the time. You said you've gotten closer to the group recently. What prompted that?"
"My level of outness," Catherine states simply, then moves away from her personal life and on to mine. "Annie told me you were close with Jenny & Kate. She also mentioned some of your other…habits, as well."
Once I figure out what "habits" she was talking about, I want to bite her head off. I realize before I do, however, that her tone was light and that she's smiling. Maybe she's trying to feel me out, not pick a fight. "Yeeah. About that…I guess I've just never found the one." I pause, thinking. "Lame, I know. Bad excuse, blah, blah, blah. I don't really have an explanation. I never even thought about it much until Jenny said something tonight, believe it or not." I know that's one sorry excuse.
VII. Catherine
"Interesting, I think." 'Who is this Sara? She never talks like this.' I like this Sara: she's much more personable than the one in the lab. I've been watching her enough tonight to know she may have had a couple drinks, but she's not feeling their effects at all. It's not the alcohol talking.
We chat a bit more, mostly about mundane things. We briefly touch on work topics, but are quick to leave the subject. Surprisingly enough, we seem to have a lot in common when it comes to the world "outside of work." I'm really starting to wonder if maybe we can be friends. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking we could ever be more, but friends is better than enemies. At least, I think it is.
I don't know how long we've talked, but it doesn't seem like more than ten minutes, before some girl comes and begs Sara to dance. Sara gives me an apologetic look before allowing herself to be pulled away. I wave her toward the dance floor with a wink. The gesture was meant to be friendly, but the look on her face tells me it was taken as more than just a friendly gesture. I could swear her eyes just got two shades darker.
I sit back and watch Sara for a bit while I chat with other women at the table, though I don't know any of them particularly well. Jess, the one who'd been checking me out earlier, starts trying to chat me up. I'm on my third double, so I'm just relaxed enough not to brush her off. Before I know it, she's got me on the dance floor.
VIII. Sara
Out of the corner of my eye, I see some spiky-haired blonde pulling Catherine onto the dance floor. I start to wish I hadn't just excused myself from the very spot they start dancing in. Catherine doesn't look like she's being forced to the floor, but she doesn't look overly excited. I continue to the waitress and ask for my fourth drink, watching Catherine's body language as she dances. She's got some great moves, and if eight years of working with her hadn't taught me all the little intricacies of her facial expressions, I wouldn't know it's mostly a show. She's not truly comfortable with this dance partner.
Kate catches my eye and beckons me over. The conversation we have leads me to believe everyone knows something I don't. First Jenny, then Annie. Now Kate…all of them hinting at something between Catherine and me. "For pity sake, Kate! What do I not know that you all seem so absolutely sure of?"
"It's not something we know, per se. Call it a hunch. I'd be willing to bet we all think there's something between you and Catherine. Or that there should be. You claim you two never do anything but fight." I nod in agreement and she continues, "You say that, and then you two sit and talk for an hour without so much as acknowledging another soul."
I become a bit defensive, "C'mon, Kate. One conversation does not a friendship make. Besides, we did not talk for an…" my voice trails off when I look at my watch and do the math. It's 11:30. Maybe we did talk for that long. "Hmm," is all I can think to say.
I turn toward the dance floor and Catherine, my curiosity thoroughly aroused. By now, Annie has stolen her away from the mystery woman. Watching Catherine and Annie, I see how much more comfortable Catherine is now. Annie knows Catherine's strengths and brings them out. I've been aware of Catherine's past almost as long as I've known her, but have never had occasion to see her talents, andher talents are abundant. I've seen my share of dancers, but there's no way any of them stack up to Catherine's skills. I've always known about her grace and beauty, even though I do tend to ignore it. Catherine on the dance floor is…spectacular. "She's damned sexy out there," I say before I even realize the words were coming out of my mouth. I look at Kate to see if she heard it and she simply smirks. 'Damn,' now they're definitely going to assume things they don't need to assume. I head to the bathroom for some quiet time before the midnight festivities.
IX. Catherine
Dancing with Annie has perks that dancing with other people doesn't. She's got pretty good moves – moves which complement my own. She's also hot, and she knows it. That, combined with our ease with each other puts us at the center of most everyone's attention. During our dance, I look around the room and catch Sara's back retreating into the bathroom. Her body language doesn't say happy; it says frustrated. 'What the hell could frustrate Sara at a party?'
Just as I think about checking on Sara, Annie interrupts my train of thought. "So what's the real reason you and Sara always fight?"
"What do you mean? Why should I know? Ask her!" I feel myself get defensive as Annie just looks at me, waiting. I roll my eyes at myself and grab her hand to pull her off the dance floor. If I'm actually going to get into this, I'm not going to do it dancing all over the place. We head toward the balcony – it's no quieter, but there is more air there.
We both lean against the balcony railing. Annie tries again, "I did ask her. She obviously doesn't have an answer. She thinks it's the "combative nature of two strong women in your field." I think it's the combative nature of a yearning woman. Especially one like you – it's your standard defense mechanism, Cat. You can't have it, so you push it away."
"Why the hell do you have to know me so well?" I pause, trying to gather my thoughts. "I can remember the first time I laid eyes on her like it was yesterday. She walked into the lab, all cool and confident. Her hair was just above her shoulders then, and it had some curl it in. She'd dyed it a few shades lighter than it is now, with a bit of a reddish hue to it. Dear Lord, but she was hot." I smiled at the memory. "I was an ass from the get-go, and never turned back. Now, I wish I could. Hurt or not, this whole constantly arguing thing has gone beyond my control."
"Well, I'm not an expert, and I don't know Sara very well, but…" Annie stopped and measured her words, "in the brief conversation she and I had earlier, I'd venture a guess that maybe she isn't as dead set on the argument path as you think."
"Uh huh. And I'm a monkey's uncle. I may be the only reason we started arguing eight years ago, but I'm not the only reason we still argue today. She can start an argument with the best of them." I turn around and notice that Sara's returned from the restroom and is now talking to Kate and Jenny. She looks much more relaxed now than she did a few minutes ago. I don't know whether to be happy she's feeling better or bummed that that there's no way for me to be the one to cheer her up.
"It's twenty minutes to midnight. Let's go dance the rest of 2009 away."
"Drink first – mine's been empty way too long."
Annie just looks at me before heading toward the waitress. "You okay? I know it's New Year's Eve, but you don't normally drink more than a couple."
"I'm fine. New Year's is a time to drink and be merry!" I think my smile looks genuine. It's not that I'm not fine, it's just that I can't get Sara out of my head when everywhere I look, she's in front of me. I allow myself to be led toward the dance floor as I drink what I can of my drink and set it on the closest table. As midnight creeps closer, the dance floor becomes much more crowded. There's hardly anyone now at the tables. I lose track of Sara, but promise myself I'll find her before midnight hits. For now, I focus on Annie and the other gals around me.
X. Sara
Now that I had my quiet time, I can let go of whatever the girls will say. It can slide right off my shoulders. I'm talking to Jenny and Kate when Maggie asks me to dance. We all head for the dance floor. I notice Catherine is dancing too. I have a hard time not watching her dance. She really is stunning when she moves.
The song changes to one of the rare slow ones that's played tonight. I'm not really into it, but there's nowhere else to go – nowhere to escape to. Maggie wiggles close and I figure the only way she could be closer would be in the bedroom. Usually this kind of come on works for me, but it's not tonight. I'm still wondering somewhere in the back of my head what the deal is with Catherine. 'Why does everyone I seem to be attracted to have her physical characteristics? Why haven't I had a relationship as long as I've been in Vegas?' Eventually, the song ends and I can somewhat escape the tight hold Maggie has on me.
The DJ comes over the loudspeaker to tell us this is the last song of 2009, "Ladies and gents – here goes the last tune of oh-nine! Do yourselves a favor and remember that who you are is who you are as you plow into the next decade!" The crowd gives a loud cheer. Our DJ's just given us the cue that the club "anthem" is about to play and we all get into this one.
Once "I Am What I Am" ends, there's about thirty seconds before the New Year's countdown. I get Jenny's attention and silently beg her to find a way for me not to have Maggie's tongue invading my mouth when midnight hits. She just smiles and shrugs her shoulders. I guess I'm going to have to take matters in my own hands. I look around a bit but don't see anyone else I know anywhere close. 'Fine, I'll just kiss the first person I can grab, as long as it's not Maggie.' There's nothing wrong with Maggie, but somehow she seems to think we're leaving together. We're not…definitely not.
"10…9…8…" Still no one I know anywhere close. "7…6…5…" Catherine's halfway across the room; it would be too awkward to try to get there. "4…3…2…" What the hell? It would be too awkward to randomly kiss Catherine at all, even on New Year's. "1!" I turn away from Maggie and grab whoever's behind me. I stretch the kiss out as long as I dare, hoping Maggie gets the picture. Suddenly I realize I'm not kissing a stranger. I really am kissing Catherine. 'How'd she get here so fast? Damn, she's a good kisser.' Now I know I need to pull away. I do and give her an awkward grin. "Happy New Year, Catherine." I slip away before she has a chance to yell at me.
XI. Catherine
'Oh. My. God. Sara just kissed me.' Correction. Out of instinct, I kissed back. I don't know when she realized it was me – she turned around pretty fast and just grabbed on. She looked embarrassed when she pulled away. It was a damn good kiss, though. And then, as fast as it started, it was over and she's gone.
I feel like I'm in a trance for the rest of the evening. I stay for another hour or more, still hanging out and catching up with a few of the girls I hadn't had a chance to talk to yet. I'm not concentrating, though. The feel of Sara's lips on mine is nearly all I can think about. Eventually, I call it a night, wondering how on earth I'll be able to look Sara in the eye at work tonight.
