The storm had now abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying, "And another thing!" twenty minutes after admitting he's lost the argument.
Most of the men didn't want to be negative and say the weather was terrible … but there was no getting around it. The dark clouds and intermittent rain that had been hanging around for days had put everyone in a horrible mood. Even Newkirk, but no one was sure if Newkirk counted in the bad weather/attitude polls since he was always pessimistic and was also a Londoner.
Right now, though, Newkirk was having a showdown with Olsen that seemed to temporarily chase the blues away from the other barrack inhabitants. In fact, Barracks 1 and 3 had also come to witness the fight that permeated through the thin walls.
The fight had started due to an accusation of theft; this was not uncommon, especially when Newkirk was in the room, but the real shocker was the fact that the item stolen was a pair of shorts. Olsen had noticed they were missing when he had glanced over at Newkirk as the Englishman had been changing. The argument had started … and had continued, leaving some of the men involved (aka Newkirk), without an opportunity to finish dressing.
Needless to say, when Shultz came in to usher them out for roll call, he was not pleased. When he walked in and saw Olsen and a nearly naked Newkirk fighting, he looked like he was going to cry. "What are you doing?" he whined. "Kommandant Klink is not going to be happy! Please, put on your clothes, Newkirk." He tried to shove a rumpled uniform into Newkirk's hands, but Newkirk threw them back on the floor and continued arguing.
"And another thing!" Newkirk shouted. "I may be wearing your bleedin' knickers, but it's for a damn good reason."
"What was that?" Olsen snarled.
"I was bloody naked last night! I was tired! We were all tired! It was dark! Can't you admit it was a ... a flippin' mistake?"
Olsen's nostrils flared. Everyone knew that was not a good sign. "No! You're wearing my shorts!"
Newkirk's eyes glittered. Everyone knew that was a worse sign. "Yes, but ... Waltersobchakeit!"
Langenscheidt had come in right when Newkirk had retorted. He giggled nervously while Shultz frowned. "Newkirk!" Shultz scolded.
"Newkirk's the one who …" Olsen began.
"Herr, wirf Hirn vom Himmel..." Newkirk interrupted, grumbling. He was still mad.
The comment caused Langenscheidt to laugh outright. He finished, "Oder Steine, Hauptsache er trifft." Newkirk looked up and smiled at the guard. Olsen, a fluent German speaker, did not smile.
When Hogan came back in from where his barracks were supposed to be lined up, he came to a large group of men surrounding a tussle. It took two minutes to break it up, three minutes for Klink to finally understand what was going on and why the belligerent Englishman was not clothed, and five seconds to sentence Newkirk and Olsen to the cooler.
Newkirk continued to proclaim the punishment was worth it.
A/N The opening quote was by Douglas Adams, the author of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. If you haven't read it, I fully encourage you to.
"Waltersobchakeit" is German, and it means "You're not wrong, but you're an asshole" ?
"Herr, wirf Hirn vom Himmel ... Oder Steine, Hauptsache er trifft" is a German insult that means, "Lord, throw some brains from the heavens … or stones as long as he hits the mark."
