Okay everyone I am going to try my hand at writing two stories! So this one is a vampire one while the other is a human one. So i promised alot of my readers i'd write this story and so i am..Here is my first chapter thanks to my beta
Miss Cullen -I Wish-
The Pennsylvania snow whizzed by my window. "Honestly! Jamie writing about vampires?" My mother's fist hit the steering wheel lightly. "Are you trying to get us killed?"
My eyes closed as I took a deep breath inside the small Honda Civic my mother insisted she have. I turned my head to the side and stared at her long brown hair that ran down her shoulders. She was taking deep breaths although they were completely unnecessary. I have a feeling that sometimes she forgets, as much as I do, what we are. I stared at her golden eyes that seemed to be darkening, her lips parting letting out the her calming breaths.
"They asked me to write a story about a female finding empowerment!" I looked at her rolling my eyes. At least I tried to write the stupid essay. Mrs. Higgins, my literature teacher, wanted us to write about a female acting in a righteous way. It had to do with some book we had just finished reading, and while most of my classmates opted to write about Harriet Tubman, their moms, and Wonder Woman I chose to write about a female vampire.
Fortunately I found myself engrossed in writing the essay not only did I write about just one woman, I wrote about three. I finally understood the lesson was not to write about a woman gaining political power and such but when she became who she wanted. Unfortunately my teacher didn't find so much empowerment in the essay. She said it was completely "unethical" and "immature" and when I told her that the women in my essay had just as much power and respect, if not so even more, then compared to the women in my classmates essays she got angry.
I had a total rant going and I was even imaging an American flag being raised up behind my head and the powerful song building into it's grand finale. But before I could even get to the end of my rant she was calling my mom.
Bitch.
"Jamie." My mother relaxed into her driver seat. "What were you thinking going off on your teacher?"
"I was protecting my female characters! I'm pretty sure they appreciate it!" I snapped. I just wanted to hear that the essay I spent long hours working on was good. All I've heard so far was someone telling me how wrong or unsafe it was.
I told my mother she was completely crazy when she told me teenage girls are the biggest threat out there. My mother rolled her eyes. "Remind me to call her and apologize."
I rolled my eyes growing bored of this topic, I was clearly in no mood. I watched as our small little cabin came into view, my mother had this thing for seclusion. Our small red bricked cabin was miles away from town and in the middle of a large field, I thought it was creepy at first but now I'm kind of warming up to it.
As she turned off her car she sighed turning to look at me. "Jamie do we need to have another talk about.."
"No!" I threw my hands in the air. "No more talking about the keeping of our secret! I get it no more female vampires who kick ass!" I slid out of the passenger door slamming it behind me. I stomped my converse through the snow completely fuming, I tried to be a little creative and what did it get me? A detention for mocking the assignment and probably a long rant from my mother.
I entered the warm home and walked towards the kitchen my mother in tow. "Jamie maybe we should talk about home schooling.." My mother trailed off slowly letting the words fizzle in my brain. I closed my eyes letting the words whirl through me. My mother was always begging me to leave public school, she was scared that one day I'd snap and suck the blood from everyone. I got angry and turned my body away from her as she sat at the table looking through old mail.
The sounds of my day whirled around me. The faint bird chirps, the sound of the clock ticking, and even the sound of my mother's breath as she cursed under it looking at our bills. After I was sure the topic was dropped for now I turned my back and looked out the window.
I closed my eyes feeling my throat hurt just a bit, I pushed it to the back of my mind and walked to the fridge. I looked around the fridge that was full of the food only I liked. I grabbed a red apple and walked up to where my mother sat. I studied her face as she saw the bright red apple in my hands, it dropped a little but she shook her head returning her eyes to the bills.
"How much we owe this month?" I whispered looking at her.
"A lot more then last." She whispered looking into the distance.
"Maybe we can call grandma and grandpa?" I suggested sitting next to her.
She shook her head and smiled. "I can't sweetheart, I've ran to them too many times."
"Maybe you could sell some stuff on e-bay like one of my classmates moms…" I trailed off thinking of what we could sell.
"Jamie," I felt her cold hand fell on my warm one. "It's going to be okay." She smiled weakly.
I wanted to laugh at that statement, my mother wasn't human she didn't need groceries, light, or heat for that matter. I on the other hand need all of those things. I was still half human. I frowned as I thought about it more, my human part of me shrunk away every day little by little I became more like my mother.
Neither of us knew what to do or how to cope. I closed my eyes as my throat burned intensely as the apple slithered down passed my tongue. I felt like a burden…if it weren't for me we wouldn't even need a heater.
"I'm going to go do something creative with my life." I whispered standing up and discarding the once bitten apple.
My mother nodded understandably but spoke to stop me. "Can I read your essay?" She turned to stare at me with dark golden eyes. I nodded my head slowly walking away from the kitchen, I walked into the living room ignoring the grey walls as I found my book bag by the door.
Once I given my mother the essay I walked calmly back to my room climbing on the purple bed. "You want to hear the new one I wrote this afternoon?" I whispered looking at my reflection in a near by mirror. I felt silly knowing my mother could hear me talking to myself, it was something I did often. It just passed the time when I got bored.
I bent down picking up the guitar that laid by my bed. It's wooden frame was almost bigger then mine. I closed my eyes and played really softly at first.
Maybe if I sat in town and played I could earn some money for me and my mother. I shook my head with sorrow, everything was falling apart day by day. I began to pick up tempo of the soft strings. I played ever since I was ten, five years later and I'm still addicted.
'"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love youYou're gonna believe themWhen you're fifteen and your first kissMakes your head spin 'roundBut in your life you'll do things greater thanDating the boy on the football teamBut I didn't know it at fifteen"
I continued playing the guitar looking for more words to the unfinished song. I was just about to sing out some new words when my mother opened the door with a worried look on her face.
"Where did you find these characters?" She walked quickly towards me.
"What do you mean?" I said pausing.
"How did you think of these characters?" My mother turned the paper to my line of view.
"I don't know mom they just came to me?" I shrugged. I wasn't lying although she looked at me like I was, I really did just dream these characters up.
"So you just made up the names Esme, Rosalie, and Alice?" She walked closer to me. My mother never smacked before but as I watched her face contort to many emotions I knew I couldn't chance this.
"Yea, just came to me." I shrugged looking down at the guitar I let out a low tune and looked back up at her. "Did you like the essay?"
"Jamie Marie Swan…" My mother opened her mouth but closed it. Her eyes followed in her mouths example. A few seconds ticked by. She opened her eyes again and looked down at me. "You are gifted." She smiled at me.
"Really? You think I'm a good daughter?" I perked my ears up.
"Yes…" She whispered staring at me with confusion.
"And that I could never do anything wrong?" I pressed.
"What did you do?" My mother's eyes narrowed.
"I…kind of….signed up for volleyball." I looked down.
"JAMIE MARIE!" She scolded me. "I told you can't play sports! You know your strength!"
"I couldn't help it!" I raised my hands in defense. "You know how competitive I can get!!"
"Jamie…" My mother sighed. "I swear you have his attitude but my grace." She smiled and turned her back to me while whispering to herself. "Who knew a half vampire could be so clumsy."
I frown pushing my guitar from my lap standing. "I wouldn't know." I whispered causing her turn around in my door frame she let out a frown.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She whispered before disappearing into the hallway.
She left me staring at the wooden door. I closed my eyes letting the anger pass me, I felt the sting of tears rise to my eyes but no tears flew from my eyes. I began to gasp like strangled hiccups, this is what I've come to know as my crying. I couldn't remember the last time I cried with tears.
I sat on the bed holding my drying throat. I felt anger wash through me, my mother could be so immature. Every time he came up she scurried away from me faster then she did human blood. I closed my eyes balling my fist up in my blanket underneath me. I just wanted answers, I just wanted to know who my father was.
I opened my eyes carefully, I felt so tired of these emotions and difficulties. I loved my mother but…
She wasn't my father.
I stood slowly and walked into my closet gathering my clothes for bed. I knew that I couldn't talk to my mother about anything dealing with the topic of the F word.
F word being father. Ironically enough is was almost as frowned upon as the word fuck.
~*~
I sat up in the bed looking around, my eyes landed on the small girl in front of me. She was bouncing around excitedly her black spiky hair flying crazily in each direction. Her pale white skin glistened lightly in the morning sun that poured through the curtains behind her. The small pale room seemed to dull in her comparative beauty.
I sat up more completely bewildered, this wasn't my room. I looked at the pale blue walls and poorly matched brown carpet.
"Bella?" The girl placed a hand on my arm still bouncing excitedly.
"Uh?" I looked at her. I wasn't Bella…that was my mother.
"I know you hate it when I wake you up but still I can't wait!" She continued to jump up and down. She went on talking as if I wasn't staring at her like she completely lost her mind. I pushed the blanket off my and rush across the crappy rug. I had to find my mother she would get this crack pot out of my room.
I stopped when I passed the mirror. I looked in it and almost screamed, I was not me anymore. I was tall and pale…okay maybe that wasn't different but the brown hair and big doe like eyes was. The brown eyes weren't ones I knew so well but I knew my mother enough to know they were hers.
I stared at mirror with obvious fear.
"Bella wait until we get you get dressed! I can't wait for you to see your prom dress tonight is going to be the night of your dreams!" The girl jumped up wrapping her cold arms around me. I shivered still looking in the mirror. When the door opened rather hastily.
"Dress delivery." I watched as the blonde stomped into the room as if she owned it. I stared at her skin as it sparkled a smidge just as the other girls. The blonde's bronze eyes seemed intoxicating just like the rest of her. She was clearly a very beautiful woman.
"Alice she's barely ready!" The woman waved her arms at us.
"Calm down I can get her ready soon enough." The girl supposedly named Alice placed her hand on my shoulder.
"What? Ready for what? What are we doing?" I said looking at both.
"Rosalie come on let's get her ready." Alice waved the woman over.
They continued on like I wasn't even here. "Stop it!" I stomped my foot but I was being dragged away.
"We got the best dark blue dress for you!" Alice giggled.
~*~
I jolted awake with a small gasp. I looked at my clock and saw the red numbers glowing back at me.
3:00 a.m.
I took in a sigh and rubbed my face, what a scary dream. I looked around my room and pulled back the covers. I knew I wouldn't fall back asleep, it was one of those half human half vampire things. I lost hours of sleep each year. I was down to only four hours of sleep a night.
I opened my bed room door and smiled slowly to myself when I saw my mother sitting at the table holding her camera. Nothing made my mother happier then that camera, she had picked up photography and is currently working as one selling small time photos for odd jobs.
I walked forward causing her to look up at me with a smile. "How was your sleep?"
"Eh, the usual." I looked down. "Mom, did you go to prom?"
"Yes.." Her smile turned into a sad one. "I did."
"Oh…" I whispered pulling at my pajama shirt. "I was just wondering." I shrugged looking up at her still sad face. "What's wrong?"
"I have to give up photography." She whispered.
"What?!" I sat up my chair flying out from under me. "Why?"
"Jamie calm down…"
"You love photography!"
"I know I do." She looked back up at me. "But it doesn't pay enough for us."
"You mean for me.." I whispered looking down. If I wasn't human…
"No don't you dare place this on yourself." My mother scolded. "It's to pay for the house too…" She whispered.
"Mom…" I squeaked.
"Honey, I'm sorry I just…I didn't plan any of this." She closed her eyes looking down. They almost began to turn black now. She must be really thirsty.
"We can find a way!" I tried to add some hope.
"We can't. There's no way, Jamie I've taken a year off my life when I changed I never attended college…." She whispered.
"Mom now you can!"
"I don't have the money. Everything cost money." She placed the camera on the table. "I was thinking maybe I could get a job at the general store in town."
"Mom, that job is so…ordinary.." I felt my disappointment slip into my words.
"It pays." She said back quickly.
"Maybe if we get in contact with my father he can send us som-" She hissed loudly jumping from her seat.
"We will survive with out his help." My mother grabbed her camera and placed it on an end table.
"Mom…" I whispered picking it back up and looking at her. "He owes us.."
"Jamie go to your room." Her eyes were darkening deeper with in the second.
I was playing with fire, talking about him while she was thirsty. "Mom…" I whispered placing the camera back down. "Please…"
"Jamie." She warned.
"Mom!" I snapped causing her to look at me roughly. I felt my body tremble, I was getting so angry. "He owes us something for all of this!" I waved my hand around me.
"Jamie drop it! Ed-…" She stopped and took a breath. "He is no longer in this discussion."
"Maybe not for you, but for me he is!" I almost screamed.
"Drop it!" My mother hissed.
"Stop being selfish!" I pleaded back.
"I'm not!" My mother looked as if she was hurt.
"You won't ask him for the money we need, you won't let me get to know who he was! You won-"
"Why do you need to know about anyone who walked away?" My mother snapped.
Oh yea I knew she was thirsty, that's when she gets her meanest. "Because! I need someone to explain to me the venom that beats through my slowly beating heart!" I lashed back.
"I told you everything you need to know!" My mother snapped back.
"No!" I stomped my foot. "You're just as new at this as I am! You can teach me anything human but you can not teach me all that is not!"
My mother looked as if I had smacked her. "I have been with through for the last fifteen years! Through everything from first crush to first blood taste!"
I pulled at my hair and slammed my fist down on the table I opened my mouth to speak but the table creaked under my fist and collapsed. My eyes widened as the wood snapped and fell to the floor with a loud boom.
I had always been strong…but never this strong.
I closed my eyes and turned away from the destruction. With my back to her and the table I spoke the last words of this fight. "You had my father there to hold your hand and explain to you the ways of this life. He had decades of experience…You do not." I sighed before I walked into my room. Some how the fight had changed it's course and left both of us hurting in it's dust.
I pulled my knees to my chest, it was early dawn and the sun light flittered into my room. I closed my eyes not wanting to watch the sick glow of my skin.
Every day it was worse.
Everyday I became more and more like a vampire. Everyday I thirsted for blood, every year I slept less, my skin began to glow more. I was becoming one and I didn't know what to do.
My mother and I talked rarely about it but I knew the day she changed. She told me it was the day she gave birth to me. If you asked me today if I knew when my heart was going to stop beating I would tell you I have no idea. It was a risk everyday I went to school, a risk that in the middle of P.E. class my heart would stop and I'd become one. But if you asked me tomorrow if I knew that the day I would die would be then, I'd say no.
I was in denial.
Truth was I didn't want to change until I met him. The man who was responsible for my existence.
I stood up and walked to my bedroom door, I knew my mother wouldn't tell me about him because she had her reasons. Maybe he was a drunk, maybe he was a rapist, maybe he was a man who did not want a child, maybe maybe maybe. But the there was one thing that was not a maybe, he was my father.
My bare feet smack the surface of the hard wood floors of my home. How long was I suppose to wait until I met him? I turned the into the kitchen listening for my mother's unneeded breathing. I paused in the empty kitchen. Where was she? I looked at the ceiling in wonder about my life as I turned around and headed to the living room. I brushed my fingers along the wall as I walked.
"Mom?" I whispered lowly. She would hear me either way.
Silence.
I dragged my finger nails against the chipped red paint that covered our walls. My feet made the soft padding noise as I walked through my house. She wouldn't leave without saying anything, she would never just leave.
All of sudden my vision blackened and I felt my lung squeeze for air. I felt like I was being under water by surprise, I took a deep breath but was unable to let it out. I stopped along the wall leaning on it, I closed my eyes leaning against the wall. I put my head in my right hand trying to hard to breathe but it was useless, I tried to move my left hand but it felt permanently glued to the wall. I turned to see my hand through the darkening vision. My index finger was at the corner of a frame, before I could look at the picture that was in the frame my vision completely disappeared.
~*~
"Let me help you." The voice snarled through the phone. My mother growled into the phone as the voice continued.
I looked around and saw I was in my home, I was sitting in….I was sitting in my high chair. I looked back at my mother's glowing red eyes and her pale skin. She had her hand against the wall, against the picture frame.
"Leave us alone."
"Isabella, do not be stubborn. You have your pride, but you also have my child with you and I will not let it starve away or be hurt by it's mother." The voice was smooth, it wasn't threatening it seemed as if he was pleading with her out of sadness.
How could I hear this? The distance between my mother and I was a good four feet. I brought my hands to my face and saw the tiny fingers that connected to my hand. How old was I?
"I will not hurt her." she growled.
"Let me help, with anything…"
"Stop sending me checks, I do not want your help."
Checks?
"Isabella…."
"Just…" She closed her fiery red eyes. "Stop." She hung up the phone and set in on the table looking at me with a small frown.
She picked up the envelope that laid on the wooden table and walked towards the closet, she opened it slowly and reached up for a blue box. She pulled it down her chest and opened it placing the envelope inside. She turned to look at me once more before placing it on the shelf and picking up the camera that she still had to this day.
"Mommy is going to go now." She whispered pulling a pair of sunglasses from her pocket. She obviously still hadn't found out the perfect trick to hide her eyes. "The babysitter is just arriving." She whispered looking at me.
Babysitters? Oh yea I remember those, however my last one I had was when I was five and I bit one on her finger. My mother panicked and began taking me with her on her jobs.
I watched my mother leave as the red head girl skipped in almost to perky. "We are going to have so much fun!" She looked at me as my mother left.
My child eyes darted once more the closet before landing on the babysitter who was chatting away.
"You are so cute Jamie!"
~*~
Air.
I finally felt air filling my lungs, then my knees collapsed under me. I felt cold hands on my forehead then on my face. I heard her smooth voice calling to me asking me questions before pulling me into a hug.
I felt like I had just been pushed into water with all my clothes on. My body felt heavy as my mother hugged me tightly.
"Jamie what happened?" Her voice was soft but panicked.
I opened my mouth but closed it. I don't know what happened, it was so similar to my dream but in my dream I was my mother not me. In the dream I had met Alice and Rosalie the figments of my imagination, in this…I saw what I vaguely remembered in my childhood.
Did I remember that phone call? No.
Did I remember that babysitter? No but I remember others.
Did I remember that blue box? Yes.
"I just…got a little thirsty?" I offered in which sounded more like a question.
She smiled slowly and pulled me into a hug, "Come with me." She pulled me up and tugged me through the kitchen. Her eyes were bright topaz, she went hunting. "Here." She handed me a small metal cupped.
She always did this for me, she always found a small animal to drain it's blood into a cup.
Sure, it's a little morbid when you look at it in the human eye. But when you look at it like a vampire, it was the most nurturing thing a mother could do. Aside from you know…not eating her half human baby.
I had so many questions. I would have dismissed this…daydream like I had my dream but…It seemed to real. I brought the cup to my lips looking at her through my eyes lashes.
"I'm thinking you could stay home today." She whispered. "Away from school just this once." She smoothed out my hair.
"I got a test today." I whispered to the glass. I tilted my head back and let the liquid douse the fire that was building in my throat. I would tell her I had to go school but I would come back home. There was a closet I need to check out when she was gone.
"Oh.." She whispered looking at me with a small frown. This was my classic mother, her apology for earlier. She wanted to make up for it by classic bonding time, and I would bond with her. But later…after I find out what the hell that daydream was about.
"We'll hang out later." I whispered placing the metal cup on the counter besides us. "Thank you." I whispered before turning around and walking into the bathroom.
XxX
I stared at the empty drive way before I walked up the small pathway towards the door. She was gone, probably hunting for work. I pushed open the front door dropping my book bag where I always did.
I rushed to closet and stood in front of door. I placed my hand on it and let out a small whimper. Was I ready for this? Was I ready to find out just small piece of the puzzle that was my father?
Your damn skippy I was.
I yanked open the door and clicked on the light. I looked up at the shelf and curse loudly. I was too short to see, I walked quickly into the dinning room ignoring the broken table that laid on the floor still and pushed the chair into the closet.
I stood on the chair and look at the bare shelf, a few spiders, dust bulls and a dead moth.
So much for finding out my incredible secrets. So much for finding out the mystery. Why couldn't this be like the cartoon Scooby-doo? Where I'd bust open the closet finally being clever enough to know that the answer to my mystery was in my closet right under our noses. At least that's the way Velma always worked it in the series. She always found out the clues and answers. I leaned against the shelf partly depressed, I knew this was too easy. Like I could open a blue box and out would come my father.
I sighed and causing a few dust particles to fly into the air and into my nose. Then I felt it, the tickle sensation in my nose that spread to my forehead to my nostrils. I sneezed. And not one of those girly sneezes it was a loud obnoxious sneezes. I fell backwards onto my ass causing the chair to wobble a bit and make a few coats fall.
Stupid human tendencies.
After standing up I pulled the chair from the closet and placing it back where I found it. I felt like a big idiot, I walked back to the closet and bent down to pick up a few of the fallen coats. As I came back up with two in hand I froze.
There was a small line in the back of closet, I could faintly see it but it was there. I dropped the coats again and walked over them towards the wall. I placed my finger on the line and felt it fall in a bit, almost like I pressed into a door. I ran my finger along the line tracing it until I came to the end. Then I continued to trace upwards, above the line it felt like a normal wall. I picked up my finger and brought it back to the line, I pulled it over to the right and smiled. Another line only my problem was that it was covered by the old wall paper. I reached back over to my left towards the line I first spotted and put my pinky nail under it. I peeled off a small piece of the weakening wallpaper.
Score. I was wrong, I wasn't like Velma in Scooby-Doo. I was like Daphne, accidentally finding those trap doors no one else ever saw.
A wooden panel behind it. Sure my mom will kill my ass if she sees this but I don't really give a fuck right now. I took a deep breath and pulled one long strip of the paper away from the wall underneath.
God help me if this isn't a doorway to my father I will surely burn this closet.
"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" The dark voice of a man filled my brain instantly as the wallpaper fell the floor beside my knees.
I froze. Who the hell was that? I stood instantly and ran out of the closet looking around my home. "Hello?" I whispered. I walked carefully towards the kitchen looking around for the sign of an intruder.
"I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death." The woman's voice was low. Her tone oddly familiar. I turned wildly expecting to see the man and woman behind me. They had sounded so close, but now as my eyes darted around the room I knew I was going crazy. Great now I'm hearing voices in my head. I walked carefully back into the closet and sat in front of the door, I picked my hand up once more and ripped the paper away.
For the next five minutes that is what I did. Listen to the ripping of cheap paper brought from a near by home improvement store, and the occasional banter of a man and woman. I stopped every so often as the voices played in my head. I felt so confused, first vivid dreams now hearing things.
If I told my mother she just might have me committed.
The voices and ripping noise were short lived when the wooden door was finally uncovered. I placed my pale hand against the cold wood. I could not tell you what I was hoping to happen, but when nothing happened I felt a little sadden. I mean this was an important moment shouldn't my hand like get shocked with an electric bolt and I finally know what I'm doing is right? Or is that only in the movies as well?I looked at the splinter filled door and saw the small gold latch, it was so small that I almost missed it. I took a deep breath and slightly pulled.
With a creak and a release of dust it opened a small black hole. It the was size of a trunk really, maybe a few inches bigger. I frowned at how dark it was, I was always a little scared of the dark ever since I was little. I never understood why, but I believed it made me almost like my mother.
She was scared of the unknown. Things such as my father and me, yea that kind of unknown.
While I was scared of the dark and things it concealed or maybe even the things it pointed out. In the darkest of corners even the faintest of light can appear a thousand times brighter.
I picked myself up and walked quickly to my room, I opened a few drawers looking for a light of some sort. I walked into the kitchen and pulled open a few more drawers, how could we not have flashlights? As I slammed the drawer closed I heard the clattering claws of Oreo on the porch in the back. I sighed as I walked to the dog doors locking it. I loved her but she can be a snitch sometimes, and it was then as I locked the doggy door I saw the flashlight standing under our wine rack.
Boo-ya
I grabbed the flashlight and raced back to the closet. I stood in the closet closing the door behind me. I looked at the open black hole that seemed to make this seem all the more creepier. I thought about spiders, rats and even bats. I looked down at my ripped jeans and overly large sweatshirt, true it wasn't exactly Gucci and Chanel but still….
With a sigh I dropped my knees turning on the flashlight. It wasn't that deep and it contained two boxes, with a smile I climbed into the hole. I ignored the nagging voice in my head that recited the plot to Alice in Wonderland, and how she almost died in the end.
I sat carefully in front of the boxes and touched the edges of the boxes. What was in here? Body parts? Letters? Memories?
I pulled the cardboard flap open with my free hand. I took in a deep breath as I saw the blue sparkly box on top of a pile things. I pulled it from the box and looked at it's glitter under the light, it seemed almost faded but still vibrant.
I placed the flashlight handle in my mouth and used my two hands to pull the lid away to discover the surprise.
Boy was I surprised.
Checks, tons of them. Check after check addressed to my mother, the checks where withered and hard to read. I let out a small gasp but then flash light fell out of my mouth. I let out a curse word and reached for the fallen light. I closed the blue box and placed it back inside the other box.
XxX
I was spread out on my carpet looking through each box. There were seven hundred checks in all, thousands of dollars in our name. I placed the blue box aside and stared at it for a long while.
Who were these from? Why hadn't we used them? Why were we struggling?
I pulled the next box closer to me. I pulled out a small green blanket and smiled, it looked like a baby blanket. I brought it closer to my face to feel it's soft fabric I ran my thumb over it's gold stitching.
"E.A.M"
It wasn't my mother's baby blanket, and it wasn't mine. I placed it besides my waist and dove back into the box. I pulled out many things, man sweat shirts, dead roses, jewelry, etc. It was almost like a memory box on it's own. I pulled one of the over sized sweater shirts to my nose and smelled the pinewood and mint. I buried my nose deeper into the sweater and frowned.
It seemed so…heartbreaking.
These boxes all seemed to seep heart break. I looked at the boxes and placed the sweater on my lap; what happened? What went on almost 16 years ago?
I opened the next box and saw that it was barely full. I pulled out a few more clothes and gift boxes full of jewelry. I pulled out a medium size black box, it was heavy as I placed it on the floor. I lifted the lid and let out a gasp.
Pictures.
Many of them, I started to rifle through them. Pictures of my mother and some dark skinned man with long black hair. My mother with a woman who sported spiky hair, my mother with a girl who had long blonde hair. Pictures of my mother just being happy.
When was the last time I witnessed this?
My Christmas concert when I was five and I had to sing? The first time I strummed my guitar? The first time I told her happy mother's day?
She looked deliriously happy in these photos. I pulled them closer to my face and frowned as I studied them with concentration. I began to go through them quickly, I was looking for him. But then I felt dumb because…I didn't know what he looked like.
Then came the pictures all the way at the bottom of the box. I froze as I looked at the picture, I could tell my mother took it. The angle of the picture, the way the sun streamed through the trees in the background. It was my mothers trade marks of her photography.
I pulled the photo closer to my face, his skin sparkled in the splash of light. To a human it would look like a glare from a glass or even from the angle. I knew however, that wasn't the case. His bronze hair was unruly and it stood up in different directions, his topaz eyes sparkled as his lips were pulled into a smile. He wore a large grey sweater shirt. It was a facial shot, it was the shot were the face was suppose to be the main focus part.
I scrambled to my feet and ran towards my vanity mirror. I placed it by the mirror and let my eyes wonder to the mirror. At first I looked at the window behind me and how the sun barely peered through the clouds lighting my room dimly. Then they wondered to the girl who stood in the mirror.
My mud-green eyes stared back at me. I remember how I used to hate my eyes, how I would compare them to swamp water. As I got older they had specks of topaz in them, thanks to the constant animal blood. I looked back at his skin then at mine.
The pale structure in his face, the way the marble skin pulled up around his teeth. I looked back at my face, the canvas of pale skin and specks of glitter that danced. I suddenly did not find the skin of glitter ugly, but as a sign of being powerful.
Then my eyes wondered to his hair, the bronze locks that were untamed and wild. I stared back at my hair, the waist length brown hair. Then the stripe.
I had the stripe since I was born, I never understood it till now. I did not understand it then but now…it held new meaning. I now understood why every time I clung to the thick highlight of my hair my mother flinched. I now understood why, when I was nervous, I clung to the stripe out of habit. I now understood why I never dyed in to brown.
The bronze stripe of hair started at my scalp and cupped around my face. I always kept it shorter then the rest of my hair. Many people believed it was a artificial highlight, it was too perfect, to centered. I lifted my pale fingers and traced the bronze stripe down my face.
It was him.
My piece of him. What made me like him.
I looked back at the photo and I just stared at it. I brought it closer to my chest looking in the mirror. I felt them. The sting of tears.
In the movies, the girl cried because she found her father. She finally knew what he looked like, she finally found out that she had a piece of him all along and suddenly felt closer to the kindred spirit.
But in this life I cried because I wasn't any closer, any happier. I was miserable because I would never be able to run into this man's arms and tell him the day I had in school. I would never be able to hear what his laugh sounded like, I would never be able to bond with him. I cried because I could find all the pictures in the damn free world and it wouldn't bring me any closer to him. I cried because even as I looked at this picture and then at my face I still felt the same, like I was looking at a stranger. He knew I was alive, he knew who I was…he knew my address. Yet he didn't come for me.
I turned to the pile of things in my room. I walked towards the black box and placed the picture in the box and picked up a new one. A picture of my mother and him, both smiling happily as they played on a tire swing.
I closed my eyes and dropped the pictures. I was crying, real tears, because this pain was not like the pain I got when I jammed my finger, it wasn't like the pain in my throat when I haven't taken a sip of blood in weeks. This pain was human pain. It was the most human I ever felt in my fifteen years of life, I didn't know if I was abandoned or stolen from him.
I suddenly found myself growling as the tears burned down my face like acid. I picked up the things in my floor and began throwing them back into the boxes. I grabbed the green blanket and froze.
~*~
"Edward…" a man with blonde hair stood in a shadowy doorway. His bronze eyes scanned the burned room then his eyes landed on the seventeen year old boy who sat on a crate in the middle of the scorched room. The room walls were marked with black soot, the furniture as burned and reeked of a smoke. The home smelled like an astray.
"Carlisle…" The boy pulled the green blanket to his chest. "Please just leave." The bronze haired boy closed his fire red eyes.
"Edward, we have to go soon." Carlisle whispered.
"It was the color of his eyes….my eyes.." the boy pulled the green blanket away from his body to study it. "I wanted to give it to my child someday. I've kept it all these years."
"Edward…" Carlisle walked forward grabbing the boy. "We have to go now…the civilians are coming to burn the rest of the house down."
"They'll burn me along with it." The boy whispered into the blanket. "I've lost them."
"And if you died it would put your mother's last words to waste." Carlisle whispered in a soft voice.
"I could never picture living without my parents…"
"I will help you get by…"
"I will miss them."
"I know you will." Carlisle whispered.
The boy pinched the blanket between his fingers. "I can never be a Masen again…"
"I'm sorry…" Carlisle whispered.
"I will have to be a Cullen won't I?" Edward whispered.
"You don't have too.."
"It's the right thing to do.." Edward frowned.
~*~
Edward Masen? Was that his name?
I laid diagonally on my bed. The boxes in the far corner of my room, it was around noon and my mother would arrive home soon.
The school probably informed her of my absence.
I fiddled with the green blanket that laid in my hands. This was a difficult afternoon, as much I would have loved to believe I was finally getting closer to my father I was wrong. I felt planets away from him, who was this man that was my father? He did not look like a rapist, nor did he look like an alcoholic.
I brought my hands to my forehead trying to rub out the thoughts of pain.
I heard the front door slam close and a purse hit the table. "Jamie?" Her voice carried through the house.
I sat up looking at my bedroom door expectedly. I stuffed the green blanket under my pillows just as the door opened.
"Hi." I whispered.
"What happened? Why didn't you go to school?" She was by my side in quick strides feeling my forehead.
"I was just a little thirsty." I whispered. It was a total lie.
"Jamie you can't just skip school because your thirsty, you are going to have to learn to resist it at some point." My mother kissed my head. She froze. "I smell dust…and…" she turned sharply to the boxes in the corner.
Damn she was good.
She stood up shakily looking at the boxes back to me. I stood as well looking at the floor, what ever she could say to me it wouldn't hurt anymore then the rest of this afternoon.
"Jamie…" My mother growled. "Where did you find these?"
"In the hid away in back of the dinning room closet." I spoke softy.
"Why did you go in there?" My mother walked towards the boxes.
"Because I had to know." I whispered, I was too tired to lie she had done enough of that for the best of us.
"How did you.."
"I just did." I cut her off. I wasn't going to share with her my dreams. Her eyes looked at me, they had so many emotions running through them.
I remember when I was ten I watched this movie about a man and a woman who fell in love. The man was a rude artist who always cursed at people, but the woman was a kind gentle soul who never felt hate. When the couple finally met she told the man, "The eyes are windows to your soul." I spent years thinking that was true.
Now I stand here looking at my mother and her eyes and I doubted that quote. I saw betrayal in her eyes, I saw pain, but most of all I saw innocence. My mother was not a soul of betrayal, and my mother's soul was not a pained one, and I would never guess my mother as innocent. Her eyes made me want to say sorry but her tone of voice made me want to yell.
She turned sharply from me and stacked the boxes on top of each other before picking them both up and leaving the room. I didn't stop her, I had already seen what was in them. I stood standing looking at the now empty corner of my room. I heard her footsteps come back towards room, she paused at the doorway. "Jamie.." She was whispering.
I turned my eyes to look at my window, the sun was gone and the clouds have over taken the sky. "Edward." I whispered.
I heard her body stiffen and I heard her small gasp. It wasn't a surprise gasp but a gasp of pain it was as if I smacked her in the face. In some way, I had.
"What about him?" She said in the silence. I was hurting her by forcing her to look into the past she was desperately trying to hide from me. I was in no mood for games, I had enough of her poker face and lies. I was going to force her hand at this game.
"Is he my father?" I whispered, out of the corner of my eye I was looking at the green blanket that laid under my pillow.
"Yes.." My mother whispered. It was like pulling teeth out of her, she just wouldn't give up with out a fight.
"What was his last name?"
"Jamie…"
"What is it?" I couldn't help but snap. "What is my biological last name?" I spun around.
This whole situation was off. Here I stood fifteen years old yelling at my twenty year old mother. I was testing dark waters here, she could punish me, she could yell at me but right now I didn't care.
"Your biological last name?" My mother's eyes darkened.
"Yes." I answered with the same tone.
"Swan, that is your last name because I was the one who was here for you all this time." My mother seethed.
"He sent checks…why are you putting us through this crap if he sent us money?" I whispered softer.
My mother stared at my with anger, she did something I was not ready for. She grabbed my bedroom door knob and slammed the door closed. I heard the back door open then close.
I looked at the ceiling. Then back at my feet, everything was so normal before this. Before these daydreams made their ways into my life. Now everything was strained, my mother was hurt and I was angry. I turned to my guitar and picked it up sitting on my bed.
I wondered to myself if he played anything. My mother was not a musician, so I wondered if my father was. Was he a drummer? Maybe he was a singer?
I felt my fingers draw along the guitar strings. I closed my eyes, I was reaching some where deep into my heart. "Inspire me." I whispered to the air. I was hoping that maybe he heard me, where ever he was. I was hoping maybe he could send something to me. I closed my eyes and traced my fingers along the strings, where was he…
I had to find him…
