So, today is the day I've decided to finally face Bonnie Bennett. Here I am, standing at the all too familiar front porch of the Salvatore mansion, wearing what all the cool kids nowadays seem to be wearing, trying to fit in, trying to be normal. Yet I know I never will be, not after everything I've done. And honestly? It doesn't bother me as much as it should. Not me personally, at least. I don't care that I'll never be normal, but I know that she does. I know that Bonnie hates me, and that is the worst of all the feelings I've been introduced to.

I forced myself to take a deep breath after realizing I'd been holding it in for way too long, lifting my hand up as I did so and preparing myself mentally for knocking on the door, half expecting her to open it with a knife in her hand which she would then instantly plunge inside my skull. Before my knuckles could land on the door, it opened forcefully and I saw the unexpected dark brows of my favorite vampire, and his unmistakeable expression of constant annoyance.

"I could literally hear your heart beating its way out of your chest from the kitchen. What the hell are you doing here, Kai?" Damon asked me and let out a heavy sigh. I could see in his eyes he was already aware of the reason I was there.

"Is she here?" I asked him quietly. He stared back at me for a couple of seconds before slowly stepping back and widening the door open slowly as he nudged his head towards the stairs. "She's upstairs in my room."

I nodded at his answer ignoring the pinch of jealousy in my chest and not wasting a second to move past him, though he stopped me before I could enter the house entirely.

"What?"

"Listen, Kai… I don't know how well she's gonna take seeing you. I told her about the stupid merge and that you helped get her back but… she's definitely one to hold a grudge. I know from personal experience," he said with an ironic smile playing on his lips for a second before it quickly faded away and he was back to his everlasting brooding look, then he finally stepped back and let me through. I nodded, catching myself gulping for a second before I rushed up the stairs and headed towards Damon's room.

I followed the magical trail that led me in the right direction, towards her. As I neared the door, I honestly thought I would have a panic attack. God, these feelings could be so annoying sometimes, how do people actually function on a daily basis with these? Well, I suppose that's probably the reason for the millions of love songs written to date.

My sweaty palms reached for the knob on the door, carefully twisting it and pushing the door open. Then I saw her. She hadn't noticed me yet, but in that moment I admired her stillness as she rested her head against the silk pillow. Rarely did I ever get a chance to see her without fear or hatred in her eyes, so I took the opportunity to watch her for as long as I could, to study the soft curves of her face and allow myself to smile at the thought that I'd helped save her life. Of course, I endangered it in the first place but… Hey, past is in the past for a reason.

As I took a step forward, one of the floorboards beneath my feet squeaked quietly and her eyes jolted open in response. I froze in place, suddenly left with a lot of words in my mind that didn't seem to be able to find their way towards my mouth.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and a gush of fear blew up in her eyes as she sat up. I noticed that she was wounded and still weak from her many fights to get back home. She began to tremble and pulled up the sheet to cover herself up. "Leave."

Never did I think that one single word could hurt me so much.

She was sitting up in the bed, gripping tightly onto the sheets and almost piercing through my eyes with her own and at that point, any confidence and any idea of what I could say to her was lost. I stood still in the same place – well, okay, if still means that my hands were trembling like crazy and I lost the function to breathe with my mouth agape – then yes, I was very still.

I wished I could say something. Anything. I wanted to apologize, to tell her how guilty I felt for leaving her there, and how happy I was that she was alive and safe again. To tell her that I think she's beautiful… Frightening, but – beautiful. Yet, I stood there in front of her, the only sounds escaping my mouth were the shallow scared breaths under my own chin.

Incredible how I could face a house full of vampires who undoubtedly want to gouge my eyes out, how I could stand in front of anyone who wants me dead and yet stay entirely calm and confident in everything that I am. But when it comes to her… That little Bennett witch. She scares the living crap out of me.

So I did what any sane man in my position would do. I turned around and did exactly what she asked of me.

I left.

Damon was still downstairs in the living room drinking, and I walked towards him, about to excuse myself and leave when he made eye contact with me, as if to enquire me about what happened.

"She's, uh, asleep. Didn't want to wake her." I lied through my teeth as I watched him reach for another glass on the table and pour bourbon into it. He handed it to me without any explanation and I stared at the golden liquid for a few seconds before taking it and quickly downing all of it. My throat burned in response, but the pain didn't come even close to the anxiety that was piling up inside of me after seeing Bonnie again. Suddenly, my head felt like it was going to explode and I started to choke up for whatever unknown reason.

"Thanks," I nodded silently at Damon, then stormed out of the house because of the unstoppable pounding in my head. I honestly felt as if my head was going to burst open, and as soon as I closed the door behind myself I felt wetness around my cheeks, followed by a relief in my head. The more of this strange liquid left my eyes, the greater the relief was. So I let it all go. I walked over to the nearest park, sat on a bench and cried for hours. I'm not sure if it was all because of that one word, or maybe that word was just the trigger – but it felt as though I as crying because of everything I'd ever done to her. For every single time I grabbed her hand just a little bit too tight, for every time I caused fear in those gorgeous green eyes, for every single time I hurt her. And most of all – for knowing that I could never take it all back, that she would never forgive me because... I was just another monster to her.

For the next few days I continued to watch her from afar. I couldn't bring myself to get close to her after the way she'd reacted to me, so I'd just watch her when she left the house to go to the coffee place with Elena, or follow her when she went shopping with Caroline.

I know what you might think, stalking her again, Kai? Really? Well, on the contrary, I wasn't actually stalking her, because she knew I was there. I would make myself visible to her every time I 'accidentally' found myself in the same place as her. And whenever she'd notice me, sitting a couple of tables away from where she was, I'd give her a weak smile. At first, Bonnie would either glare at me or completely ignore me, although her eyes somehow kept finding their way towards my direction.

And then after a few weeks, when she saw me wandering around the Mystic Grill alone, and when I sent her one of my sincerest smiles, I could swear that for a split second, I noticed her smiling back. Almost as if she might have been glad that I was there again. That she wouldn't be disappointed with my absence. And that was enough encouragement I'd needed to actually talk to her again.

So I walked over to the table she was sitting at, never taking my eyes off of her even though she was so obviously trying to ignore me, looking down to the book she was holding in her hands so desperately. I stood next to her table, waiting for her to look up at me and when she kept her eyes glued intensely to the book, I sat down in the chair next to her. She was still looking into the book, furrowing her eyebrows as if she was deep in thought. I couldn't help but smile because of how blatantly she was failing to ignore me.

"Interesting book?" I asked. Upon hearing my voice, she closed her eyes slowly, then placed the book down and finally looked at me with a forced smile on her lips.

"Why are you following me?"

"I'm not following you, I'm just keeping my distance. I thought that was what you wanted."

"Then… Why did you come sit here?"

"Because I… I want to talk to you." I looked into her eyes, feeling my hands begin to tremble instantly. I knew what I wanted t tell her but I was scared I'd not be able to spit it out again.

"Talk to me about what exactly?"

"I just… I wanted to apologize. For everything I've put you through. Mostly for… You know, stabbing you and leaving you for dead," I breathed out shakily, trying to still my composure as I spoke, "I don't expect you to forgive me right now but.. Maybe eventually. I have a lot of making up to do, Bonnie, and... I need you to give me one more chance."

"I don't trust you, Kai." Her words felt like a stab wound to my heart.

"...but I do trust Damon. And he told me you helped save my life," she continued, and I found myself unable to process what she was saying. "He told me you almost died saving me. Why would you do that, Kai?"

"I wanted to. I felt so guilty about leaving you there and being the reason you came close to taking your own life, so I needed to help you. I just couldn't let you get hurt. I don't ever want to see you get hurt again, Bonnie."

Bonnie looked at me for a few seconds, biting her lip and obviously finding it difficult to believe me. And I honestly I didn't blame her when she got up to leave. I wouldn't believe me either.

"I have to go, I have somewhere to be," she said, before turning around to leave the Grill as fast as she could.

As badly as I wanted to run after her, I completely froze in my seat. All I could do is sit there and watch her leave. And of course, feel super bad for myself.

Anyway, after that encounter I hadn't actually managed to find her for a good week or so. She wasn't at the Grill, and I never saw her around the park either. Yeah, I know, I probably should have found something else to do out in the real world than chase after the smallest opportunity to catch a glimpse of Bonnie Bennett. But I literally couldn't even think about anything else. What the fuck's up with that?

After a disappointing day out, I went back to my shabby motel room that I'd managed to sneak into, only to find that it was rented out to someone else. When the motel manager approached me after 10 minutes into my discussion with the current guests, I almost flipped and murdered all of them at once. Of course as soon as I was about to mutter a spell under my breath, Bonnie's hurt face flashed before my eyes. Shit. Fucking Bonnie. Killing "innocent" people is only going to make my situation with her more difficult.

I sighed and left as quickly as I could, trying not to let my killer instincts get the best of me. At that point, I had no place to crash, no money and no food. So I went to the only place in town I knew that somehow always had spare bedrooms. Yeah, you guessed it. The Salvatore mansion.

The plan was simple really – if there were no lights on, I'd just walk in the front door and find the nearest bedroom to sleep in. Damon wasn't particularly cautious of a vampire when asleep, and Stefan was out of town anyway.

So I did exactly that. The door was unlocked as always and I had no trouble getting in. However, once inside the house, I noticed an orange light and faint laughter coming in from the living room. I couldn't contain my curiosity so I walked into the room.

The fire was on in the living room and Damon was sitting on the couch, with a glass of bourbon in his hand. His other arm, much to my unwanted surprise, was flipped over the shoulders of the girl I'd been dying to see for days. Bonnie was laughing along with him, leaned on his shoulder, with a newspaper in one hand and a pencil in her other.

Immediately, I felt myself getting worse. My heart must have been beating like crazy, and my throat was dry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw them. Together like that. Close. His arm around her.

"Kai? What are you doing here?"

Damon's words snapped me back to reality. Then Bonnie finally noticed me as well.

"Uh.. I -uh.." I gulped. "I didn't have a place to crash. Was hoping you'd have a spare bedroom." I paused again, leaning slightly against the door frame because I was seriously starting to lose my composure. "Sorry, Bon. I didn't know you were still here."

Bonnie barely acknowledged that I said anything to her but she looked right at me, her eyebrows furrowing as if she was studying me. Probably not the best timing to be a blubbering weak idiot.

Damon took his arm off her shoulder and got up, setting his drink down on the coffee table. He began to walk towards me.

"Just because I am entirely wasted right now and since there's no one here besides Bon-Bon and myself, I might be able to find a room for you."

I nodded and followed Damon out of the living room to a room just around the corner from the main stairs.

"Hope this is cosy enough for you," Damon grinned.

"Yeah. Thanks. Uh- where.. where are you and Bonnie gonna sleep?"

"Don't worry, we're crashing in my room. By the way.. I'll probably kick your ass in the morning."

Damon smirked as he was leaving the bedroom and I could feel my stomach twisting around. Not because of his empty threat, but because of what he'd said before that. Bonnie and him… sleeping in the same room, in the same bed. God, why's this bothering me so much?

Let's just say getting to sleep was no easy task. I kept twisting and turning, trying to get myself to think about anything else but Damon and Bonnie in the same bed together. His arm around her. His hands on her…

Her faint chuckles I heard from upstairs weren't helping.

All I could think of was how much I wanted to be in Damon's place. To be the one making her laugh, the one she'd actually let near. But all I could do was lay in bed, listening to the fun they were having and picturing everything that could possibly be going on.

A few hours later – hours of pure torture, may I add – everything was finally quiet. I assumed they'd both fallen asleep. However, that outcome was damn near impossible for me considering how absolutely awake I was. I guess I didn't have to have a bedroom to lay in and stare at the ceiling the whole night. I could have done this outside in a park or something. I would probably feel better anyway. Had I not come, that is…

After what seemed like an eternity of laying alone in the darkness, I heard footsteps coming down the staircase. Light ones. That had to be Bonnie.

When I heard them shuffling around and suddenly coming closer to the room that I was staying in, I was practically experiencing cardiac arrest. And before I had time to do anything, or to even wipe my wet cheeks, the door opened slowly.

Bonnie stood there, carefully peeking in. Even in the darkness I could tell she was wearing nothing but shorts and a tank top. That was definitely a way I'd never seen her before.

"Kai? Are you awake?" she whispered.

"Yeah. Yeah, come in," I mumbled and sat up in the bed, trying to wipe my face and make myself look as if I hadn't been bathing in a pool of stress for the past few hours. She came in and cautiously sat at the edge on my bed, still at a safe distance from me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked bluntly.

"I don't know. I just got an uneasy vibe from you. Couldn't sleep cuz of it."

"Ah. That." I gulped.

"Yeah. Did something happen?"

"What can I say? I'm just super worried about disturbing you and Damon's fun times," I answered sarcastically. I could feel myself slipping uncontrollably and I was actually terrified by the idea of accidentally letting her see my weakness. Guess all she'd really have to do is look in the mirror.

"Our… fun times? What are you talking about?"

"I didn't think your 'frenemies' relationship would lead anywhere but I guess I was wrong."

"Um.. Kai. Damon and I are not… together, if that's what you're suggesting. He's my best friend. He's crazy in love with Elena. I just.. have literally no other place to go."

As soon as those words left her mouth I felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off my heart. I finally realized this was an actual opportunity to talk to Bonnie, alone. Face to face. Possibly without her storming off this time.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have assumed anything. In fact, I shouldn't have done a lot of things." I sat up a bit, leaning closer towards her.

"Kai..."

"Let.. Just let me say this, please." I looked at her for a second, my eyes were probably desperate at that point. I just needed her to know how sorry I was. I wanted her to know I changed. Finally, she nodded.

"I am so sorry, Bonnie. For everything."

We shared what was possibly the longest eye contact I'd ever had in my life. Her eyes were uncertain for a while, but the more time passed the more her eyes softened at my gaze.

"I'll never lie to you again, Bonnie. And if I hurt you, it will be the last thing I'll ever do. I promise."

I swallowed as I watched her for a few moments. She did not take her eyes off mine for a moment. Maybe she was studying my face to see if I was telling the truth.

Whatever came over me in that moment I'll never know, but I suddenly reached for her hand to take in my own. She flinched at first, which wasn't exactly the pleasant reaction I was hoping for, but she didn't take her hand away. That was enough for me. So I held onto it, gently stroking her soft wrist with my thumb.

"I don't think you ever touched me without siphoning my magic."

I gulped, feeling a bit guilty for her words.

"That's gonna change."

I said confidently and looked up at her. She was absolutely stunning in the moonlit room, sitting at the edge of my bed with nothing but a layer of thin fabrics covering her figure. I wanted so badly to kiss her, to just stay in this moment. I knew that it was definitely too soon but I kept inching closer to her, until she rested her forehead against mine. I could smell the alcohol on her breath, and it made my decision a bit easier. I didn't want to do anything like this while she was still drunk. I needed to do it right.

I swallowed hard at the tension growing between us, my breath was getting heavy and I could feel her skin burning up at the spaces where I touched her. I almost thought I'd begun siphoning her without noticing but that wasn't the case. So I moved my hand from hers and placed it on the side of her face, feeling that same heat rise up in her cheek. Her sweet breath seemed to get heavier by the moment.

"Bon… Please tell me you feel this."

I pleaded her to say she felt the same way when she was with me as I did with her. I wouldn't be able to believe that she didn't feel this. This heavy tension between us that was already ripping me apart. I was falling in love.

Instead of answering, Bonnie took in yet another heavy breath and inched even closer to me, her nose poking gently into my cheek and her lips brushing against mine. Her hand squeezed my own gently as she lowered it down from her face. When she moved away I thought I saw her nod for a second, but she paused to catch her breath.

I had been so close to her. Her lips right in front of mine. Right there. Holding myself back from continuing – whatever it was that just happened – was probably one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do.

And when she finally left my room, getting to sleep was even harder than before.


A/N: HELLO! Yes, hi, I am alive. So I dug up the beginning of this story on my computer last night when I was getting Bonkai feels, and I decided to continue it. So I wrote like 5 pages last night and I'm super happy with this. I only really did it to satisfy my Bonkai fantasies, I had so many feels I couldn't contain. This would obviously just be like a first chapter to a story that I want to continue. Let me know if you liked it or if you have any suggestions or ideas for this story!

Thanks! :)

Char xx