The
Smashers Quit
Chapter One: Cokepsi Burger
"Master
Hand, I won the tournament, where's my prize money?" demanded
Falco, storming up to Master Hand's desk in his private room in
Smash Mansion.
"No, sorry, birds don't win prize money,"
said Master Hand.
"But I don't earn any money outside of
tournaments!" said Falco, angrily.
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones
don't win prize money," said Master Hand, quite calmly.
"But
I beat everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money,"
said Master Hand.
"WHAT? I BEAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE SMASH
MANSION, AND YOU WON'T GIVE ME A SINGLE CENT OF THE MILLION DOLLAR
PRIZE MONEY?" asked Falco angrily, sweating.
"Here, have this
drumstick made out of parrot meat," said Master Hand, calmly.
Falco
took a bite, and then looked at Master Hand, startled.
"Hey,
this tastes like the time when I tried to eat myself!" said Falco,
angrily to Master Hand. "It's a parrot! You filthy person!"
"I'm
just doing my job," said Master Hand.
"What? Making everyone
cannibals?"
"Yep."
"Well, well guess what?" asked
Falco, trembling slightly. "I'm- I'm going to quit being a
Smasher, and get a great job! My job will be ten times better than
yours, and you will regret never giving me the prize money!"
"Sure,
go ahead," said Master Hand, turning the page of the glamour
magazine that he was reading while Falco made his speech.
"You'll
see! You'll see!" said Falco, pointing his hand
threateningly at Master Hand.
Later…
"You're
working at a fast food chain?" asked Master Hand, looking weirdly
at Falco, over the counter.
"Not any fast food chain, but
Cokepsi™ Burger!" said Falco, triumphantly. "And sometimes,
when I'm cooking the fries, sometimes I pinch one, and eat it up
just for myself! It's good fun!"
"Well, actually," said
the anthropomorphic squirrel manager, "You're not supposed to
have fun in a minimum wage part-time job."
"Oh," said
Falco, disappointingly. "Well, I can still have a chip once in a
while!"
"No you can't," said the manager. "Even though
we're not concerned about hygiene, because you're the n00b here,
you can't eat anything."
"Oh," said Falco. "Well, at
least I get paid!"
"No, you signed a contract that donated all
your wages to me."
"Oh," said Falco. "At least I'm still
having fun!"
"Well, actually, you're not supposed to have
fun in a minimum wage part-time job."
Later…
"Hey,
guess what Master Hand?" said Falco. "I'm doing less than you,
and I'm going to make more money than you!"
"Oh really?"
asked Master Hand, in what was a quite ignorant tone.
"Yeah, I
payed this cool company my joining fee of $100,000 dollars, and now
every time I recruit a new person, I get 100 bucks, and soon, I'm
going to make a profit!" said Falco, eagerly.
"Are you sure
these work at home things aren't scams?" asked Master Hand.
"No,"
said Falco. "And I should be getting my first paycheck any minute
now!"
"Um… Well I have to go now…" said Master Hand in a
fake tone, flying away from Falco.
Suddenly, the ringtone of
Falco's mobile phone went off. Falco promptly picked it up, and put
his ear up to it.
"Hello?" said Falco.
"Hello," said
the voice at the other end. "Um… Five minutes after you paid us
one-hundred thousand dollars, our company declared bankrupt."
"What,
your company somehow collapsed a few minutes after I paid you my life
savings?" asked Falco, shocked.
"Mmm," said the voice at the
other end.
"Do I get any of it back?" asked Falco.
"Um…
No… Fox clones don't get any money," said the guy at the other
end.
"Hey wait," said Falco to himself. "That sounds
strangely familiar!"
Falco tried to remember what was said to
him in the last few hours.
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones don't
win prize money," Falco heard Master Hand say.
"But I
beat everyone!" Falco remembered saying, replying to Master
Hand.
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money," Falco
remembered Master Hand saying shortly afterwards.
Those same few
thoughts kept on going through his head.
"Sorry Falco, Fox
clones don't win prize money,"
"But I beat
everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money."
"Sorry
Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money,"
"But I beat
everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money,"
"Sorry
Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money,"
"But I beat
everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money,"
"Was
there anything else?" asked Falco to himself.
"Babies are
yummy!" said Peach.
"WTF?" asked Falco to
himself. "Hey, Master Hand robbed me of one-hundred thousand
dollars!"
"Oh," said Master Hand, "It's no big deal. I
make more than this scamming people every day!"
"You scam
more people to get money?" said Falco angrily.
"Sure! You
Smashers, idiots who pay to watch you fight, and that blind guy down
the road who pays me because he thinks I'm magic!"
"You-"
"Oh,
and you owe me a million dollars for entering my office," said
Master Hand.
"That's it, Master Hand. You will pay for
this! I promise!" said Falco, angrily. "I will do the worst deed
ever possible for you, and you will regret not giving me the
money!"
Falco laughed menacingly.
Later…
"You're
stealing the radio from my car?" asked Master Hand.
"Damn
straight," said Falco, angrily. "I'm going to keep that radio,
and you're not going to do a thing about it!"
Falco did a
raspberry at Master Hand, and then crossed his arms near his
chest.
"I'll spend your prize money," said Master Hand,
calmly.
Falco promptly put the radio back, and then looked at
Master Hand threateningly.
"Master Hand, that's going to be
worse than this!"
Later…
"Look," said Falco,
talking to Master Hand in his office. "A nice China Vase! But too
bad for it, it's going to meet its fate!"
"Falco, I really
do-" said Master Hand, before being interrupted by Falco.
Falco
pushed the vase of the table, making it crash into lots of tiny
pieces, and then did a wide-eyed stare at Master Hand, trying to look
evil.
"Ah," said Falco, smirking. "What do you have to say
about that?"
"Uh… that was your vase, I borrowed it from
you, but now I guess I can't give it ba-"
"What's wrong
with you people?" asked Falco. "You don't get angered at all,
and you're a greedy, greedy hog of money! I loathe you. No, I pity
you! You can't stop and think about others, your only care in the
world is money! I bet you don't have a friend in the
world!"
"Pardon?" asked Master Hand, taking his headphones
out of his ears. "Oops, sorry, I guess I need to turn the volume of
my I-Pad™ down. Sorry, what were you saying?"
"That's it!
I'm leaving Smash Mansion, and I'm never comin' back!"
Falco
started to burst into tears, grabbed one of Master Hand's suitcases
and ran off to his room.
"What's wrong, Falco?" asked Fox,
looking at Falco throwing some clothes into his suitcase.
"Master
Hand won't pay me a single cent for the tournament that I won, and
he robbed me of my life savings!" said Falco, brushing a tear off
his eye.
"So what, you're leaving?" asked Fox.
"Yes!"
said Falco, angrily. "I'm never coming back! And I want you to
come with me!"
"No!" said Fox, angrily. "It's a great
place here! Master Hand does everything for me!"
"You just
wait!" said Falco, throwing his teddy bear in his suitcase angrily.
"When you win a tournament, and Master Hand doesn't give you
anything for it, you'll leave, and come and live with me in
Corneria!"
Falco took a poster off his wall, and then looked at
Fox.
"You have to leave soon, or he'll make your life, a
living hell!" said Falco. "You'll regret staying here, I
know you will! And when everyone leaves, he'll try and keep
everyone here, by force!"
Falco stormed out of the room with his
suitcase, and looked down from the top of the stairs to all of the
smashers.
"Goodbye Smashers!" said Falco. "I'm leaving,
forever!"
Falco walked down the carpeted stairs, and looked
around at all of the smashers, who were in shock.
"Master Hand
isn't paying any money, or giving me anything for the tournament I
won! And he won't give it to second place, or third place!" said
Falco. "I would advise you all to leave!"
Falco was about to
walk away, when a hand tapped him on the back.
"Goodbye," said
Master Hand, calmly.
"GOODBYE RETARD!"
Falco
stormed off in a fit of anger, and then walked out of the front door
of Smash Mansion.
"What happened?" asked Link to Master
Hand.
"He's angry, he's left, he's going to come back,"
said Master Hand.
"I wouldn't say that, you know," said
Link. "Falco does seem to-"
Falco slammed open the doors and
walked up to Master Hand.
"Uh… Master Hand, do you know any
good taxi services, so I can get to the airport?" asked
Falco.
"Yeah, sure, you can use my cell phone to call a taxi
service," said Master Hand.
10 minutes later…
"My
taxi's here," said Falco. "Oh, Master Hand, when I was storming
off in a fir of anger, what did I say?"
"Um… oh yeah…
goodbye retard…" said Master Hand.
"Oh, okay," said Falco.
"Um… goodbye retard…"
Falco stormed out of Smash Mansion
in a fit of fake anger.
"He'll be back," said Master
Hand.
Hoogi. Brickfilms. Com/Forum
