a/n: I did this a while back and decided to submit in honor of Sev's birthday. Not sure how I like it now, but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. That's JKR. I'm...not her.

She stood with her back to the portrait for a thousand breaths, chest heaving up and down with the upset jumble of raw emotion, of something trying to force its way out of her.

Go away, just go away, she thought, tipping her head back and waiting for the sound of receding footsteps. She just wanted him to go, this was hard enough…but as the seconds dragged on she began to think, began to only half-want it, thought to turn once and slam the portrait of the Fat Lady back on its hinges and take it back. It wouldn't be the first time.

No. It's over, This time had been final, would be more final because she had seen the truth. It had to end. She had to let go. Clenching her front teeth over her lower lip, she concentrated on breathing, trying to ignore the impulse to turn, standing firm in one place but feeling as if she were anything but firm inside, a mass of tangled writhing innards that might jerk to life on their own and betray her. Her lip began to hurt but she only dug her teeth in deeper, conscious that she must not make a sound. Others in Gryffindor tower had long gone to bed and if any of her friends, Mary, Jolyn…if any of them came down here and saw her…The thought only trailed off listlessly. Would she be ashamed, embarrassed? The sudden wetness of a tear had found its way into her partially parted lips, finding no resistance and spreading its salty wet over her tongue.

And still she waited.

For what, she did not even know. Did she expect him to try to get past the portrait into the common room? Only Gryffindors had any hope of doing that. But even as she had this thought, she heard it; the slow, steady sound of a step being made, nearly shuffling, and then another. Stop. Start, stop, start, stop, and slowly the sounds became more faint. Straining her ears hard now, she kept expecting them to break into a run, a brisk stride, but they only kept up that cruel ponderous momentum as if their owner were straight out lost. She listened for what seemed an eternity, to the start, the stop, the starting again, until she realized that she could no longer hear it at all.

It took a moment of standing in a sort of stupefied daze before she even moved. When she did, Lily unfastened her arms from their crossed position, right where she had left them. Her fingers had left angry red indents in the pale, freckled flesh of her arms. She stared at them with subdued fascination, before noticing that her teeth were still digging painfully into her lip; it was then that she went completely slack, sliding down to the floor in front of the portrait, still inanely half-listening for a sound from outside it.

But no. It was over. It was really, really over.

It's okay, it's okay, I've done the right thing, her mind gabbled at her.

She was so tired, her body as heavy as a ton of lead as though it were trying to make up for the odd, squirming emptiness in her chest.

The right thing.

But she wasn't quite so sure. Or maybe it was that she did not care after all.

Where, she thought, slow and scared, is the difference between me and you?

Now, anger fled away, she wasn't sure.