As I am not a middle-aged, savage troll of a man named Rick, I think it's safe to say that I do not own anything except myself.

Percy Jackson was having a bad day. It was only a week after the Battle of Manhattan and already his life was in danger.

Now this time it was different. It wasn't a titan or something like a Minotaur, it was another hellhound. Of course.

He had dropped Riptide earlier, and it hadn't reappeared in his pocket yet, so the thing to do was simple- run.

Currently, he was stopping a breath once he was out of sight of the giant dog, when a voice to the left said-

"Man, you must be having a terrible day."

Whipping his head to the side, Percy saw a girl in retro track sweatpants and a blue shirt with a grey hoodie. Her hair was a brown tussled pixie cut, and she was reading a book, though he couldn't read the title.

"Uh… yeah, you could say that." He replied, not knowing what this girl was.

"You wanna talk about it?" she said, putting down the book and revealing brown eyes, like a cow's.

"No thanks."

"Well, I want to talk, godsdammit!" she exclaimed.

Percy stepped back, noticing the way she said gods, plural.

"What are you?" he asked, reaching for Riptide to discover it had reappeared. He pulled it out and held the girl at it's point.

"Geez, man, clam down. Put down your magic pen." the girl said, raising her hands in defense.

"What are you?!" Percy said once more, unnerved by the cow-eyed girl's wording and randomness.

"I'm a person, you idiot. Stop being a buttmunch and put the sword down."

"If you're a person, how can you see the sword?"

"Is it really that much of a surprise, I mean, Rachel can see it, can't she?"

"How do you know Rachel?"

"Look, I just came here to have a nice chat with one of my favorite people in the narrative, but if I'm going to get interrogated I'll just head home and read."

The girl started to walk away. Percy blinked and she was gone.

He looked down, and saw a note. Picking it up, he saw it was written in Ancient Greek.

Next time I show up, maybe be nice. I can really help you. –Stevie

Thank you for reading the first chapter of my self-insert fic. Basically I'm just going to troll everyone in any Rick Riordan book. Where do you want me to show up next?