A/N: I'd like to dedicate this story to one of my best friends. Boss, this is for you.
Titania and Aza were sitting at a cafe in a town somewhere in modern-day America, talking whimsically of the future.
Titania, a strawberry blond girl about sixteen, was texting as she talked.
"No, I'm just saying that, when you rule the world, just give me the Caribbean to rule, and I'll be fine."
Aza smirked maliciously as she readjusted her ponytail of electric blue hair.
"Who says you're getting the Caribbean? Minions don't dictate their countries. They get what they get and be happy."
Titania huffed and snapped her phone shut. "And I thought we were close."
"We are," Aza shrugged. "I'll give you Australia."
"But I don't want Australia."
"It's either that or Antarctica."
"You're cold."
"No, Antarctica is."
"Very funny."
"I sure thought so," Aza replied as she returned to her soup.
Titania sat bolt upright in her seat.
"Did you see that?"
"What?"
But Titania wasn't listening. She ran from the chair, knocking it down in the process. Aza looked after her friend, sighed, and followed, albeit a slower pace.
"What's got you so excited?" she asked.
Titania was panting with a wide smile on her face and that hooded look in her eyes of pure passion. She laughed from her throat, and Aza backed away.
"Okay," she said slowly.
Titania raised her left hand and pointed. Aza followed and gasped.
There he was. The most delicious man in the world. His flowing white hair was unmistakable, as was the feathers placed delicately at one side.
"I saw him first," Titania breathed. She began inching forward ahead of her friend.
"Oh, no you don't," Aza pushed her down and began to run.
"Hey," Titania scrambled up from her sidewalk and raced after Aza. Her phone was left unattended on the ground. Poor expensive thing.
---
Kuja was, for once, enjoying himself. No Zidane or Garland or crazy Queens to bother him. And no stupid Black Mages or idiotic twin clowns either. Life was wonderful. That is, until he heard pounding footsteps from behind.
What now? He turned but was pounced upon and knocked to the ground. Kuja felt his head hit the sidewalk. He hoped that he wouldn't bleed; his hair would be ruined. But considering whoever had just tackled him had her (or his; it had happened before) lips pressed to his, Kuja really couldn't check. So instead, he gathered the power of Thundara in his left hand and shot his attacker right off of him.
He sat up and had just shaken his locks behind him when another body knocked him to the ground.
Maybe dealing with Zidane and Garland wasn't this trying...Or surprising, at least he knew what to expect from those two. Kuja sighed inwardly as the second pair of lips pressed against him; what had he done to deserve this? Oh, wait...
Deciding he didn't like the answer to the question, Kuja gathered Thundara once more in his fist and blew the second body away. He stood and dusted his clothes off. Kuja flicked back a stray lock and twitched his tail. It didn't hurt too bad, at least not enough to get amputated. Damn.
Kuja cast an eye over his assailants. Females, about sixteen years old. Typical. Kuja rolled his eyes. Wasn't Zidane supposed to deal with females this age? Kuja was distasteful of any woman not out of their teenage years ever since having to deal with that gullible princess. Kuja touched the back of his head gingerly. Good, no blood. He had just turned his back upon the teenagers when he heard one groan and stand.
"You might as well leave," Kuja said. "It would be pointless to continuously have your insides electrocuted."
"As long as it's by you..." the girl began.
"We really don't care," the other finished.
Great. Those types; Kuja shook his head. He still hadn't quite mastered to rid himself of people that passionate about him.
Knowing that it would be useless to keep walking, Kuja turned to face the fangirls.
"I have no qualms about killing both of you right where you stand," he said. But much to his displeasure they began inching toward him like he was a skittish cat.
"C'mon, Kuja, I have exactly what you need," the girl with coppery hair crooned. Her eyebrow twitched slightly.
"No, don't listen to her," the other one purred. "I can run all night long for you if that's what it takes."
"You can pet my fur if I can stroke yours," the redhead had her eyes half-closed. Maybe killing them would be useless. Kuja didn't want the undead chasing him.
"Ladies, please, no need to act this way," Kuja said as he began weaving the spell for teleportation in his mind. Maybe the Chocobo Forest would be a more suitable place for solitude. .
The blue haired girl had a suspicious look on her face, as if she knew what Kuja was up to. She began to run for him but just as she was leaping, Kuja barked the final word to the spell and disappeared.
---
Aza fell into the sidewalk face-first. She had almost had him. Stupid magic.
"Where'd he go?" Titania pouted. She stopped tip-toeing to help her friend up.
"Who knows," Aza muttered. She rubbed at her face but ended up only smearing the dirt.
"What was all that about?'I'll run all night long for you'. Please," Titania scoffed. She pushed Aza gently. Her friend grinned.
"I dunno, tell me Miss 'stroke my fur and I'll pet yours'. Talk about pathetic."
The two collapsed into helpless fits of laughter. Eventually they staggered back to the outdoors cafe where they had been eating.
"So back to world domination," Aza began.
"Whoa, wait a minute. Where's my phone?" Titania began patting all about her body as she stood to check under the table and chairs.
"Why in the heck would I know where your phone is?"
"Just help me find it."
It would be several hours before the two teens would give up looking for the lost cellphone.
---
Somewhere far away, Kuja was reclining on a hammock he had conjured up. Now this was the life. No living things other than the trees to bother him. To hell with world domination, hormone crazed teens, and the whole blasted deal.
"Hellooo, Kujie, dear," came a lilting female voice. Kuja froze but kept his eyes closed. Great. He had forgotten about those crazy forest sprites. Guess there was nothing left to do but go to the Desert Palace. He knewno one could possibly get him there. Kuja began the incantation all over again and did his best to ignore the alluring smells the wood sprites had. Maybe later, when he actually felt like gracing others with his presence.
He was in his bed before he knew it. Kuja curled over on his side but came face to face with Quina.
"Hello, Kuja, did you miss me?" s/he whispered. The great tongue flopped as it spoke.
Now it was official. This whole blasted universe and beyond hated him,
---
"So, who d'we got, Puck?" Zidane whispered. He and the Burmecian prince were crouched in an alley just around the corner from the two teenagers who had assaulted Kuja.
"Lemme see, Sally, Lauren, Danielle..." Puck continued scrolling down through the Address book. "Nope, they don't know Lady or Trish either. Are you sure that Vivi teleported us to the right place?"
"Well, I thought so anyway," Zidane snatched the phone away from Puck and began scrolling the list himself. Just to make sure, of course.
"Maybe we should just have him take us to Ivalice. We know exactly where to go there."
"Hmm." was the thief's reply.
"I would really like to get myself 'acquainted' with some of those viera," Puck rubbed his hands and sniggered.
"You wouldn't stand a chance against them," Zidane gave up and tossed the phone over his shoulder. "You're way too obnoxious."
Puck rolled his eyes. "So what? I bring a little spice to their life."
Zidane rolled his eyes and stood. "More like lemon juice. You'd break their eardrums with your shrieky voice."
Puck also stood, and he balled his fists in challenge. "I do NOT have a shrieky voice. C'mon you and me, right here, right now."
Zidane sighed and picked up Puck by the scruff of his neck. "I don't think so." He left the alley for the cafe. Vivi would be waiting inside, and Zidane really wanted to get back to Lindbulm for his date with Garnet.
---
Aza stopped searching for a second. A blond boy only a little older than her had just walked past, carrying what seemed to be a large rat with clothes.
"Was that---?" she began.
"Be quiet, Aza, my phone's gotta be here somewhere."
"But I could swear that that was---"
"Aza, please," Titania looked up from her place by the trash can. "There are lives at stake here. Mainly mine."
"Oh, please," Aza shook her head and bent back down to look under a bench. Titania was such a drama queen
