Summary: As if t wasn't bad enough as it was but now Harry also had to be nice to the slimy git.

Harry Potter 8th year. Slash. Drarry. Angst.

All characters belong to me.

(Kidding *sigh* I wish) Everything belongs to JK Rowling

This story is a nonprofit Fanfiction, from someone who loves to write, to everyone who wants to read.


Chapter 1, The Best Summer Ever

It had been a warm summer, the warmest so far. I went straight from Hogwarts to the Burrow with Ginny and Ron. Hermione was currently away in Australia to find her parents and we haven't heard from her since she left. She needed to be alone and we could understand that, well I could understand that. Ron had always been surrounded by family and friends, he's always had them, Fred was the first one that he had lost.

The thing was that I could really relate to Hermione, I mean she had her parents, her family, and they were alive but they didn't even know she existed anymore and she didn't know where they were or how they were doing. I couldn't help but thinking about Sirius when I thought about it. I mean, he knew I existed, he knew I was out there somewhere and in danger while I had no idea he even existed. And when I found out that he did, I thought he wanted to murder me, I thought he was a madman.

Something started prickling behind my eyes but I tried rubbing it away. How awful it must have been for him, knowing he had a Godson that he was supposed to protect and having me, the Godson, hate him. Maybe I didn't really hate him but that's not the point. What if I knew about him earlier then I could've found him and we could've been a family. And then I remembered Azkaban and knew that there was nothing I could've done. If I knew about him earlier I would have hated him because I thought he betrayed my family. His best friends.

I suppose everything happend just as it was meant to, not too early and not too late. Just in time.

The summer was filled with funerals, I had attended all of them. Remus and Tonks. Lavender. Colin Creevey. Snape. Fred. I even went to Crabbe's, thinking it would be the first time I'd see Malfoy cry. He didn't. He just sat there as if in a comotose state, just staring down at his own hands while Mrs. Malfoy held one of them.

Mr. Malfoy was nowhere to be seen.

It wouldn't have been the first time I'd see him cry. Malfoy, I mean. I remembered two years ago, in seventh year how I walked in on him in the bathroom and he was crying, muttering to himself. It was a schock to me to see the proud Malfoy cry.

Not that it was anything wrong with that, it just took me by surprise is all. Now I'm just glad I'll never have to see the pointy face of that git again. I'm through with him, there's no more Hogwarts for me and now that I know where he lives I can avoid Wiltshire. Malfoy would probably just involve himself with dark magic and potions, so the chance of me running into him would be so tiny I would say it's almost nonexistent.

"Harry, dear, are you alright?" I looked up, I was sitting on the sofa in the living room, Molly was standing in front of me with a motherly smile on her face. She looked a bit worried though I think she tried to hide that behind the warmth of her smile.

I nodded. "Yeah, just daydreaming", I said. "Sorry".

"Nothing to apologise for, dear. Are you hungry? I'll make dinner soon", Molly said and I smiled at her.

"Brilliant", I said.

Everything had gone fairly normal this summer. Well actually, it went as a summer was supposed to, no threat from a Dark Lord trying to murder you, no relatives keeping you locked inside a room, no running around in woods scared to be found. This summer everything was just fantastic, no threat from anything or anyone. This time I could really get things started with Ginny without fearing that our relationship would put her in danger.

If she wants to, that is. We haven't actually talked that much, the two of us. Just the two of us.

It felt strange not knowing what I should do when summer was over. Ginny was going back to Hogwarts for her seventh year, I know Ron was talking about helping George in the joke shop. George was doing better than we thought he would, at least that's what he acts like. You know, occasionally at meals when someone says something he's either waiting for Fred to start saying something snarky or waiting for Fred to finish his own comments.

George's sentences remains incomplete. They will always be incomplete.

Well my thoughts suddenly turned on a rather unpleasant end. I have to think about something positive now, like Ginny. Actually I don't want to think about Ginny, I don't want to think about anything.

It was now the end of July, just a couple of days until my birthday and I pretended like I didn't know that. And that I wasn't aware of the plans Molly had for my "big day". I was turning 18 and i know it should feel like a big deal but birthday's have never been such a big deal for me. I guess that's how it is being an orphan during a war. I've had people trying to make me feel better and try to make my birthday as special as possible.

My birthday just reminds me of everything I've lost. It reminds me of all the people who won't have a birthday again, all those who won't grow older. And it then reminds me of Teddy, who will have birthdays but he won't have his fmaily to celebrate them with. Like I used to.

Well that's not entirely true. I am his family now. I'm his Godfather.

I guess that's what I'm going to do now, take care of him. Yeah, now that I don't have anything better to do, and frankly I'd love to take care of Teddy. Me and Andromeda, Tonks mother, share the custody of him. Teddy is with her at the moment but they had planned on coming here for my birthday.


I was walking outside the Burrow, the sun was shining high on the sky. I looked around. The flowers were in bloom, all over the place, the lake seemed closer than it had yesterday and it lured me to it.

It was a warm day, sweat ran down my forehead. When I stood by the edge of the lake I pulled my navy shirt over my head, unbuckled my belt and stepped out of my jeans. My glasses were folded carefully and placed on top of my shirt.

I left my pants on.

The water felt warm and welcoming as I took a first step into it and I think I might have moaned in pleasure. It was a long time since I bathed just because of the joy of it.

I took another step into the lake and felt the water flow up my legs in waves and I took another step and another step until I was up to my waist in water.

Then I dived in. I let the warmth of the water envelope me as I swam. I saw something on the bottom that gleamed and squinted my eyes as if begging them to focus on it. Just as I was about to give up I saw it again and out of curiosity I dived down to look at it.

It was beautiful, it looked like a red gemstone, a ruby, as it glinted at the bottom of the lake and I took a few determined strokes towards it. It was so beautiful, maybe I could take it and give it as a present to Ginny. Have it fixed as a pendant or maybe a bracelet or earrings.

I reached out my arm to grab it just as I felt something wrap around my wrist. It must have been seaweed but as I looked down at my wrist my eyes doubled in size.

It wasn't seaweed. It was a hand.

The hand dragged me down, my eyes seeked out the ruby again only to see that a black line had ruined the former unblemished gemstone.

It took me a second too long to remember the eyes. His eyes. They were staring at me and his wicked smile raised every single hair that I had all over my body. He pulled me down towards the mud and the seaweed but his face came up closer to mine as if he wanted me to get a good look at him. Up close.

And then his voice echoed in my mind and just my mind because he didn't move his lips. It was unavoidable and useless even to try and push him out of my head.

I could see the smile in his eyes as he stared at me, his voice still echoing in my mind.

"The boy who lived has come to die."


"Coming?" Ron asked me, he was standing in the doorway in his pajamas just looking at me with his tired eyes. He was all rumpled, as if he had a very good nights sleep, he looked well rested but still a bit tired. How I wish I could have a good nights sleep, just for one night. I haven't since the war. I haven't since before the war.

It was a couple of hours since I woke up from tonights nightmare, Ron hadn't woken up or even noticed but I didn't dare try to sleep again. I was lying in my bed, deep in thought. Or low in thought, more like it.

"I'll be down in a sec", I replied and he nodded before heading down the stairs. I waited a couple of minutes before I followed him down. This morning I felt tired, probably because of the long night of Quidditch we endured last night, I couldn't let it be because of the nightmare.

It had been fun yesterday, though. It's been a while since the lot of us –Ron, Ginny, George, Bill, Angelina, Lee, Charlie and me– did something without thinking about the past. About the war. About Fred.

We played four in each team. Ron, George, Bill and Angelina against Lee, Charlie, Ginny and me. Guess who won.

It sure wasn't my team. I wasn't really that good since we played without seeker's and Lee kept forgetting to catch the ball as he was to interested in commentating on what everyone else did.

This made it even funnier though, and it was nice to feel like we could all have fun and not feel the pressure that we have to win.

The absence of Hermione was radiating from everywhere and everyone as we went in for the night. I know Ron kept looking over his shoulder as if expecting Hermione to run towards us with a book in her hands and tell us how foolish we were playing at this hour.

I couldn't blame Ron, George was doing the same thing.

When I stepped into the dining room most of us were already seated. Bill was leaving after breakfast, he was just visiting over the weekend. Angelina and Lee planned on staying a couple of more days just to make sure George wasn't feeling lonely. Percy and Charlie were staying at the Burrow through the summer as was planned.

I think it's safe to say that Molly and Athur –espescially Molly– wanted their children nearby for a time while coping with Fred's death.

"Good morning dear", Molly smiled at me warmly and I returned it sleepily. I sat down next to Ron who was picking his food with his fork.

We ate mostly in silence. George, Angelina and Lee was all sleeping in this morning. Molly, Percy and Arthur said something occasionally but nothing out of the ordinary happend. That's before the owl arrived.

Ginny's letter from Hogwarts came and Molly sent her smiling face a disapproving look.

And then came a second owl.

Two letters fell in both mine and Ron's plates. There was no missing where these letters came from. Hogwarts.

I stared down at the letter that clearly announced that it was to Mr. H. Potter. My head was going in overdrive. Why was I getting a letter from Hogwarts?

I turned my head to look at Ron as if he held the answers in his hands. That's what happens when Hermione isn't around, if she was, both me and Ron would turn to her for the answers.

Ron shrugged. "Probably just our grades", he said but I knew from the look in his eyes that it was more than that, and that he wasn't 100 % believing in that statement.

None of us made to pick up the letters.

"Do go on", Arthur said from his seat. As I turned to look at him with my eyebrows furrowed I realised that everyone around the table was looking at me and Ron. They were probably just as confused and curious as to what the letter says as the rest of us.

"It's probably McGonagall offering you to come back to Hogwarts as the DADA professor, Harry", Bill said and the other occupants by the table nodded in agreement.

"But then why did Ron get one? It's not like McGonagall'd want him to come back to teach children", Ginny said and Ron pulled a face at her.

"I'm sure there's something she'd want with Ronnie, here", Molly said. Ron smiled at his mother and the rest of us turned to her to continue. She didn't, instead she furrowed her brows in thought.

"Thanks a lot, mom", Ron said and went back to staring at the letter.

"Don't be such a poof, Ron. Just open it, it's not like it's a Howler or anything", Bill said and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

Ron glared at his brother before he snatched the letter that still laid atop his plate. "I know that", he said. The look of utter fright that crossed his face when he held the letter up in front of himself made me chuckle. It was as if he expected a spider to jump out of it. Or maybe a hundred.

I picked up my own letter and ripped it open. Ron stared at me.

There was two pieces of parchment inside and I pulled them out and unfolded the first one.

Then I stared at it.

"Harry", came Ron's voice from my side. "What does it say?"

I kept staring down at the letter, swallowed and then started quoting it. "Dear Mr. Potter. We are pleased to inform you that you've been accepted to return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for your eighth year", I said and I could feel how all the air left the room. The letter was signed by the Deputy Headmistress Pomona Sprout.

"You what!?" Ginny sounded scandalised but I couldn't drag my eyes away from the inked words. You've been accepted to return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for your eighth year.

Return.

My head was empty, it was like something made sure no thoughts would enter or leave. Maybe my head was too full to begin with.

I'd go back.

She asked me to go back there, to Hogwarts. It used to be my home, don't get me wrong, but so much has changed. McGonagall can't possibly presume that I'd go back there. Or Ron for that matter. Our friends and family died there just a couple of months ago.

"No", I said as softly as I could but a bit strained as if the word didn't want to escape my lips. "She can't expect that of us. We need time."

"But Harry, dear. Think about your future", Molly's voice of reason came as expected. In my head it sounded more like Hermione.

My head turned to look at Molly so fast I swear I could've broken it. "No", I said and shook my head. "I've been their Chosen One, I've gone to every funeral they asked me to attend and more. None of them are going to have a future! It won't be home anymore. The last time I saw Hogwarts it was ruined and I don't want to go back there and see the blood on the cleaned walls. I don't want to hear the screams in my head. I've lost people there."

Ron rose from his chair and I turned my head from Molly to him. "You've lost someone", Ron's voice was strained and angry. His face was a dark shade of red. "What about Fred, eh? What about him? He was our brother, not yours. You didn't lose anyone!"

I stared at him for a couple of seconds in schock and disbelief before I clutched the letter in my hand, hard, and rose as well.

"Excuse me", I said and left to go outside. I didn't care that I was still in my pajamas, all I cared about was that I was left alone.

I had had a terrible night, followed by a terrible morning.

Ron doesn't understand how it felt having Voldemort in your head all the time. Literally. He doesn't know how it felt to not have a family and then to have one just to have them being ripped away from you, one by one.

Ron doesn't understand that I thought at every single funeral I attended that I should have died instead of them. They all had families and friends that would miss them, they were seperated from their families while –if I had died– I'd be joining mine.

Ron doesn't understand how it feels seeing George everyday, or smiling at Molly and Arthur knowing that if it wasn't for me, Fred would still be alive.

None of them understand that. I just thought, maybe a part of me had prayed that at least McGonagall would have. Maybe she's just like Dumbledore, seeing me as nothing but a pawn and not a boy. Maybe the only reason I'm going back to Hogwarts is to have the younger students look up to me for guidance, look up to the bloody hero of the Wizarding World.

I unfolded the second piece of parchment, it was just stating the different equipments and books needed for the new year.

What was I supposed to do? I know I should go back inside and discuss this with Ron, and I wish Hermione was here, too. She'd know what to do.

She always did.

(A/N) So this was the first of many chapters to come. I hope you all enjoyed it, please leave a review I read all, if you have any special requests feel free to share, who knows I might surprise you.

/: Zirijava xx