*moans and screams come from Lori's room*

Bobby: Man, what a relief Gerald gave me a permission to have a little fun with you.

Lori: He'd always do. You are his chauffeur after all, so why wouldn't he give you allowance to come and see me?

*Gerald comes upstairs and close to Lily's room*

Gerald: Lori, could you do me a sweet ole favour and kick my chef's ass for once? He put a bloody rat in my dinner and I want you to show him how a real lady fights.

*Gerald opens the door on Bobby and Lori having sex*

Gerald: Oh, bloody God.

*Bobby and Lori scream*

*awkward silence*

Gerald: Yeah, I think it's the best for me to get bleach for my brain cuz I never thought in my life I'd see 17-year-olds having sex.

*Gerald hands Bobby and Lori lubricated condoms*

Gerald: Just so you can enjoy it better and stay safe. If I hear about Lori having STDs, I'd kick your ass, Bobby. Also... I'll just get Lincoln to kick my chef's ass. He could show him something.

*meanwhile, in a secret office deep in Moscow, Russia*

Rezan: Святой гребаный Христос! (Holy fucking christ!) What a pedophile.

Gangster 1: Он просто ходил по ним, не зная. Кроме того, почему у вас был дрон в их комнате? Я думаю, что это тоже признак педофилии. Кроме того, как они не заметили дрон? Вы, должно быть, использовали волшебную пыль невидимости, но тогда ваша жизнь должна быть чертовски сказочной! (He just walked on them without knowing. Also, why did you have a drone in their room? I think that's a sign of pedophilia too. Also, how did they not notice the drone? You must've used magical invisibility dust but then your life must be a fucking fairytale.)

Rezan: Заткнись, Иосиф! У тебя слишком много вопросов, черт возьми. Я не Альберт Эйнштейн. Я Резан Кадьяк, Павел Йолкин. (Shut up, Iosif! You have too many questions all the fucking time. I'm not Albert Einstein. I'm Rezan Kodiak Pavel Yolkin.)

Iosif: Почему ты всегда такой, блядь, дядя Резан? Я понимаю, что работаю на вас, и мне платят около 6 919 626 рублей, но у меня всегда было так много вопросов, на которые нужно ответить. (Why are you always so fucking mean, uncle Rezan? I understand I work for you and I get paid about 6,919,626 rubles but I always got so many questions that need to be answered.)

*Rezan shoots Iosif*

Rezan: Finally that motherfucker's dead. Should've killed him a long time ago. Anyways, Gerald, yeah, he doesn't expect what's coming onto his plans. Скажи пока, Джеральд. (Say bye-bye, Gerald.) You're going to die.

*the next day, in Brooklyn, NY*

*Gerald, Daniel and the Loud kids are chilling in the backyard while the chef is BBQing hot dogs for everyone*

Gerald: Make sure they are real nice and juicy or I'll get Daniel to kick your ass. And trust me, he is buff like The Rock.

Chef: Hah! I highly doubt that. But yeah, sure, I'll BBQ them nice and juicy.

Luan: Hey, dad! I bet you won't jump in the pool.

Gerald: Bet declined to Satan. I'll jump and make a Tsar Bomba. But glad you didn't bet my ex-wife cuz she's a hippopotamus. Fat as fuck. Not only that. She also once caused an earthquake when we were having sex once. And I wish I couldn't even call it sex. It was more like a bouncing ball on my dangling cock. My cock was a leaking balloon for two weeks after that. She was mad in bed. Not the good ty..

Daniel: Okay, bro. We can hear all insults from you about your ex-wife but don't sex talk unless the younger ones ain't here. Think about the children.

Gerald: Oh, shit, nigga's right. Anyway, bet declined to Satan cuz I'mma jump this bitch up... that sounded so wrong, and I take it back. Here we go.

*Gerald makes a run for it, but slips and splashes into the pool with a high gush, and the pool water goes onto the grill*

Gerald: Okay, maybe I'm the hippopotamus here.

Chef: You ruined the hot dogs. I quit!

*Daniel grabs a gun and points it at the chef*

Daniel: You ain't quitting shit.

Gerald: Ah, fuck it. Just let him quit. He's an ass at cooking.

*the chef throws his hat on the ground and runs off*

Daniel: Can I shoot him?

Gerald: Only if he comes back with some kind of a stupid revenge.

*meanwhile, in the bushes*

*random guys speaking Russian*

Nikolai: Почему Резан подписал нас на это? (Why did Rezan sign us up to do this?)

Ivan: Закрой свой рот, Николай! Вы раскроете нас. Если хочешь остаться, будь чертовски тихим. (Shut your mouth, Nikolai! You'll reveal us. If you wanna stay, be fucking quiet.)

Vladimir: Эй смотри. Они фотографируют семью. У вас есть план ... так что будьте готовы. (Hey, look. They're taking a family picture. Y'all got the plan.. so get ready.)

*meanwhile, in the backyard*

Daniel: Alright, y'all ready for a family picture?

Everyone: Yes!

Daniel: Alright, I'm taking it in three, two, o..

*Nikolai throws a million dollar stack*

*everyone looks at the million dollar stack*

Gerald: This isn't about to be good.

*the Loud siblings and Daniel start fighting over the million dollar stack*

Gerald *to the audience*: What did I say?

*Ivan knocks out Gerald with a baseball bat and drags him into the back of the van*

*Vladimir leaves a note where Gerald was standing*

Vladimir: Отличная работа, Ник и Иван. Теперь давайте уйдем отсюда, прежде чем они заметят нас. (Great job, Nik and Ivan. Now let's get out of here before they notice us.)

*Vladimir, Nikolai and Ivan hop into the van*

*Vladimir drives away as fast as he can*

*meanwhile*

Luna: I got it! I go... damn it. It's not money. It's just fake money from a Monopoly. We got scammed hard.

*Lynn looks around*

Lynn: Where is dad?

*Daniel looks at the spot where Gerald was standing and sees the note*

Daniel: There's a clue.

Lisa: Let me read it.

*Lisa reads the note out loud*

Lisa: It says; "Hi, I'm Rezan K.P. Yolkin. You probably don't know me but I've been your stepdad's archenemy for 9 years. I'm here to get my revenge on him. I kidnapped him. If you love him that much and want him back, you've got to get 3 things for me. A sapphire from India, Iceland spar, and an emerald from Egypt. Then you must find our dungeon located in downtown Moscow. If you manage to find these things, you get your father back. Worst regards, Rezan.".

*Lisa looks at everyone*

*everyone goes in shock*

Lisa: Well, looks like we got a quest on our hands.

Lori: Are you crazy? It's impossible to get this all done.

Lincoln: No, Lori. It's not impossible if we believe in ourselves.

Lance: Lincoln's right. If we got to save our father, we got to do it. Even though he has only had us for 4 months. Well, he had me for 4 years but we'll save him.

Luan: We got to have an adult with us though.

*everyone looks at Daniel*

Daniel: Come on, isn't it obvious enough?

THE END