Love will always prevail
Part 1
Three months had passed since the funeral. Syed was still living in the flat near to Christian's but might as well have been living at the North Pole as Christian hardly ever saw him. He seemed to go to work early and worked all hours of the day and night. When he had last glanced him across the Square, he had been shocked at Syed's appearance. He looked so thin and seemed to have aged a lot.
Christian knew that Syed was blaming himself for Amira's death. She had found out the truth about them as Masood had forced Syed to tell her. She hadn't taken it well and had run out of the flat and run blindly across the road and didn't see the car that hit her. Syed had heard a crash and come out of the flat and cradled her in his arms. Amira had survived for a few days but had never come out of the coma and her father had made the decision to switch the machine off on advice from the doctors.
Christian had tried to get Syed to talk to him since the accident but he always pushed him away. They chatted about work and related things but anything else and Syed clammed up. Christian knew exactly what Syed was doing. Syed was convinced that it was his fault she died and was burying his head in the sand working all hours. His family tried to get him to come to theirs for meals but he always refused. He did his job and went back to an empty flat. Masood had spoken to Christian a few times as although he wasn't happy that Syed was gay, he knew that Christian might be the only person to get Syed better.
Syed walked into his flat and switched on the light. He glanced around and then collapsed on the sofa and switched on the tv. There were empty food cartons all around from takeaways and dirty plates and cups lying all around. The flat was an absolute tip. The doorbell rang and Syed decided to ignore it turning the tv up. It was no good, whoever was there was very persistent and not going to go away. Syed got up reluctantly and went down to answer it. It was Christian.
"Hi Syed I just wondered if you wanted to come to the café with me. I saw you come home and thought saves you cooking doesn't it?"
"If only he knew" thought Syed with a wry smile. Apart from cooking at work he never cooked at home. What was the point now it was just him?
"I'm really tired Christian."
"We could get a takeaway instead if you want."
"Come on in then."
Christian followed him up into the flat. He just stopped himself from gasping out loud when he saw the state of the place. He couldn't believe Syed could live like this.
"Have a seat Christian, just push those papers on the floor for now."
Christian moved a pile of papers to the side and sat down. He glanced into the kitchen which was even worse than the lounge. The bin was overflowing and the sink was full of dirty washing-up. He looked at Syed. He was busy reading a takeaway menu and then he handed it to Christian. He looked so drained and unhappy it tore at him. He hated seeing him like that and wished he could just hug him and make it all better but knew he had to take his time. Syed was mourning and blaming himself and he had to tread very carefully.
When they both decided what to have Christian phoned the order in. He went into the kitchen and started trying to tidy up. Syed called out "leave it Christian I'll do it later."
"Doesn't look like it's best done in a few weeks Sy. I need to clean some cups anyhow to make our drinks."
"Okay but leave the rest to me."
Christian washed the mugs up made some drinks and took them to the coffee table. He brushed some more leftover things to the side and put them down.
"Perhaps you need a cleaner" he said light-heartedly to Syed.
"Suppose you think that's funny."
"I could help you if you want to clear up."
"I told you Christian I will do it later."
The food came and they ate in silence watching the quiz-show on television. Syed only ate half of his and then put his plate down.
"Are you not eating that?" asked Christian.
"No you have it if you like."
"No I have enough here thanks. You really should eat more if you can Syed."
"Now you're sounding like my mum. I'm just not hungry okay."
"Don't get defensive. Saw your dad the other day. He said they want you to live back at home with them."
"Yes can you imagine? The good thing is having my own space and not having mum at me all the time."
"Must be lonely though, you need to get out more."
"I'm out every day working Christian. I go to hotels, halls, you name it all sorts with the functions we do. When I'm not working I pray at the Mosque and there's lots of people I know there too."
"I meant socially."
"I meet people socially through work just like you do Christian and at the Mosque."
"You should come clubbing with me and Chelsea one night. She's a good laugh and we meet up with other people as well."
"I wouldn't really be able to. I often have an early start."
"Couldn't your mum cover for you for once?"
"She's busy with Kamil."
Christian collected up their plates and took them into the kitchen. He took out the full bin bag and put a new one in. He headed back to the sofa.
"I don't have to work tonight. If you like we could go for a drink somewhere preferably not the Vic as I work there."
"No thanks."
"We could go to the cinema. There's that brilliant new thriller out, you used to like them."
"No I'm too tired to be honest. Probably just watch a bit of telly and then get to bed."
Christian decided to change tack a bit.
"Have you heard from Amira's dad at all?"
"Not since the funeral no. There's no reason I would."
"When is the inquest, isn't it coming up soon?"
"Next week, dad says he'll take me but I really don't want to go to be honest."
"It will be closure I guess."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Syed sounded angry.
"Well just that it will be set out what happened and you can move on."
Syed stood up and walked out to the kitchen with his cup. He slammed down his cup on the cupboard and turned round to face him.
"You have no idea have you? There will never be closure on what happened for me. I'm responsible for her dying. Me no-one else. The only way there would be closure is it there was a court case and I got put into jail for killing her."
"You didn't kill her."
"I did. It was because of me that she ran out of here the way she did and then straight into that car."
"You weren't driving that car Sy it was just terrible timing. The driver didn't have time to stop."
"Don't call me that you hear me." Syed was shaking with anger now and his hands bunched into fists, hearing Christian calling him Sy was bringing back memories he was desperately trying to forget, "everything was my fault, the fact I told her and then she got killed. It's all because what we did is wrong and it's all my fault."
"You can't blame yourself for all of that. Things happen in life and you can't blame yourself every time something happens."
"What we did was wrong, forbidden. That is why Amira was killed to punish me and that is why I should be facing trial. I told the police but they didn't want to know."
Christian was shocked "you told them what?"
"How I confessed to her just before about us and how she then ran out all upset."
"What did the police say?"
"That it was one of those things and they wouldn't arrest me for it. Felt like hitting one of them just so they would take me in to be honest."
Christian shook his head. He didn't know how to get it through to Syed that it wasn't his fault. He wondered whether Syed's family should consider professional help and perhaps a counsellor. He wasn't going to suggest it now to Syed the mood he was in but he felt something needed to be done and soon. Syed couldn't carry on like this much longer. The way he was going he was heading for a complete breakdown.
