Disclaimer: I own nothing, the Devil (Joss)ownsBuffy and Angel

An1: ok, u should know, that Angel season five did happen. and5 years after chosen there was thisreally big war between Good and Evil, Good lost and the ones to out of Battle alive are Faith and Buffy, everybody else is dead and Evil Brought Angelusback and he is after Buffy. This takesplace 5 year after the battle and Faith is now dead too
An2:I wrote this last night after reading like 5 Angstfics and so just came out, Flames will keep me warm in the Mornings.
An3: not beta'd, not edited, don't point my mistakes just.


I'm looking down at the razer-sharp knife in my hand right now, wondering ifI should or shouldn't go though it. Nothing seems worth living for right now, there is nothing left but empyness its depressing but what isn't in this world or in my world at least. I used to have so much to live for but its gone, there is nothing left. Nothing left to hold on too, nothing lend against when I'm in pain. Nothing, nothing.

I wish i knew howI could have stopped it. I'm the god damn slayer, I should stoped it.

They shouldn't have died. My sister shouldn't have died. My watcher who was allways a father to me shouldn't have died. My best freind shouldn't have died. My Angel should have died.

I'm still staring at the knife but now there is water on it now.I didn't even knowI started crying.I don't know whenI started crying.

I'm thinking back on my life right now and thinking wat ifI did stay dead the first time, would have made the world better, wouldI have saved the lifes of my friends and Family and My Angel's life. Would it was been better ifInever come back, would have been better ifI maded My Angel stay, would have been better ifI never yelled at him in LA all those years ago. Would have been better to stay dead the second time.

I am still staring at the knife, and now thinking it all my fault. I lost the War and Battle. Plus I lost myself some where after i whent to college,I lost myself even more in these past years.

I can't handle being chased my loves alter ego any more.I can't run, I'm too tired to run, too weak.

I'm openly crying now and sobbing.the girl lost the battle all those years ago and the Slayer lost when the War was Lost.I let the world become hell. I lost my faith and my hope and my everything when Angel died.

I hear foot steps now, please don't let be him.I don't want to fight,I don't want to cry,I just want this to end.

You know Faith made though the war. We stuck together for years trying to live in a world overrun by demons. He killed my last link to any kind of life thatI had. Its been a year since she died and that ishow longI have been running,I can't run anymore.

So I guess, I will go though with thisbecause this way he will never find me and even if that is him, even if that ishis footsteps.I will die and he never getthe chance to kill me.

He could turn my body, but thats just it, a body, a shell of something who once I had a life worth living.

I grip the knife in my right hand and raise to my armand slice down the vein. The colour is pretty, its a deep red.

I Rememeber when I cut my palm to prove to Dawnthat she was real. Oh Dawnie, I'm crying even harder now. SoI take the bloody in knife my bleeding hand and raise to cut my other arm. The footesteps are getting closer and closer.I better do it now in case it is him. I slice my vein and watch the blood ooze out.

AnI smile because its done, it over. I will die from blood loss. the Door is opening now andI cansee who it is now. I was right, it is him.

I stand up as best asI can, with the bloody knife still in my left hand. I can feel theblood run down my arm and into my palm. Its warm, its feels nice, it feels welcoming.

I smile at him and say "You found me, sodoI winner a prize."

I raise my hand to look at the bloody knife and look back at him still smiling.I know he can smell the blood and hear my heart slow down.

I say to him"DoI get to die in peace. There is nothing you can do now, I'm deing isn't it wonderfull, Angelus."

Im gitty now its blood loss andI keep smileing "I'm deing. iI'm deing. All you did an I go andcommit sucide isn't that funny." I laughbriefly before continueing. "I get to die,I getto see my family.I get to see Dawnie and My Angel."

The knife is sliping, andI don't care. Ican see the look on his Face. its shock or anger or something else, Ican't really tell. The knife falls to ground with clatter andmy knees are getting weaker, I'm getting sleepier.

"Angelus, have in this Helland Goodbye."

I'm still smiling,I look at him once more and then my world goes black andI know I'm dead. I'm Happy, I'm safe, I'm in heaven and my Angel is there too.


so tears, comments, Flame, i can take was u dish out but review, ppl