The Pain I Feel
Chapter 1: How could you?
By: Kawaii-Leena

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX. Thank you very much.

Quick Author's Note: YAY! A CloTi Fic! Well, not exactly. I love Cloud/Tifa pairings so much that I started to write a dramatic one! This has some Cleris/Clorith pairing, too, so yeah. But CloTi all the way! Trust me! Oh yeah, this is set in Tifa's POV.

Summary: Tifa loves Cloud so much that she is willing to let him go to Aeris and witness their wedding. Tifa felt her heart shattered to pieces as they exchange vows. But she'll do anything… to make him happy… even let go…

Chapter 1: How Could You?

Tifa's Point of View:

I sigh secretly to myself as I watch Cloud in his handsome Tux and Aeris in her sparkling wedding gown as the sacred wedding ceremony began. Yes, my two best friends are now being wed together, and I'm so happy for them. I'm so happy that I can't help but cry during the ceremony.

Yes, I will admit, even though it is wrong, I love the groom. I love Cloud Strife, even to those days that we were children, to the days that we have fought together… I love him so much.

But does he feel the same? As I can see, no, he doesn't. I'm just a friend to him, nothing more! Just a friend! Why can't we be more than that? Why does he have to fall in love with Aeris? And most importantly,

Why have I fallen in love with him?

Is it his deep blue eyes? Is it his gorgeous blonde spiky hair that always shines below the sunlight? Is it because of his seriousness? Is it because of his husky voice? Or, is it because of his warm and friendly personality?

Whatever it is, I regret it. I'm in love with him and he's in love with somebody else, my other best friend, Aeris Gainsborough, the last remaining Cetra. She is so beautiful, so kind, so cheerful and bubbly. She has this aura that attracts people to her, the power to make everyone that revolves around her happy.

Something I don't have.

I glance around the Best Man; it was Zack, Aeris's ex-boyfriend. He looks at me and smiles warmly, and I smile slightly back. I can still see that he still loves Aeris, even more that I love Cloud, but he has let go.

He has let go of her even if it means having his heart shattered to tiny pieces. He has let her go to be with the man she truly loves… the same man I care about.

Why can't I be more courageous like Zack? Even though his eyes hold pain and sorrow, he still has a happy face! He has move on with his life, a life without the girl he truly adores!

I turn to Cloud's face as the ceremony continuous on. He has a big smile on his face, his blue eyes carries the happiness I have never seen before. Is he truly contented with her than he was with me? Is he more comfortable with her? Does his heart love her?

I guess I wouldn't know, and never will. Is he really that happy with her? Should I let him go? Should I move on with my life?

I really want to stop the wedding! Deep in my heart, I want to do it so badly! But it seems so unfair… Aeris is my best friend, and after she has done for me, this is how I repay her? I can't do that, I just can't! It's wrong, completely wrong! Besides, it's so complicated now that it's too late.

And now, questions stir my mind…

If I told Cloud earlier, would he still be mine? If I have expressed my feelings more openly with him, would I be in Aeris's place now? If I was never a coward to open my feelings and emotions, I wouldn't be suffering now?

But all of that is too late now! Too late! And to think we made that promise by the well many years ago. Cloud, you did say that you would save me when I am in trouble, right? You promised me, right? If you still keep your promise, save me, Cloud… save me from this pain you are giving me… it hurts so much, Cloud! It's as if my body is getting numb.

Unfortunately, you can't do that, don't you? You love Aeris, and I cannot force you to love me back! But why, Cloud? Why must you let me suffer like this? Why must you give me pain, now that I have fallen in love with you?

Is it destiny to be like this? Was it fate that brought us together, and you will just leave me behind? If that was it, I hate destiny! I hate you, Fate! Ever since I was born, my life was always full of misfortunes and troubles!

I lost my mother, I lost my father, I lost all my childhood friends, lost my hometown, and now, I'm going to lose Cloud? Why must you be so cruel? Why is it that I always have to lose everything that is so important to me? Now that you are taking me away from him, I have nothing anymore, nothing!

Many have told me that Love is one of the greatest emotion a person could feel, but why does it hurt so much? Why can't I feel it?

I could still remember the day when Cloud announced his marriage with Aeris. I was so shocked; I could feel my body getting numb. It's as if my soul was taken out of my body, my heart stopped beating. My eyes were stammering. My fingers were trembling that I dropped the glass of water I was holding.

But he looked so happy that day. He laughed; he smiled whenever he was with Aeris. I could never do that. I could never compete with the beautiful Cetra. I was just another girl of his life, just his friend.

Then, it came.

The time that I have feared since the start of wedding…

Do I really have to let him go? Do I really have to? It took me for a while, and then I decided. It's his life, anyways. Life has ups and downs and I have to accept the facts right before my eyes.

My eyes flood with water as the holy priest said the words I have truly feared.

"Do you, Cloud Strife, take this woman, Aeris Gainsborough as your lovely wife, and stay with her through all odds, for the rest of your life?" he asks, smiling at him warmly.

I helplessly look at Cloud, my tears already falling. To others, it might seem like tears of joy for my best friend, but what they are seeing is a lie. The truth is it is tears of pain and sorrow I have held back. Oh Cloud…

Cloud looks at Aeris and smiles at her, "Yes, I do."

Then, it struck me. He said yes… I have lost him forever… he already said yes… then the priest asked Aeris the same question…

"Yes, I do."

I felt my heart already shattering. I could hear it. I could feel it. As Cloud pull up Aeris's veil, he kisses her passionately and lovingly. The crowds clapped their hands and cheered for the newly wed couple.

It's already over… they are now married… legally married… my life is over! Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, and I could feel my knees getting weaker. Oh, Cloud… You seem so near, I wish I could reach you, but you feel so far away…

I collapsed to my knees and broke to silent tears. I have lost my chance! Cloud will never be mine! Why, Cloud, why? Why must you let me suffer? Why must you give my heart pain? I'm longing for your touch, yearning for your love, but what do I get back? Nothing but a shattered heart!

I have waited for you and this is the outcome of my foolishness! If I only knew you never really had enough room for me, I shouldn't have wasted my precious time!

It's all over… I could feel you walking away down the hall with Aeris in your arms. I'm so happy for you, Cloud… Really, I do! But this is too much.

I could feel someone touch my shoulder. I looked up with tears in my eyes, and saw Zack smiling at me with a warm smile.

"Oh, it's you… Zack…" I said as he I tried to stands up. I looked at him and then cried again. "Oh, Zack, I don't know what to do! Why is he tormenting me like this? It hurts so much, Zack! It hurts so much!"

Then, Zack hugged me… tightly. I didn't know what to do, I just stared behind him. "I know what you feel, Tifa…" he soothes me, caressing my hair. My eyes flooded with tears again. "I love Aeris, too. I love her with all my heart. She was everything to me, but she loved Cloud. It hurts me to know she doesn't love me back, but, life's like that, Tifa. You always don't get what you want. We never always have our way."

I hugged him so tight and cried in his shoulder, ignoring it was getting wet. He was right. I have to let him go. I should care more about his happiness than mine. And this has to be done.

"Thank you, Zack…" I smile sadly as I let go off Zack. I wipe my tears and look cheerfully at him. "Thanks for opening my eyes. I have now fulfilled my duty. I have helped both of them, helped them get together even though I didn't want to do it. I have attended both of my best friend's wedding. I have fulfilled their wish. And now, I have to fulfill mine. I have to… end my sufferings."

Zack's eyes widen, but I didn't care. I just smiled at him and run off the church, the rest of the AVALANCHE members puzzled. I run and I run through the streets, never looking back, my tears flowing in the wind.

I have fulfilled what Cloud and Aeris wants me to go, and that is to attend their wedding together.

And now, I have to fulfill mine.

I have to end my sufferings,

Once and for all!

I love you, Cloud… always remember that I will always wait for you… till the depths of time.

To be continued…

Please Review! Till Next time by Chapter 2! What will Tifa do to end her sufferings?