Cartman walked around the corner of the school's corridor, going to his next awful class. He stopped dead, however, when he saw Kyle and Stan making out by the lockers. Stan had Kyle pushed up against the wall, holding one of his hands, the other wrapped around Kyle's waist. Cartman couldn't believe it; through all his jokes about Kyle and Stan being gay, he'd never actually seen it.
When he finally got his breath back, Cartman shouted, "Hey, fags!" and laughing hysterically. Stan reluctantly turned away from Kyle to glance at the fatass who was almost rolling on the floor. In between fits of laughter, Cartman managed to get out, "And you never believed me when Ah told you gahs that you were queer. But seriously Stan, couldn't you do better than that stupid Jewboy?"
Stan scowled and lunged for Cartman, but was pulled back by Kyle. "Let me at 'im! I'm gonna give that fucking fatass what he deserves!" Stan struggled against Kyle's grip halfheartedly.
"Just let him laugh his fat ass to death. He would never understand anyway; the only person who's ever loved him is his mother", Kyle said, sliding his hand from Stan's arm to his hand, entwining their fingers. "Let's go." Almost out the school door, Cartman shouted after them.
"H-Hey guys, wait up!" Kyle and Stan kept walking. Cartman ran up behind them. "So, when were you gonna tell me that you two were fuck buddies?" Cartman had to keep from falling over laughing again. Stan glared at him.
Ignoring Cartman's language, Kyle replied, "Stan and I only got together yesterday, and why, of all people, would we tell you?"
Stan gripped Kyle's hand harder. "Yeah. You'd be the last person we'd tell, you stupid fucking ho-" Kyle was glad he was there to keep Stan from beating the hell out of Cartman, not that Cartman didn't deserve it.
Suddenly, Cartman froze. Kyle and Stan looked back at him. He was just standing there, a look of realization on his face. "Oh. Mah. Gahd." Stan and Kyle exchanged confused glances. Cartman looked back at them, yelling, "You've been infected! You're both infected! You two got it!" He was dancing around them, waving his hands in the air.
Stan rolled his eyes and asked, "Infected with what?" Knowing Cartman, his reply would be something like, "Queer syndrome" or "AIDS" or something stupid.
"You're infected with the Gay Plague!" Close enough.
"You don't know how stupid you sound. And look. We're leaving." Kyle started to walk away through the snow.
"No no! Ahm serious gahs! It was on the news yesterday; there's this disease going around and turning people geh! It struck North Park last night. And now it's in South Park! Ah've got to tell everyone!" And with that, he took off down the street.
Kyle and Stan shook their heads and started to make their way to Stan's house.
"So, you wanna play Guitar Hero?" Stan asked, hanging upside down off the couch. Kyle replied, "Sure" without even looking up. Stan sat up, flipped himself around and walked over to the TV. Switching it on, the channel was turned to the local news station.
"Breaking news!" the announcer cried. "As you may have heard, there is an epidemic sweeping the globe. And we have news that South Park has been hit with the first case! This disease, known as the Gay Plague, turns heterosexual men into Chihuahua-toting, baking, singing queers. The early symptoms are: nail polish, listening to musicals and Elton John, and an attraction to Clay Aiken. If you know any males who are exhibiting these symptoms, please report it immediately. We do not know how this infection is contagious, and there is no known cure at this time. Please stay tuned for our special report at 11."
Stan, his hand still on the remote, was gaping at the screen. Kyle's mouth was hanging open as well. "You mean... Cartman wasn't lying? There actually is a Gay Plague?" But it had sounded so like Cartman!
"Apparently. But that means… we're only together because we have a disease." Stan thought about what he'd just said. Did this mean that he didn't actually like Kyle?
"Well I don't care what they say; I've always loved you. Even if I didn't notice it, or admit it." Kyle knew that what he felt for Stan wasn't just a chemical imbalance in his brain or foreign cells in his bloodstream. It was a feeling in his heart. But did Stan feel it, too?
Stan smiled. "I know. Fuck the disease. I love you, too. But still, I'm gonna find Cartman and rip his fat, tattling ass to bits!"
It was only a few minutes until the start of class, and Mr. Garrison's room was buzzing with news of the outbreak in South Park. Bebe and Wendy had the girls huddled in one corner of the classroom, Stan and Kyle, in another, and Cartman and Clyde taking over another.
"I take it all of you have heard the news about the GP", Wendy announced. All the girls nodded. Bebe took over.
"Well, we have to defend ourselves!"
Wendy looked over at her best friend, confused. "Bebe, what are you talking about?"
Bebe looked a little shocked. "What I mean is, we have to find a way to stop this! Girls, if you have a boyfriend, keep him close. Do whatever it takes to keep him with you. Don't let him go and hang out with his friends. If we don't fight, our boys will leave us and take over our jobs, like cooking and shopping, and cheerleading! And they won't pay us any attention!" The group of girls again began to speak in hushed, anxious tones.
"Bebe! There's nothing wrong with being gay. And nothing like that is ever going to happen. Girls, listen to reason; there is no evidence to suspect that anything like this will occur. There is nothing to worry about!" But all the girls turned to Bebe.
"We have to fight!" A girl cried.
"Yeah!" the rest echoed. The group of girls began to make plans of what to do, while Wendy was waving her arms, pleading, and being completely ignored.
"I realize this is a very touchy topic", Stan began, "but there is nothing wrong with being gay. And really, what's the big deal? I doubt anything is going to happen anyway." Kyle and Stan took turns sharing their views to the small group of boys that surrounded them, including Butters, Tweek, and Pip.
"We must naht let this disease spread! We must bring down all the fags in this town once and for all!" Cartman was going wild. "Unless you ahll want to become butt-fucking fags, then you will ahll report any homosexual behavior to meh immediately! Now, who wants to stay straight?!" This was met by a cheer from most of the boys in that corner. Clyde then began his speech.
"And if things come to it, we may even have to join forces with the girls. But in the end, it will all be for the best", he concluded. A few boys clapped. Most of the fourth grade boys had joined Cartman's Fight Against Gays Society. Cartman, of course, was the leader, with the popular Clyde Donovan as his Commander in Chief. Craig was there mostly because he was friends with Clyde, and Token, Timmy, Jimmy, Bill and the others for various reasons.
The bell rang and everyone returned to their seats, ready to start their day.
Kyle and Stan were walking home, hand in hand, when they heard "Stan!" Looking over their shoulders, they saw Wendy catching up to them. When she did, she cried, "I want to join your group." Kyle and Stan exchanged glances.
"Oh, uh, okay." Bebe had probably taken over the girls, forcing Wendy to join a boy's group. But she could be a powerful asset; she was popular, moral and ambitious. A born leader, she could take over Stan and Kyle's group if they need her help.
Meanwhile, the Fight Against Gays Society had organized itself in Cartman's basement. "The first thing we must do is very cleeah; we have to take down Stan! He's leading the queer movement, so by taking out the leadah, we will be able to take down the gehs!" He stood on the table, looking down at the boys. Some were nodding, some whispering amongst themselves. Token raised his hand. "Yes, Token?"
"What about Kyle? Isn't he also a leader?" This statement heard some "Yeah"s from the rest of the table.
Cartman snickered. "You mean that bitch? He's so pusseh, we don't need to worry about him. The only thing protecting him is his little 'cooh guy' boyfriend. Just take out Stan and we've won!"
School had just let out. Cartman stood in the middle of the street with his posse behind him, Clyde by his side. Stan stood opposite him, his smaller gang behind him, Kyle and Wendy by his side. Bebe came to stand on Cartman's other side, followed by the girls. Apparently, Bebe and Cartman had made an allegiance against Stan.
Cartman was the first to talk. "We're gonna take you down, fags! I am going to rid this town of dirty homos like you!" Kyle laughed. "Eh! What's so funny Jewfag?"
"Well can't you see how gay you look, Cartman? I mean, you're wearing a shirt with 'I support F.A.G.S.' written across it, for God's sake." It was true; Cartman had made a T-shirt with the initials of his group on it. "Besides, you don't want to come near me; I might be contagious. You're just jealous because I have someone who loves me. And the only person who would ever love you is your mother!"
Every kid, whether boy or girl, Cartman's or Stan's side, gasped. It was on. Kyle had gone there.
"Well, well…" Cartman stammered. "At least she's a girl! And at least she doesn't have AIDS!"
Stan's turn. "Good thing for you, or else you and every other male in this town would have it!" he cried. More gasps and snickers.
Cartman knew he had to be quicker. Bebe jumped in. "Not every male. You queers would have gotten it from each other! And Wendy's only on your side, Stan, because she's jealous of losing her ex-boyfriend to a guy!" All eyes turned to Wendy.
"That's not true! I'm very happy for Stan, and there's nothing for me to lose because he's only my ex! I joined his group because it's the right thing to do! So screw you Bebe! And every other one of you homophobes!" Wendy was bright red and her fists were clenched tight. Bebe had really gotten to her.
Craig stood there and flipped Stan's group off. "Gah! Oh, God! They're gonna kill me! Too much pressure!" was heard from somewhere behind Stan. Then, all hell broke loose. Cartman lunged at Kyle, causing Stan to jump on him. Clyde came up and attempted to pry Stan off Cartman, but earning a swift punch to the arm by Stan. Bebe shrieked and went for Stan, but Wendy got to Bebe first. Bebe was trying to pull Wendy's hair, and Wendy was going for Bebe's neck. Craig was flipping people off left and right, and taking swings at anyone who got close to him. He managed to hit Kyle, who was already busy trying to defend himself from Red. Tweek was in the midst of the chaos, twitching violently and screaming about how he was going to be killed and how this fighting was too much pressure. Cartman had managed to slip away from Stan, who had been too busy with Clyde, and was now towering over Pip and Butters. Pip and Butters were hiding behind each other and shaking in fright, until Butters came up to Cartman and bit him on the arm, which in turn made Cartman stop in shock, then start crying for his 'Meeeeeehhhhm'. Jimmy was poking Timmy with his crutches, all the while Timmy screaming his war cry 'Timmaaaayyyyy'. One the sidelines, sitting in the grass, were Kenny and Damien. Kenny was laughing at the brawl in front of him, and Damien was smirking, loving the fighting and violence. Suddenly, a shoe came flying from the street and hit Kenny square in the face. Kenny fell backwards, very bloody and presumably dead. Out of all the commotion, Stan yelled, "Hey, someone killed Kenny!" and was followed by Kyle, shouting, "That bastard!"
In the end, there were just a bunch of kids lying in the middle of the road, exhausted. The death count stood at one, Kenny now being eaten by rats. Many of the boys had bruises and scratches, the girls with mostly cuts and disheveled hair. One by one, each kid made their way home, defeated and depleted.
