Lance Jackson always thought he could deal with it. He thought he could always just ignore the hateful comments and move on; be proud of who he was. He figured he could just keep it a secret from his parents, at least until he was ready to come out. And for a while, in elementary and middle school, it worked. Well, in elementary school, no one hated on him because he was into the arts and sucked at math and sports, no one paid attention to those things.
Also in middle school, it wasn't all that bad. He'd always hang out with a tight group of friends, and no one bothered him. People didn't care, at least not openly. Sure, he knew what was being said behind his back. Sure, he knew that most guys didn't dare come near him in the locker room, but no one ever said anything.
In high school that changed. His tight group disbanded- two of the five of them left for another school district, another one got kicked out halfway into his freshman year for doing drugs, and the other one… well, he became the main bully. He was the popular guy who always got all the girls, and in middle school, had been the most tolerant.
But not anymore. He harassed Lance every time he saw the boy, he got others to hate; he basically turned the school against Lance. But Lance kept a straight (ha-ha) face and kept walking; telling himself over and over that one day, the hate would stop. One day, they'd accept him as the gay kid. One day, there'd be a no bullying policy, one day, there'd be a GSA. But who was he kidding.
One day, he just stopped believing in good. It was early in his sophomore year, and the hate was worse than ever. Not only that, but things at home weren't great. His dad, Percy Jackson, was a marine biologist who was about as straight as a ruler. He didn't have anything against gays, or Lance assumed he didn't, but he was just an extremely straight guy. He was interested in girls and cars and fighting, and not fashion and arts like Lance.
His mom also had no clue. She was working all day long in her study, planning buildings that resembled Greek temples. She had no time, never. And even she wasn't interested in fashion.
But back to the hate. It was at the end of his first week in tenth grade when Cameron, his ex-best friend, and several other guys locked him in the girl's bathroom. That wasn't out of the norm. Lance simply waited, and after a few seconds, the door was opened and someone else was shoved in. Well… that wasn't normal. Lance mustered the new kid. Below average in size, skinny, and everything about him screamed 'nerd!'
"W-why am I here?" the kid asked. Lance sighed and looked at the ceiling.
"No one told you yet? I'm gay. Devil's spawn, whatever you want to call me. But don't worry, I am not into your type," he hastily said, but immediately regretted even saying anything. The kid blushed and started pounding his fists on the door, screaming to let him out.
That was the first time Lance had ever thought of suicide. It just seemed… appropriate. The world would be better without him.
Of course, he never pulled through with the suicide. In fact, the thoughts left him as soon as the bathroom door was opened by the janitor, who by now knew that on Friday afternoons, the gay kid was locked in the girl's bathroom. Mumbling thanks to the janitor, he got out of school as fast as he could, and didn't answer his mother's questions as to why he was late from school.
.
The second time was worse, but also better.
The day had started off very well for one Lance Jackson. He had won an art award- the highest and best art award his school gave to students in the morning and was feeling happy. But, of course, that wasn't good in the books of Cameron Chance. After school, Lance was cornered and beaten. He thought that only happened in movies.
He was left on the ground behind school, broken and crying.
"I want to die."
The words escaped his lips, said to the wind, said to anyone or anything that would listen. He wanted, no, he needed help! But none came. He was alone… so alone. And he wanted to die.
"Hey!"
He closed his eyes, not wanting to face more physical and/or mental torture and guaranteed pain.
"Hey! Oh my god, what's wrong? Holy- that looks bad. Just, uh, here," the voice said, and something heavy was pressed against Lance's head. He assumed he was bleeding there, because one, he felt something trickle down the side of his forehead and he sure it wasn't sweat, and two, he was getting a killer headache and it hurt to open his eyes. "Okay, just keep still, buddy, I'm calling an ambulance."
Ambulance? Was it really that bad? And who was this guy? He sounded… nice. Comforting. Worried. Concerned.
The voice kept talking to him the next few minutes, telling him not to give up. It was almost jokingly, for Lance wasn't in any life threatening situation, or was he? Could he bleed out? Would he die? Damn, he should have paid more attention in health class. When he heard the sound of the ambulance, he was relieved.
Soon, there were hands and cool packs on him, professionals, and he felt himself being lifted onto something, and the guy who had found him was being questioned.
"And your name, sonny?"
"Cal. Calvin Madden."
"Alright then, Mr. Madden, do you know what the heck happened here?"
"No, no sir. I walk home this way and was staying after school to finish an art project, and I found him like this. At first I thought he was dead, 'cause there's, you know, blood everywhere, but I applied pressure to the wounds and calmed him down. Sir… I. I think he needs help." Calvin's voice lowered. "I- I heard him say he wants to die, sir. And, well, I know why he's here. He's- he's gay, sir. Not openly, but it's no secret."
There was a grim silence that followed.
"You did well, Calvin. You may have saved young Lance's life."
Lance didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Happy because someone found him and took care of him even though they could suffer consequences. Sad because he didn't die.
.
He lied to his parents. They had, of course, been notified by the hospital that he had been beaten up and had uttered the wish he wanted to die, but he covered it all up. He said he had no clue why he was beaten up, and that he wanted to die because of the pain. Percy seemed to look relieved at that, but Lance could tell Annabeth wasn't completely convinced, yet she let it go.
A week later, Lance went back to school, determined to find this Calvin guy and say thanks. But, as it turned out, he didn't have to. When he entered the school building on Monday morning, his eyes, after carefully scanning the area for Cameron, fell on a guy. In Lance's mind, this guy was more beautiful than anyone he'd ever seen. With his shaggy dirty blond hair, wide green eyes, and dark clothes, he just looked so… like no one Lance had ever seen before.
Shaking his head, he walked on, trying to figure out how to find Calvin. Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around, mentally bracing himself for facing Cameron, but, instead, found himself facing the gorgeous guy from earlier. Suddenly very aware of himself, he pushed his black curls out of his face and subconsciously pulled at the ends of his blue plaid shirt and brushed any imaginary excess dust or dirt off his black jeans.
"Hey, are you okay? I mean, how's the head? Is it okay? Did you have to get stitches- oh god, you did," the guy rambled, a hand coming up and brushing Lance's hair out of the way of the stitches near to his temple. Lance flushed, but didn't say anything, for once enjoying someone being nice to him. "Sorry, I don't want to seem creepy. I'm Calvin Madden, but call me Cal. I found you-"
"Yeah, I know," Lance interjected. "Look, thanks for that, really, you saved my life. I really owe you; I have no way to repay you. If there is anything I can do, just tell me," Lance smiled at Cal. He had a feeling he could trust this guy. Cal giggled and patted Lance's shoulder.
"Hey, guys like us got to stick together."
Ah, now it made sense to Lance.
"So you're… uh, gay too?" He asked, avoiding eye contact. Cal smiled and put an arm around Lance's shoulder, leading him down the hallway.
"Oh hell yeah. And I know you are too. And-"
"Aww, look at the fags, sharing your faggy faggot love," Lance heard a voice sneer behind him. Abruptly, he and Cal spun around to see Cameron and some of his friends standing there, making disgusted and amused faces. Cal's arm had left Lance's shoulder, and, faster than he could blink, it was up against Cameron's face.
Lance couldn't believe his eyes. Cal was actually threatening Cameron! His day just became that much better.
.
For a couple of weeks leading up to winter break, no one bothered Lance and Cal, who had become friends. And, for the first time, Lance felt sure he wanted to come out, at least to his parents. Cal supported him in every way he could, but he couldn't be there with his friends. The Madden family had booked a flight to South America for the break, and Cal had to go.
On the Christmas Eve morning, Lance received a text from his friend.
From: Cal :)
Message: I am with you mentally, buddy. COURAGE! Greetings from the Amazon- the river dolphins are uh-may-zing! Not as cool as you though :)
The message made Lance smile, and he felt good about coming out.
Lance was nervous the whole day, until, finally, dinner rolled around. Percy and Annabeth had been preparing the whole day for it, and, finally, Lance had felt appreciated, for his mother had asked him to design the table layout and then complimented him on his sketch. His dad had smiled and asked him to design a kickass sword.
They had invited their parents- Sally and Paul on Percy's side, and Frederick and Helen on Annabeth's side. Lance was glad that his uncles Bobby and Matthew were in college and not there, for it made it less people.
"Um… everyone? I, uh, have something to say. Mom… dad… grandparentals," he started. He bit his lip, but continued, his heart racing. "I- I'm- I'm gay."
Dead silence fell upon the room. Helen then got up, pulling a protesting Frederick along with her, telling them they wouldn't be back. Percy was blushing crimson red- was he embarrassed? Lance didn't stick around to find out. He got up, ran up the stairs, and locked himself in his room.
It stayed like that for the rest of break, but what bothered Lance, was that neither Percy nor Annabeth tried to talk to him. He snuck out of his room early in the morning and late at night to get some food, but that was it. The rest of the time, he sat in his room, wanting nothing more than to vanish, to disappear off the face of the earth.
He couldn't even text Cal- his phone kept telling him that the text couldn't be sent.
.
Finally, on New Year's Eve, Lance woke up to something that saved him. He had planned on actually committing suicide that night- he had written the goodbye notes and everything, but something stopped him. Actually, someone did. Sitting in front of his bed when he opened his eyes, was Percy.
"Hey, you're awake," Percy smiled, and ruffled his son's hair. Lance squirmed on reflex, but a smile still spread over his face. "Look, Lance, your mom and I… we've not been very… well, talkative lately, and I'm sorry about that. It's just, I feel like an idiot, and your mom blames herself for your, what was it, 'inability to talk to us', I think.
"Look, what I'm saying is that… we love you, Lance, so much. And you're brave, really brave. We should have asked a long time ago, when we knew you were getting into fights at school and you weren't the cause of them. I'm really sorry for that, Lance. And… there's something else. It would be really awesome, if you could help your mom a bit more in the next, oh, six months. The room next to yours needs to be transformed into a nursery, and we figured we'd have the artist of the house design it for their little sibling."
Lance flung his arms around his father's neck. He was just… happy. It felt so weird, but he was happy.
"Whoa, easy there, Lance. Just… make it suitable for girl or guy, 'kay?"
Lance nodded and smiled.
Life, he found would get better. And it did, even if it was only until he went back to school. In the evening, Cal showed up at his doorstep, proclaiming that they would start the new year together, to make them stronger, and as their school's first openly gay couple.
For a while… it really did get better. And Lancelot Jackson, who really preferred being called Lance, marveled at that for the rest of his life. Even though the rest of high school was torture, in college with Cal, it just got that much better. His little sister, Rose, adored him, and his parents and grandparents, on Percy's side, loved and accepted him, and considered Cal part of the family.
But it took pain and suicidal thoughts to get there. Exactly that was why Lance and Cal managed though. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger- it applied.
Somewhere, they were damn proud.
Wow… that was a crappy comeback. But anyway… review, please. For more info on why I was on hiatus for an ice age, look on my profile.
