Motherly Love

My husband had left for work early that morning since he was in charge of airing the station's holiday special. I had just put the Christmas cookies in to bake when I heard my son's faint cries from his bedroom.

"Eli?" I called out. There was no answer. Heartbroken, I quietly crept up the stairs to his room.

Opening the door, I saw a heartbroken boy crying his eyes out, clutching his bed sheets in his hands as he sobbed into his pillow. His weeping form shook and vibrated with the sadness of a million voices crying out in pain.

I slowly approached his bed, cautiously taking a seat next to him. I placed a hand on his back, rubbing it in small motions. "Baby," I sighed as he picked his head up and shamefully hid his face in his pillow. "You can l-leave if you w-want." He murmured, hiccupping in between words.

Shaking my head with a small smile, I climbed into bed beside him, stroking his hair from behind. I gently trailed my hand through his dark locks, kissing his head lightly. "You know I love you, right, Eli?" I asked softly, grabbing his hand and covering it with my own.

He took a few minutes to respond. "Yes." I heard the depression in his voice, seeping through like water through a crack. "Then I'm not going to leave you alone tonight." I asserted, resting my hand on his shoulder and pulling him close as I rested my cheek on his shoulder.

"Mom?" He asked in a whisper, holding my hand.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I replied, gently using my free hand to rub his shoulder.

Eli continued to shake lightly, stirring under the covers. "Thanks. Can you…can you c-call C-Clare later? Can she come for d-dinner?"

I smiled weakly. "You're welcome, and she most definitely may come over for dinner. I'll call her once you fall asleep." I continued to smooth my hand over his bicep in comforting motions as he continued to shake. "Calm down, baby boy. Take a deep breath." He took a deep breath before letting it out. "I know today is the day Julia first stayed with us. I'm sorry I didn't remember sooner, but Eli, please don't feel rushed. Don't feel like you need to heal just yet. You're allowed to feel this way sometimes."

"I know, mom. I just want to be better for Clare and you and Bullfrog." He replied sadly.

"You will. You've made so much progress over the past few years. Bullfrog and I love you unconditionally; we're a family. Clare loves you with all her heart, and she told me so." I gently assured him as I pushed his bangs back from his forehead. "You know, she told me she plans to spend her whole life with you."

That got his attention. He turned around to face me, still holding onto my hand. "Really? She said that?" A tentative smile spread across his face.

I laughed quietly. "Yes, she certainly did. Eli, you're going to be okay. I do not want you to think Julia is resentful to you in any way. What happened to her could've happened to anyone."

Eli's eyes watered again, causing me to draw him closer to me. "I know that, but I should've comforted her, mom. I should've taken her back here and held her close or something. I should never have let her bike off when she was that upset!"

My eyes shined with warmth for my son. "Eli, you couldn't have known. You were angry as well after your fight, and I understand how you feel like you have to blame yourself. It just isn't right, though, baby. You didn't know."

"I'm sorry I'm such a failure." He hoarsely breathed out. He buried his face in the pillow next to me as I hugged him tightly.

"You are not a failure. You are a very talented writer, and your English teacher is so proud of you. Not to mention you got published this year." I kissed his forehead, leaning my cheek on his dark hair. "Don't cry, Eli. You're going to be okay, I promise. Everything will be alright. Clare loves you, I love you, Bullfrog loves you, Fiona loves you, Adam loves you. So many people love you, Eli, just for being you. You're my only child, and I'd do anything for you."

He smiled a bit at my response. "Mom, I'm sorry for everything I put you through. Crashing Morty was stupid, and I didn't mean to get all psycho last year."

"That was last year, baby. This year is your chance to start fresh. You have Clare back, your friends have all forgiven you, and your grades are top notch." I sighed to myself, remembering Eli as a baby. "You were the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, you know. You've grown up to be a wonderful boy. Gosh, I don't know where the years went…it seems like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital." Smiling, I squeezed him tightly. He nestled even closer to me. "Go to sleep, Eli. It's okay now."

"I love you, mom." With that, he closed his eyes and I smiled at his angelic sleeping form. After making sure he was securely covered with a warm, thick blanket, I crept back downstairs to sit by the fire. "Clare?" I asked as she picked up. "Yeah, it's CeCe. Would you like to come over for dinner in an hour?" She delightedly agreed. "Wonderful! Yes, Eli's alright. We'll see you then, honey. Bye!" I hung up, dazed at the love of my son's life supporting him through everything.

I will always love Eli, simply because he's my baby boy.