A/N: This is a challenge from Vince23: As in the TV series, Harry talks to his kid(s) to tell them how he met their witch mother.
Now I haven't watch the series unfortunately, so it's going to be loosely based on the explanation he gave me and just my horrible understanding of the rest of the series. I just watched the pilot episode, so this first chapter will follow it closely, but the others will be free reign. So if it doesn't match up perfectly, I'm sorry in advance.
In this AU:
Ginny is not Ron's sister.
Harry never met Ginny at Hogwarts, though she did go there. As for the other girls, I'll mention those in the chapters they appear since I haven't decided yet.
Draco is Harry's friend. He'll play Barney and I'm keeping his eccentric, ladies-man attitude, and his catchphrases.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or How I Met Your Mother
"James, Albus, Lily, I have a story to tell you!" Harry screams from the living room couch effectively stopping his kids' rampage through the house.
"But Dad, we were gonna go for a fly," Albus whined as he plopped down in the armchair across from his father with his legs thrown across the arm, his fifteen-year-old frame barely fitting.
"James was finally gonna perfect his 540 Loop and Twirl," Lily said sitting on the couch beside Harry. His little girl was getting so big. Already 13.
"I've been practicing," James said with a smile before sitting on Albus' lap. Albus pushed his 17-year-old off him and James took a seat on the floor.
"Don't you want to find out about the wonderful, mystical roller coaster that was your father's life?" Harry asked, twiddling his fingers in the air.
"We already know about You-Know-Who, Dad," Lily said.
"Not that life," Harry said with a wave of his hand, as if was a normal occurrence for a baby to survive a killing curse from the most evil wizard of the time. "I'm talking about afterwards. Me trying to pursue a normal life and having no clue what to do, and then finally meeting the love of my life, your mother."
HPOV
Before I met your mother, I was just a normal wizarding hero trying to have a normal life. Me and your uncle Ron decided to move in together, rent a flat. I dated many different girls, trying to find the one, but it wasn't that easy...
"Ron, I can't believe your actually going to propose tonight," I said throwing his hands up in the air.
"I know. I can't believe it either," Ron said shakily. "Do you think she'll say yes?"
"Ron, you've been dating for 3 years. And you been repressing your sexual frustrations since you were 13."
"Oh, you knew about that?" Ron asked, his ears turning red.
"We shared a dorm for 7 years with 3 other guys. We all knew," I said, putting a hand on Ron's shoulder.
Ron shrugged it off. "I need you to get out of the apartment tonight. I'm gonna cook her favourite meal tonight for dinner."
"It's fine. I already have plans," I said with a non-committal shrug. Truth is I didn't have any plans. I was single and while Ron was about to tie the knot, all I had was...
My phone rang, "You. Me. Wizard's Trap in 15 minutes. And remember suit up!" and then the line went dead.
I arrived at the bar. It was opened in Diagon Alley immediately after the war by Draco's friend, Blaise, who also had a knack for bartending. It had become our spot since then.
"I told you to wear a suit," Draco complained while assessing my plain black t-shirt and muggle jeans.
"You always say that and it never happens. Blaise, firewhiskey please." I said, as I leant on the bar.
Drink in hand, I turned back to Draco who had now put a hand on my shoulder. "You're upset. Come tell Uncle Drakie."
"I don't know. Ron has the apartment and after tonight, it's going to be Ron and Hermione. No more Harry, Ron and Hermione."
"Always go for top billing," Draco said pointing at me. Again he has missed the entire point.
"I don't know. Guess I feel like a third wheel," I said, slumping my shoulders.
"I know what you need: a girl. Time to get you laid," Draco said with a devilish gleam in his eye. That was Draco's solution to everything. I'm surprised there were still girls who hadn't been acquainted to Draco Jr.
Trying to get that image out of my mind, I didn't notice as he turned to his right and said, 'Hi, have you met Harry Potter?', slinking away and leaving me with some random girl.
She was very pretty. Legs to die for, long waist-length blonde hair and the brightest red lipstick that made me want to kiss her right there.
"Hi, I'm Flora," she said, extending her hand to me while simultaneously sitting a bit straighter and giving me an ample view of her cleavage.
"Dad!" Lily screamed, shoving me.
"Hey, this is PG13. Last I checked, you were 13. Now let me continue."
"Hi, I'm Harry," I greeted her.
She grinned and took a sip of her drink, "I know who you are. It's such an honour to meet the boy who lived."
"I try to avoid that title completely. I'd change my name if I could but I actually like the name 'Harry'"
Hermione had just come home, throwing her mediwitch lime-green robe on my and Ron's couch. "Hey, you're home early," she said, greeting her boyfriend with a kiss.
"I thought I'd surprise you with your favourite dinner," Ron said, holding her close.
"Oh no. Not again. Harry was so upset when you burnt his broom in the fire," she said, knitting her eyebrows together.
"No, this time I got it all under control. And just you wait until you see what I got you," Ron said with a grin.
"What did you get me?" Hermione asked, jumping slightly in his arms.
Ron had almost blown it, before anything even started. Using his quick thinking, he did what any smart man would do. He reached for the nearest thing available, "I picked up this book for you at the muggle bookstore you like."
"Ummm... I already have this one. And it's mine."
"Oops, then what did I buy? Ummm wanna help me in the kitchen?" he said trying to change the subject.
Hermione stood on her tiptoes, replacing the book where Ron had picked it up. "Sure."
"So while he followed his dream and married his school sweetheart, I'm here drinking in a bar, nursing a firewhiskey and thinking of what could have been. I'd get married on a broomstick, me, my bride and the minister up in the air. The whole wedding party would be looking from down the below. It would be spring, not too hot not too cold. And then I'd probably have the wedding reception at Hogwarts. Best place in the world, if I could convince Professor McGonagall. Sorry if I'm bothering you." I said to Flora who was sitting across from me with her own drink.
"No, I think it's kinda cute, in a creepy way," Flora laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
"Hey, would you like to meet up some other time?" I asked in one breath. This girl thought I was cute and kinda creepy. And I completely forgot that Draco had said just to get laid.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm here with Blaise," Flora said, pointing to the bar at a smiling Blaise, who was trying not to laugh.
Now I feel like an idiot. "I didn't know. Well it was nice meeting you. I'll probably see you around," I said getting up and walking to the bar. Draco was there as well, and Blaise finally released his laughter, clutching his hand to his chest.
"Why didn't you tell me before I spent 30 minutes talking to her?" I fumed as he passed me another firewhiskey.
"Because I thought it would be funny. And it was," Blaise grinned at me, and Draco nodded beside him.
Draco then said to me, "Harry, buck up. Now it's time for round two. Hey-"
"No," I put my hand on Draco's shoulder. "No more tonight. I just want to find the one like Ron did. Just to look up and see-"
And there she was. She was cute, not overly pretty but there was just something about her. She seemed to into her conversation with her short friend, kinda fiery. Her red hair flowed over shoulders and her skin was slightly tanned.
"She's the one. But how do I do this? I'll wait til she's on her way to the bathroom and accidentally bump-"
"Hi, have you met Harry Potter?" Draco said before slipping away again.
I didn't know if I should have been angry or happy with Draco. But then, I was tongue-tied as she stood right in front of me.
"Ah, Harry Potter. The Boy-Who-Lived."
"Everyone greets me that way," I said, moving to lean against the bar beside her.
"Well, that's what you're known for. But I remember a geeky fourteen year old trying to dance at the Yule Ball," she said with a gleam in her eye.
"Hey, you try dancing with a million eyes watching you. I'm surprised I didn't land on my face." I took a gulp of my firewhiskey before asking, "So what do you to?"
"I play for the Holyhead Harpies. I'm actually here with my teammates tonight." she said.
"If you wanna go back to them, I completely understand."
"Actually I wanted to get away from the table. One of them just got dumped and they've just been moping all night," she said with a sigh.
"Well, how about we go somewhere else then?" I said. She was just drawing me in, or maybe it was the alcohol.
"I can't just leave them, I-"
"Tomorrow?" Now I sounded desperate. She'd probably run now.
But instead, she just smiled. "Sure"
I smiled back but then she suddenly slapped me. "Maybe, that'll change the topic." Then she walked away with a wink.
Draco snuck up behind me and laughed, "Ha! You got d-nied. You-"
"I'm meeting her tomorrow," I said, holding up the paper she had handed me with her phone number.
"So what was the slap for?" Draco asked.
"Because she's crazy, Dray. But I'm gonna see where this goes."
"It was nice of Harry to get out and give us the apartment, just the two of us," Hermione said as she chopped some peppers.
"And look what I got," I said taking a bottle of champagne from the fridge.
"Oh, what are we celebrating?" she said taking it from him.
This was it. This was Ron's big moment. He got down on one knee and pulled the ring box from his back pocket. "Hermione, will you marry me?"
Hermione jumped, "Yes, Ron. Oh my god." And then she tackled Ron to kitchen floor.
They finally resurfaced and Ron grabbed the bottle of champagne. "I propose a toast to the future Mrs and Mrs-" pop! "Ow!"
"So, tell me about yourself," Harry said as they dined in his favourite Italian restaurant.
"Well I own a pygmy puff named Arnold, I'm allergic to to peanuts and I hate grape soda," she said as she sipped on her wine.
"Oh my god, I love grape soda. It's faith." I said, staring into her eyes. I don't know what was wrong with me.
"Faith because?"
"You hate grape soda, I love grape soda. You know what they say: opposites attract."
"That they do Mr Potter," she said vaguely as she stared over at me from the top of her glass.
I walked her home that night and we stood on her doorstep. "I had a really great time tonight," she said, hugging her coat close to her.
"Me too. We should do this again sometime," I said to her with a smile.
"Ok then, I'll see you later."
"See you later."
"You should have kissed her!" Ron said, slamming his drink on the table. I had just told about my date and now everyone was coming down on me.
"I didn't wanna come off as a creep," I said trying to defend myself. "We having a great time and I didn't wanna ruin it."
"You mean you chickened out and missed your chance," Hermione said, shaking her head.
"She didn't give me the signal," I said.
"There is no signal. Look-" Draco said before leaning across the table and kissing Hermione on the lips. "See, did Hermione know? No but now I don't have to worry about what could have been." He went back to his drink like it was the most normal thing to kiss his best friend's fiance in front of his best friend.
Ron's face was pissed off as Hermione tried to calm him down but Harry didn't care. He looked up to the TV Blaise had installed in the bar. "Look there she is."
Everyone looked up at the replay of the Holyhead Harpies match that took place on Saturday. "She is cute," Draco remarked, "but not my type."
Ron snorted, finally having gotten over the kiss. "You don't have a type, Draco. It's just had and have not yet."
Draco pondered it for awhile, "You're right. Harry, you should have kissed her."
"I should have kissed her!" I shouted to the ceiling. The bar was empty now so I didn't have to worry about any odd looks. "I'm gonna kiss her."
I stood on her doorstep and was contemplating between knocking on the door and making a run for it. Then I heard, "Get out of here before I call the- Oh hi Harry."
"Hi," I called up. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure, I'll let you in," she said before ducking back through the window.
"So what did you want at 1 in the morning?" she asked as we walked through her kitchen.
"Well I was thinking about our date tonight, and the whole grape soda thing. And I wanna see how serious this can get. I mean I don't understand it really. I-"
She cut me off and pulled me close, "I've been thinking about it too. We could go to the park tomorrow."
"I'd like that. I like ice cream if that helps," I said angling her face to mine.
"My favourite flavour is pistachio," she said in a whisper, her mouth moving towards.
"I think I love you." It slipped out and she quickly jumped out of my arms, both of our eyes wide.
"Sorry. I'm so sorry. I know that's so not first date material," I panicked, pacing before her. This was definitely awkward.
"Umm I think you better leave," she said, walking towards the front door.
I began walking down the street as she closed the door behind her and I stopped. What was I doing? "I'm sorry again for what I said, but I still want to see where it goes." I walked back up to her, "Ice cream in the park tomorrow?"
"It's a date," she said. She came in close and gave me a long look. I stuck my hand out and shook it awkwardly before I turned back to walk home.
"That was the signal!" Hermione shouted this time after I told them what had happened.
"I thought you said there was no signal," I said exasperatedly, just realizing that I still didn't kiss her goodnight.
"There is no signal," Draco said, waving his hands down to calm Hermione. Then he turned to me, "But if there was, that was the signal."
"Blaise!" I shouted. I needed some help.
"That was the signal," he said from the bar counter.
"Ahh!" I said, holding my head in my hands.
"So kids, I was horrible with ladies but I did meet a wonderful girl that night. Funny, smart and a wicked Quidditch player. That's how I met your aunt Ginny."
"What!" James and Albus shouted. They had spent 30 minutes on the couch listening to the wrong story when they could have been flying.
"I thought this was about mom," Lily pouted.
"I'm getting there. Be patient."
James and Albus fell back with a groan.
A/N 2: To be continued.
So, we know this is not a Hinny fic. Sorry Hinny shippers. I don't how to introduce the characters without giving away who they are from the description and the things they talk about. I mean it's kinda obvious it's Ginny if she plays for the Harpies. Maybe it'll be easy in future chapters.
