An: This text is written the way an addict thinks, so the reading experience would be considerably enhanced by listening to music that goes along well, such as 'Where I end and you begin" by Radiohead.


Sometimes escapism and addiction are much alike, but mostly they are just the same.

It had been in a time of pain when Sam hooked up with Ruby. Ruby had all he needed to live, all he needed to survive, all he needed to be able to forget.

Like the junkies in front of the motels they frequented, he started craving for the only thing that could make it better, could make it bearable. There was pain in every cell of his and it wouldn't stop until he'd be distracted again. It felt a bit disgusting in the beginning, really, but what could he do? Even the best things might make the worst first impression. It felt good, it felt right, it felt right in a way only things could feel that weren't the smart thing to do. Sam didn't care. Sam forgot about his doubts soon.

He hadn't been able to save his brother. He had lost control. He recieved control and power with the blood, oh blood, the juice of life, the juice of vividness, turning into the liquid of forgetting and death. His humanity was rotting, he felt it, but what did he care? What reason was there to stay human, to bear feelings in his chest when there was only pain and loss, there were just two things he needed, two things to keep him alive and they were Ruby and the blood.

Ruby was his lifeline, his most precious thing, but sometimes her touch felt odd and unnatural, gross even, unsetteling. He wouldn't shake her off at those instances, he'd just let her touch on, because at one point it would feel good again, it always did, it would never stay bad and that made Ruby so precious, with her, things were ok and when they weren't, they would get better again, it was a promise, a thing that would never go wrong, a lifeline indeed.

He was going insane, he noticed, clear moments stinging like needles into his mind, his body rocking back and forth, his finger constantly tapping against the nearest surface - Sam didn't know what it actually was, but it was there and it made a satisfying noise when his fingers prattled down against it. Hair blocked his vision but he didn't care, he didn't need to see, he only needed to wait for Ruby, oh beloved Ruby with her ok things and her blood, but goddamnit Ruby, how much he hated her, how long she'd let him wait already, why didn't she come? Where was she? He needed her, there were thoughts eating him, his mind killing him and his body failing him. Memories flooded in and he knew he had to escape and the escape, the one and only, was the forgetting and distracting

.