Where My Foreboding Thoughts Lead
Yosuke

AN: To be honest, I've never read a full Final Fantasy 9 story. I've hardly even browsed through the list. So I can't really say I'm worried about competing with anyone, though I'm sure there's a couple of fantastic ZidanexGarnet stories out there already. I'll try to prevent myself from reading any lest I become discouraged.

This story takes place one year after the ending of the game.

FF9 not mine.


The typical perfect day was becoming just that: typical. Everyday it was sunshine and a cool breeze, and good news was always waiting for the residents of Alexandria Castle. Not that anyone could complain; after everything that had happened in that town, from the "kidnapping" of its princess to the death of its Queen, and its own eventual destruction, no one even thought of cursing this string of good luck. Everything was peaceful, and everyone was happy. But how utterly boring it was becoming...

The days were so routine: Wake up to birds singing outside of your window, eat a perfectly prepared breakfast, luncheon, socialize with elites, make the citizens happy, enjoy a succulent dinner and a lovely dinner show, talk with more rich people, then retire for the night under the watchful eye of a beautiful moon and its sparkling starry sisters.

Zidane sure felt sorry for Dagger. This routine must've been driving her crazy!

The Genome made a graceless entrance through a half-open window and eased himself to a stop in a long, empty corridor. Checking the bottoms of his boots for mud, he started traversing the hallways quietly, his footsteps muffled by the thick, expensive red carpeting. What a day, he had thought. While the Queen was cooped up in this stone shack, Zidane had a range of movement, allowed to walk as freely as he liked just about anywhere. He could skip a meal (or add one), talk to whoever he wanted, go any place that made the beauty of the outside all the more appealing and pray he wouldn't leave drunk... Sure, he was allowed all this, but it was generally frowned upon. After all, he had responsibilities.

Zidane's venturing led him to the main hallway, and he stopped for a moment, pondering silently as to which direction he would've liked to head in. This was like roulette; his queen could be waiting anywhere, but if he walked in through the wrong door, the thief could easily encounter the one person he would've liked more than anything to avoid: Steiner. He'd been avoiding the captain for a while now, his own personal dilemmas making contact between the two of them rather arduous. Steiner had seemed to pick up on something about Zidane's attitude, but the smaller man had tried to convince him it was nothing, though Steiner seemed wise enough not to let that go (which was something of a rarity for the idiot).

Zidane sighed heavily and took a chance, choosing the royal bedchambers. He knew Steiner wouldn't be in there, but he generally avoided blatantly walking in as much as possible. He could do without the knowing glances of servants, seeing the thief walk right into the unwed queen's personal chambers.

Fortunately, no one was around, and even more fortunately, he wasn't alone inside. Seated on the windowsill, attempting to untangle a lock of hair from her hair ornaments, sat Queen Garnet, radiant and glowing in the mid-afternoon sunlight. Perhaps the predictable weather wasn't quite as boring as he had originally thought...

"Wow," Zidane scoffed a little, catching the girl's attention. "Now there's a picture out of a storybook. Pretty classic-lookin' princess, glowing and whatnot."

"Zidane," Garnet breathed, her momentary surprise gone at the sight of her lover. "I didn't hear you come in. You gave me a fright."

Zidane scoffed again at her choice of words, a little disappointed that the rugged white mage he'd traveled with and taught less than flattering mannerisms to was slowly vanishing, and the proper, well-mannered, tea-sipping noblewoman was coming back to the surface. Ah, he'd miss his Dagger, but she was still the princess he'd fallen in love with, regardless of whatever title she had now.

The thief walked up to her, standing by her side and easing her hands away from her knotted hair. "You're just making it worse. Let me do that." Zidane carefully pulled the soft strands free from the ornament, wary of causing her any strain. Garnet sat patiently beneath him, her eyes drifting to his well-detailed black vest, the one that had replaced his old tattered blue one.

"Does the outfit work for you?"

"Yeah, you look gorgeous, though I kinda miss the tight orange pants on you..."

"No, not me!" Garnet smacked his waist playfully. "I mean you. I know you're used to wearing more comfortable clothes. Does this new outfit inconvenience you at all?"

Zidane eased the last strand of hair from her headpiece and straightened it out against her head, then stepped back to look down at himself. "Yeah, it works pretty well. The gauntlets work nicely." He tapped the metal guards around his wrists, wide like his old cuffs but not nearly as daunting as he had originally thought they would've been. "The vest is nice... The boots are comfy... Still getting used to this, though." He fingered the metal brace fitted loosely over his collarbone, almost like a necklace, scribed with the emblem of Alexandria. When he brought it to her attention, Garnet smiled.

"It suits you. Though, if you're reconsidering..."

"No way!" Zidane stepped back, crossing his arms and smiling back at his queen. "I like this job. Being your personal bodyguard is probably the best gig I've ever had, though I don't think Rusty's liking it too much..."

"Oh, he's fine with it. He's just giving you a hard time. I think he's worried the responsibilities you have will change you, so he's keeping up the attitude he's had towards you from the very beginning to keep you on your toes. He's not changing so you won't."

"Heh," Zidane laughed lightly, casting his eyes to the ground. "Rusty doesn't want me to change?"

"Of course not. No one does. You're perfect just the way you are."

"Thanks, mom." The thief eased himself and approached his queen once more, tilting her face up and leaning down to kiss her. Garnet accepted the gesture, as always, and felt her heart swell at the love her bodyguard showed her. Even though it'd been a full year since they'd been reunited, exposing their love to each other, it was still taking some getting used to. But ever since Garnet had made him her personal guard, any affections from the man were becoming more and more scarce, save for the unyielding nights of passion he let them experience freely. It seemed that the job had made Zidane nervous and uneasy in the eyes of others. If another servant was around or, heaven forbid, Steiner or Beatrix, Zidane withdrew into his shell and remained silent by the queen's side before excusing himself with hardly a word spoken. This was remarkably uncharacteristic for him. Zidane had done nothing but hit on the princess throughout their journey to save Gaia. Why would he be so timid about it now?

Zidane leaned back, staring wordlessly at the breathtaking image of his lovely queen, then smirked and turned to leave. This baffled Garnet.

"You came in here to kiss me? That was all? You didn't have anything you needed to say?"

The thief stopped dead in his tracks like he'd been caught doing something bad, though quite honestly he had no idea what he felt so alert for. He couldn't even recall why he'd sought her out in the first place. He hadn't anything to say or ask her... Had he simply gone to her for some affection? Or did he need comfort?

The stab of shame in his stomach answered that question for him. Yeah, he'd needed her, alright. He was in dire need of comfort from his turbulent thoughts, from all the problems that had been plaguing his mind for the past several weeks, nay, months. A deeply settled seed of paranoia was bursting in his gut and he had no idea how to handle it. But Dagger was not the one to go to with this problem. Despite all her wisdom and sympathetic attitude, this was one issue she could not cure.

Plastering his normal, obnoxious smile to his face, Zidane turned halfway and gave her a little wave. "Just thought I'd say hi, is all. No harm in wanting to see your beautiful face, is there?"

Garnet recognized the tone of his voice, remembering all too clearly the night they'd first met, and in order to escape, they'd had to become part of of the theater troupe's play. The acting lessons she'd taken when she was younger resurfaced momentarily, which came in handy when she needed to know when one was telling the truth. And Zidane was lying. Whatever the truth was, Zidane seemed far too nervous to discuss it with her, so rather than goad him for answers, she simply smiled in response and went back to fixing her hair.

Zidane fought the urge to sigh as he quickly stepped out of the room, unsure of how much more his nerves could've taken in that moment. Dagger knew something was up now, and no thanks to his apparent lack of acting skills, having escaped that moment for some ungodly reason, Zidane had to come up with a solution to his problem, and quickly, before the queen started hounding him.


Another uneventful day was drawing to an end, and Garnet had bid her dinner guests farewell. As they all left, Zidane finally made his presence known by dropping from the rafters and landing with ease beside the queen. Garnet's brown eyes swept over to her lover and gave him a peculiar smile. "I thought you said you'd stop hanging out up there during dinner."

Zidane stretched his arms over his head and twisted his back a little, grunting at the feeling of vertebrae popping wonderfully. "That nobleman has been here for dinner three times and each time he eyes you like a piece of meat. He's bound to jump you at some point. I'm just waiting for the opportunity to kick his ass." The thief followed her majesty to the door, exiting the empty dining room and making their way to the grand staircase. Servants waited at the bottom step, bowing reverently as their queen approached. Garnet stopped short of the staircase and turned to her bodyguard.

"Will you be up much longer?"

"Yeah," Zidane responded, crossing his arms. "I'm trying to finish up a letter to Freya, but I won't be too long. You don't have to wait up for me."

"Zidane..." The dark haired woman lowered her eyes to the floor for a moment, suddenly bashful. "I'm going to... Wait up for you, that is." Timid brown eyes turned up again, and Zidane couldn't help but swoon at his lover. Whether or not that had been intentional, Garnet certainly had a way of making the thief's core melt. There was no way he could turn down a chance to make love to her tonight. Moments like that had been so scarce lately, but sometimes his Dagger could be so convincing.

The Genome scoffed and dug his hands into his pockets, giving her a boyish smile. "Well, in that case, I'll make Freya's letter really short."

Garnet's gorgeous smile returned, her cheeks slightly tinted as she turned to head up the staircase, the two servants following quickly with giggles just barely held back. Zidane watched the three disappear to the next floor before he sighed heavily and walked out of the hallway, making his way out of the castle and to a guard tower. For the first time in weeks, Zidane was intentionally seeking out the last person he wanted to see: Steiner.

Lo and behold, he found him on his first try. Up in a western tower that barely had any good visuals on the rest of the kingdom, sat Captain Steiner, slumbering heavily in a chair with his armored body leaning against the stone wall. This was rather bizarre, Zidane noted mentally. It was very unlike the man to be asleep, what with being so dedicated to his job. The Genome shook his head and approached the man, wisely standing at a distance and poking him annoyingly in the cheek.

"Hey, Rusty, wake up."

The man did not rouse.

"Rusty, c'mon, wakey-wakey!"

Still no movement. Sneering, Zidane took a few steps back and cupped his hands around his mouth before shouting, "Holy hell, Captain! We're under attack! They're comin' from the west! The Queen's in danger!" He added in a few sounds effects, as unrealistic as they were, to add to the moment, and it worked. Steiner was awake immediately, jumping to his feet and drawing his sword.

"Guard the Queen! Man the towers! We won't let 'em in!" He flailed for a moment, knocking over his chair and turning to charge for the doorway, but stopped when he saw Zidane there, arms crossed and pursed lips just barely holding back his laughter. It took a moment, but it finally absorbed itself into the captain's mind that they were indeed not under attack and he had been caught sleeping on the job. Steiner growled and stepped back, but did not sheath his sword. Zidane noticed but barely registered it as a threat.

"Mornin', Cap'n."

"You whelp!" Steiner shook an angry fist at the smaller man. "False alarms are no laughing matter! You're lucky I didn't attack you right on the spot!"

"Dream on, old man," Zidane retorted quickly, crossing the small room to the chair that had been knocked over. Setting it upright, he took a seat and leaned back, watching Steiner with amusement in his eyes. "Now just what were you doing sleeping on the job?"

Steiner stuttered for a moment, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse as he sheathed his sword. After a few failed attempts, Zidane finally cut him off.

"S'okay, old man, I get it. Paranoia gets to us all sometimes."

"Paranoia!" Steiner scoffed, crossing his arms. "I've no idea what you're talking about!"

"C'mon, admit it. I get that feeling sometimes, too." Zidane's eyes were suddenly far-off, and the captain could see that he was serious now. "It's kinda scary how peaceful it is. I've never been around such a long stretch of passive atmosphere. No one ever believes it can last, but it somehow has, and I guess everyone's just waiting for something bad to happen." Zidane's eyes fell. "We're all waiting for something to disrupt our peace."

Steiner said nothing for a moment before scoffing again. "You think so little of human nature? It is possible for people to maintain happiness."

"You certainly don't think so," Zidane accused lightheartedly. "That's why you fell asleep. You've been up for almost a week straight, watching and waiting. You smelled something in the air and now you're on your toes. Can't blame you, I saw Beatrix do the same. She's out cold right now."

A fleeting moment of panic passed through Steiner's eyes before Zidane put his hands up in innocence.

"She's fine, just tired. You should try getting some rest, too. Didn't know if you knew this, but people need sleep to live."

"I know that, fool!" Steiner marched over, trying to intimidate the thief, but instead of jumping out the chair like he normally would, Zidane stayed rooted to his spot, arms crossed, eyebrows raised in interest.

"Ooh, scary."

"Be silent! And explain yourself!"

"...What?"

"What are you doing up here? Have you not a responsibility to her Majesty? Why are you here when you should be protecting her?"

"Chill out, it's not like we're actually under attack," Zidane tried to reason, standing from the chair and moving to the wide open window. He took a seat on the sill, eyes cast to his own boots. "I just needed to talk to you, is all."

This caught Steiner by surprise. After weeks of trying avoid him, Zidane now wanted to talk to him? "About what?" Steiner caught himself asking before he realized it.

The thief shrugged as if he had no idea, though words were brimming in his mind. "Just some stuff... Can't really talk to anyone else about it..."

"Her Majesty cannot offer help?"

"Not really something she can help with... It sorta has to do with her."

Steiner suffered a severe momentary panic wherein he believed that Zidane would suddenly want to discuss bedroom etiquette with him and needed a male's perspective on it. The Captain cleared his throat nervously. "I-I'm not sure I would be of any greater assistance..."

"Well I can't ask Freya 'cause she'd just be stuck-up about it, Vivi's too young, as is Eiko, and none of the Tantalus guys know a thing about making a woman happy."

Steiner was about ready to have a hernia, and his face reflected it. Zidane hadn't made it obvious that he was aware.

"Steiner, I'm not gonna ask you for sex tips. Chill out, I make her plenty happy on my own."

The Captain's relief was short-lived, letting out a heavy sigh before clutching his fists in anger. "Why, you scum! How dare you lay your hands on the princess!"

"Update, Rusty. It's been a year, she's a Queen now, and I've been laying my hands on every part of her this whole time. Don't act like you didn't know that." Zidane rolled his eyes, unusually unamused by the conversation. As Steiner tried to clear the words of shock from his throat, Zidane continued. "Seriously, I need your input. If I don't talk about this soon, I'm gonna crack. Dagger's on to me, she knows something's up."

Finally, Steiner seemed to calm down enough that he was willing to listen, though tentatively. "So I'm finally graced with your problem, after weeks of acting like a sociopath?"

Zidane's eyebrows quirked. "A sociopath? Really? I didn't think I was that bad..."

"You've been avoiding me like the plague and you hardly make eye contact with her Majesty anymore. I'd say sociopath is the perfect description of your poor attitude lately." Steiner fell back into his regular authoritative role, performing it perfectly, which was becoming easier for him. Zidane laughed a little and once again let his eyes focus on his boots.

"Then I'll get straight to the point: I think I'm about to break Dagger's heart."

This definitely caught Steiner off-guard, who even took a step back and allowed a look of shock to cross his face. Zidane chuckled at his reaction and started swaying back and forth, ignoring the danger of falling from the window and plummeting a very long, long way down to the grass below.

"It's been a year and it'd seem that I would be more openly-affectionate with Dagger, but truth is I can't. It's not like I don't think I got it in me, 'cause I know I do. It's just... There are always people watching, people who can say things and spread rumors." Zidane's face held shame. "I can't take those risks."

"So you brush her Majesty off because of a little embarrassment?" Steiner was trying his hardest not to look shocked. Honestly, he wasn't sure why anything that monkey could do would shock him anymore.

Zidane shook his head. "Not embarrassment, not at all. Haven't you seen the big picture at all, Rusty?" When Steiner cocked his head to the side in thought, the thief continued. "Dagger is Queen Garnet, ruler over the whole of Alexandria. She's young, painfully beautifully, and painfully unwed." Steiner still didn't seem to catch on. Zidane rolled his eyes. "Let me ask you this; If you ever saw a man you didn't know but was known to have shady past sneak into her Majesty's bedroom, what would you do?"

"Why, I'd run in there and apprehend the scoundrel for assaulting the Queen!"

"What if he's not assaulting her? What if they're just chatting it up and having a good ol' time?"

"I'd still kick him out! And banish him from Alexandria!" Steiner announced loudly, though it was obvious to either of them that even the Captain of the Knights of Pluto did not have that kind of authority. "To think that some lowly scum would dare to allow himself into this castle, and in to her Majesty's private bedchambers, no less! What would everyone think if they were to see her Majesty with such likes? Rumors would be spread that the Queen were being courted by street vermin! I shiver at the thought!"

To anyone else, that could've been insulting, but Zidane had heard those nicknames all his life (as much of it as he could remember, anyway), so each insult merely flew in one ear and out the other. He simply smiled and waited in anticipation for the message to click loud and clear in Steiner's head. And when it finally did, it was more than obvious. Steiner recoiled, eyes flying to the thief seated on the window and mouth agape. If Zidane could find any humor in the moment, he'd have laughed at the stupid expression on the stupid man's face. "Okay, Rusty, you gettin' it yet?"

"HAVE YOU IMPREGNATED THE QUEEN?"

Zidane choked a little, flinching harshly backwards. "What? No!"

Wherein Steiner would've produced an argument or, rather, an over-the-top interrogation, he instead relaxed a little, for some reason trusting the other man's words. He seemed to now understand where the thief was coming from. "Even still, you are her..." (He flinched at the thought of using the word "lover") "...suitor. Everyone in the castle is well aware of this."

"But not everyone in the city, where an opinion counts." Zidane hopped down from his seat, leaning back against the wall and digging his hands into his pockets. "Once word gets out on the streets that the Queen is spending her nights with her bodyguard, a nomadic nobody, they're gonna start... saying things. Less than flattering things, and about her."

"I do not see how this should trouble you. While it would be most unfortunate if harsh rumors were to spread about her Majesty, I doubt she would let it get to her. If anything, after a while she'd have a conference with the town to formally announce your relationship."

"Yeah, that shouldn't happen." Zidane hardly even dared to look Steiner in the eyes anymore. "No matter how much she sugar-coats the deal, all everyone will see is the young queen being stupid and reckless. She'll get nothing but criticism and doubtful glares. She's got it rough enough being the queen at such a young age with practically no one to guide her aside from her screwy uncle. The last thing she needs is everyone second-guessing her decisions based on her initial choice to trust herself, her castle, and the citizens' safety to a thief turned into a bodyguard by personal favor. The outcome of her confessing to the citizens does not bode well for her."

Steiner had listened to this silently, realizing with a heavy heart that the smaller man was indeed correct, but that didn't mean he was going to give up convincing him otherwise. "If you're so worried about this, then do not inform the citizens. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes."

"Wow, that was unlike you," Zidane chuckled, still avoiding eye contact. "You're usually the first person to demand someone come clean about something."

"If it's more advantageous in the end-"

"It won't be," he cut him off, back stiffening. "That's another thing. There won't be an end, per se. Where do relationships normally go from here? 'Cause I can't say I've ever really made it past this point in one before, but from what I can gather, there's a whole journey ahead of us. I love her, you know that, and even if we do keep this a secret from everyone outside, something's gonna give after a while." Zidane shuffled one boot against the floor nervously. "I'm... with her a lot, y'know. For a year, we've been lucky, but eventually... I think it's pretty obvious she might turn up one morning sick."

Steiner didn't seem to understand, and Zidane sighed, agitated slightly.

"She's gonna get pregnant eventually, Rusty."

Steiner guffawed at the thought, but Zidane didn't give him much time to react.

"So even if we don't tell everyone what's going on between the two of us, one day Dagger's gonna walk out in front of the citizens and it's gonna be obvious that she's got someone in her love-life once she gets along in her pregnancy. If I make myself known to them, they'll accuse her of having poor judgement. If I continue to hide our relationship, they'll think she just got seduced and knocked up during a one night stand, and again they'll consider her a poor decision-maker." Zidane finally looked up at Steiner. "Nothing good will come out of me staying with her."

That last sentence finally seemed to hit home, and Steiner gaped at him. "Are you meaning to tell me that... you intend to leave her Majesty?"

The shame was apparent in Zidane's eyes as he let his face drop again, his shoulders now going stiff. "If I stay, I'd have to break off the relationship, and I don't think either of us can handle seeing each other every day and not be able to be together. I think it'd be most beneficial in the end if I just kinda... stayed away." Finally, the thief stood straight though his eyes were still on the ground, anywhere but near the horrible shocked expression currently burning holes into his skull. "There's a cargo airship leaving late tonight. Thought I'd hop on it and see where it takes me. Might stay in Lindblum for a while 'til I get my bearings." He lifted his head a little. "Let's keep this between us for now, okay?"

A pregnant pause filled the air, one where the captain tried to arrange words in his mind to properly scream at the other man, but in the end, he could only say one thing. "You know I have no intention of not telling her Majesty all of this, and I think you know that. You really expect me to just keep this our little secret? You're going to break her heart!"

"Yeah, I know," Zidane scoffed. "That's why I said for now. You can tell her later, but at least wait a week until I'm in the clear and out of Lindblum. Then blurt out anything you want to her. I'd prefer if you'd tell her a lie, something like 'He doesn't love you anymore, he went skirt-chasing'. Anything that might dissuade her from chasing after me. Alexandria needs her here, not off on some journey to find her former bodyguard." He started to walk towards the door but stopped next to the taller man, finally glimpsing up at him. "I think we've all gathered what kind of person she is, and no matter how strong her front is, she's gonna cry. I mean, not to sound full of myself, but she's gonna miss me. Don't try to distract her from it, just let her vent and get it out of her system, that way she'll be less inclined to investigate my disappearance. I'm counting on you, Steiner." He tapped his metal shoulder with his fist once before continuing for the door, but Steiner's voice stopped him.

"You're being a coward."

"I know," Zidane called over his shoulder. "But if being a coward means Dagger's life will be easier, then I'll do it a thousand times over."

"Why'd you even bother to come back if you were just going to make her miserable? She was doing fine until you came. She was just starting to get over you."

For that, Zidane didn't seem to have an answer. He paused for a long time, staring straight ahead, then let his head drop backwards to stare at the ceiling before answering with a heavy sigh, "I don't know... I wasn't thinking..."

"Well, your recklessness will be her pain!" Steiner clenched his fists in anger. "You claim she'll be accused of poor judgement were the townspeople to see her with you, but what of when you leave? She'll go back to being lethargic and quiet with forced smiles, just like she was before you came back!"

"It's a no-win situation, I get it, Rusty." Zidane glared at him from over his shoulder. "But she'll get over it. Make her get over it. This is the less painful route and you know it. You can try to stop me all you want, but if you know what's best for the kingdom and for her, you'll keep your mouth shut for at least a week." His gaze softened. "Just keep her from walking into walls, okay? She's probably gonna be out of it for while." Not giving the other man a chance to respond, Zidane gave his final farewell wave and walked out of the room, leaving a dumbstruck Steiner to contemplate the very sad future of his queen.


Chapter 1 - end
To Be Continued


AN: I don't usually upload stories one chapter at a time, but I figure since this is gonna take me a while to write and I don't have the entire plot worked out yet, I might as well give you guys one chapter. Not to mention the story actually gets more hits this way, so that's cool, too.

Review, please and thank you.