The Colonel & Pudge Fic
"It's Freetown."
I turned around to look at The Colonel. His expression was serious, although his eyes were slightly unfocused. He was obviously drunk, a gallon jug of ambrosia next to him, alongside the almanac he'd been reading. It was late. I'd been dozing with a biography, per usual. There still wasn't much work, given that it was both the weekend and the first week of school.
"What," I asked slowly, laughing a little because I was so tired and I had no idea what my roommate was talking about.
"The capital of Sierra Leone," he slurred. "It's Freetown."
"Oh," I said quietly, still laughing. "Didn't you start to look that up 7 hours ago?"
"I may haveee," he replied, beginning to laugh with me.
"Well, what took you so long?"
"I…..got distraccccctedddd," he said slowly, taking what seemed like minutes to choose his words. I looked outside through the room's back window at the bluest night sky I'd ever seen, punctuated neatly with a few incredibly bright stars.
"It's 1 am. What could possibly have been so distracting?"
"I was reading the rest of the almanacccc."
"Is reading the almanac whilst drunk a new competitive sport? Did I miss the memo?"
"Pudge, I'm preettyyy sure no one puts out drunk almanac memosss."
"I wouldn't be so sure…..were you honestly reading that whole time?" I was a little incredulous, despite the fact I'd been reading this whole time. I couldn't imagine that the Colonel, who had just had a rather epic fight with his girlfriend, could have focused solely on the almanac for seven hours.
"Alright- not just the almanac."
"What, then?"
"Well….Pudgey, I've been thinking….." he said.
"Yes?"
"I think I know why this thing isn't working out with Sara."
"Because she's so……"
"Bitchy?" His face contorted a little, in a way that seemed to be pretty evenly between laughing and crying. "No, Pudge, that's not why." He motioned for me to come over and join him on the couch. I went obligingly, probably because I was half-asleep. He handed me the ambrosia and I took a small sip. It was horrendous. But then I saw the Colonel's face, and raised the jug again.
"Why is it, then?" After this statement came the longest pause I think I've ever experienced. I glanced around the room dreamily, my eyes unfocused and dazed. I hadn't noticed quite how close together the two of us were sitting. His hair was a mess, probably from sitting on the couch drinking ambrosia for seven hours. He looked desperate, and a little frantic. I wanted to do something to help the guy, I really did. But I wasn't really sure what to do; or how people were really to go about being comforting. He looked at me solemnly, and then leaned in to kiss me fiercely.
Now listen, I'm a straight guy. I've always been into girls. But you couldn't deny that the Colonel was quite good-looking (and a rather good kisser), and I was even a little drunk from the ambrosia I'd had; which might have been more than a few sips after all. I knew the Colonel was verrrry drunk- his breath was of the kind that kills rhinos, and he had a girlfriend anyhow. This evaluated to a bad idea, but apparently a bad idea sober is a good idea drunk, so I kept kissing him.
But I did need a break to breathe, as the ambrosia fumes were stifling. I asked him, finally "So, why isn't it working out with Sara again?"
I hadn't expected the answer he gave, even taking into account the events of the past fifteen minutes. "Because she doesn't know I'm bisexual, Pudge."
I didn't reply, and I didn't keep kissing him. I wasn't shock and awed, I hadn't exactly known the guy long enough to react in any particularly startled manner. I suppose I just seemed dazed.
I just got up off the couch and walked the five full steps back to bed. I fell asleep almost immediately.
