The rain pours down as it beats against the window pane; I glance to the beach where he and I would swim for hours on end, just spending time together.
A tear makes its way down to the floorboard as I remember him. The way he smiled, the way he would make sure that I knew that he loved me. The trident necklace I made him when we first met and he has kept it ever since.
Now I am back home without actually being here. My mind is on him every second of every miserable day. I wake up every morning without finding relief in waking. But I need to survive; I need to live for him.
A faint cry interrupts my thoughts. I head towards the living room and reach for my baby. I walk around and soothe the crying bundle in my arms. As I take a seat near the window again I sing a lullaby he taught me long ago. Finnick taught me.
Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a mockinjay.
If that mockinjay don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
If that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.
If that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat.
If that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull.
If that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.
If that dog named Rover won't bark.
Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart.
If that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.
But when I finish, his eyes do not shut. They are wide open. He is so stubborn, just like his father was. His green eyes bore into my blue ones as if he wants to tell me something. As if he wants to tell me that his father is not dead, but very much alive. Inside of him, his personality. With every move he makes and every squeal that comes out of his mouth, Finnick is there.
He is only a few weeks old but he has so much wisdom to show me. He can guide me and lead me like my husband did before. And later, later I will tell him about his father. How he laid down his life to make his family's life better. How he selflessly lived and sold his body for my sake. For my safety. How he laughed when I danced to the waves of the ocean. How we cried when the Games hurt me. How he loved me. How he loved the baby.
When I think upon these things my heart shatters into pieces and I sob and sob until I can fill up the oceans themselves. But when I stare at this little piece of him and I, I know.
That he is mine and I am his, forever.
