1. Knowledge
Some time ago, someone told me that I had a very bright and prosperous life to look forward to. I'm sure Mr. Banner meant it as a simple compliment, but it made me think long and hard about what I wanted for myself. When I was eight, I closed my eyes and thought about the future. I saw myself going to college and majoring in Journalism to make Mommy and Daddy proud. When I finished college, I would meet a guy who was sweet, funny, smart, and handsome. I would fall in love, get married, and have three kids.
But now, at seventeen, I wondered if I still wanted the same things. My dream guy? From experience, I knew that finding someone with that criteria was damn near impossible. Oh well, I could worry about him later. College? That was a definite 'yes'. Call me a nerd, but college is something that I have always dreamed about. I had always maintained an A average, so I had the grades to get into a decent College. I still wanted to major in Journalism; writing was something that fascinated me. Now that I really thought about it though, I hadn't a clue as to the specifics. What college, exactly? How the hell are you going to pay for it?
How did I intend on paying for college? I could've asked my parents to help me but I knew they'd end up giving me their retirement money, so that was off the table. My part-time job at Newton's Sporting Goods barely helped to pay for my car and insurance, so I was stuck with applying for financial aid. But what if I didn't qualify? I decided to take my chances; it was the only way I could put myself through, unless, of course, I won a really good scholarship.
When I decided that it couldn't hurt to apply, I immediately began my search for a Journalism scholarship that I would be eligible for. When I first started looking, I was very discouraged. There were millions of scholarships open to people of Native American, African American, and Hispanic heritage; I even saw one scholarship, the NLGJA Leroy F. Aarons Scholarship Award that was offered to people of the gay and lesbian community... Let's just say I briefly considered switching teams. That is until I imagined Charlie having a heart attack and mom trying to take me to gay pride parades. I shook my head and kept looking. I was so frustrated! Didn't any of these organizations realize that some people were just regular, pale, short, and skinny? Why was it so difficult for someone like me to find a scholarship to apple to?
After weeks of searching and finding nothing, I finally found what I was looking for. The "Journalists Across America" scholarship would give me a full scholarship to the school of my choice. That included room and board, tuition, and books. To get the dream scholarship, I needed a letter of recommendation from my English teacher or the editor of our school's newspaper, a transcript of my grades, my SAT scores, and examples of my work. I decided to send in a few things I had done for "The Spartan World Weekly", the official newspaper for Forks High School. If I didn't love digging for a good story and writing so much, Mr. Green (principle of Forks High and editor of the newspaper) would've stepped down and made me editor of our shabby little newspaper a long time ago. When he suggested it, I decided to keep writing instead of marking up drafts with red pens.
I chose to send in an article about why standardized testing wasn't an effective way of finding a student's progress in their education, and another about the day to day preparation teachers go through before the school year begins. I know they didn't sound too interesting, but I thought they were my most serious and best works. Hey, I wasn't about to send in "The Cheese in Your Burger", a descriptive article about how our food was prepared. It seemed like a good idea at the time…then I decided to take a sack lunch to school instead.
As for my letter of recommendation, I asked Mr. Green himself to type it up for me. He graciously agreed and said that he'd be honored to do it for me. I got a transcript of my perfect grades and sent that in as well, all the while discovering that I was in the running for Valedictorian of our tiny school.
I sent in my application to the organization and anxiously awaited a response. Two excruciatingly long weeks later, I got a letter saying that I had won the scholarship. I was ecstatic and, obviously, so were my parents. I swear, sometimes my dad is the perfect Chatty Cathy. The news spread like wildfire around town and soon I was being congratulated by everyone- from my teachers to the lady at the convenience store by school. I silently thanked the Lord that my mom was at least a thousand miles away in Jacksonville.
I was really happy about my achievement up until my best friend and favorite person on Earth, Jacob, asked me where I was going to go for college. See, I still hadn't given much thought to it, but I was thinking somewhere distant because it didn't seem logical to waste such an excellent opportunity to extend my horizons. It was a typical rainy afternoon in Forks and we were watching some cheesy movie about a super- villain turned good when he decided to bring me down from my little cloud.
"So Bells, where are yah headed off to for college?" he asked reluctantly, like he really didn't want to know. "I know you got that awesome scholarship, but you've never mentioned anything about where you're going."
"Uh, well, I haven't really thought about it. I was thinking maybe Berkeley or some Ivy league school because I don't have to really worry about money," I rambled. "But then there's a part of me that thinks I should aim low because I don't want to be disappointed if I don't get in, y'know?"
"Would you aim as low as Washington State?" he asked, hope twinkling in his eyes."It's really not that can't just up and leave your father. Charlie needs you here Bells; he can't cook for shit and you know that. It would break his heart if you moved so far again. You don't know what he went through when you and Renee went to Phoenix. He was always moping around and talking about you. When you moved back, though, he was happier than a kid on Christmas morning."
"Agh, Jake, don't send me on a guilt trip! I really want to leave this state and see the rest of the country. I've already started looking at universities elsewhere. I know I said I wanted to aim low, but I'm seriously thinking about Dartmouth. It's far, but it has one of the best journalism programs in the country."
"Well I'm just telling you the truth, Bells. He won't be too happy if you decide to leave."
He was hitting below the belt. I knew very well what my leaving would do to Charlie, but I had to get out. I couldn't spend the rest of my life in this small town and if I didn't leave now, I never would. This was my big chance to expand my horizons, and I wanted to take it. I did talk to Charlie about it a little. He fully supports me in whatever I choose, but I still feared for his welfare if I left.
"Jacob, I've already talked about this with him, and he encourages me to do whatever I want as long as it makes me happy," I retorted, angry now.
"And it would make you happy to leave your father and best friend behind?" he countered, his own temper flaring. "I've always thought highly of you Bella. I thought you were modest and selfless. I never would've thought that you would be willing to hurt the people who love you most by deciding that you're bored and want to leave. I cannot believe that you would even consider leaving and breaking your father's heart again-"
"Get out Jacob," I interrupted him. I knew that he was mad because I was leaving, but his words hurt. I was angry and his guilt trip was starting to work. He looked at me incredulously for a moment then grabbed his coat and walked out.
It was probably anger and annoyance that fueled me to actually fill out the application and essay for Dartmouth. I just wanted the pleasure of shoving my success in his face. It was a tad bit bitchy and vindictive, I know. But, as soon as I got the acceptance letter, I couldn't have cared less. And much like when I received my scholarship, I was the talk of the town. I found myself once again being congratulated by random people.
!&!&!
"Isabella Marie Swan! Hurry up! We haven't got all day, and if you take any longer we'll be late!" Charlie shouted from the bottom of the stairs.
"Chill out, Dad. I'm coming, I'm coming! Yeesh, you're more nervous than me and I'm the Valedictorian with a speech to give!"
"Just don't want you to be late, Bella. And how many times have I told you to stop telling me to 'chill out'? I don't even know what that means, for crying out loud!"
"All right! Sorry, now let's get going," I chuckled. I really was going to miss my father. Ever since I came back here after my mother got remarried, I kept getting closer to Charlie. He made the transition easier for me and was always there when I needed him. Charlie is the greatest dad out there.
It only took about five minutes to get to the school. I looked out the window to see Mr. Green racing toward us and waving his arm above his head. If he didn't look so desperate, I would've laughed.
"Oh, thank God you've arrived Isabella! We need help getting set up and then I would like to see the speech you've prepared! I'm so-," I stopped listening after that. Mr. Green loved to talk. He could talk for hours and say nothing of importance. I learned that my freshman year when he walked into one of my classes and droned on for the whole class about his grandfather. Weird, I know.
Charlie apparently noticed that I wasn't paying attention and interrupted him. "So, if you could just show me where I can settle in and tell Bells where to go, I'd really appreciate it," he cut in, politely ending Green's rant.
"Of course, Chief. Uh, just go into the gym and sit in the bleachers." Charlie gave me a quick hug and walked in the direction Mr. Green pointed out. "And you," he said, turning to me, "let's get you into your cap and gown and in place so that we can begin," he smiled and gestured for me to follow him.
!&!&!
"So in the end, you just have to follow your heart and do what it tells you. Your head only knows what's going on now, in this moment. We all need to stop listening so much to our minds and more to our hearts. Follow your heart and everything will work out. So with that super cheesy line, I leave this school and move on to New Hampshire to begin the rest of my life before you all start throwing stuff at me."
I smiled and walked off the stage. I had just given my speech and was flaming red. I was such a cheese ball when it came to making any sort of presentation. I sat back in my chair and waited for everyone to get their diplomas before finally looking out to the bleachers. There I saw my dad my mom-who surprised me by flying in from Jacksonville- and the biggest shock of all, Jacob. I hoped we could get over our fight and move on. I just couldn't leave this town with him being mad at me.
We tossed our caps in the air and watched them fall back down on the floor while our graduation song, Good Riddance (Time of Your Life), played. Then my air supply was cut off, as two huge arms wrapped around me.
"I'm so sorry Bella! I was such a jerk and I'm sorry! Please forgive me!" Jake's deep voice begged as he squeezed me in his bear hug.
"Jacob…I ... can't ... breathe. Let me down and you're forgiven!" I struggled to speak.
"Sorry," he mumbled as he set me down on my feet, smiling from ear to ear.
I smiled and nodded as everyone started congratulating me. My family, my friends...everyone was just so damn happy tonight. I wished that I could just freeze this moment in time and stay in it forever. I wanted to be happy forever. Who knew what would happen in the future? Hopefully, life would continue to bless me. And, as I walked out of the gym with my family, I had a feeling it would.
A/N:
Hello and welcome to My Poor Brain!
If this seems familiar don't have a heart attack. This is my third and final attempt at fixing Mayhem With Green Eyes, formally known as Undefined. Yeah, I'm indecisive, I know. Sorry. I hope to update this story as soon as I possibly can. See, I'm running this one with the good people at Project Team Beta and the updates of this story will depend on not only my time but also theirs.
So... What'd ya think? :D Let me know and review! :)
See you guys next Sunday, hopefully. And maybe just maybe our Eddie boy will make an appearance!
P.S: If you are curious behind the titles of this story, check out my profile. :)
