A/N: This is the story for the prequel of 'The Years it took to Fall.' I place a new chapter depending on time I have. Usually it'll be one day to three days.


Chapter One:

Marriage equals Closed Doors


I watched as my mom spread out the different books on the glass table. She had on a happy smile, her aura magically positive. Serah stood nearby her chatting softly in a sweet tone with her eyes shining with excitement. I tightened the grip on my textbook and ignored the surge of jealously -or was it envy, inside my core.

Mom and Serah were planning the wedding's decorations, the theme and what will be prepared.

I sat quietly on the couch trying to stray from watching Snow's fiancé with my piercing gaze. I never let my true emotions take place. Instead I held it inside as I swallowed down any bitter words that I wanted to scream out at Snow and his newfound love.

Love was never an easy thing and I let it consume my whole self and turn my world upside down. I let my emotions run astray and I briefly wondered if I should have confessed my feelings back when I started to realize them.

It's too late now.

"Heathers, carnations, and roses! I say that would be a wonder flower arrangement." Serah stated out loud breaking my inner thoughts.

I narrowed my eyes at the textbook wide open yet I couldn't read it. Those flower combinations would go horribly in this current weather in Palumpolum.

"Snowdrop and Camellias." I muttered too loudly without thinking.

The two pairs of eyes glanced over in my direction and I gave a small nervous smile averting my eyes from their questioning glance.

"I mean- This weather would be…unpleasant for those three flowers. Snowdrop and Camellias I would recommend. If you really want to listen to me, you don't have to." I came up with and bit down on my tongue. Why did I hurt myself like this?

I could just be in my room away from their planning.

"Oh. Maybe that is so." Serah agreed with a nod and flipped through the catalog. She smiled at me.

"Thank you Hope."

Don't say my name. I wanted to bark back. It makes me feel sick to hear you say my name so comfortably as if we are the least bit close. I knew I was bad at controlling emotions so feeling this enormous amount of jealously wasn't healthy for me.

I stood up and closed my textbook to finally rid the pain I was causing myself.

"I'll be in my room studying mom." I announced and stepped across the dining area to head for my bedroom. I quietly slowed my pace as I went into the hallway and clutched the book to my chest in a painful grip. My eyes stared down at the maroon carpeting.

He's getting married soon. I shouldn't keep hanging on an invisible thread for Snow to ever return my feelings. I knew that once I saw the pathway leading to desirability for the older male, it would only end up in heartbreak and lament.

I silently passed the half open bedroom filled with the bright light coming from the shining lamp and peeked inside the room.

There lay Snow taking a peaceful nap resting on his left arm facing directly to the door entrance. His soothing calm breathes sounding through the room through his slightly parted lips. His blond hair falling over his cheeks perfectly matching his rare tan skin tone made sleeping seem like it was heaven for him.

I gulped quietly feeling the warmth spreading through my face as my heartbeat seemed to hit harder against my chest as I stared at him. I watched with distressful eyes as I turned away from the scene and continued to my bedroom just two doors away.

I couldn't help but fall deeper in love for the unreachable man.

I shut my door with a lock and fell against the bed frame and buried my face into my hands. This was the first time after hearing the news of Snow's engagement, that I let the tears come down without a sound.

The studying was just a cover up for my mourning. My pitiful charisma only made my mood less positive. If I truly am in love with a hopeless unrequired yearn for Snow, then I had to fully support who he wanted to be with.

We all can't have what we desire. My name may be hope, but was there really hope for me?

I don't think so. Not one bit.

I collected myself and decided to follow Snow's example and took a nap. Sleep seemed the best thing to go to get away from my expressive chaos.

"What do you think about love Snow?" I asked in wonder as I rested against his chest as he gazed up at the clouds.

We were outside taking in the warm sun and breezy winds. I sitting in Snow's lap as he leaned against his arms supporting himself on the palms of his hands.

"Love? Well I don't think it's an easy thing ya know? I think that if you feel happy and warm and just alright with someone without wanting them to change, then that's love."

"I love my mom very much then." I said out loud with a smile.

Snow chuckled.

"And you should love her forever kid." He stated ruffling my hair.

"And…I love you too." I whispered softly.

A large hand stayed on my head as I could feel Snow grin against my head when he leaned down.

"Yeah me too kid." He replied and my heart swelled.

I woke up with a startled gasp as I touched my eyes. Tears were formed at the edges and I wiped off the dry tears stained on my cheek. I hated having that dream. It was the only time I said 'I love you' to Snow. But of course I made it sound as if brotherly or friendship wise. When he said it, I had wished it meant much more. But I knew that wasn't real. My love and his love for me are on different sides of the world.

I needed to accept that.

I pushed myself off the bed and felt the small need for some food. I pattered across the soft carpet into the living room and reached into the fridge to pull out my leftover bowl of salad and a bottle of water. I wasn't on a diet, I didn't need that. I just didn't have the drive to eat anything else but a plain meal. I could be lost in thought when I ate slowly and feel full halfway. Besides…it had spicy chicken tenders cut up and mixed with the contents.

I sat down on the table and eyed their plans so far. I unscrewed the cap of the water bottle and saw the theme: Crystals.

My mom smiled over at me as I stabbed a piece of lettuce with tomato. I could feel Serah's short gaze on me before she continued flipping through wedding catalog.

"I always find you eating salads. Do you want me to make you something else for a change?" She asked gently.

I looked up at her and forced a smile and shook my head.

"No mom it's okay. I just need a snack, so I settled for this. Thanks for asking though." I replied and continued eating looking down.

With Serah around, I suppose I felt more…vulnerable.

"Yeah thanks you all for waking me up to help with wedding plans." A loud voice stated with a groan following behind as I heard Snow stretch.

Serah gave a happy giggle and stood up to wrap her arms around him in a loving embrace and he returned the favor with equal feelings. I glanced at them and then to my fork. 'No confidence Hope where had that gone?' I wondered in my mind and placed some of my salad into my mouth.

"I just thought you needed the sleep honey. How was your nap?" The petite girl asked sitting back down and the screech of the chair moving back sounded through the dining area as Snow sat next to her. He gave a yawn and shrugged.

"Good enough to satisfy me. How's it going Nora?" He said smiling.

My mom gave a smile in return.

"I'm here helping with your wedding plans only having three days before the marriage arrives." She teased at him.

Oh right. Snow announced his engagement, but added the 'minor' detail of him getting married in a week. My mom had work for three days, so now she barely got around shopping for wedding catalogs and searching up venues and what not. Four days before Snow was fully committed and I had to stop my infatuation or else it'd just get ugly.

I stayed soundless through the trio's chatter of doing this, doing that, how much, how less, what food, what music, what scenery, I blocked that all out. It made me unanticipated for the upcoming wedding.

I frowned at my empty bowl.

I needed to stop being negative and start becoming the real Hope Estheim who was smart, nice, and positive.

Love couldn't ruin my personality right?


I took a deep breath at my reflection in the mirror. Wearing white wasn't a good match with my already pale complexion.

I pulled the sleeve over my hand as I gripped it and had my expression of self-doubt. My eyes filled with trouble. I snapped out of my view as my mom walked in and patted my shoulder complimenting my outfit.

"I'm glad I picked this out for you. You look so handsome Hope. Can you believe it? Snow getting married today and it felt as if yesterday I had brought him into our lives." She told me smoothing out the high collar of my white dress outfit.

It wasn't…proper wedding attire. It was just a shoulder less sleeve shirt with a connecting high collar with two black buttons. It matched with white pants and beige-like boots reaching midway to my knee. The zipper in the middle shinning a silver tone. I may be handsome to my mother, but would I even catch a second glance from Snow and be deemed beautiful or cute?

I wouldn't hope on it.

"Yeah hard to believe huh? Its okay mom, I'm sure he'll still be in contact when he goes back to Bodhum." I responded with a smile.

My mom smiled at me through the mirror's reflection and I just noticed how alike we look opposite gender. My dad had no saying in this. He said he'll 'try' to make it to the wedding, but I'm sure he didn't have the ounce of care for Snow's marriage. He had been around home more after Snow left back to Bodhum.

I wonder how my dad would respond if I told him I liked Snow in a romantic way.

"Snow didn't tell you? He'll be living at the vacant apartment complex below us. He said he loves his hometown, but Serah is going to attend Eden University sometime and he'd like to be around here while she went up there."

I blinked at this up-to-the-minute information.

No, he never told me. He hadn't really made much conversation with me. I'm guess he's just been on the high pedestal of his love and marriage. No time for good old Hope.

I shook my head.

"News to me, but I'm glad. Snow's kind of… 'My one'…an older brother or friend." I replied.

My mom kissed my head and pulled away.

"That's sweet. Now I believe we have to present ourselves at the venue. You ready?" She asked for confirmation.

I'm not ready.

I can't deal with it.

I don't want to go.

I...don't want to live heartbreak from now on until who knows when.

I can't.

But…

This is for Snow.

I stared at myself in the mirror and smiled.

"Yeah...I am." And I stood up to walk through the doors into the hallway just a few feet away from the large doors leading to the marriage of Snow Villiers and Serah Farron.

I'm ready.


I smiled a bit as Serah smiled loving at her new husband and got pulled in for a kiss.

It's official now. She's Serah Villiers.

I clapped gently along with my mom as the newly wedded couple smiled and laughed holding each other.

Serah had an older sister, name unknown, but she had a fierce stance as she watched her little sister get married. I noticed the small protective aura, but the happiness for Serah. She was mature looking and she seemed like she didn't get along with Snow, but reluctantly gave into his arm crushing hug with an annoyed face.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone here, and she seemed reverse persona from Serah. So I went up to Serah's sister in hopes of a name or something to get my mind off the couple in full devotion.

"Hi. I'm Hope. Hope Estheim."

She glanced at me with crossed arms with a narrowed gaze and she looked away.

"Lightning." She simply stated.

Conversation was going to be difficult with this person.

"Lightning huh. Nice to meet you…"

She nodded still not breaking into the comfort of communication.

Yeah, definitely different from Serah's attitude. It was better than sweet smiles and happy giggles.

"Okay then, I'll just be off to see this cake." I stated turning around towards the direction of where the three layered cake presented its self.

"It's noticeable kid. What will you gain from that?" She asked looking at me.

I stopped my movement and looked over at her. I narrowed my eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

She's not that perceptive right?

She eyed me and placed down her arms her eyes piercing at me with a hard look.

"You think I didn't see the way you looked at that idiot? I've seen it plastered on other girl's faces, yours was much more yearning and defeated. I don't butt in to personal things, but I recommend getting over him soon."

I faltered back and shifted my eyes towards Snow. Did he notice as well? Was that the reason he didn't talk to me much? If Serah's sister could read me out, then was it the same for the others. My voice was stuck in my throat and I was stuck.

I didn't have an explanation for this.

She sighed.

"Listen Snow's thickheaded, I'm sure he hasn't caught on, which is why you should end these feelings before he eventually does. Just a word of advice Hope." She stated.

I looked down and nodded.

"Yeah I know that. I'm a smart person, but I guess I'm just a fool for falling for someone unattainable."

She reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder forcing me to look up at her.

"Everybody's a fool at some point. For instance, I was so against Serah marrying this guy that I ignored her feelings and what she wanted and ended up with a bitter argument with her. I showed up to the wedding and it was resolved. You," She said pointing at my body, "have to find your resolve with Snow. It'll take time, but you'll get there."

I nodded.

I liked this Lightning person. She may seem like a hard shell to crack, but she caught on quickly to emotions and giving advice.

"Thanks…Lightning. I think I just started my path towards resolution."

She moved back and crossed her arms once again.

"No problem."

I went over to the cake with a real smile for the first time after finding out about Snow's engagement and his marriage.

I believe… I do have the strength to deal with this with a positive set mind.

I pushed away the noise around me and grabbed a slice of cake.

I won't have to be empty and cold anymore.

I'm truly ready to end this.