Disclaimer: Emma Swan, Neal Cassidy and the other unwanted person do not belong to me.


A/N: So this is my response to Neal's workout line. Neal, man... get a grip. You shall be punished if you don't.


Chapter 1: Wrongdoing

Emma Swan would prove all of them wrong.

Tamara was evil. She knew it. She was hiding something. All she had to do was find it.

And that was why she was back at their room, rummaging through drawers, inspecting coat pockets, searching for other floorboards… She knew she didn't have much time. Neal and his fiancée had gone downstairs to grab a coffee at Granny's and that gave her only a couple of minutes before they came back.

"Who has coffee before bed, anyway…" she snorted.

'Someone who plans to stay awake,' her mind replied, 'and do… things.'

She made a face, and let out a rather audible 'Bleh' at the thought of Neal and Tamara having sex.

Then, she sobered up, straightening her shoulders.

"Who cares…" she said. "He can have sex with whoever he wants to."

'Yeah… right,' her mind responded.

And then, she heard someone fumble with keys outside the room.

"Aw hell no!" she whispered, her eyes wide as someone finally unlocked the door.

"I thought you knew that about me!" she heard Neal's voice, followed by some creepy female giggling.

They were back.

"Shit," she whispered again, breaking into a silent run and hiding into the bathroom just as Neal and Tamara entered the room.

'The bathroom? Really? Are you… are you serious?' her mind shrieked.

"Shut up!" she hissed, trying to ignore the fact her mind was right. Hiding in a place where people were sure to come in at some point… She was asking to be caught.

The bathtub.

She climbed into it, thanking all the heavens for the thick curtains that now shielded her from unwanted glances from outside.

'Great idea! Unless one of them decides to take a shower, you idiot!'

'Well… I wouldn't mind seeing him naked,' another voice inside her head replied.

'Oh yeah? What about her?' was the response. 'Better yet, what about them?'

'What?' her Tallahassee self replied, curling into a ball at some corner of her mind. 'No! Nooooo! Stop it! Stop! I don't wanna see it! Stop making me see these things!'

Just as the voices dueled inside her head, Tamara entered the bathroom.

'Oh shit,' was the only response her mind could come up with. The other voices seemed to agree. 'Oh shit!'

She peeked through the little gap between the curtain and the wall, praying for the woman to simply wash her hands and leave.

And then, Neal entered the bathroom as well, and she knew that look on his face. She knew what was on his mind.

'Oh no,' she whimpered, mentally. 'No nononono! Please no… not in the shower…'

"Feel like taking a shower?" he said gingerly, holding Tamara's waist as she reached for her toothbrush.

'Bastard! Bastard! I knew it! I knew it!'

Emma ground her teeth so hard she was sure people could hear it.

"I have already taken a shower, sweetie," the woman replied, with that fake smile of hers.

'Jesus, Neal! How do you even fall for that?'

"Oh, I know…" he replied, nibbling at the woman's neck, and Emma had to look away not to vomit inside her mouth. "I have too. But maybe we could… you know…"

'I wanna leave!' multiple voices started screaming inside Emma's mind again. 'I wanna leave! Make it stop! Make it stop!'

"Neal, sweetie… Better not," Tamara said, much to Emma's relief, and surprise. She actually raised her eyebrows at how uninterested the woman seemed to be. Emma herself was quite sure she wouldn't have had the same nerve… Not with an aroused Neal holding her waist like that.

"I just really want to get some rest," she continued, turning around to look at Neal with the same fake smile she had given him before. "Tomorrow I will have a full day ahead. I have to catch up with my training and all…"

"Well then…" he purred, pulling Tamara's body closer to his. "Come to bed and I'll give you a workout."

Emma winced, wrinkling her nose as she squeezed her eyes in the uttermost disgust. Ew! The voices in her head restarted their simultaneous rants.

'Come to bed and I'll give you a workout? Oh my God, Neal! Oh… my… God.'

'What is this? What THE HELL is this? Make it stop!'

'Who cares, anyway, let they go at it, I don't care, I don't, I really don't…'

"Oh, Neal…" Tamara purred back, poking him at the ribs and urging him out of the bathroom. When she turned to close the door behind her after the man had walked to their bed, Emma caught a glimpse of her face.

The fake smile had been replaced by an expression of disgust, and she was rolling her eyes.

Emma felt her jaw had dropped.

'On Neal… You dumb shit…' she thought, a sudden feeling of hatred spreading across her chest. 'She's cheating on you.'

'The bitch! The bitch! She… she is playing you, I knew it! And she is with you… but she doesn't want to! Of course! There is another man! The bitch!'

"I knew it…" she whispered, as soon as the door closed and she stepped out of the bathtub.

"Come on, honey…" she heard the man whisper, as the sound of zippers and clothes being tossed to the floor. "Look what you do to me."

"Oh God no, please no," Emma whimpered, covering her eyes at his words. The horn dog. She didn't even need to see him to know what he was talking about. From what she could remember about Neal Cassidy, the man was always happy to boast about his manhood.

'Not without reason, if I shall add…'

Emma rolled her eyes at her own thoughts. What a time to remember her ex's penis!

"Neal…"

And then, she heard kisses, and male moans, and felt like vomiting.

'Oh Heavens Almighty what was heard cannot be unheard! He is going to do it with her! I don't wanna hear it!'

The moaning intensified.

"Tam, please… You have no idea…"

Oh, maybe Tamara didn't, but she, Emma, did. Neal Cassidy was not the kind of man to survive sex droughts. From the desperation in his voice, Tamara had been giving him a hard time.

'Hard! Of course he is hard! And he is moaning again and telling her dirty things! Make it stop! Make it stooooop!'

'All the leaves are brown… and the sky is gray… I've been for a walk…la la la la la…'

She started singing mentally, to stifle the man's voice as he kept trying to sex his fiancée up.

'I don't wanna hear it… not hearing….'

"Want me to go down on you?"

Emma's eyes nearly popped out of her head , and she grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped it around her face, screaming silently onto it as she bit it with all the strength she had.

'Noooooooooooo!'

'Get me out of here I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE!'

'California dreaming… la la la la la… on such a winters day… la la la…'

"Neal, I've already told you I'm not into that kind of thing," Tamara replied.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I just thought…"

"Neal, baby, please, I really need to rest, ok?"

"O-Ok… I'm… I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I promise tomorrow I'll do whatever you want from me, OK? Just let me get some rest tonight."

"O-Ok…"

'A-All the leaves are d-down... and t-the sky is… is… g-grey…'

Emma kept singing mentally, tripping on the lyrics as she desperately tried not to imagine Neal and Tamara having sex mere two feet away from where she was.

And then, when she finally removed the towel from around her head, she heard footsteps approaching, and climbed back into the bathtub a second before Neal came in, closing the door behind him.

Oh, the look in his eyes as he leaned against the sink and stared at his own reflection in the mirror. Emma tilted her head, trying not to smile at the man's misery. Her mind, though, couldn't help but celebrate.

'Sex with Tamara: challenge accepted. Current status: fail.'

The man looked like he was about to burst into tears.