[DISCLAIMER: I don't own Doctor Who, nor do I own Ohw Rotcod.]

AN: Hello all ye fair people in this realm. It has been some time since I visited the Doctor Who fandom and this has been sitting in my brain for a long time so, here it is.


This was only to prove how wrong she was.

That was what the Doctor had told Peri. She was completely wrong about the quality of his cooking. Peri had merely implied that he had used badger droppings in the preparation. So now he'd decided to prove how utterly wrong she was and show her that really his culinary skills were unsurpassed.

Thus was how the Doctor and Peri had ended up in the small café on Bel Terra. Peri knew the Doctor had chosen this café to try and persuade her to change her tune about his cooking and she had to admit that she was tempted too by the state of the building; not that it wasn't pleasant. There was a roaring fire casting flickering light across the main room; there were the usual sort of hunting trophies on the wooden walls over the mantle. There were rickety round tables and a mismatched assortment of chairs; a few of which were taken by customers; the stone floor was strewn with straw and the local equivalent of a dozen cats were scooting around, stealing scraps from under the tables. Peri wasn't sure what was wrong with the appearance, maybe a little too 'wild west' for her tastes, but she was determined to at least try the food they offered.

"Welcome to Mars' Meat Tenderiser; how may I be of assistance?" the barmaid drawled in a nasal sounding voice;

"Ah yes, a table with two seats if you please," the Doctor replied with a smile,

"If you would please follow me," she said,

Once they had been shown to a table and served steaming bowls of brown sludge Peri struck up her favourite conversation, what was wrong with his present incarnation;

"…and what's more is that you refuse to take even the slightest criticism," Peri insisted,

"I'm afraid, my dear that I fail to comprehend quite what was so wonderful about my previous self," the Doctor frowned,

"Well you had infinitely better manners for one thing," Peri muttered,

"And just what is that supposed to mean young lady?" the Doctor demanded,

"Your past self didn't try to strangle me, nor did he call me Susan, Tegan, Nyssa, Zodin or Jamie." Peri pointed out,

"It was a mere slip up, I quite simply wasn't myself." The Doctor insisted,

"Your past self had infinitely better style,"

"Cricket? Pah, it's a game and dress for weak minded men."

"Weak minded being clever, diplomatic and sweet?" Peri inquired,

"Sweetness is over-rated," the Doctor snapped,

A woman at the next table looked around and smiled at the pair; "Quite the contrary sir, sweetness in a man is distinctly under-rated,"

"What business is it of yours?" The Doctor asked,

"Oh none I assure you," the woman smiled again, "but I am intrigued but your origins, for a man to change his face and mind at will, it's unheard of,"

The Doctor's chest expanded a little, "Well, I am a Time Lord you know," he boasted,

"A rather overweight Time Lord," the woman noted,

"You can say that again," Peri muttered,

"I see no reason too," the woman said,

"Well good," the Doctor sulked,

"However you do have an appalling dress sense, a disagreeable attitude and a disgusting demeanour; everything, in short, that I would expect from a male,"

The woman then stood, doffed her elegant hat and left the Doctor and Peri to finish their cold sludge in silence.