Until I Heal

Credit to kaseykc for the smuttification. Clean version; .net/s/5025331/1/Until_I_Heal Enjoy, lol ^^

"So," Jack sighed, leaning against the wall in that seductive manner he used whenever he was in the mood, "Gwen's safely home… with Rhys, and you and me… we're alone." Ianto looked nervously at the floor and gave a slight cough as Jack walked over. Ianto could feel Jack's strong arms snake their way around his own, effeminate shoulders, sliding down the front of his shirt to stroke his chest, and a soft kiss and lick plant themselves on the nape of his neck.

All Ianto could do was giggle tenderly and he held one of Jack's hands. When Jack let go, Ianto could feel those hands slowly snake their way to his waist, and tug at his belt, only just undoing the buckle. Ianto smiled and pulled those hands away, turning and hugging the dark-haired, handsome American behind him. He could feel Jack's breath and heartbeat quicken as his hands gently tore of Ianto's jacket and made their way up and under his shirt.

"Jack," Ianto whispered carefully, "I can't." He took Jack's hands away from his body.

Jack had a hurt look in his beautiful blue eyes; "Why not?" He whispered, trying to cuddle, but again Ianto pushed him away- gently, he couldn't risk hurting Jack anymore than he had done already.

"I can't say." Ianto felt a lump knot itself in his throat. It's because I love you, but you don't love me. He turned away and began to walk out, but Jack grabbed his arm, bringing him to halt.

"Ianto," he whispered, cupping Ianto's caught hand in his manly grasp. "Why? You can tell me." Again, Jack hugged from behind, his arms snaking around Ianto's waist.

Oh God! Ianto thought. I'm going to fucking cry. I don't want to cry!

"Don't cry." Jack's voice was so soothing, Ianto felt so bad that he actually broke down there and then. He cried into Jack's shoulder, and Jack held him so lovingly that maybe… just maybe Ianto was wrong. Maybe Jack did love him after all…

"I think I know what may make you feel better." Jack said peacefully as Ianto stopped crying. As Jack started unbuttoning Ianto's shirt and placed small kisses along his chest, Ianto had to push him away again.

Jack looked incredibly hurt. Ianto felt a gut-stabbing pang of guilt as he watched those beautiful blue eyes darken with pain.

"Oh God, Jack!" Ianto whined, hoping that pretending to be pissed of would make the guilt go away. "Don't cry!"

"Then tell me why we can't!" There was hurt in Jack's voice. A pain Ianto knew all too well… he just couldn't put Jack through it, not after Ianto had gone through the same thing with Lisa.

Lisa.

She'd died without ever knowing how much Ianto had loved her.

The pain came rushing back into Ianto, causing him to buckle down and cry… again. And again, Jack was there to hold him.

"Tell me, please." Jack pleaded.

Ianto regained himself and brought himself to look into Jack's eyes. "The truth is, we can't do it because… because…" he trailed off.

"Because of what?" Jack looked at Ianto, dreading filling him. Jack couldn't bear to lose someone he loved. He'd loved Estelle, and she'd died thinking that she'd loved his dad. It was complicated, but it was the best way to keep his contact with her. Then Gwen. Well, he thought he loved her, but she got engaged to Rhys and he'd realised it was just a silly crush. Now Ianto… Jack couldn't let Ianto get away. He cared about him too much, in the way that he would have given up his immortality to be with him until he died, but no matter what, Jack couldn't brace himself against the words coming from Ianto's beautiful lips.

"Jack, I love you." Ianto finally managed to breathe. Time dragged on and on, and the world drew on in slow motion as he continued; "But you don't love me."

"Oh God!" Jack felt his heart break. In a brief fit of mania, he grabbed Ianto and shook him. "You don't really think that, do you?" Jack was close to tears.

"How can I not?" Ianto screamed, sounding offended. He stepped back. "I'm just the fucking tea-boy, aren't I? You hardly show love to me in front of the others, unless we've just survived a fucking disaster! You only... acknowledge me when you're horny and when you do… acknowledge me, you always fall asleep facing away from me! Do you know how cheap and filthy that makes me feel, Jack? I love you, but you don't love me! After Lisa died, you gave my life meaning, but it's like you don't even care! Maybe Owen was right- I'm just your part-time shag, aren't I?"

"Ianto," Jack sighed, "of course I love you!" He held Ianto close, and breathed in his sweet smell of tangerine. "And don't ever call yourself a part-time shag. You're so much more than that." He kissed the top of Ianto's head, trying to make the pain go away.

"Then why won't you show it?" Ianto cried softly into Jack's shoulder.

"Because… oh, God! Ianto, I'm immortal!"

"What?"

"Ianto, you can spend the rest of your life with me," Jack lowered his voice to a softer tone and looked Ianto in the eyes; "but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I hope you understand that."

Ianto was hurt beyond belief, but he didn't care. At least he knew that Jack loved him back. And, as they gently made love in Jack's office;

Non too gently Jack forced up Ianto against the wall, placing soft kisses along his jaw-line, his lips, his neck, revealing in the moans and groans that his kisses elicited from the young man. Jack tried to continue his trail of kisses down his chest, but found his path blocked by clothes. Too many fucking clothes. He growled frustrated, ripping off the accursed waistcoat and shirt. After a few elevated heartbeats he realised his torso was also void of any clothing.

Smirking at Ianto, his eyes dilated and dark with lust and excitement "You're getting good."

After a few more heavily-sexualised minutes they were both naked in Jack's office with Ianto being pushed down onto Jack's pare-laden desk.

Grinning a predatory-like grin, Jack made his way slowly, tauntingly, placing long and passionate kisses all the way down Ianto's well-toned and muscular chest and abdomen to his erection.

He was pleased to see Ianto's erection straining and grinned as he slowly and tortuously took it in his hot, wet mouth.

He began to run his tongue expertly along Ianto's erection, delighting in feeling his young lover's pulse against his tongue. He took more of Ianto into him as Ianto let out a sharp gasp of ecstasy.

"God Jack..." His lover gasped throwing his head as his hips bucked of their own accord. Jack chuckled and moved his hands that had been caressing Ianto's calves to his hips, keeping him still as he continued his merciless manipulation of the archivist.

He increased the tempo of his work, loving the sound of Ianto gasping his name as though it were a mantra. "Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack..."

Using his teeth to get Ianto to come, Jack ranked them along Ianto's length and swallowed as he came. Letting Ianto's now soft erection and trailing kisses his way back up to Ianto's chest.

He kissed Ianto passionately, his tongue battling with Ianto's in domination of the other's mouth. Jack won and plunged in, running his tongue across his lover's teeth and the roof of his mouth; whilst he reached across his desk and searched through a top drawer. He quickly found what he was looking for – a tube of 51st Century lube, the only one that existed in the 21st Century.

Without breaking the kiss, Jack expertly managed to squeeze some into his right palm and massage it onto his fingers. When he was sure they were coated properly Jack broke the kiss and began to kiss, suck and nibble at Ianto's neck and collar-bone. Simultaneously Jack massaged Ianto's hole with his lubed hand before gently pressing one finger against the archivist's entrance. With a slight hitch of breath Ianto pressed against the finger, urging it to enter him which it promptly did.

Jack continued to nibble, lick and suck Ianto's neck and collar as he listened to his breathing hitch and soft moans escape his kiss-bruised lips. Pushing his teasing and preparation further, Jack pushed a second finger into his lover; scissoring him. Chuckling and grinning as Ianto let out a soft whimper at the fingers inside him, he wanted more.

"Jack!" Ianto gasped as Jack suddenly pushed a third finger inside him, using it to touch his prostate "Jaaacckkk...."

"Yes Ianto?" Jack grinned looking at his lover's face, screwed up in pleasure as he began to lose himself in ecstasy.

"Please, I want... you... inside, me..." Ianto managed to pant out before all coherent thought and speech abandoned him.

"Your wish is my command" Jack grinned, removing his fingers from inside his lover and quickly slicking his own erection with some more lube.

Lifting Ianto's legs and wrapping them around his waist Jack lined his erection with Ianto's entrance. Slowly, Jack entered his lover groaning in pleasure as he pushed past the still tight ring of muscle.

Fully sheathed, Jack began to thrust in earnest causing the Welshman to moan and shout unintelligible welsh. Jack knew his lover wasn't too far off coming again, as he noted his lover's, once again, hard erection.

"Leaning over his lover's body, changing the angle of his hips as he did, Jack was aware that he hit his lover's prostate as Ianto's hands grabbed Jack roughly by the shoulder's and pulled him closer to his lover's mouth.

Their kiss passionate and lustful as Jack continued with his thrusts and Ianto with his gasps and groans.

"Faster, Jack" Ianto managed to whisper, his voice breathless as Jack continued his thrusts. Complying with Ianto's wish Jack increased the speed of his thrusts until he could feel the beginnings of his climax. He was pleased to notice that Ianto seemed to have reached his climax.

Together, as one, they reached their own orgasms'. Ianto with a scream of pleasure and pain as his muscled spasmed and Jack bit down hard on his collar-bone. Collapsing on top of his lover Jack heaved in several deep breaths before he managed to collect himself. Gently he slid out of his lover and stood, pulling Ianto with him. They reached the hatch to his bunk and after quickly shooing Ianto down, Jack quickly gathered up all their clothing and dropped it down the hatch before descending into his bunk, closing the hatch behind him. Grabbing Ianto around the waist he pulled him onto the bed and let Ianto snuggle up to him, their arms wrapped around each other's waists.

"I love you, Ianto Jones" Jack murmured into Ianto's ear as he softly kissed his forehead before letting himself start to drop off to sleep and dreams of himself and Ianto together.

He couldn't see Ianto's reaction but, then again, he didn't need to. He felt a swell of happiness and love for this man who tightened his grip around him, almost possessively, and was positive that he felt Ianto smile into his chest and chuckle soft, before whispering back. "I love you too Jack."