A sort fic based on season 2 finale.
Kinda inspired by the song Stupid thing by Nickel.
Disclaimer ; Not mine okay!?
I did a stupid thing last night…
…I said I loved you
The moment I opened my mouth I knew that I had made a terrible mistake. And the fact that I could see the hopefulness and the muffled elation behind her eyes was the moment that I completely realized how much of a stupid decision this was.
It was what needed to be done so that Slade could be stopped, but at what price? Could this be another mistake of mine added the long list of my past errors? I had told her why I could never be with someone that I could completely care for, that I would love.
I tried to not notice that she was trying so hard to mask her emotions, to not let me see the bliss that was created by my words. The way she had tilted her head to the side in a manner that betrayed her emotions and how she fought the corners or her lips, restraining herself from smiling.
I also tried to ignore the moment she realized this could only have been ruse. My attempt to overlook the flash of disappointment on her features completely failed. I saw the way she inhale from anticipation when I took her hands in mine and the way her face fell when I put the syringe in her left hand. I could feel the disenchantment settling in her heart and in that instant, I realised that I've never hated myself as much that I did in that exact moment. I couldn't stay any longer.
I absolutely knew better than doing this, I cannot say that I did not know what the repercussions would be. I also knew, in that moment my own feelings had been revealed and I hoped that she didn't gathered the information, it would only made it worse.
The moment her chin faintly dropped on her chest and a soft oh escaped her lips, I felt like I could no longer stay. I had to walk away, the city needed to be saved, sacrifices needed to be made.
I did a stupid thing last night…
…I believed you
My heart was beating so fast, at first it was out of excitement. Albeit, the circumstance wasn't what I hoped it would be, it still was everything I've ever wished. And I am ashamed to admit it, at this point I should've gotten over it, over him already. But joy was all I could feel as the words I've been longing for finally slipped from his lips.
The words that left his lip were all I ever wanted, needed to hear from him. Our world was falling apart and all I could care about was the way his eyes shone down on me, the vicinity of our bodies but most of all, the declaration of love that escaped his mouth.
I had to gain control on myself, my composure couldn't falter not now. I still had my pride, I couldn't show how much this moment affected me. I fought the corners of my lips and tried to count to ten repeatedly so that I could succeed in calming my heart and to regulate my breathing.
I took a large breath as the beat of my heart became more furious than earlier. Before, it was out of excitement but now it was all about disappointment. My face slackens a bit and I can feel my stomach drop as I come to realization that it was all false. The intonation he uses, the slight decline of his head letting me know that there was a subtle message in what he was saying.
Everything that I came to fear in the past minutes were confirmed as he elusively placed the syringe in the palm of my hand and closing my fingers around it. "It's the only way." Those words are echoing in my head. None of this was true, how could I be so stupid, so gullible and so weak?
I briefly looked at our still entwined hands and repeated to myself that it was needed to be done. He had to go to put the plan in motion, and I would stay back and wait for Slade. And I will not cry, there were more important things to confront than my feelings. It was what needed to be done.
