- Banjo-Kazooie ZE (Zelda Edition) -
an insane crossover fanfic by charity236

Disclaimer:
I didn't create Zelda, that honour goes to the gaming genius Shigeru Miyamoto. I didn't think of Banjo-Kazooie either, that was Rareware's idea. Blame them, don't sue me!

Fic Summary:
When Zelda is kidnapped by the evil Twinrova, Link and his un-trusty fairy sidekick Navi must go rescue her with a bit of help from Kaepora the four-eyed owl and Sheik the mysterious shaman, and hardly any help from everyone else...

Quick Notes:
Guh-huh! My first non-Author Chronicles fanfic! Woohoo!
This is what happens when you take the Banjo-Kazooie game and replace all the characters with peoples from Zelda (and a few other games too, hehe). Fun!
And I know Rare moved over to the [cough]Xbox[cough] but BK is one of my favourite games on the ol' N64, so there!

PS: Flames will be given to either Rauru (to melt his chocolate coins) or Mumbo (so he can heat his Winter Click Clock Wood skull for when he gets back from his holiday).

UPDATE 29/5/04: For what seems like the first time in ages, I'VE DONE SOMETHING TO THE FIC!! Now it's prettyful with boldness and underlininess and italicness and all that sort of stuff. So happy am I!

Super Fun Happy Feature!
Unfortunately our new Super Fun Happy Feature hasn't arrived in the mail yet, so we can't put it up yet. We apologise for the inconvenience.

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- Prologue: Oh My God! She Kidnapped Zelda! (or The Story Taken From The Instruction Booklet And Rewritten In My Own Words To Fit This Fanfic) -

Twinrova cackled as she watched the choking green and blue smog clear. She stood at the highest window in her Lair, looking down at Spiral Mountain below.

Twinrova: Tiny creatures far below, which of you'll be first to go?

The witch rubbed her hands in glee at the thought of putting her newest invention to use. It was her pride and joy - a machine that could suck the beauty out of people for Twinrova to absorb like a sponge!
And it would teach that meddling Nabooru a good lesson, too. How dare that interfering jerk hit the beauty jackpot and leave Twinrova, well... uh... slightly disadvantaged in that department?

Twinrova: Hah! Not any more! [picks nose] Not any more...

Turning back to her bubbling cauldron, Twinrova casted the spell which would (hopefully) reassure her that she was (of course) the most wonderfully attractive person/creature in this world...

---

Meanwhile, Zelda was skipping home through the sunny fields of Spiral Mountain. As she reached the garden gate, a large brown head (wearing red glasses made of bottletops) that could only belong to her good friend Kaepora Gaebora popped up from a nearby nest.

Kaepora: Morning, Zelda. What are your plans for this fine day?

Zelda: Oh, you know, the usual - as soon as my lazy brother Link gets out of bed, we're going on an adventure!

Kaepora: Um... that's nice. [looks up at sky and points] Hang on, isn't that your brother up there?

Zelda: Where? [sees person zooming through sky] No, that can't be Link. I wonder who it is...

---

Twinrova:
Sweeter than me? Prettier than me?! Impossible!!

She was so furious at her cauldron's words that she could hardly control her broomstick, screeching with anger every time her boots clipped the treetops.

Twinrova: As cute as me, you stupid pot? For her own sake, I hope she's not!

The witch sped dangerously on until her target came into view - staring up at her from a field far below was the innocent young Hylian she'd seen in the depths of that idiotic cauldron.

Twinrova: I need those looks far more than she, and finally perfect I shall be! [cackle]

---

Navi popped her head out of Link's hat as, at the same time, a loud noise erupted from outside the window.

Navi: Link! Link, wake up!

Link: [groans and pulls pillow over head] Aww, Navi, it's too early...

Navi: This is no time to be lazy, skirt boy! We've got trouble!

Link yawned, rolled over and fell out of bed in surprise as Navi's struggling toppled both the hat and its stand onto the floor with a crash.

Link: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME SKIRT BO-

Someone Outside: Hahahaha! You're coming with me, and sweet then I'll be!

Someone Else Outside: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! Help me, Link!

Link: ZELDA!! Hang on, I'm comin'! [looks down at hatstand and Navi] Navi, what are you doing down there? This is no time to be lazy - Zelda's in trouble!

Link grabbed his hat, backpack (stuffing Navi into it), and his sword and shield before dashing out the door.

Zelda (in a fireman's hold over Twinrova's shoulder): Help me Link! Don't just stand there!! [Twinrova whisks her away to the Lair]

Link: [raises an eyebrow] Who was that demented-looking person on the broomstick?

Kaepora: Twinrova, also known as the Wicked Witch of the West - at least in Hyrule.

Link: [slaps head irritably] Oh please, no Wizard of Oz references!

Kaepora: No really, the Gerudos are from the desert to the WEST. Hence Twinrova's other name.

Link and Navi: [frowns]

Kaepora: Zelda's being dragged away to Twinrova's Lair, you know! Are you going to go save her or WHAT?!

Link: Fine, fine already.

Navi: Yay! Adventure! ...So how are we meant to save Zelda, goggle-boy?

Kaepora: [glares at Navi] Just because I have glasses... Look, why don't you go do some training around Spiral Mountain? Whenever you find one of my nests, yell and I'll tell you something good. Got that?

Link: Whatever. [runs off to find an owlnest]

Kaepora: [shakes head]

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Looks like it's Link and Navi to the rescue! AGAIN!!!! But without training, they'll never get anywhere, so they better listen up to Kaepora real good.

Next Chapter: The Aptly-Named "Spiral Mountain" Spin-Out

Heart Pieces, stupid lessons, a Nintendo 64 controller disguised as a sword, eyed boulders made of easily-breakable styrofoam... this is going to be one insane crossover fanfic.

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