Warnings: Implied Spirk, Chulu, implied drinking, Bones-y's potty mouth, and general mischief.
I needed to bust my writer's block, so here it is.
Suggestions of rules would be awesome.
Rules of the Enterprise
As composed by Captain James Tiberius Kirk, with revisions by the Admirality
And as commentated on by Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, Bones, Spock, Scotty, and Uhura
1. The Captain is not to be argued with.
Bones: Ahahaha, that's a stupid rule. If we're not allowed to argue with him, how the hell are we gonna keep ourselves alive?
Spock: I believe it is a crude attempt at control.
Uhura: I think he's just saying that to put Spock out of his job.
2. Signed consent of both fencers are required during off time at fencing events.
Sulu: What? BS.
Spock: On the contrary, Mr. Sulu, it is a valid safety measure.
Bones: My God in heaven, did Mr. Spock just agree with the Captain?
Uhura: Helps when you're sleeping with him.
3. The punch at all holiday parties is NOT to be spiked.
Scotty: What? Ah have dun nuthin' of the sort.
Chekov: Um. Me neizher. No, I have not done anyzhing eizher.
Bones: I don't believe it mentioned any names...
Uhura: Figures, it's the Russian and the Scotsman that did it.
4. Unneccessary hypo shots are from now on banned.
Bones: What? That's ridiculous!
Spock: I don't understand, Doctor, it only seems logical..
Bones: Oh, what would a damn hobgoblin know about torturing someone?
Uhura: Well, after hearing some of the claims made by the Captain, a lot, apparently...
5. Officers are not to leave until they have finished ALL of their asigned shift.
Uhura: WHAT? THat's down right hypocritical!
Sulu: Dammit, Pav, we've been caught.
Spock: Ahem. I believe... that comment is more directed at the Captain and I.
Bones: Yup! Courtesy of the Admirality.
Uhura: Hey, wait, what do you mean, Hikaru?
Chekov: I'd prefer if ve did not bring zat up.
6. Singing obscene, racist songs and handing out finely aged vodka and scotch are NOT acceptable celebrations of heritage.
Bones: Hey, how did he know they were racist? No one on this damn ship can decipher those songs unless they're also from the South!
Uhura: Racist, Leonard? RACIST?
Bones: Hey, it isn't my fault! It's Georgia, we practically invented racist.
Sulu: You're in for it now, Doc.
Bones: Shit, that came out wrong..
Chekov: It most definitely vas not me.
Scotty: Uh... WE HAVE SCOTCH ON THE SHIP?
Spock: I fail to see the point of asking the question, Mr. Scott, see as you in fact, are cause for the answer.
7. The Captain and the First Officer are the hottest couple. No arguments.
Uhura: Haha, and what do you have to say about this, Spock?
Spock: ...I have no comment on the matter.
Bones: No comment, my ass. I can guarantee to whoever's reading that Spock is blushing from his toes to the tip of his god damn pointy ears.
Sulu: What? What about me and Pavel?
8. Dancing on the bridge is not permitted. Especially to the 21st century song, "Blow".
Uhura: In my defense I was really drunk on whatever Scotty managed to make.
Scotty: Ah, yes, that particular brew got away from me.
Spock: That still does not explain the Doctor's initiative to join in.
Bones: Oh, you know me, Spock. I'm drunk off my ass 24/7.
9. 'Up your butt' is not the proper translation of the Klingon term 'Kapla'.
Bones: As I recall, that mistake was made by one Ms. Nyota Uhura.
Uhura: Hey, they would've been fine if you hadn't accidentally fallen into the diplomat in sick bay.
Bones: But he WAS fine!
Spock: I believe you tripped and fell right into said diplomat, injecting the hypo in your possesion into his chest.
Sulu: Oh yeah! Yeah, and it was a shot of estrogen! That dude started crying when the replicators made the wrong meal.
Bones: ...quiet time.
10. Lieutenant Gaila Vro is NOT The Grinch's girlfriend.
Bones: Oh come on, that was funny. She even agreed to be Mrs. Grinch at the Christmas party!
Scotty: Wait.. Laddie, are you telling me we had a Christmas party?
Sulu: Oh yeah, about that... I might have mistaken your cup for Spock's and spiked it with some rather... potent sedatives.
Scotty: ...What happened to meh?
Chekov: You ver in ze corner crying as you recited ze Grinch story.
Uhura: It was quite a success.
