2016 Democratic Presidential Candidates

The little Prius rolled down the street on a beautiful June 3rd day. Inside was a group of Democrats who hoped to be the next President of the United States. At the wheel was former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton - the front-runner in the race. Riding shotgun was Independent Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. He gave her a thumbs-up and turned back to surveying the passing fields and roads. Lounging in the backseat was former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley.

"Any new announcements?" The latter now asked. Bernie checked his phone.

"Still trying to load Wikipedia," he reported. A shade-covered Hillary regarded both her current challengers.

"Don't get too comfortable back there, Martin," she drawled. "I've heard news that another may join us."

Before Martin could ask whom, Bernie suddenly screeched "Presidential hitchhiker! And it's one of ours! Pull over, Madam Secretary!"

Hillary did so as cool as a cucumber, onto the shoulder. Up ahead, a male figure stood with a sign that read in blue: RUNNING FOR PREZ '16: DEM. NOMINATION. Martin sat up and leaned into the front seats. "Is that...?"

Bernie rolled down the passenger window. "Want a lift?" As if that was a question. Then: "Welcome aboard Lincoln."

Former Republican-turned-Independent-turned-Democratic Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee opened the back door and Martin scooted over to make room.

"Howdy folks. Ready to go get those GOP clowns?"

"Only if you're prepared to get out of this car when I win the nomination" Hillary smirked through the rear view mirror.

Lincoln grinned broadly. "We'll see, Madam First Lady."

The Prius continued on its way across America. Chafee was filled in on the rules. The candidates were to be on the lookout for a Greyhound party bus that housed their Republican rivals: a field which was already about to reach double digits with the entrance of former Texas Governor Rick Perry; his announcement was due for the next day. Seats in the Prius would only switch in the event of a change in the candidates' polling numbers or the entrance of new candidates.

"Which, by the way, there may be at least one more joining us," Martin added. "Jim Webb has formed an exploratory committee, but has not given an announcement date..."

"...which is code-speak for 'I am running," Lincoln finished the sentence for him.

"In that case, boys, we'll at least have a full house. It should be one helluva backseat," Hillary rationalized, muttering the last as an afterthought.

"What about Elizabeth Warren?" Bernie wanted to know.

"We've been over this. She's not running. Her supporters are shutting down their draft movement next week; they've given up."

"And the Vice President?"

"I have heard nothing from Joe Biden, not even about an exploratory," Hillary reported. "And with the recent passing of his son, I don't know how that will factor in to his decision. I hope he doesn't, cause that would mean upgrading our ride to a Mercedes Benz or something, which I don't want to do if we can avoid it."

"Come on, Hills. Mercedes Benzes are fun. My brother-in-law has one that seats seven, including two rear-facing seats," Martin offered excitedly. Everyone else stared at him funny.

"You wanna defect over to the Republicans and join their party bus?" Hillary asked.

"No."

"Then I suggest you quit your bitching about our current mode of transportation."

Martin slumped lower in his seat as the Prius shot through the fields of the US, its next destination unknown...for now.


About a month later, on July 2nd, Jim Webb climbed into the Prius as he officially announced he was joining the race. The backseat was crammed with him, Lincoln and Martin; the men wondered whether Hillary still didn't want to upgrade to a bigger car.


Thus, the quintet wandered the country for a good two months in this way. Then, on September 6th….

"Hitchhiker! One of ours!" O'Malley crowed from the backseat.

"Finally! I thought Joe would never make up his mind!" Sanders said. Hillary remained stonily quiet. But, when they pulled over and rolled down the window….

"Who the hell are you?"

The bespectacled man that greeted the Democratic candidates did not seem surprised by Hillary's question. He stuck out a hand. "Lawrence Lessig, professor of law at Harvard. I'm running to be President of the United States."

Hillary let out a short bark of a laugh. "You must be joking." When Lessig's expression did not change, she slammed a hand on the wheel. "I am not upgrading to a bigger car, Professor. You'll have to squat on the floor." There was an instant uproar from O'Malley, Webb and Chafee in the backseat, but Hillary shot them a look that clearly said Shut up. "Get in."

Lessig climbed over people to squat in the back, and Hillary started the gas again almost angrily.


This game of Sardines between the six went on for another month and a half, before on October 20th (one week after the first debate among the candidates, minus Lessig), Webb asked that Hillary stop the car.

"I'm getting out," Webb announced. "You can have my seat, Lawrence, and the rest of you can scoot over."

"So long, Jimmy," Hillary said through the overhead mirror, not exactly sad that one of her competitors was dropping out.


The very next morning, the new quintet was driving along still when Hillary's cell phone rang. All the candidates looked at each other, knowing who was on the line.

"You better pick up, Hills," Chafee said. Hillary agreed.

"If he says he's in, I'm going to kill him…Definitely getting a bigger car now…Hello?"

"Hillary? It's Joe. I just wanted to wish you guys the best of luck. I won't be joining you."

"We'll miss you, Mr. Vice President. Thanks for letting us know. Bye." Hillary turned back to the others, most of whom looked shocked.

"Joe's not running? That's surprising," Lessig mused.

"At last we'll stay somewhat comfortable back here," O'Malley said.

"And it'll only get more airy as each of you decides to jump ship," Hillary said flatly. The Prius thus continued its journey, the Democratic field now set.


Two days after Joe declined to join the Democratic candidates, Chafee asked Hillary to pull over.

"I'm following Jim's lead. I'm getting out." He told the group at large. "So long and good luck. We've had an interesting journey together."

"Right back at you, Linc," said Sanders. O'Malley and Lessig stretched out comfortably upon Chafee's exit.


Another ten days went by. In the interim, the GOP had another debate. On November 2nd, Lessig told Hillary to pull over.

"Screw this, I'm getting out. The DNC won't even let me into a debate anyway! Thanks, everyone."

"Bye, Larry!" Hillary called. As soon as the car door shut, she muttered under her breath, "It's not as if you were ever a contender anyway…" Neither Sanders or O'Malley seemed to hear her; the former was checking his phone, while the latter was now claiming the backseat all for himself for the first time since June – lounging there like a cat. Hillary looked back at her two remaining challengers. She had dispatched four other rivals, both real and potential, in just under two weeks; she hoped Martin and Bernie would go quickly. Maybe Martin would pull the plug by the holidays, if she was lucky, and she could make him her VP running mate later. Bernie was her main enemy, and had been for a long time. He would hang on and it would come down to the two of them. But, she was confident she would prevail in the end. And then there were three…she thought.


Hillary would turn out to be wrong on her timetable; Martin did stay past the holidays. The three surviving candidates had their third debate about a week before Christmas, then rang in the New Year before recovering for a fourth debate about two weeks before the Iowa Caucuses. Bernie Sanders had now emerged as a dangerous challenger to Clinton, running neck-and-neck with her in both Iowa and New Hampshire, even leading in both - especially in New Hampshire - according to some polls.


Hillary Clinton declared victory over Bernie Sanders in the Iowa Caucuses, even though it ended as a squeaker of a race with both in a virtual tie most of the night. Bernie finished within 0.3% of Hillary. In fact, he narrowly lost by only 0.29%. In several precincts, the winner was literally decided on a coin toss – seven of them, to be precise, with Clinton winning all but one. The results finally dislodged Martin O'Malley from the race, who sadly got out of the little Prius, leaving the top two alone together for the first time since late May.

"Well, it's just you and me, Bernie," Hillary sighed. She pondered her chief and sole remaining challenger for a while. "How long we gonna do this?"

Bernie stared her down, "Until one of us wins."


New Hampshire has an interesting way of turning presidential races on their heads. Almost immediately after the polls closed on February 9th, 2016, Bernie Sanders was declared the winner in what looked like a total rout, thrashing Clinton by a margin of 22 percentage points and almost 56,000 votes. With that, he made history: not only was he the first democratic socialist and Jewish candidate to win a major primary, but he also became the first candidate of the election cycle to break the 100,000 vote barrier.


The night the GOP had their South Carolina primary, Clinton and Sanders faced off in Nevada. Clinton won, though it was near thing - she beat Bernie by less than 700 votes.

Off the pair went into the Palmetto State to appeal to their bases and assess the damage Trump and the others had done in their wake. Clinton won a smashing victory there, responding in kind to Bernie's lopsided victory in New Hampshire. Her path to the nomination seemed more assured now.

And that looked more likely going into Super Tuesday. Clinton notched eight wins (including American Samoa, a U.S. territory) to Sanders's four. And she just kept winning. Two weeks later, she won all five states that voted, though the vote in Missouri was close. Sanders bounced back with a string of eight wins in late March and early April, including a sweep of very Western states like Washington, Alaska and Hawaii.

But the make-it-or-break-it battle would be the New York Primary, where Sanders hailed from and where the Clintons had made their home after Bill's presidency. The pair held their ninth debate on April 14th, five days before the crucial vote. Clinton would go on to crush Sanders in the primary, though Bernie won the most congressional districts in the state.

This would signal the final sprint through the 15 or so remaining contests in the primary season. Hillary won New York, and then netted four of the five Northeastern states on April 26th; Sanders captured Rhode Island. He then followed with an upset win in Indiana a week later.

The last month of the contest went by in a flurry. Both contenders racked up wins, though by this time it was clear that Sanders would not get the nomination. He stayed in to really influence the party's platform under Hillary. Hillary officially clinched the nomination by June 7th, the last day of primaries. When she asked Bernie to get out of the Prius, he said that he surrendered the nomination to her, but would continue in the car to convention to influence the party's platform. Hillary nodded and off she went, ready to battle with Donald Trump for the presidency. One of them would be the 45th President of the United States….


6. Webb, 5. Chafee, 4. Lessig, 3. O'Malley, 2. Sanders, 1. CLINTON