I hate leaving work. Most think that it's because I work too much. Really, I am as ready as everyone else to get off work. But it'd be different if I could get off work and go home somewhere...else. Like a nice suburban home to a nice suburban family like Elliot. Hmm...Wouldn't I love to go home with Elliot? I wouldn't mind going home with Fin...His family may be dysfunctional, but they're family and there is some love there. If no one else, he's got his son, who for the past eighteen months has gradually taken a liking to his father. John wouldn't even be so bad. I might be subject to endless hours of conspiracies and reminisces of his old Homicide days in Baltimore, but I really wouldn't mind. I'll never admit it, but I really don't mind his paranoia; he could be my brother...my brother that suffers from post-military paranoia and might be borderline mental. I'd even take my mother back. We were starting to rebuild our relationship when she...
I know what people think of me. They think I'm a happily married woman with a great husband, an uncontrollable preteen, and a slight young childhood crush on my partner. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in a long time and I wish I had never married. I hate my husband. I hate him with all my heart...I hate him as much as I love my son. They're wrong about him: my son is the sweetest kid you'd ever meet. He's very polite and respectful...so much so that I wonder where he got it from cause he certainly didn't get it from me or his father. Oh, and I don't have a crush on my partner...I wholeheartedly lust for him. Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I wonder what I did to get partner with something so...so... Then I wonder how I'll be able to control myself long enough to get through the workday with him and all his beauty sitting across from me, taunting me with those form fitting slacks...those biceps...those eyes, oh those eyes. Then he says or does something that rubs me the wrong way and we start arguing. Then...then, we're just friends. Best friends...with a monumental amount of sexual tension between us...
This is what I'm thinking when Cragen tells us to go home. Oh, how I wish I didn't have to go home to my life. They whisper that I've let my job become my life. I wish. Hmm, maybe Casey...she was in court all day and would love to get lost in a few beers with me. She's the only one, beside Alex, who knows of my situation, and I know she'll start to criticize me after her second drink, and won't shut up until her fifth beer and second shot of vodka. Yeah, that is a lot of alcohol, but she somehow manages to stay awake. I let her drink so long as she promises not to drive home after. Hmm...Now that I think about it, I don't want to go with Casey. She is far too judgmental, more than even me. Elliot's got his family, Fin's got his son, and John's got his...well, his conspiracies, but he did say his brother was in town. Cragen doesn't drink, I can't stand Huang (plus I think he's married too), and everyone else has hours that are worse than mine, or they have family to be with. I guess…I guess it will be another night at work for me.
