AN: So this is my first fanfic…and yuri no less! So here we go. This is definitely AU so I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha or any song lyrics used in this story. I repeat. I own nothing.
My Life Would Suck Without You
I don't remember the moment I tried to forget
I lost myself, is it better not said
I'm closer to the edge
Closer to the edge-30 Seconds to Mars
Ch 1 Back to Where It All Began
When did I become like this?
Fate Testarossa or just Fate, she had dropped her last name the moment she got the chance, watched the city lights glimmer below. She pondered her previous question over and over in her head. It would inevitably lead to more questions she had no answer for before circling back to her initial question. A vicious cycle. She closed her eyes and dreamt of the past. Of a certain person who had so irrevocably captured her heart and at the same time, broken it without ever knowing. Half-lidded burgundy eyes continued to look out the window of the plane she and her band were traveling in.
"We are now approaching Uminari International Airport. Please fasten your seat belts and remain seated." Said a voice over the intercom.
"How does it feel to be back home?"
Fate turned to the owner of the voice. The pink haired guitarist, Signum Yagami, sat beside her while she worked on something on her laptop.
"I don't know yet."
Signum nodded in understanding before closing the computer.
"How about you?"
Signum's lip twitched slightly upward before it disappeared. It may have only been there for a second but Fate knew better. The guitarist was happy maybe even ecstatic to be back. A moment of silence passed between them. Each filled with thoughts about returning to their hometown.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Signum was a bit confused for the sudden apology.
"For…you know. Taking you away from here. From her."
"She doesn't blame you, you know."
"Yeah but…"
"No, buts. We've had this conversation before."
Fate sighed in defeat and left it at that. Signum was not going to allow her to continue apologizing for her past actions. She wished she would. Apologizing seemed to be the only thing she had to ease her guilt. Not that it helped all that much. It was always there, waiting to spring up at the most unwanted moments.
"I for one can't wait to get back to Uminari!" An exuberant voice called out from the other side of the private jet. Fate couldn't help but roll her eyes at their overly excited drummer.
Vice Granscenic idly twirled his drumstick in one hand as he grinned at the his companions.
"I hope those girls have been taking good care of my place."
"I'm sure many a parties were thrown there." Tea replied.
They all turned to the last passenger of the jet. Teana Lanster removed the headphones she was wearing.
"I only hope Ginga reigned them in."
"Geez, do you have to be such a killjoy Tea?"
The girl sighed.
"Sorry, but you know those girls just as well as I do." Teana turned away from them again and began checking her phone.
Vice grinned evilly at the orange haired bassist. He wasn't about to let his good mood be ruined by the potential disaster that his home could be in. Perhaps leaving teenagers in charge of a condo wasn't his best idea but there were little options at the time. If he thought about every little detail in his life, he might not have joined Fate in this crazy venture to conquer the world with their music.
"You excited to see your girlfriend?"
The reaction was instantaneous. Teana turned around so fast they swore she gave herself whiplash.
"She is not my girlfriend!"
Her flushed cheeks were not helping her case. Vice laughed loudly at her reaction. Fate was doing her best to hide her laughter by turning back to the window while Signum merely smirked in her seat. With a huff Tea turned away from them and went back to tinkering with her phone. They all guessed she must be emailing her not girlfriend. Vice continued to pick on Teana while Signum settle down for another quick nap before they landed. In a matter of minutes, they would be back home.
It was nerve wracking to say the least. At least for Fate it was. After all, she had practically run away from home.
Who am I kidding? I did run away.
"Hey Fate?" Vice spoke up.
"Mmm?"
"Does your mom know you're coming back?"
An awkward silence filled the cabin. Fate's family had always been a touchy subject since they all knew the circumstances which lead to them leaving for America. Fate hadn't spoken to her mother, Precia Testarossa-Harlaown, since she left the country. Then again, Precia never made an effort to get in touch with her either.
Still, she knew Vice meant well. His worry for her was understandable. After all, he had been there for her when everything went to hell. The fact he and the rest of her band mates stuck around through all the crazy shit she put them through made them more her family than the Testarossa-Harlaown clan, especially considering she hadn't even met the Harlaown's. The only reason she knew her mother had gotten remarried was because Hayate had gone to the ceremony and told Signum about it.
A dull pain crept into her chest when she had heard that. Her family had moved on. She once told Signum that her mother and sister would be better off without her. She had been right. Grim satisfaction had filled her and she drank away her pain that night.
"No. I…I don't want her to know."
Vice nodded in understanding. "Well, if you need a place to crash my home is always an option."
"You're welcome to stay with me." Signum spoke up.
Her nap was going to have to wait. Fate's dilemma was more important at the moment.
"I'm sure Genya-san wouldn't mind if you spent the night with us." Teana offered as well.
Fate shook her head. She really didn't want to cause more trouble for them. Teana was going to return to the Nakajima's house. They had graciously taken her in after her brother died and raised her like she was one of their own. Signum was going back to the Yagami home where her girlfriend was awaiting her return along with the rest of the Yagami family. Even Vice was going back to someone. His sister was eagerly awaiting the return of the only family she had left.
She was thankful for their offers but she couldn't accept them. The guilt she felt for inadvertently taking them away from their loving families never went away. She was afraid to face them. She didn't want them to confirm how selfish she was for running away from her own family and dragging her band mates with her.
"Thanks but I think I'll just get a hotel for the time being. I'll get my own place somewhere eventually."
They all frowned at her answer but decided not to push her. They came back home for a reason. It had been difficult to convince her but Fate needed to heal and the only way she was going to do that was to confront her past. To face her demons head on and overcome them. If she didn't, they were afraid she was going to end up dead. None of them wanted that to happen.
No more was said as the plane began to descend from the air. Dawn was approaching as the planes tires made contact with the asphalt. It was Sunday morning when the members of Riot Force 6 touched down in Uminari City. They had gone through great lengths to keep this all secret. Not only did they want to surprise their families (Fate was not included in this), but they also didn't want a mob of fans to ruin their reunions. The members of Riot Force 6 grabbed their carry-on luggage and made their way out of the plane. Signum, Teana and Vice all piled their stuff into the same cab. They gave one last attempt to convince Fate to go with them, but the blonde wouldn't budge. She waved them off as she got her own cab. Before she knew it, she was speeding away from the airport and towards the still sleeping city.
I'm… home.
An annoying and unoriginal melody blasted loudly from a cell phone. A hand burst out from its warm and comfortable cocoon of blankets in order to silence the annoying alarm. The hand immediately went back into the warmth of the blankets.
"Nanoha! Wake up already!"
A groan answered the voice. Footsteps followed after Nanoha failed to voice a proper response. Her door was flung open as Miyuki, Nanoha's older sister, walked in and preceded to wake up her little sister.
"Come on now sis, it's time to get up."
"Mou, just five more minutes…"
"Your alarm has been going off in intervals for the last half hour."
"Nyahaha. I guess I better get up."
Miyuki smiled as her sister threw off her covers and stretched before getting her day started. She'd be going over to Hayate's today with her best friend Alicia. Their cosplaying friend had somehow roped them into helping her with her latest designs. Then again, she did kind of owe her for helping her with finals. College life wasn't a walk in the park for her. She really envied how easily Hayate and Alicia were able to grasp difficult subjects. At least they both were more than willing to help her out.
After a quick breakfast with her family, she hurriedly made her way to the Testarossa-Harlaown home. She slowed down as she started to come closer. Memories flooded her brain whether she wanted them to or not. Memories of a certain blonde burgundy eyed girl caused a sudden pain in her chest. She quickly shook away the thoughts and hurried to the house. She rang the doorbell and waited. A blonde opened the door. This wasn't the same blonde that haunted her subconscious. They looked incredibly similar but they were definitely different. This one was Alicia.
"Ah, Nanoha! Right on time. Are you ready?"
"I don't think I can ever really prepare myself for one of Hayate's cosplay sessions."
Alicia laughed. "That's true. I'm still slightly traumatized from last week's event."
They both shuddered as they recalled the trauma of crazy fan boys and girls clamoring to get pictures of them by any means necessary. They swore it would be the last time they'd ever help out at an event like that. They were going to be sticking strictly to modeling. Sadly Hayate had not given up on getting them to help again. The two girls arrived at the Yagami home to an excited Hayate. Then again, anything involving costumes made the short brunette girl giddy with excitement.
"You came!"
"You make it sound like we weren't going to show." Alicia giggled at her longtime friend.
"Haha, well after what happened last week, I was afraid I scared you off for good."
"It'll take more than that to scare us off from you Hayate." Nanoha answered. "But that did effectively scare us off from events like that."
"Aww, I'm telling you it's only because you're noobies. You get used to it."
"I don't think I want to get use to something like that." Alicia retaliated.
"I got time to convince you. Well come on in guys."
The three girls went in and greeted the other residents of the house. Shamal Yuzuki was busy getting the living room set up for their modeling show along with Vita. Laguna Granscenic, who was staying with the Yagami's, was also doing her best to help them out. Shamal hadn't intended for the younger girl to be corrupted by them, but Laguna had shown an incredible gift with her sewing abilities that Hayate decided couldn't go to waste. Reinforce Kobayashi was in the kitchen preparing some tea for everyone and their dog, Zafira, watched lazily from his bed in the corner of the room. He was use to all the commotion his mistress would cause.
"Alright! So are we ready?"
They nodded. Hayate began looking at all the costumes laid out before her. She was in the process of picking out which outfits for Alicia and Nanoha to wear when the doorbell rang. Everyone looked confused at the sudden intrusion.
"I wonder who that could be." Shamal said with a frown. To her knowledge, they weren't expecting anyone else today.
"I'll go see who it is."
Hayate nodded and went back to trying to figure out where to begin.
"Hey, long time no see!"
Everyone stopped. Hayate recognized that loud boisterous voice. She ran towards the front door, startling everyone else in the process. Reinforce, Vita, Laguna, Alicia, and Nanoha wasted no time in following her. They froze when they saw who was standing in the doorway to the Yagami home. No one moved.
"BROTHER!" Laguna broke the silence as she leaped into the waiting arms of Vice.
The girl clung desperately to him like he would disappear at any moment.
"It's okay Laguna. Come on now. Don't cry." He whispered. His voice cracked for a moment. Shamal took a tentative step towards the pink haired woman standing before her.
"A-Are you real?"
Instead of answering, Signum pulled Shamal into a tender embrace. The blonde woman sobbed quietly into Signum's shoulder.
"I'm home." She whispered into her ear. Shamal's response was muffled but Signum knew what she'd said.
"Welcome home."
The pink haired woman suddenly found herself tackled to the ground by Hayate, Reinforce and Vita. Zafira joined them shortly after deciding to investigate all the sudden activity. Alicia and Nanoha still had not moved from their spot. Their minds were working in overdrive. If Signum and Vice were here, then that meant one thing: Fate was back.
"I-Is Fate here too?" Alicia asked the members of her sister's band.
Signum was able to sit from her spot on the ground. She had completely missed the two other girls. Her attention had been completely focused on Shamal. Vice looked back at her with the same slightly startled expression. It had not been their intention for anyone from Fate's family to know so soon about her return. Then again, they couldn't have predicted that Nanoha and Alicia would be at the Yagami's. There was no sense in hiding the fact now.
"Yes."
"W-Where?"
Alicia was barely holding back her tears. She was really back! Vice shook his head. Alicia felt her happiness be snatched away in one quick motion.
"We don't know. We went our separate ways after we landed."
"All we know was that she was going to a hotel." Signum added.
"She didn't want to come home?"
Alicia felt her tears begin to stream down her face. After all this time, Fate was finally back and she wasn't even going home.
"W-Why? D-Does she hate us that much?"
This was getting bad fast. Signum and Vice were completely unprepared for dealing with Alicia. They had hoped to give Fate more time before the blonde even thought about talking with her family again.
"Alicia, she'll come to you. She just needs…time." Vice said uncertainty. Alicia went from sad to angry in the blink of an eye.
"So three years away still wasn't enough time for her? Isn't she satisfied with everything she's caused!" she spat.
Signum stood up and narrowed her eyes at her.
"And you wonder why she left in the first place."
"Signum!" Shamal tried to scold the pink haired woman.
Alicia snapped.
"Don't talk like you know what happened!"
"I do know what happened! I was there! We were there to pick up the pieces!" She said as she gestured towards Vice. "What about you!?"
Alicia felt the rage steadily building within her. She was about to say something else when Nanoha stood in front of her.
"Stop it! Please just stop!"
"N-Nanoha…"
The rage within Alicia subsided, replaced by a numb feeling in her chest.
"F-Fate-chan is finally back Alicia. Can't you just be happy with that?"
Alicia opened her mouth to say something but nothing came. Instead, she bowed her head and quickly walked past Vice and Signum.
"Alicia! Wait!" Nanoha tried to go after her but Hayate grabbed her arm before she could take off.
"Nanoha…it's probably best to leave her for now." Hayate then turned to Signum. "And you shouldn't have said that."
Signum crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.
"I'm not going to let her bad mouth Testarossa when she's not even here to defend herself."
"That doesn't make it right to bait her like that." Shamal said frowning at her now as well.
Signum knew she wasn't going to win against the trademark Yagami frown. She'd tried before and failed miserably. Today was no exception.
"Fine. I'm sorry, but Alicia needs to get off her high horse and take responsibility for what she helped cause."
Silence followed her statement. All the whirlwind of emotions left them rather drained already.
"So…does emotional instability run in the Testarossa genes?"
Vice said it in an attempt to lighten the mood, but the slap he got to the back of the head let him know it was probably not the right thing to say.
Fate sighed as she lay on the bed in her room. She found a nice hotel to call home for the time being. She stared at the ceiling for a bit before getting up and looking out at the scenery. It was about noon and her stomach had made it known not to long ago that it needed sustenance. So, with a nod, she fished out a dark jacket lined with fur from one of her suitcases. It had actually been kind of chilly outside and the windbreaker she had on before did little to warm her. She should have known better. It was December after all.
Her hair was tucked beneath the jacket as she pulled the hood over her head. She grabbed a pair of aviator glasses as well. It probably was not the best disguise known to man but it would do its job. As long as people didn't get a look at her eyes, she would be just your average blonde walking around town.
Okay, time to find a place to eat.
"What! You gotta be kidding me." Teana screamed into her phone.
In the background, the Nakajima's were busy cleaning up from the lunch they had. The girls were as rowdy as she remembered which she wasn't a bad thing. It made Tea feel more at home knowing some things would never change. Once the door had been opened, she found herself at the bottom of a Nakajima dog pile. Subaru, Nove, Wendi and surprisingly Cinque had tackled the unsuspecting girl. Luckily for her Ginga and Dieci got the rest of their sister off of her before she was suffocated.
It had been such a good feeling to see all the girls again, especially Subaru. Not that she would admit that out loud. Genya and Quint Nakajima had adopted all the girls through the years. Since they had been unable to have children of their own, they went kind of crazy and adopted as many as they could. Teana admired them for being able to raise not only their own six kids, but her as well. They were beyond generous in her eyes.
"Shit. Fate doesn't know yet does she?"
"Not yet. Signum is giving her a call now to let her know the situation."
"Damn it. So much for taking it slow. Is Nanoha still with you guys?"
"No, she left a bit ago. Said something about going to eat with her family but I could tell she was lying. She's probably out looking for Fate. Alicia is probably doing the same."
"That's not good. I can't see anything good coming of this. We need to find Fate before they do. She's not ready to meet them yet."
"I know…"
"What are we going to do?"
"Ah, hold on. Signum's done talking to Fate."
By this point, Subaru had been overhearing the conversation and was trying to get Teana's attention.
"What's up?"
"Everything alright?"
Teana sighed. "No, Alicia knows Fate's back and she's out looking for her…so is Nanoha."
Subaru perked up at hearing the brunette's name. Teana rolled her eyes. The blunette looked up to Nanoha, but she also knew that their meeting could only end in disaster. Subaru had been around when things started to take a turn for the worst in Fate and Nanoha's friendship. She'd also been the one to point out to everyone that Alicia wasn't as innocent as she appeared to be. She was always blunt in her words and wasn't afraid to speak the truth, especially when Alicia had caused the break down between Nanoha and Fate.
As a result, Alicia had a certain dislike for the blunette. Not that she cared. She didn't like Alicia too much either. It made her wonder how Nanoha and Hayate were still able to be around her even though they knew she was to blame for everything. Well, at the very least Hayate was aware. It was a mystery how Nanoha still remained oblivious.
I guess she's tried to make up for it. She thought idly. Still, in her mind, Alicia would need to do A LOT more.
"Ah, Vice, I'm going to put you on speaker. Subaru wants in on the situation."
A click of a few buttons and suddenly a voice rang out.
"Well helloooo. Long time no speak."
"Still the same old Vice we love and hate?" Subaru asked playfully.
"Tch, still got a mouth on you I see."
"Wouldn't be Subaru if she didn't." Ginga suddenly appeared by Subaru's side.
'Subaru! Ginga! Hiiiii!' another voice joined the conversation.
Subaru's eyes lit up. "Hayate-chan! It's been awhile!"
"As much as I'd like to continue this reunion, I better let you know what Fate said.'" Signum cut in.
"Signum!"
"I promise we'll all get together later okay?" Teana quickly said before any more time was taken on greeting each other.
Subaru and Ginga nodded and let Signum fill them in on her conversation with Fate.
'Fate said one thing to me…'
"Which was?"
"She was heading to that place. Then she hung up on me."
"What does that mean?" Teana frowned. Did she have to be so vague at a time like this?
"Fate's always gone to one place when she feels like she can't handle the things going on around her." Hayate answered.
"The bridge." Vice continued. "She goes there when she needs to escape. That place holds a lot of memories for her. A lot of things happened there…"
Silence. They knew about that place too well. Teana sighed. Things could never be easy when Fate was involved.
"What should we do?"
"Don't worry." Signum spoke. "Vice and I are going to get her. She didn't say it out right, but she wants us to go find her."
Teana smiled slightly. "Yeah, she isn't very good at telling us what she really wants."
"We'll call you once we got her."
"Alright, keep me updated Signum."
The line went dead and the girls let out a sigh. Not even a day back and a storm was already brewing. Or was it more like a hurricane?
A frown adorned Fate's face. She had been in such a good mood too. After she'd eaten at a little sandwich shop, she'd started walking around the city. Her curiosity needed to be sated. Just how much had the city changed since she left? She was almost eager to find out.
Then her phone rang.
She cursed whatever God did this to her. She couldn't be happy for five seconds before something sent her mood back into a pit of sadness or in this case, a pit of anger.
I should've stayed at the hotel.
Two of the people on her 'I hope to not see' list were looking for her. Thinking about her twin sister caused her hands to clench into fists. She was at the top of the list. The love she'd once held for her sister felt like a lifetime ago. She still held a little bit of affection for her. It was very little, but how could she not? They were sisters, twins, and each other's best friends before everything. Sometimes she wished she could just fully hate her twin but she couldn't and she hated it.
Hated it because she didn't understand why. She sighed as her train of thought shifted to the next person on her list. Nanoha Takamachi. She could feel her heartbeat just a little quicker than before.
Traitorous thing.
Why was Nanoha on this list? This one was just as complicated. The simple answer was because she loved her. She still did and figured she always would. Therein laid the problem Fate would always love Nanoha but she'd never be hers. Not while she dated that idiot she called a boyfriend. So what was the worst part of all this? Alicia was the one who pushed her to be with him. All the while knowing that Fate had fallen hard for the brunette. Alicia made sure Fate regretted ever falling in love.
"Tch." She pulled out cigarettes from her jacket and lit up a smoke.
She needed to calm her nerves. She'd been on edge ever since they landed but had done her best to hide it. She didn't want them worrying about her. They'd done enough of that when she landed herself in the hospital.
"I need to stop causing them so much trouble."
There were so many things she needed to do. The most important one was definitely quit her destructive lifestyle. Which meant she should probably stop smoking, drinking and partying every chance she got.
This is going to be a very long recovery process.
She had no idea what she'd do without her cancer sticks or whiskey. It sounded like a fate worse than death. No pun intended. She finally took notice of her surrounding and realized she'd made it to her destination.
The bridge.
It didn't have a name. It was just a little bridge that hung over the mouth of a canal. It was a great place to watch the sunset or just a quiet place to think. Plus, it was just a nice place to be after a hard day.
After taking one last puff of her cigarette, she turned her thoughts to the situation at hand. There was no way her band mates would allow her to be on her own now. Not with Alicia looking for her. By now, she figured her mother must have heard about her return. It was difficult for her to think about what she'd do with the information. Precia had never made an attempt to contact her before. Why now? Yeah she was closer but so what? Even with the distance, she had become closer to her band mates families and vice versa.
It doesn't matter.
With a sigh, she placed her forearms on the railing and leaned closer to look at her reflection in the water. She lit up another cigarette. Her mind began to wander again. She'd almost died here once. Back then, she'd had all the intention to end all her pain and suffering. It'd seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still doesn't sound like a bad deal.
She quickly shook her head of that thought.
Come on Fate. Snap out of it. If you died, you'd end up breaking Vice, Teana and Signum's hearts.
She wasn't about to do that to them again.
The second time was a complete accident.
Not that she excused herself from doing such a thoughtless thing. Even if she hadn't meant for it to happen, it still killed her to think she caused them all so much pain again. With a sigh, she flicked the bud of her cigarette into the water below.
Geez, what's taking Signum so long? She should be here by now.
"Fate-chan?"
Every muscle in Fate's body froze.
It can't be…
Fate gritted her teeth as she willed he body to turn towards the owner of the voice. She knew who it was. How could she ever forget the sweet melody of her voice? Her eyes were wide as saucers from behind sunglasses. Before her stood the most breathtaking sight she'd seen in years. Cobalt blue eyes pierced her soul just as it always had in the past. So paralyzed was she from her gaze that she almost failed to notice Nanoha taking tentative steps towards her.
"FATE!"
A different voice yelled out. This one she recognized as well.
Alicia!
Her mind screamed. The blonde girl drew closer to her sister with each passing moment. Fate was broken out of her trance. Her body went into fight or flight mode. In this case it chose the latter. She didn't really care how or where she escaped. All that mattered was that she did. Now.
So she took the only route open. She jumped on the railing and into the ocean.
AN: There you go. Hope you enjoyed. And yes, Shamal and Reinforce are not Yagami's. There is a reason for this. Everything will come together as the story goes on. You'll just have to wait and find out. R&R. No flames please. Until next time.
