Hi, it's Chidori no Tenshi! (No duh.) I wrote an Ouran fic!!! O_o I don't think I've ever liked an anime so much as I've liked Ouran High School Host Club. Especially the twins. God, they're too sexy for their own good. Cough.
By the way...IF ANYONE CAN FIND THE SONG "KOI NI OCHITARA" BY FUJITA YOSHINORI (NOT CRYSTAL KAY) WITH GOOD QUALITY (BETTER THAN 128 KBPS), PLEASE TELL ME WHERE I CAN GET IT OR SEND IT TO ME, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!! There's nothing more I hate than loving a song and not being able to find a version that's decent quality. Thanks, I'd really appreciate it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran; it belongs to Bisco Hatori...who I think should really push to get out a second season. Grr.
*Note: These are just some songs that I thought might help to intensify the mood of the story, but it's just my opinion. XD So here's the recommended soundtrack for this fic:
Tsumetai Yoru by Ootori Kyouya's voice actor (Matsukaze Masaya)
Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Always be my Baby by David Cook
Journey to the Past from Anastasia (NOT the one by Aaliyah)
Far Away by Nickelback
Koi ni Ochitara by Fujita Yoshinori
Sad to Say by Jasmine
Jewel by Hamasaki Ayumi
A Train Ride Away from You - Chapter 1
Tears rolled slowly down Kaoru's face and on to his pillow. Lying tranquilly beside him, facing him on the bed, Hikaru didn't so much as stir as Kaoru lifted his left hand and gently cupped his brother's cheek. He pressed himself closer to the warm chest in front of him, Hikaru's arms tightened instinctively around his waist. The shadowy blackness of the room hid Kaoru's expression and tears, so that he would be safe even if Hikaru managed to wake up. Even though he could hardly control himself anymore, he managed not to kiss his older brother's mouth. Warm air blew out of those parted lips and softly fanned over the younger twin's face. Even though it was tempting, so tempting, Kaoru had told himself already that he'd decided not to be selfish. He would keep this promise.
A few weeks ago, Kaoru had realized just what exactly that feeling plaguing him was, began dreading it every day the second he woke up. It gave him romantic dreams about Hikaru deep in the darkest hours of the night, making him bolt up in bed. The cold sweat would drip down his forehead, reminding him that this was a reality he had to face and somehow solve. But even though his mind fully understood how he was forcing himself into a corner, his body gradually began to react to each and every brush of skin, every hug, every fake act at the Host Club. He was falling in love with the one person he wasn't allowed to, the irony only serving to make him even more frustrated. It shamed him, shamed him so much that he would find himself sitting in the shower, staring blankly into space while the water shot at him like small, jeering missiles.
Brothers could not, should not feel like this for each other. If Hikaru found out...Kaoru's breath hitched, goose bumps rising just at the thought of it...if Hikaru found out, he would be utterly disgusted. Oh, he might try to hide it for the sake of keeping their relationship, since he did love Kaoru after all, in a brotherly fashion that is. But Kaoru could just imagine it: every time they would touch, even if by accident, Hikaru would draw away in a flash, mumbling some kind of apology.
And Hikaru would continue to pull farther and farther away from his twin, until Kaoru would be the last one left in their solitary world, chained by feelings that he didn't even want.
Left behind by his own brother.
But Kaoru was brave. He risked his everything, thinking that he could live with having these feelings as long as Hikaru or anyone else never found out. As long as they never found out, he would be safe, free to live with his brother as he always had, eating together, sleeping together, living life together.
Hikaru had even gotten over Haruhi, not lifting a finger when she and Tono had finally gotten together, but only wishing them happiness. He'd grinned at Kaoru and told him that perhaps Haruhi had been a mere crush, and that she was now in the past for him, only a symbol of how close he was to the younger twin. After all, it'd been the first time he'd ever liked a girl, and, just like the first fight he ever had with Kaoru, he couldn't tell when to stop, and which emotions were real or unreal. The older twin found that he still missed monopolizing her sometimes, the first true friend he'd ever had...but he dealt with it. And Kaoru had smiled.
But then that girl had transferred into their class, right into the seat in front of Hikaru. That Yukimura Atsuko, daughter of some company's CEO, a beauty with wavy black hair, huge brown eyes, and a super nice person to boot. Not to mention that she could tell Kaoru from Hikaru just like Haruhi could. Wordlessly, Hikaru had fallen head-over-heels for her. He watched her from behind with such affectionate eyes that Kaoru had had to excuse himself to the washroom during a lesson to sit in a stall, motionless as he felt like his chest was being crushed by a harsh pressure. His heart hurt, his head hurt, and he felt sick, but he would hold out.
He would make himself hold out.
However, the last straw had been when Kaoru found a pencil drawing of a heart encircling Hikaru and Atsuko's names on the desk the twins shared. There were multiple scribbles on it, and Kaoru could just imagine his brother discovering what he'd written unconsciously, a huge blush covering his face, before scribbling it out and doing the same thing all over again.
At that moment, the hopelessness of the entire situation had finally gotten to Kaoru, his knees giving out on him. He'd kneeled in front of that desk for a while, homework lying beside him, wondering what he could possibly do.
He'd considered staying for Hikaru, since he knew that Hikaru would be lost without his twin, the one that had always been by his side. But Kaoru couldn't take it anymore. At this rate, he would die early of heartache, no exaggeration, and that wouldn't help Hikaru in any way, except to bother him. He couldn't stand watching his older brother gaze lovingly at another all day, it just wasn't possible.
And so, he'd come up with an idea that wouldn't cause too much trouble, and which would somewhat ease the horror of having a ticking time bomb strapped to his heart. The bomb pushed at his heart day after agonizing day, and when the timer went off, he would be able to do nothing but meet his demise.
It had been at that moment that he'd decided to leave.
...
Silver moonlight shone into the dark room, bathing the twins in a magical glow. Kaoru's self-restraint was stretched thin; he knew he had to leave soon before it finally broke. He pressed his lips to both of Hikaru's cheeks, then the corner of his mouth. Gently, soundlessly, he loosened the arms around him and slipped out of the bed, his pillow wet with the tears he'd shed. He walked across the room silently and pulled on the door of a closet, the silhouette of a lone suitcase sitting there, as if reminding him just how alone he really was. Dragging the suitcase to the door, he looked back once at Hikaru, who had grabbed Kaoru's pillow and was now hugging it as if he would the real person.
A smile spread across the younger twin's face, not touching his eyes.
"Goodbye, Hikaru."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Kaoru dragged the suitcase all the way to the train station. There, the bullet trains, or shinkansen, would take him far, far away from this place. His muscles ached at the labour, having walked a long distance since no cabs went by the Hitachiin residence, especially not at that hour. Normally he would've only had to carry half the weight...but he wasn't supposed to be thinking about that now.
The shinkansen arrived then, its speed alarming to those who weren't familiar with it. A security guard yelled at Kaoru to step behind the yellow lines for his own safety, and the boy jumped back in surprise. He thought he'd researched enough about these commoner ways, but apparently not. Sighing for the third time that day, Kaoru stepped on to the train with downcast eyes.
He sat down at a random spot, most of the seats being empty because of the time. An officer checked his ticket before smiling wistfully at him. "Leaving on a trip by yourself?"
Kaoru looked up in surprise. The voice broke through the heavy silence all around, and he noticed that he was the only passenger on that section of the train. He nodded absently at the question when he realized that the man was staring at him expectantly. "I guess you could say so." He propped his elbow on the headrest of the empty seat in front of him. He vaguely noticed that the dull blue tint of the seats seemed to match his mood.
The man smiled knowingly, then left for the next section of the train, leaving Kaoru alone to his thoughts. He watched the mass of skyscrapers with blinding neon lights gradually dwindle as hours flew past, until they became secluded farming houses with endless, green fields. The sun rose lazily, the boy watching as the sky was painted a myriad of bright colors. Suitcase sitting quietly on the seat next to him, the silence became overwhelming and dragged him down...pulling him down into the realm of the dreams...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hikaru's eyes opened drowsily, blinking a few times before reaching over to the other side of the bed. Cold sheets met his hand. He groaned, sitting up. "Kaoru?" He dragged himself out of bed and opened the bathroom door in their room. "Kaoru?" Yawning, he stretched and proceeded to open the door leading to the hallway. Maids scurried over immediately.
"Hikaru-sama, is something the matter? Why are you up at eight-thirty on a Saturday?"
He blinked. Oh, it was Saturday? He would've thought the scene of a bunch of maids scurrying to him because he woke up too early as comical, but he wasn't awake enough yet to feel amused. "Where's Kaoru?"
"Kaoru-sama has not yet left the room. He is not in there with Hikaru-sama?" The voices began to sound alarmed.
Hikaru's brain flickered to life. "What? Kaoru hasn't left? You sure he didn't just go on some walk at five in the morning?"
"W-Well, that would be quite possible, since we have only been awake until six. Kaoru-sama does tend to do these kinds of things..." the maids muttered between themselves.
"He's probably out doing something, don't worry 'bout it. I'll be going down for breakfast." But even though Hikaru sounded nonchalant, a tiny seed of panic and desperation that he always felt when his twin wasn't around began to grow. He dismissed the feeling as the usual, and sauntered downstairs for breakfast.
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Kao-chan! What are you doing here?" Kaoru smiled wearily at the family friend. The sun had set hours ago. He was tired and emotionally spent. On the trip to this house, a realization that some of the inconveniences being a commoner could bring had come up, since he'd been riding public transit with his suitcase the entire day to get here. Thank God for the shinkansen, otherwise he wouldn't have reached this out-of-place town in only a day.
"Hi there, Takahashi-baachan. I...I need a place to stay. I'm sorry for the trouble."
The woman blinked at the dead air around the twin. He'd always been a happy, lively child that smiled as if the world didn't matter, as long as he had his br--
Oh. Hika-chan wasn't with him. She could guess now, just what might have happened.
"Come in, Kao-chan. I have no idea why you left home, but you will always be welcome here, don't you worry. Make yourself comfortable." She smiled at him brightly and moved to let him in. The inside smelled of honey, and he saw the pancakes on the dining table. The house was small but cozy and dimly lit candles here and there, which only led to add to the homey feeling. Relief and a little hope slid up the boy's spine. Yes, he could try to make this place his home, if the old lady would let him. And even though he missed everyone in the Host Club already, having been reminded of Honey-senpai when he smelled the honey (oh, the irony), he knew that he could go on without them. They were his family, but he'd long since understood that good things weren't meant to last long. If they did, then no one would know to appreciate them.
His carriage had finally turned back into a rotting a pumpkin, the spell had worn off, and he was prepared.
"Ah, but I can't pay you, Baachan. I-I didn't remember to bring rent money." His hands shook around the suitcase handle, the shock of everything and lack of sleep getting to him. "Sorry. Stupid mistake," he muttered.
"Nonsense, child. If you don't have money," the elderly woman gave him a wicked grin, "--you'll pay for it with your body."
Kaoru's face drained of color.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hikaru's stomach growled. He frowned, tossing the PSP he'd been trying to distract himself with on to the bed next to his. Where the hell was Kaoru? He'd even waited to eat dinner with his baby brother! The little seed of doubt and agitation grew in his stomach until he thought he'd have a cramp.
Elbows propped on his bent knees, Hikaru stared out the window. Kaoru hadn't come back yet, and it was already dark outside. What the hell had happened? Those sheets had been cold...he'd left long ago. Why didn't he come back yet?
Then Hikaru shook his head hastily. He was being pathetic. Kaoru had only been gone for a day and he was already like this. So what if his twin had gone without saying a thing to him? Something in his chest twinged at the thought, but he ignored it. Kaoru had the right to do whatever he wanted without having to report to his brother. He didn't usually disappear for so long, but that wasn't really the point...
The older twin hopped off the bed and began pacing the room impatiently, glancing out the window every few seconds to see if a redhead would appear. But no, there was no one. Oh, who was he kidding? It'd barely been twelve hours and he already missed his other half. Scenarios began playing themselves in his head. Was Kaoru...kidnapped? No. He would've woken up from the struggle, and the house's security was impeccable...unless it was a maid or butler? No. All of their maids and butlers had their backgrounds thoroughly checked before being hired, ever since that safe-cracking maid had come along.
But no. What if...what if Kaoru had been out on a walk, and then he'd been kidnapped?!
Hikaru flew to his cell phone, Kyouya's speed-dial number already typed in. Yes, if there was anyone that could help him, it was definitely Kyouya. His private police were situated all over the world, not to mention detectives as well. "Kyouya-senpai? It's Hikaru. Kaoru's been missing since seven this morning..."
---------------------------------------------------------------
He lay on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
How long would it take for his brother to start looking for him?, he wondered. But he shook his head vigorously. He was not to think of his brother anymore. He was lonely, so lonely without the twin that he was always with, but he would never see Hikaru again anyway, so there was no point. As much as he hated it, from the moment he had left their room, Hikaru was already his past. This was the present Kaoru, the one that worked at a ramen shop and lived upstairs with an old granny. He was determined to make a living this way. Even if Kyouya's police were sent out, they would never be able to find him in this closely-knit, crowded little commoner town.
Still, even though Kaoru tried to convince himself this way, he'd never been very good at lying to himself. He missed Hikaru, and he knew that the nagging feeling as if he was missing something wasn't just his imagination or homesickness. He could care less about home as long as he had Hikaru. And there was just that little, tiny glimmer of hope, of wonder. It hoped that Hikaru would find him, admit to having similar feelings, and they would go back home happily. But no, this wasn't some fairytale story with a happy ending. This was real life, and real life meant harsh reality.
Flashback:
The twins were six-years-old and had only recently been introduced to the idea of dares. This was a horror to anyone who knew the two's mischievous ways, but at least it kept them occupied.
Hikaru was particularly daring and he enjoyed seeing the scared expressions of his brother and having him cling on his arm; it made him feel like the older one, the more responsible one. He'd always felt protective of Kaoru. The younger twin shifted in his sleep then, and his eyes opened blearily. Hikaru was sitting up, a devilish gleam in his eyes. "Hi-Hikaru? Why aren't you sleeping? Is something the matter?"
"Kaoru, let's play hide-n-seek-slash-run-away-from-home!"
He rubbed his eyes. "Now? But it's night time!"
Golden eyes sparkled. "Yeah."
A short pause.
Kaoru was still uncertain, but he liked seeing his brother happy so he shrugged. "Well... okay then."
"Oh, and let's make it a half-dare at the same time!" The little boy smirked.
Kaoru blinked. He was afraid, he would admit that, but whenever Hikaru got that look on his face, there was no stopping him. "Um...okay."
"Heh." Hikaru's smirk disappeared and was replaced by a serious look. "The one to be found first...will have to do the other's bidding for the entire day."
Kaoru's face fell. "The...the entire day?"
"Yeah, the entire day! The boundaries will be the house and land outside surrounding it. It's--" he checked the clock, "--six right now. The maids should be up any second."
Kaoru bit his lip anxiously.
Hikaru squeezed his hand reassuringly. He reached over to a drawer in the side of the bed, snatching a whistle and tied the attached string around Kaoru's neck. "Blow it, 'kay? If anything happens, just blow it and I'll find you before you know it."
Kaoru's eyes widened at the warmth in Hikaru's eyes. "Yeah," he nodded happily.
His twin grinned. "Okay, ready...start!" He leaped off the bed hurriedly.
Kaoru sighed, but he got up. Determination shone brightly in his eyes.
He would win this battle.
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Welcome!" Kaoru called out and grinned. He led the couple to a seat and handed them the menus. "Please call for me when you are ready to order," he left with a bow. The teenage girl stared after him, a flush staining her cheeks. Her partner looked at her angrily and "hmph'd".
He'd started work days ago, and it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. The noise of the friendly town was definitely welcoming and warm. When his hands were kept busy and his legs tired out from running around the shop all day, there was less of a chance that Hikaru would pop up in his mind. That didn't mean that thoughts of the older Hitachiin wouldn't drive him to tears nearly every night, even when he was exhausted and his body was aching for sleep. Still, this would be a better life for him. He'd never meet anyone that would mean as much as Hikaru did to him, but he could be content after a while. They say that time does heal all wounds, after all.
His apron swishing around his waist, the first three buttons on his white shirt were unbuttoned. People of both sexes stared at him in admiration, but he was oblivious to all the stares. He'd always been quite unaware of anything that concerned himself, since Hikaru usually warded off anyone weird. Then, a young girl, maybe 17-years-old, waved him over. "Kaoru-kun, right?" She asked, glancing at his nametag.
"Ah, yes." He smiled lightly. "Is there anything you needed?"
"I was just wondering...um, when do you get off work?" A bright blush lit up her face.
He had no idea why this stranger would ask when he would get off. It wasn't really her business anyway, but he guessed it wouldn't hurt. "Six p.m. Why?"
"I wanted to speak with you about something. Would it be alright if I come meet you after work?"
Kaoru sighed. "Uh, I don't--"
"Please," she said. "It won't take long, and it's important."
Usually, Kaoru wouldn't have agreed. But there was something desperate in her tone of voice that he felt he could relate to. What was it? He decided that he could take a risk to find out what she was going to tell him. Besides that, there was another thing as well: she looked slightly familiar to him... "Well...okay then, uh...something-chan." He gave her a small smile.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She stumbled from her chair and bowed to him. "My name is Yukimura Ayaka. Nice to meet you!"
He bent down in an awkward half-bow, still unused to all the formalities. Hitachiins didn't bow to anyone, after all.
Suddenly, he froze. "Did you just say...Yukimura?"
"Yes. I don't know if you ever met her before, since she goes to Ouran High School. However, she is quite well-known, so maybe you would." A corner of her mouth quirked up in amusement. "My sister is Yukimura Atsuko."
For the second time that week, all color drained from Kaoru's face.
---------------------------------------------------------------
They were at the back of the store, where the currently empty parking lot was. The sky was already dark, stars twinkling in the unreachable distance. A small lamp attached to the wall of the store shone weakly, creating eerie shadows everywhere.
"What did you want to talk about?" His bangs covered his eyes slightly. The light cast shadows on his face, making it look more angular.
Kaoru didn't want to be nice to this girl, but his manners still won out. Her sister had stolen his brother...forced him to do this. But no, the rational part of Kaoru knew that this had been his own decision, and that Atsuko-chan was a nice girl, and that his brother deserved someone he could be happy with. Without Kaoru's interference, Hikaru had said before that they would always be together, always be on the same path...but this just wasn't possible anymore. Not since he saw the heart on their desk.
A small sigh left her lips. "Lonely."
The younger twin's eyes widened. "What?"
"You look so lonely." She smiled and took his hand, leaning towards him with a glow in her eyes. "Today, when I came to the ramen shop, I became intrigued, first by your--" she coughed, "--looks, then by that glint in your eye." She sighed. "I would know that look."
Startled, snatched his hand away and shifted away from her. "E-Excuse me?"
"I know what being lonely feels like." She stared with solemn eyes into his own. "It's horrible, and I just wanted to let you know that if you ever, ever need anyone to talk to, I will be here. Naturally," she flushed and averted her gaze, "--I understand that you obviously wouldn't want to confide to a complete stranger, and of course I fear that I might have misjudged your character and that I could be talking to a complete psycho right now, or even a serial murderer..." The flush remained on her face but she turned confident eyes on him. "But I'm willing to trust my instincts."
He stared at her with a mixture of amazement and amusement. This girl was so random, yet she was unique. How is it that someone could be so naive and yet so wise at the same time? He didn't know how to deal with people like her. "Thank you, Ayaka-chan. I appreciate your kindness. But..."
She sighed. "Yes, of course, I know what you're going to say."
He smiled a little.
Then she stuck her index finger in the air contemplatively, her expression reminding him of their "manager", Renge. "But...is it okay if I come to visit the ramen shop again tomorrow? Maybe you'll change your mind." The brightest smile he'd seen in ages popped up on her face, and it was like seeing a tiny sparkle of light at the end of a pitch-black tunnel threatening to swallow him.
"Yeah."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hikaru lay in his bed, shivering and plagued with nightmares. His eyes flashed open and he sat up, finding his pillow drenched in sweat. Kaoru...Kaoru...it seemed he was the only thing he ever thought about anymore. He was never at school; it was like his little brother had disappeared off the face of the earth. Hikaru didn't even bother going to school anymore. What would be the point? The Host Club worried about Kaoru too and Tamaki had closed it down temporarily. Every single police station, train station, and taxi had been alerted to the missing Hitachiin, not to mention the flyers posted up everywhere in Japan. There was not a single thing he could do besides wait for news. He went out every day in disguise, searching for his lost baby brother in places he could've possibly gone. The only thing keeping him from going insane at the moment was the tiny slip of paper that had been found on his mother's desk.
It had been Kaoru's handwriting, with the word "Goodbye" printed neatly in the center. It wasn't like his brother to disappear. Nothing like that had ever happened before, and he hardly ever left the house without his twin. Something devastating must have happened, something to cause Kaoru to do this. All of this wondering, worrying, all of the desperation was taking a toll on Hikaru, and he knew that he wouldn't last much longer if Kaoru wasn't found. Wetness dripped down his chin and he brought his hand up, only to find that the tears were coming out for the first time. A pressure pressed against his ribs, making it hard to breathe. It took only a moment before Hikaru realized what the pressure was.
He felt abandoned. He'd never felt so alone before, and the fear was choking him, but what was even worse was the feeling of betrayal. His twin brother had left him behind without a single reason, not bothering to say a single thing to Hikaru. Having gone through his entire sixteen years of life believing that he and Kaoru were inseparable and meant everything to each other, only to have that belief shattered...it was unthinkable, how lost he was, how incomplete he felt without his twin. Hikaru closed his eyes, the tears continuing to leak out from under his eyelids.
Kaoru had so easily abandoned him, left him behind. Yet he couldn't even find the will in himself to live without his baby brother.
